A Day At The Ballpark

To quote rapper Ice Cube, "Today was a good day."

I spent my day at beautiful Wrigley Field watching the Cubs beat the Braves 10-1. Amazingly, I believe that it was the first time the Cubs scored in double digits all year. Good for them, it's about damn time. After Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett slugged it out in the dugout with fists (instead of on the field with their bats) and Lou Piniella's classic tirade (that MLB is suspending him indefinitely for) the Cubs offense did what it is being paid to do---out-slug the competition.

LF Alfonso Soriano, 1B Derrek Lee and 2B Mark DeRosa homered. DeRosa's home run was a fist inning Grand Slam to left center field, Soriano's was a line drive to the left field basket and Lee's was a wind-blown shot into the first row of the right field bleachers.

Sean Marshall pitched 6 2/3 innings of solid baseball matching a career high with eight strikeouts in his first win this season. Marshall has been a tough luck pitcher in his previous starts this year with the big club, a victim of little-to-no run support.

On a personal note, it was great to be back at Wrigley Field. I love that place: win, lose or draw. I love it even more when they win. I had awesome seats. Field box, a few rows from the right field wall (think Bartman seats down the right field line) at mostly sunny Wrigley Field.

I even ran into an old classmate from grammar school, Keegan Daley and his father. Keegan and I went to LaSalle Language Academy together from 5th to 8th grade. It's something like that is why I love Chicago. I come home and I run into someone I haven't seen in a few years and we catch up. It's always good to run into people from the past and catch up.\

That's about it. The Cubs have a big series against the first place Milwaukee Brewers. If the Cubs can win two of three games, I give them a fighting chance in the worst division in baseball. Also, I'll be watching for the ruling on Sweet Lou's suspension.

I think MLB is irresponsible and wrong for suspending Piniella, who has done this act before. I don't think it's right because suspending Sweet Uncle Lou will likely lessen the chances of he (and other managers) from arguing with umpires. If managers can't voice their disagreements with umpires, then what's the point knowing umpires will have all of the power.

That's all for now. Goodnight. Changes are in the works.


NOTES: The Cubs are now 2-0 in games I am attending. It's like they see me come through the door and they say to themselves, "Damn, not this guy again. We better win before we lose our last die-hard fan."

A Look Ahead To The Cross-Town Classic

Thankfully, Finals Week is over and I am home sweet home for the summer and I have some things to look forward to.

First, I need a job. I want a job. I want money. Lots of money. I need ca$h money a.s.a.p. so I can pay for my expensive college life style. But another thing I need money for is baseball--Cubs baseball.

Cubs tix aren't cheap, not by a long shot....and it's very UN-likely that I can get some Cubs/Sox tix for this weekend because I don't have much money in my name.

So I'll take a look at a preview from a far.

The Cubs will have a few distinct advantages. As the home team, the White Sox will be without the designated hitter. I am not a fan of the designated hitter. The idea of someone hitting for the pitcher is like having someone on the bench coming in to shoot Shaq's free throws.

Not only will the Sox not have a designated hitter, the guy who is their designated hitter won't be off the DL until after the series. Jim Thome, even at this age and being injury prone this year, is still a dangerous left handed bat off the bench.

The Sox will have their advantages too. They're at home for this week---their road games will be eight miles north of U.S. Cellular Field. And of course they have the master motivator Ozzie Guillen, who loves to play the underdog card and Sox fans eat it up.

Oh, and the Cubs kinda have sucked at home, record wise.

The Cubs will be out in Flushing, N.Y. playing one of the best offenses in baseball when they play the NY Mets in a four game series in the midst of their 13 consecutive games.

With all that said, I'm still looking forward to Cubs/Sox this weekend at Wrigley, specifically these pitching match-ups.

FRIDAY: Mark Buehrle (CWS) vs. Ted Lilly (CHC)
SATURDAY: Javier Vazquez (CWS) vs. Jason Marquis (CHC)
SUNDAY: John Danks (CWS) vs. Carlos Zambrano (CHC)

Those should be fun games, though I wish that the Cubs could have lined up their pitching staff to where "Triple-A piece of sh*t" (as referred to as by Guillen) Rich Hill could have pitched this weekend with the majority support of Cubdom and the Friendly Confines.

Here's hoping the Cubs can split against the Mets, which would be a major success. Though I'd prefer that they picked up 3 of 4 and take 4 of 7 from the road trip. Then take 2 of 3 from the White Sox.

Seems like I"m asking a lot, but all three Sox starters are beatable. Yes, even Buerhle, he of the April no-hitter.

OTHER STORYLINES:

• The Cubs will face two lefties---meaning two games w/o Jacques Jones and Cliff Floyd---though Jones should start on Friday---he has a high career average against the White Sox.
• Hopefully Zambrano will be motivated to the point where he knows a possible future employer will be watching carefully in the visiting dug out with Guillen, a fellow Venezuelan.
• The Cubs will have their two big free agent acquisitions going back-to-back on Friday and Saturday. Lilly and Marquis have been impressive so far, but could really earn their keep in the eyes of Cubs fans with a pair of quality starts against the cross-town rivals.
• We could see which team won this off-season's cross-town trade. Neal Cotts has been the best lefty out of the pen and arguably the Cubs best reliever. David Aardsma is one of the league leaders in strikeouts, WHIP & ERA out of the bullpen. His 100 MPH fastball would be quite nice---looks like Don Cooper straightened out his mechanics and his control problems.
• Lou Piniella gets his first taste of the cross-town classic as a manager. Piniella vs. Guillen: need I say more?
  

This could/should be fun!

SIU Ain't F*ckin' Around....And Other Thoughts

Well, this was an interesting day on the SIU campus. Woke up and went to class only to see everyone standing outside of the Lawson building. Why? Because of a suspicous package/bomb threat type thing.

According to early reports (from people I talked to standing around Lawson) someone went into a classroom, left a bag in the room, left the room and never came back and someone called the authorities.

Thankfully, the SIU authorities were on the ball and evacuated the building immediately and two hours later I was back in class (after spending an hour or so away from campus) safe and sound.

As for the package, it was a bag of Quick-Crete left by a student which was to be used for a later class. You can read more about it here.

Personally, I'm glad that all the precautions were taken and that SIU was quick to act and notify students and such through four seperate e-mails sent to SIU-Webmail. Communication is key in situations like this, especially after what happened at Va Tech.


OTHER THOUGHTS:

• Wow, I can't believe school's almost over. This summer's got potential, I know I say it every year....and I say that I believe it, but it's not like I'm wrong b/c I have a lot to look forward to. Hopefully several jobs, an internship, my trip to Vegas for my 21st. The summer's looking bright but it doesn't start 'til May 12.
• The Bulls won last night, going up 2-0 on the defending champion Miami Heat. I know that the Heat came back from 2-0 to beat the Mavs in the NBA Finals, but a younger, quicker, healthier, more athletic and hungrier Bulls team might be able to show the Heat an early exit.
• The Cubs are sucking, even though they won today. News overshadowing the win against the Brewers is the season ending surgery for Mark Prior. Prior, who won't pitch 'til 2008, hasn't been right since October 2003. Beyond that he's had myriad injuries. I'm hoping the best for the man once known as "The Franchise."
• Breaking News: I'm in love, again. Doesn't seem like breaking news, 'til ya find out who I'm in love with now. She's hot, yes....but she's not blonde nor is she southern. Her name is Alyssa Milano. I learned recently that the former Charmed star is an avid baseball fan. Stop your laughing, seriously, she loves the game. Yeah, she's a Dodger fan, but she knows what she's talking about. Check out her blog. Other than that whole being a Dodger fan thing, she's nearly perfect. Sure she might partake in the wave, and take in a tofu Dodger dog with a diet soda (yes she calls it soda) but she has many redeeming qualities such as Roberto Clemente being her favorite player. She doesn't leave games early. She starts chants. She realizes that Luis Gonzalez "throws like a girl." She was starstruck by Dodger GM Ned Coletti. You can read all about that here. All in all, I'm in love....and in the real world if I could find a girl like her I'd wife her instantly....no matter WHAT team she cheered for.
• The SIU/SLU rivalry might get a bit more interesting if the Rick Majerus to SLU rumors are true. ESPN says Big Rick is still unsure about his decision, but if he went to SLU, he'd give them instant credibility and an opportunity to take some of SIU's recruiting thunder in the St. Louis area. But as a Saluki, I'm not worried. I doubt Majerus will finish his contract for one of the following reasons:
• Health
• Bigger, better offer from a bigger, better school
• It's good to be a Saluki!
  

That's it for tonight. See ya Friday for the Off The Wall Blog!

Losing Sucks! Losing To The Cardinals Is Borderline Depressing!

I absolutely HATE losing to the Cardinals. Losing to the Cardinals is the absolute worse feeling in the world for me. --Luis C. Medina, 4/20/07

Didn't we just go through this on Friday?

I thought so. I guess the Cubs didn't get the memo. I hate losing to the Cardinals more than anything in the world. Might I be exaggerating? Maybe. But it's not just losing to the Cards, it's the way that they lose. The Cubs have found so many different ways to lose ball games, I shouldn't be surprised---but whenever you think you've seen it all---the Cubs find another new way to lose.

So Friday they lost 2-1. That sucked because Ted Lilly pitched a hell of a ball game, and again received no run support. The runs came for Jason Marquis on Saturday in the 6-0 victory. And again, the runs came Sunday....and were wasted because of one Wade Miller.

After watching this game, the only thing I can take away from this game is that Wade Miller sucks at life and has sucked at life ever since he was an Astro and Larry Dierker burned him out. Why couldn't he burn out Oswalt?!?!? Or Lidge?!?!? Nooo....the one guy the Cubs end up landing sucks! Wait, that makes sense.

Anyway, Miller sucks and needs to be demoted somehow. His fastball peaks at 89 and unless you're Greg Maddux, it's not a good thing. It's time to bring up one of the youngsters. I know Jeff Samardizija isn't ready and probably won't be ready until July, but there are other options.

• How about Angel Guzman? He was pitching well before being demoted for Felix Pie.
• How about Sean Marshall? Marshall showed at times he could be a serviceable starter.
• Wonder what happened to Springfield native and life long Cubs fan Ryan O'Malley? He's still pitching in the Cubs system?
• What about Carlos Marmol? Or Juan Mateo?

You know what all of those guys have in common? They're all better options than trotting out Wade Friggin' Miller out there each time. Oh and Miller's ERA after 3 starts....10.54. Guess what Cubs fans? You're not gonna win a lot of games with a 10.54 ERA.

And that's the heartbreaking part of it all. Lilly comes out Friday and throws an absolute gem, and really has proven to the critics that (at this point) he's worth the $10 million per year that Jim Hendry gave him while on that EKG machine. And what does Lilly get for his effort? A big fat 'L.' Then Sunday, Miller comes out and lays a big fat egg. He would have gotten the 'L' had the Cubs offense not bailed him out (again.) It was the second time this week.

Long story short, I'm sick of Wade Miller's bullshit. That's why I said Thursday when I previewed this weekend, that the two most important games were Friday and Saturday. Those were the two must win games because I knew in my heart-of-hearts that Wade F. Miller was gonna blow it. He did, and again, the Cubs lose a pivotal home series against a division rival. THE DIVISION RIVAL! ARGH IT SICKENS ME!!!

You want a positive? I'll show you a positive. The Cubs scored 15 runs in the last two games.....and not one was driven in by Alfonso Soriano. That's a positive sign in my eyes.

That's it for now. I'm tired and have poetry to write. Go Cubs, the best is yet to come. I hope.

Game One Goes To The Birds :-(

This wasn't only an introduction to the Cubs/Cards series for Lou Piniella, it was also an introduction to Cub-dumb.

Cub-dumb, also known as "being Cubbed" is an act when players decide to revert to the crap that they truly are, do stupid things in the field or on the basepaths....in short, Cub-dumb is baseball retardation. In the Cubs 2-1 loss to the Cardinals there was plenty of retardation to go around.

There were several strange plays and they all cost the Cubs in the end. They took a 1-0 lead in the 1st inning behind a run scoring single by Aramis Ramirez. Next, Mark DeRosa grounded into a double play to end the inning. But it wasn't a normal 6-4-3. DeRosa was safe when the second basemen's throw pulled Albert Pujols off the first base bag. DeRosa was tagged out when he entered fair territory while avoiding Pujols' tag.

In the 7th inning, Henry Blanco failed to move runners on first and second when he popped a bunt that was fielded by catcher Yadier Molina and almost turned into a triple play. Blanco was called out at the plate, and the Cubs rally was stifled after that when Cesar Izturis struck out looking and Daryle Ward struck out swinging at three splitters that weren't even close to being strikes.

The Cubs had a chance to make some noise in the bottom of the 9th inning. DeRosa hit a one out single and was pinch run in favor of Ronny Cedeno. Cedeno moved to second after Jacques Jones walk---kinda. Cedeno, off with the pitch, slid past the bag while shortstop David Eckstein kept the tag on Cedeno. The umpire initially called Cedeno safe until Tony LaRussa came out to argue the call, which was eventually overturned with the help of the umpiring crew and LaRussa insisting that he'd buy the first round at Sluggers after the game.

The Cub rally ended meekly as Matt Murton popped out on the first pitch he saw.

Sounds like the Cubs lost more than the Cardinals won, doesn't it? The Cards scored on a Preston Wilson two-run homer in the top of the 7th. That sucked, because I was watching the game in the student center and the Cubs were just rolling around. And in typical Cub fashion, as soon as you turn away...SMACK!!!

Preston F***ing Wilson. You've gotta be f***ing kidding me.

Besides Wilson's home run, Ted Lilly (1-2) was brilliant striking out six in seven innings while only allowing four hits. Lilly looks like he's gonna be that pitcher that gets NO run support despite good stuff.

Braden Looper (3-1) pitched well, especially knowing that I would be more than 300 miles south of Wrigley Field as I spent most of my afternoon taking a test. Nearly everyone by now should know my past interactions with Mr. Looper. Looptey-loop struck out five in seven innings while picking up the win.

If my mom was here, she'd tell me something to the extent of 'the sun will rise tomorrow."

If it does, game two will take place as Jason Marquis will take the mound against his former mates. If Marquis knows what's good for him, he pitches a complete game, no-hitter and hits a couple of dingers.

As you can tell, I don't like losing. I absolutely HATE losing to the Cardinals. Losing to the Cardinals is the absolute worse feeling in the world for me.

LIST PART I: Things that are bad, but not as bad as losing to the Cardinals.

• Losing to Duke (UNC; basketball)
• Losing to Ohio State (Michigan; football)
• Losing to the White Sox
• Rejection
• Heartbreak (over a girl)

Yeah, I said it. Being rejected by a girl, not as painful as losing to the Cardinals in my eyes. And heartbreak? Not even close, a few drinks coupled with a night of poetry writing can get me through any heartbreak. Getting over a loss by the Cubs at the hands of the Cardinals---that's just on the brink of depressing.

LIST PART II: Issues with Lou Piniella....because we haven't seen eye to eye sometimes this year.

• Why is Cliff Floyd batting second?
• Why wasn't Felix Pie starting in center field against the righty Looper?
• Why wasn't Pie used in the 9th inning as a defensive replacement? Either he or JJ could have caught that ball that Floyd missed on a dive that Jim Edmonds turned from a single into a triple.
• If you weren't gonna use Pie as a pinch hitter or as a defensive replacement---why didn't you use Pie as the pinch runner instead of Ronny Cedeno? Pie is faster and a better base stealer than Cedeno.
• Where was Michael Barrett? Last I checked, he hit a game winning Grand Slam against Jason Isringhausen last year against the Cardinals. Mikey B. is a better option off the bench than The Big Murt, who is struggling without constant playing time.
• I will give Lou credit for arguing the 9th inning call---good to see the manager awake at the wheel (not that's not a jab at LaRussa's DUI....but it should be!)

Hopefully the Cubs will get it right in the next two games, or else I (and the rest of Cubdom) have to face humiliation at the hands of the Cardinals fans on campus.

Bring On The Cardinals!

As all the attention of the baseball world shifts east, baseball's most overlooked rivalry starts up again Friday at Wrigley Field when the defending World Champion St. Louis Cardinals visit the Chicago Cubs.

Yuck, it sickens me every time I have to think about the Cards being World Champs. I've had to deal with it every day since October. With World Champs hats, sweaters, t-shirts.....any time I have to see someone wearing those items, it feels like a punch to the balls.

But that was last year, every day is a step further away from that disastrous month of October. Since that night however, a lot has changed in the world of Cubdom.

I came up with the slogan "This is the year that Cubdom strikes back" which is a play on "The Empire Strikes Back." Pretty cool, I think. Then Andy MacPhail (F-A-I-L) stepped down, triggering the following events:

• John McDonough becoming interim president
• Lou Piniella is hired as manager
• The Cubs spend $300 million on revamping the worst team in the NL
• The Tribune Co. announces that it will sell the team at the end of the season

It's not like a lot hasn't happened to the Cards since then too.

• The Cards decided to weaken their bullpen because they decided that they didn't want to partake in the free agent spending spree. The Cards will go to battle with their 8th and 9th inning guys to start the game instead of end them.
• They've also decided not to go with a right fielder. Unless you consider Skip Schumaker, Juan Encarnacion (still injured), Preston Wilson and So Taguchi as a formidable right field trio. Oh and they've also decided to give Jim Edmonds uber amounts of money despite health concerns and a clear decline in skills.
• Then there was this little bitch fit between Albert Pujols and Scott Rolen. "I won't sign autographs unless I make this much more than Rolen."-Pujols. "I won't sign autographs unless I make this much compared to Albert." -Rolen. What a bunch of bitches.
• Oh, and then Tony LaRussa decided that he was gonna drive off that World Series hangover.
  

Again, lots has changed since the Cards were crowned. So that leads us into the first of about 19 or 20 games against our arch-rival (no pun intended.)

• Game 1 matches up reliever-turned-starter Braden Looper and Ted "The Forty Million Dollar Man" Lilly. I endorsed the Lilly signing for a multitude of reasons, including the Cardinals inability to hit left handed starting pitching which continues to be a trend. Lilly has yet to disappoint, he's 1-1 with a 2.37 ERA and is racking up strikeouts while minimizing walks. Looper isn't terrible in his own right (except for the fact that he is wearing a Cardinals uniform.) Looptey-loop is 2-1 with a 2.37 ERA. He'll benefit from me not being at Wrigley to heckle him. As some of you may or may not know, Looper and I have history between us. As a member of the Marlins, Looper was heckled endlessly by me before, during and after a rain delay. He tried to get me kicked out (presumably...why else would he be talking to an usher pointing at me?) However, little did Braden's bitch ass know that the usher was a friend of mine. Looper would go on to blow the save, just like I predicted.
• The most intriguing match up occurs Saturday afternoon as the Cardinals send Anthony Reyes (0-2, 5.40 ERA) to the mound against former Cardinal Jason Marquis. Marquis signed a three year deal worth $21 million with the Cubs after a terrible 2006 season in which Marquis posted an ERA higher than 6.00. To add insult to injury, Marq was left off the WS roster and left out to dry on several occasions by LaRussa and pitching coach Dave Duncan. Duncan and LaRussa grew thin of Marquis and basically made him Cardinal Nation's whipping boy. Cards fans are licking their chops for a shot at Marquis, who is coming off his first win in a Cubs uniform. He's sporting a 1-1 record with a 2.65 ERA.
• On paper, game three looks to be a mismatch in favor of the Cardinals. They'll send World Series hero Adam Wainwright (1-1, 3.20) against Wade Miller (0-1, 9.00). Miller has been absolutely terrible this year. He hasn't pitched deep into ball games and I don't think his fastball has reached 90 MPH this year. If he continues to struggle, Angel Guzman might take his spot in the rotation if he keeps impressing out of the pen (and now in the minors.) Wainwright, a starter-turned-reliever-turned-starter struggled in his last two innings of work against the Pirates in his first loss of the 2006 season. But his raw stuff is still there as there are times where that mid-90s fastball coupled with that big breaking ball look untouchable.

This series will match two of baseball's best managers. We already know about what type of piece of crap LaRussa is, but what about Lou? Yes, Sweet Uncle Lou gets his first taste of the Cubs-Cards rivalry on Friday. Good news for Cubs fans is that he's out-managed LaRussa before, note the 1990 World Series in which Lou's Reds swept the heavily favored A's.

NOTES:

• Both teams will be missing significant players this series. The Cardinals are without Chris Carpenter for about 4-6 weeks after an elbow injury. The Cubs will be without the services of Alfonso Soriano, who is nursing a hamstring injury.
• The Cardinals should consider themselves lucky, they're missing lefty Rich Hill who threw an outstanding game in the Cubs 3-0 win against the Braves. They're also on a long flight from San Fran. to Chicago after their 6-2 loss to the Giants. Sucks for them! The Cubs are on their way back from Atlanta as we speak.

Hope Springs Eternal Part II: A Blog About The Home Opener

If I had one wish for today, it'd be that I had one last good reason to be excused from class today. Why? Because I should be in Chicago for Opening Day. Instead, I'm in Carbondale writing this blog wishing I was there.

It's not like I haven't cut class before to go to Opening Day. I was there when Karl 'Tuffy' Rhodes hit three home runs off Doc Gooden of the Mets, and the Cubs still found a way to lose. I also cut class in 2005 to take a 3 a.m. train from Carbondale to Chicago on a Friday morning to catch the Cubs/Brewers Opening Day. Again, they lost thanks to LaTroy Hawkins blowing a ninth inning lead.

On second thought, maybe it's a good thing I'm not at Wrigley today.

Seriously though, I do wish that I was there. I should be there. It's the beginning of a new era of being a Cubs fan. Again, it starts at the top with new 'interim' president John McDonough. McDonough hired new manager Lou Piniella. Piniella kept only pitching coach Larry Rothschild while hiring a whole new coaching staff.

One of the few holdovers from the last regime, GM Jim Hendry helped change the product on the field by going on a spending spree that the Wrigley Field trixies would envy. Spending spree might not do it justice, it was more like what Adam 'Pacman' Jones pulled by 'making it rain.' Yes, Trader Jim 'made it rain' on dem free agents.

$300 million of off-season signings and a lot of the focus will go on two guys: Piniella and Alfonso Soriano. This has to be the first off season in which the Cubs got the two biggest names on the free market. It's not every day the Cubs go out of their way to pay for the best free agent on the market while he's still in his prime. It's not also every day the Cubs have a manager that I trust.

So what's the significance of the home opener. In a sense it is just another game, but with a lot of pomp and circumstance. The bunting along the brick, the introduction of every player and coach, the initial opening of the gates. And knowing that you've got a whole summer ahead of you, there's something special about the whole ordeal. Opening Day is one of the few days that as a Cubs fan, you're allowed to believe that this is the year you finally get the monkey off your back. 98 years later, it's more like Donkey Kong.

As for the game itself, it's gonna be 42 degrees at game time with clouds and a chance of snow. On the field Ted Lilly gets a chance to prove his worth (4-years $40 million) to the Wrigley faithful. His first pitch today will be his first pitch at Wrigley ever. Lilly opposes Houston's pitching free agent acquisition, Woody Williams.

Inside the game, Chicago native Cliff Floyd just might get the start in left field today. I know I've been a strong advocate of Matt Murton playing full-time, but it's hard to ignore Floyd's .467 (14-for-40) career average against Williams. Look for Houston's Mark Loretta to maybe find some playing time today, he's carrying a career .357 average against Lilly (5-for-14) with 2 home runs. On the other hand, Lilly has handled perennial Cub killer Carlos Lee to the tune of a .143 batting average (2-for-14). But every Cub fan knows that Lee loves hitting at Wrigley.

Hope Springs Eternal: A Blog About Opening Day

As a child I always thought it was a bit ironic that baseball's Opening Day fell on (or around) April Fool's Day. It makes sense as a Cubs fan, who believes that every year is the year--and for the last 98 years we have been fooled that this year would be different. As we head into the 99th year of this being "the year," Cub fans find themselves in a familiar predicament--thinking that this year is the year.

But this year could be different. I know it's said every year, but Cub fans have reason to be optimistic. This off-season, they spend a boatload of money on free-agents, upwards of $300 million. They re-signed their own guys: 3B Aramis Ramirez, C Henry Blanco and P's Kerry Wood and Wade Miller to start the off-season. Next, they made the biggest splash of them all by signing the best offensive player on the market, Alfonso Soriano who is coming off of a 40 HR 40 SB year as a LF for the Washington Nationals. Soriano will play CF for the Cubs.

Along the way, the Cubs made several other moves to improve a team that finished with the worst record in the National League. They signed SP's Ted Lilly and Jason Marquis to improve depth in their starting rotation. They acquired White Sox lefty reliever Neal Cotts for David Aardsma, Cotts will most likely be a swingman (a guy who can start and pitch out of the bullpen.) They signed Mark DeRosa to be their everyday 2B. DeRosa brings versatility by being able to play several infield positions as well as the corner outfield spots. As the off-season came to an end, the Cubs added two left-handed bats in Daryle Ward and Cliff Floyd. Floyd, a Chicago native and favorite of Cubs GM Jim Hendry, will be battling starting LF Matt Murton for playing time.

They brought in manager Lou Piniella to replace Dusty Baker, who followed up two winning seasons with two sub-.500 seasons and failed to get the Cubs to the promised land. The job is now Piniella's, whose fiery attitude and track record with the Yankees, Reds and Mariners is something Cub fans have wanted out of their manager for years. Forget about his years with the Devil Rays, it'd take a miracle and a half to cure what ails them. Piniella also brings a changing of the guard on the coaching staff, full of new members except pitching coach Larry Rothschild, who served the same position in 1990 under Piniella when he managed the Reds.

So what's going to make this year different. It all starts at the top with new Cubs President John McDonough. The former marketing genius has set lofty goals for this ballclub and ok'd the budget increase that brought in the aforementioned newcomers. Piniella brings new blood and a clean slate, in addition to "Cubbie Swagger"....whatever that means.

New blood means turnover. Turnover can be good. Think about it, the only guys left from the 2003 NL Central Champion team are Ramirez, Carlos Zambrano, Kerry Wood and Mark Prior. Wood is slated to start the year on the DL (again), while Prior starts the year in Triple-A Iowa attempting to find what he lost on October 14 2003. It's time for a new tradition at Wrigley.

As for the guys who are on the field, the Cubs have vastly improved one of the worst offenses in baseball last year. As much as Soriano will help at the top of the order, a healthy Derrek Lee is the stabilizing force in the middle of the Cubs line-up. Michael Barrett is one of the best hitting catchers in the game today, he's in a contract year---which usually means career years out of players looking for long term contacts. Barrett has stated that he wants to be a Cub for a long time.

The pitching staff is improved only because of the added depth. Big Z anchors the staff, making his third consecutive Opening Day start. Rich Hill is coming off of a monster second half where he posted a 2.93 ERA and piled on a whole bunch of strikeouts. Hill is a player that Cub fans and baseball pundits believe will have a big year.

The bullpen is relatively strong and if everything goes well they could be one of the best bullpens in the NL. The 'pen is anchored by set-up men Bobby Howry and Scott Eyre, who were two of the Cubs best relievers last year. Cotts and Angel Guzman will serve as long relievers, while Michael Wuertz and Will Ohman are middle relievers. Ohman is more of a left handed specialist who racks up more than a K/IP. Ryan Dempster returns as closer with a new slate under Piniella. If he struggles, Wuertz or Howry could be in line to take his job. Maybe even Wood if he ever finds his way off the DL.

In the end, the NL Central isn't that strong. 83-games won that division last year, and the team who did that eventually won the World Series. Some baseball people think that number could do the trick again. The Cubs will have some stiff competition from the Cardinals and Astros, not to mention the Brewers who are the sleeper team of countless baseball "experts." Unlike the others though, the Cubs have the money lying around to add on to the payroll when (or if) necessary.

I have faith in this team. Yes, I say it every year, but this year I mean it. I meant it in 2003 and look where they took me. I meant in in 2004--another winning record but it just wasn't good enough. The talent is there, the support is there. The faith of Cubdom is there.

This is the year that Cubdom strikes back.

Today's Starting Lineups
Cubs	Reds
Soriano, cf	Freel, cf
Murton, lf	Dunn, lf
Lee, 1b	Phillips, 2b
Ramirez, 3b	Griffey, rf
Jones, rf	Encarnacion, 3b
Barrett, c	Hatteberg, 1b
DeRosa, 2b	Gonzalez, ss
Izturis, ss	Ross, c
Zambrano, p	Harang, p

A Poem About The Cubs, Written By A Cubs Fan

Once again, I reiterate writing rule #1...WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT! And sure, a lot of my poetry comes from the anger, frustration and overall non-happy moments from my life; but I'm trying new stuff. Granted, a poem about the Cubs isn't the best start. They're definitely frustrating to watch. When they lose I'm angry. And when they suck, I'm pretty unhappy. With that said, here's a rondeau written about my favorite team, the Chicago Cubs.


The Game We Play (At Wrigley Field)
By Luis C. Medina

At Wrigley Field the Cubbies lose
amidst the heckles, jeers and boos.
“How did they lose?” They found a way
to anger those who watch them play
in another loss, not good news.

In the bleachers fans drink the booze,
you tell them stop, and they refuse.
The damn Cubs lost again today
at Wrigley Field.

The manager they will accuse
of mismanagement and misuse
of players, to the fans dismay.
Like why did he play Derrick May?
They need players that can produce
at Wrigley Field.



P.S.- For the non-Cubs fans, Derrick May was a Cub left fielder in the early-to-mid 90s. He could've been good. *Sighs* a familiar refrain for Cubs fans.

Chicago Cubs: 2007 Or Bust Because In Lou We Trust!!!!

This Blog Goes Everywhere, So Readers Bare With Me!

Finally, some free time to write a blog. This week has been up and down to tell the truth. Thankfully, it's almost over. Alright, so I'll start off with some stuff that I have links for so if you want to read the rest of the story you can head off into the web when you click the links and then I'll close with some personal stuff. Sound good? Well I don't care, it sounds good to me!

• Let's start with some of that #13 SIU Saluki hoop action! By virtue of Creighton's loss to Illinois State and SIU's 59-50 win at Indiana State, the Salukis have clinched the Missouri Valley Conference regular season title for the second time in three seasons under Coach Chris Lowery. Unfortunately, I was unable to watch the game but I did manage to listen to the last few minutes on the radio. That means no game story from me, sorry folks. Last night's win deserved a blog of it's own, I was unable to do so (see, that's why I don't do a blog solely dedicated to SIU sports.) Senior Night is Saturday, that is deserving of a preview blog and a post game blog as well. In more good news for the Salukis, press wise, is that the news is headed north to the Chi, game summary here from NBC 5 Chicago and the Chicago Tribune has an excellent article about senior guard Tony Young and the strides he and the basketball program have made.
• When he was hired, I joked that Lou Piniella may have officially signed on to be the Cubs manager, but little does he know that job also entails the side job of being my life coach. In today's Tribune, Piniella makes one of those "break you down to build you up" statements in this article when he says that "Curses are for people with no confidence." Sighs, I guess I have been hiding behind a curse. Maybe. Sweet Uncle Lou may ignore Billy Goats, black cats and Bartman....but he has no clue about the cursed love life of one Luis Medina and how if the Cubs somehow won the World Series that all of that love crap would immediately take a backseat. (*Chuckling* some girl is gonna read this and laugh at me for being a loser....I don't care.)

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF:

As refreshing as poetry writing has been for me lately, I must say nothing clears the air like a good ol' fashioned sit down talk with an old friend. I hate when I'm wrong. I hate when other people prove that I'm wrong. I also hate when I'm proven wrong by a woman. No male ego trip here, I'm just saying....they know to make me feel stupid when they're right about something that I've completely screwed up.
Yesterday was like a reconciliation of sorts. Spending the afternoon/evening with Alicia was great. We cleared the air about several things. Chatted up about what's new, with me realizing that you can not see me for two months and things with me are so simplistic that nothing has really changed. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
She also gave me a nice lil' talking to about how good I have things and gave me a little insight about her that I didn't know before. The way I see it, the whole being single thing is a gift and a curse (I know I mentioned curses earlier, now bare with me.) I like being single. I like the idea of open possibilities. I like not having to answer "Where are you going?" or "Who are you going with?" or even "When will you be back?" or having someone needing to tag along. Being single is pretty cool, especially in a college town.
As for the cursed part, my first problem is that I have issues with hanging out with people in relationships. This little quirk about me dates back all the way to high school when my two best friends had girlfriends and then there was Lou (we'll put the 'O' in the name for nostalgia's sake.) That has stayed with me throughout college and to be honest, I think that's effecting some of my relationships and friendships in a negative way. Though it does explain why I'm damn bitter at couples in general and why sometimes I just don't feel like going out with certain people at certain times.
Now that I got that off my chest, this is where I say "Maybe she's right" because really, she does have a very valid point. I'm single and theoretically, I have the whole world in front of me. I can do what I want and not have to worry about my girlfriend or what she thinks. I, by myself can theoretically get done whatever I want to for my career and such, get settled and then eventually settle down....with nobody holding me back.
That sounds nice and pretty like a package wrapped in ribbon, tied in a bow. Unfortunately, that's not how I've been seeing it.
The way I've been seeing it, it's been holding me back. I kinda compare it to John Elway's Super Bowl championship. Short and simple, Elway's a badass QB who's got all these badass records, but never won a championship and he always used to say "It's okay I had a good career." But when he won that championship finally, he admitted he was full of shit and that the championship validated his career and cemented him as an all-time great.
What the hell does that have anything to do with me? Maybe it's the whole "pussy on a pedestal" thing. I guess you can say that girlfriend thing is the missing piece of the puzzle. For me, I'll argue that a girlfriend would be my validation.
(Someone's gonna come across this, read it, then think I'm a total loser and probably never date me because of it. Oh well.)
And it sounds bad, the idea of a girlfriend being validation, compared to a Super Bowl trophy...no girl wants to be looked at as a prize. But let's face it, that's the only thing that has been missing, compared to people my age. At least that's what society says.
What magnifies my insecurities are my friends who are in happy relationships, my friends who get constant attention from girls and some new developments in my friends lives. My first college roommate has moved on from his days at SIU to go to the National Guard and is getting married in June. He just turned 21, and he's married. He'll be the first of "The Chi-town Boys" to be getting married. I have a friend, she's been engaged for more than a year now and she'll be getting married when she's out of school, I'm sure of it. I have a friend that's now pregnant....having a kid. I feel as if everyone's growing up without me.
But she put it in the best way possible "It's like playing real life house."
Despite giving me hell, she always knows how to make me feel better. There's just something special about her, I have an idea of what it is but I'm not quite sure of it. Maybe I've got my head in the clouds, maybe I'm still living in first semester of last year....I don't know what I'm feeling, but I think it's good.
Maybe that would explain my first good night of sleep in over a month, that whole little talkin' to maybe (no pun intended) put some of our issues to sleep. You know I'm a big believer in that symbolic shit.
In my mind, I laughed when she mentioned something about how her ex wants to get out on the dating scene again but is seemingly comparing these girls to what he had in her. I laughed on the inside. If it was an outside laugh, it would have been one of those nervous laughs....those are never good.
Maybe that's my issue in getting over her. It's not like I'm putting every girl up to her standard, but it's that perceived idea of perfection that keeps holding me back, mentally. The sooner I find a new girl, the sooner I get over her.
Maybe she's Vanessa all over again. That would only prove to be more symbolic than anything I've mentioned in this blog....ever.
I'm not getting into that story. I'm too happy, I think I've got my best friend back. And that is more important than anything else!

2006 In Review Part II: Top 10 Highlights

Moving to part two of the year in review, 10 highlights. Despite what you might read in this blog, finding 10 highlights wasn't as impossible as it could be, especially if you read this blog and realize how emotionally and mentally unbalanced I can be at times. However I will say this about the "highlights" segment of 2006, when they were good they were real good. 2006 in a nutshell: like a .500 ballclub, when they're good they're real good, when they're bad, you hope it's fun bad. When it's been bad, it hasn't been "fun bad." With that said, the Top 10 Highlights (in no particular order) for 2006.

• The Cubs sweep the Cardinals, twice. Yes, I realize that the Cardinals won the World Series but they still get no love from me. They finished with a losing record to the worst team in the National League and for a majority of the games (minus the final three in St. Louis which served as the first signs of the team quitting under Dusty Baker save the Rich Hill start on Fox Saturday Game of the Week) and were dominated by the Cubs (and White Sox for that matter) when they played in Chicago. I'll admit the first sweep was sweet, a three game sweep which concluded on ESPN as their Sunday Night Game of the week which was highlighted by Sean Marshall's first start, Jacque Jones first hit (a 3-run home run off Sidney Ponson) and a game winning Grand Slam by catcher Michael Barrett. However, the sweep that was sweetest was the one in Chicago in July, concluding with a victory by Carlos Zambrano over reigning Cy Young winner Chris Carpenter. That might have been the peak of the summer, it ended a few weeks later.
• If this list was in chronological order, my 20th birthday would probably rank #1. It was an awesome 5 day period in which my "Southern family" came north from everywhere to help me celebrate turn the big 2-0. We partied like rock stars, taking in the sights and sounds Chicago had to offer over the 4th of July holiday. Arguably it was the most fun I've had in consecutive days this year!
• My trip to Puerto Rico was nice too. It was cool to see some of my family members again and take in life on the island. It was also pretty nice to use the Spanish I rarely use in Carbondale (or Chicago for that matter.) I wonder when I'll be returning to the island.
• The most anticipated moment of 2006 was probably meeting a new friend in Meagan. Meagan was a friend I knew through my old roommate Hoos who was coming up to see Country Thunder, a four day fest of country music that I was also slated at one point to attend. In preparation of the days in which she would stay a few with me, we basically spoke every day beginning sometime in spring 2006 until she arrived in July. That definetly softened the blow of what could have been initial awkwardness for it was to be the first time we'd ever meet in person. In addition to meeting Meagan, I was able to meet her friend Alyce who was to be attending Northwestern University in Evanston. Our time together was fun, and still I talk to Meagan on a regular basis.
• Another highly anticipated event of 2006 was moving off campus. I talk regularly in sports terms, especially when it comes to "change of scenery." Well the change of scenery has done me well if you ask me. To be honest, I've had my issues with former roommies, but I'll leave the past where it belongs. Currently, I love my roommates Marcus and Steve and I'm pretty sure the love is mutual between the three of us. No disrespect to my former roommates, but I don't think I've ever been happier with my living situation. Living off campus has been great. No RA's, no write ups, I cook my own meals and we can play music as loud as we'd like. Can't knock that now can ya?
• SIU Wins The MVC Tourney. With their backs against the wall and another consecutive NCAA appearance in the balance, the SIU Salukis turned out three wins in the MVC tournament in St. Louis clinching the automatic bid in the NCAA tourney for the first time since 1994. The highlight you ask? Probably would be when after SIU's overtime winner against Northern Iowa, I asked now-roommate Steve if he'd be interested in going to StL for the championship game. We rounded up several friends on the floor and headed to StL the next day on a spur of the moment type thing that really was a major adrenaline rush from beginning to end! Celebrating on court rocked too!
• Camping with Roy. Camping was fun, I enjoyed this version of camping compared to the stuff we did when I was a kid in tents in crappy weather. Roy's trailer rocks, Uncle Squeak calls it 'Condo Camping' cuz it has the ammenities of home (shower, fridge, stove, oven, beds) while also being outdoors. Drinking, eating, drinking, fishing, eating. That's the camping itnerary.
• KISS FM'S FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL. As I said in my last post, it was a good year musically, especially for new music. However nothing caught my ear like WKSC 103.5's Friday Free For All. It began when an outgoing deejay on his last episode decided to use his last show to go back in time and bring back classic songs from the 80s and 90s. Dance hits, club hits, songs that were popular when I was young, before I was young, when my mom used to party, etc. Songs like Holiday, Like A Virgin, Dangerous on the Dancefloor, Supersonic, Groove is in the Heart, What Is Love, Spring Love, Push It, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Jump Around....I COULD GO ON FOREVER! This flashback has contiued to be a Friday highlight and staple, now that I can get it streaming (along with the best morning show ever, the Drex Show) online @ kisschicago.com.
• The Bears Hot Start. A more recent add on to the happy moments of '06. '06 started off sour for the Bears with a loss to the Carolina Panthers (I'll get into that in the not so happy moments of 2006.) But the Bears started this year strong at 7-0 behind their dominating defense, super-special teams and the arm of a resurgent (and healthy) Rex Grossman. Since then "Sexy Rexy" has struggled, but has my support to lead the Bears to their first Super Bowl since 1985.
• The New Look Cubs. Not much went right for the Cubs in 2006, but they've set nice groundwork for 2007. President/CEO Andy "The Clown" MacPhail (should be F-A-I-L) resigned from his post, followed out the door the next day by much maligned manager Dusty Baker. In the weeks since the two failures have left the Cubs have turned the baseball world on its ear with their newfound willingness to spend and win right now. VP of Broadcasting and Marketing John McDonough was named 'interim' President of the Cubs. Next, they hired Lou Piniella to manage the team in an attempt to lead them to their first World Series appearance since 1945 and victory since 1908. They re-signed key pieces Wade Miller, Henry Blanco, Kerry Wood and Aramis Ramirez. They also added free agents Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis and Mark DeRosa to fill holes in the starting rotation and at second base. However those pale in comparison the the off-season coup they pulled off by signing Alfonso Soriano to an 8 year $136 million dollar contract. Soriano became the highest paid Cub in the history of the franchise and marked the first time the Cubs have signed the top player in a free-agency class in his prime in my life time. They're not done however, it could lead to an interesting 2007.

Here's hoping I have more trouble finding 10 highlights next year (hoping I have more than 10!)

Happy Friday Morning Blog!

• It's truly fallen apart the second half of this semester and I'm truly disappointed in myself because for most of the semester I felt as if I was doing an excellent job of keeping tabs on myself. For example, drinking on school nights has been completely cut out of the picture since September. However the last few weeks I've been drinking a lot of soda pop, I've been eating a lot of junk foods and have been eating late, which was my number one goal of things I wanted to stop doing. I'm just hoping to attest these recent bad habits to finals week anxiety. My two least favorite weeks as a college student are finals week and the week before finals week. My biggest fear is cumulative finals, in which I have two. I've only passed one cumulative final in my time here at SIU, and that is because we spent the last two weeks (3 times a week) studying and basically reviewing every possible question that could be on the test. My two cumulative finals are a crap shoot!
• I'm 20, but everyone that knows me can attest that I've aged quicker than someone my age should. My roommate Steven put it the best: you're stressed, balding, listening to Luther Vandross, reading poetry and looking in the classified ads. You know what that tells me? It tells me that Lu's having a mid-life crisis. And now that I had a moment to think about it, the only things I need are the young/hot/blonde girlfriend and the overly expensive, really fast convertable and I'd be well on my way to mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 20.
• As for my dating dilemma. I've received my first Christmas gift this season, tickets to March 14th's Justin Timberlake concert in Chicago. 2 tickets to be exact. My mother said that I need to find a date for that concert. Expecting Lu to get a date (a serious date, not a friend date as my mother so specifically put it) is like expecting the Cubs to hire a top rate manager and signing the top free agent in the class in one year, if ever....wait....damn those "Loveable Loser" references and comparisons to myself are dwindling by the day. If I'm the last of the "loveable losers" who's gonna be the Boston Red Sox to my Chicago Cubs.....Anyways back to the post....First of all let me say that yes I know I'm going to a Justin Timberlake concert. Don't let his boy band past fool you, he's the man. He's reverse Michael Jackson! Have you heard the CD? It's hit-after-hit-after-hit and the beat goes on the CD is amazing!!!! I'm a major Timberlake fan since he's gone solo. The first album was great too! I'm excited to go to this concert. I'm not excited however about my date prospects because as of now I have none. And it kind of depresses me, especially when looking at my recent dating history. Last time I went after a girl with no assistance and made progress to the point where I asked her to a b-ball game, she disappeared. Literally, an A-student did not show up to class after I asked her if she'd like to go to a basketball game. Sounds like Lu's luck doesn't it? Sounds like a curse doesn't it? So let's look back even more. The last date that Lu hooked himself up on was senior prom, and that turned out well. And by well I mean an absolute train wreck where Lu was used as an emotional pawn to get attention from other guys. I know what you're thinking "Lu's got great friends, let them set you up on a blind date." Though I'll admit the blind dates haven't been horrible, they haven't been successful. The last time I let a friend try to hook me up with a girl, it ended with a meaningless kiss, reminiscent of one of those prodigious 500 foot Sammy Sosa home runs that would happen in the 8th or 9th inning when the Cubs were already down by 10 billion runs! Oh and the time before that, it was a girl who used her sisters picture's and faked her own death to not meet me. Thanks, Kevin for sending me into that depression that lead to something smart people call spurrilous correlation, which in normal folk terms, is a bunch of events that may or may not occur because of a specific moment. I believe that was one of those "beginning of the end" moments for me, my confidence and a certain someone last year. Enough sour grapes, this looks like the impossible dream. But as The Game said in his song Dreams: "Anything is possible, if 50 f*cked Vivica."

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Referring to my last statement of anything being possible, I turn to my roommate Steve and one of my favorite Steve quotes is "Everything is possible, but everything is not probable." Smart words from a smart cookie (won't call him cracker!) Good night from Carbondale!

A Post I'd Usually Reserve For My Cubs Page

http://mydamncubbies.blogspot.com That's my Cub page if you want my Cub thoughts, but this was too good to pass up.

For the first time in my lifetime, the Chicago Cubs have signed the top free agent of the free agency class. Still in his prime, still worth a damn, today the Cubs (pending a physical) have signed 2B/OF All-Star Alfonso Soriano. Since the off-season began the Cubs have hired a new manager in Lou Piniella. They've got themselves a new president in John McDonough who on the first day of the job his first words involved winning a championship, and soon! On top of that they re-signed All-Star 3B Aramis Ramirez, back-up C Henry Blanco and flame-throwing Kerry Wood to come out of the bullpen. They've signed utility man Mark DeRosa who can play 2B, SS, 3B, LF and RF. And now they've signed Alfonso Soriano to a big money contract. The best free agent coming to the Cubs. I never thought I'd see the day. Makes me think about other things I thought I'd never see in my lifetime.

So why would Lu post this Cub-intensive post in the "Let's Blog It Out..." blog is what you're probably asking. Well, here it goes. When I found out about Soriano I was @ the SIU/Murray State game checking out ESPN.COM on my phone. I texted my mom to confirm it. She called me later and confirmed it. She didn't like the idea of $136 million dollars on a ballplayer. And even though my mother admits to not being able to hit a 99 MPH fastball 400 feet (though knowing her if ya gave her the opportunity to work at it long enough she'd be able to hit one 500 feet) we both agreed that the addition of Soriano (along with some other parts) might be able to do something that very few people can do, and that is make Lu happy. Seriously, how often does that happen. What do you get more often here: the depressed Lu blog or the happy Lu blog. And as interesting and comical as depressed Lu is, happy Lu is better. And nothing would make Lu happier than a World Series for the Chicago Cubs.

Call me a loser, call me what you'd like but that would make me a happy person. Some people have their nice cars that make them super happy and no one laughs at them. Some have comic book collections that make them happy, no one laughs at them. Others have video games that keep them happy, some laugh at them, but those people usually have big money. Some people have their significan others and the elusive idea of "love" that make them happy. Well I don't have a nice car. I don't have a car at all. I don't have a comic book collection worth millions of dollars. I'm not amazingly skilled in video games (but I'm don't sleep on me in a game of Madden.) And if you've read this blog long enough, I don't have the love of my life to keep me happy and grounded. The only love I've always had and will always have is my love for the Cubs. All I have is the hope that one day I can hear the words "World Champion Chicago Cubs" and not from a video game for once.

Sounds sad, but I didn't care about not having a girlfriend when the Cubs were 5 outs away in 2003. And that was the last time I was completely happy. I'm not saying that women are the devil (though it'd be tough to convince me other wise) but certain things fall behind the Cubs. This coming from a man who was possessed to ditch his senior prom to see the return of Mark Prior. This coming from a man who was upset with his mother for having her wedding on the same day as game 5 of the NLCS. This coming from the man who one day wants to get married at Wrigley and possibly have his ashes spread on the field. Coming from the man convinced by all his friends that he'd fall for a White Sox fan or a Cards fan when he went south to SIU.

Everyone that knows me knows that I love the Cubs. But for years the Cubs haven't loved me back. Of the people that know me, they kinda liken me to the 40 year virgin cross-bred with Jimmy Fallon's character in Fever Pitch. In Fever Pitch, Jimmy Fallon found his love, and the Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino. Maybe in 2007, Lu finds his true love and the Cubs break the Curse of the Billy Goat. One can only hope!

Is The Man Of Theories Back?

“If they lose tonight it will just go to show that the team is cursed, the ballpark is cursed, the whole culture is cursed.” –Jay Mariotti, October 15th 2003

So you're probably wondering where this came from. It's quite random come to think about it. If you're a baseball fan you might have an idea; if you're a Cubs fan those words strike you with some pretty bad memories. But now that I look at it almost 3 years later, I look at it in a different light. The words "the whole culture is cursed" spooks me still to this day. "The whole culture" is an idea that covers a whole lot of ground if you take some time and analyze the thought. "The whole culture..." It makes me think about things. Makes me think about where I've gone since then. Where I've been. Where I want to go. It's a quote like this that makes me reflect on the past, yet think about the future. Sometimes I think that the Billy Goat Curse is a spurious correlation.

• Note that according to wikipedia.com, a spurious correlation is "when a correlation between data exists because of a statistical fluke (rather than true causality.)"

So basically it's something that's like a tag-a-long kind of deal.

So what am I getting at. I once was (and one day would like to become again) a man of theories. I had thoughts, I had ideas and I had beliefs. I saw things coming and if I wanted/needed to avoid them, I did. And I did a good job at it. If I had a "hunch" and I went off of it, I was usually right. So now I have a thought, it's a broad thought but a thought nonetheless:

• If things shake down the way that I think they will (which if the past is any indication and if my "hunches" are any indication, they will fall in the manner in which I presume) I will have been proven correct again. I will have proven that I should have never had "faith in the system," for the system will have been proven to be non-existent. It will also enforce my belief that happy endings don't exsist. No such thing as a happy ending. It would just go to show that everything that I want to believe is just one big fraud. It would just prove that there is another force out there holding me back from what I want, something out of my control. In the best case for this bad scenario, the system will have been proven to have crucial flaws in it. In the end, it probably won't be a happy ending.

But what if this "theory" is wrong. Well first lest define theory. A theory is a "conjecture, an opinion, or a speculation. In this usage, a theory is not necessarily based on facts, in other words, it is not required to be consistent with true descriptions of reality. True descriptions of reality are more reflectively understood as statements that would be true independently of what people think about them." I got that from wikipedia.com too. Translation: a theory is a thought in that you speculate will be true because of what will most likely be an illogical idea or something like that. NOTE: DAMN ME FOR TRYING TO BE INTELLECTUAL AS I WRITE THIS AT 12:53 AM.

• So if my theory's wrong, maybe there is reason to hope. Maybe the little guy can triumph. Maybe the system does work. Maybe there is a system period. Maybe that idea of things coming full circle isn't a pipe dream. Maybe better days are coming.

Lots of maybe's, not necessarily what I'm looking for. So as I sit here pondering, thinking about my next steps. Wondering about the future. Trying to figure out what I need to do to step forward. Trying to figure out "does the system work," "how to fight 'fate'," "how to create a new 'destiny'." I sit here, alone thinking....

WHAT IF?

Recapping A Terrific Tuesday

So I had a really good Tuesday. Granted it didn't start off well, but really what day starts off well when you're awaken by the most annoying of sounds, the alarm clock at 8 a.m.But Tuesday was a good day. I got out of class early which allowed me to catch the bus in time to get home at 12:15 p.m. and watch playoff baseball all day. Frank Thomas hit two home runs to power the A's over the Twins and overall went 3-for-4 with each hit sending a big "Up Yours" to Ozzie Guillen, Kenny Williams and Jerry Reinsdorf. Barry Zito proved that he was worth big money and with every big bending curveball, I wanted to see #75 in a Cub uniform next April. Then the Cards beat the Padres. Not suprised with Carpenter on the mound and really it's been a tough year for Pads ace Jake Peavy. Just when you think the Cardinals are dead Pujols hits one about 400 feet and Chris Carpenter puts out a Cy Young-worthy performance. In the laugher of the night the Yanks beat the Tigers which really if this series goes beyond 3 games I'll be puzzled on why. The Yanks have the best line up of any team in the playoffs from top to bottom and they have enough starting pitching not to mention the greatest closer of all-time, Mariano Rivera.The strong moment of the night was going out to Gatsby's to play pool. I had a few beers, played a few games of pool and really had an enjoyable time. No worrying about stupidity, no worrying about issues, no stress, none of that. It was really a relief and a well needed night. Also it proved that I can go out and not get wasted out of my mind and still have a good time.On top of that I had some really good conversations with some good friends. And really when you have good friends, a few drinks, and some positive memories that's all you really need in life to make you happy.I'm having a happy moment right now, and really it's about damn time!

Hmmm....

After a weekend without internet access (I'm using my roommate's computer as I speak.) I've had a lot of time to think about what I was going to type before I actually typed it out for the world to see. Which is weird because usually I just blog it out without a care to who reads it. So this is what I've come up with.

• Upon further review, I may I repeat may have a drinking problem. An alcohol consumption issue if you may. Granted that might be slanted a little because I'm in Carbondale and I have nothing better to do with my time on my weekends, but this might be something I keep a close eye on in the future. I've actually been entertaining the thought in my head about giving it up for a little bit. Going sober for a little. Granted that might just take out the fun in my life and what little glimmer of hope I may have, but it might be better for my mental (let alone) physical help. So what brought this up? A comment at the football game when my roommate asked me why I wanted to leave the football game early...and then he paused....and then I answered because I gotta go drinking which he responded "I thought you were about more than that" to which I responded "There was a time in which I was about more than that." Those times are long gone.
• Some of us live in a little bit of a dark world. For some of us, life ain't all hunky dory. I think what really gets to me is what people get away with. I love how some people can get away with anything and be able to live with themselves. There are somethings in life that I just can't do and even thinking about them makes me feel dirty. I think what bothers me more is when people get second chances in things that others don't get first chances in. It's quite disappointing to be honest. I don't think life is fair enough to the good people, and then when they flip sides like Annakin then they're looked at as the bad guys. Now I know why Darth Vader was a prick. The man obviously was depressed. And some peeps killed his mom and he wanted revenge. You know if someone killed my mom and I was at a young age to remember it I'd be getting revenge on all sorts of people. Sometimes that's just what makes me tick.
• Which leads into this weekends depressing story. I totally lost my cool. For the first time since spring semsester freshman year I had myself a mental breakdown. To revisit the mental breakdown here's how it goes. Something small ticks Lu off the point in which he becomes easily irritated and confrontational. Then Lu gets violent to the point where he goes to his room and just starts throwing a tempertantrum. After about 10-20 minutes of silence and relaxation Lu feels calm and normal again as if nothing happened. Well I pulled one of those this weekend. So what did Lu do? Lu took his computer chair and whipped it at his desk. Usually he just flips it over on the floor. No, he picked it up and threw it at his desk and broke a wheel in the process. Really, if that thing could talk the stories it could tell. Like the time I threw it across the dorm room at Hoos. Or the time I whipped it at the brick wall outside of Mae Smith. Or the time I hit it with a baseball bat. Or the time I tackled it. Or the time I knocked it down with one punch or one kick. Hey, better than something that I'd have to pay for that's worth something.
• To be honest I'm very regretful of last night. I made a fool of myself in front of my friends and am sorry for the way that I acted this weekend. I'm embarassed to put it correctly.
• So what set me off? A combination of the following: depression, loneliness, anger, frustration, jealousy, the things in my head that cause my head to hurt, stress, failure, the truth. All of those were contributing factors to Lu's First Mental Breakdown of the school year. And to be honest it was a long time coming. Small tempertantrums aside, this was the first full blown Mental Breakdown since freshman year when my roommate while on the phone with his then girlfriend made a crack about me being a virgin and I took his hat off his head and repeatedly hit him with it. And then when he took the hat away from me I took my computer chair and threw it in his closet...threw it ACROSS THE ROOM!!!! Needless to say when the tough get going Lu throws things and becomes violent.
• So after the mental breakdown process I took a walk. I looked at the stars. I did some thinking. I don't think it was a good thing. But I think the best thing I did was not make any phone calls. The reason: I didn't wanna ruin anyone's night. Who am I to ruin the nights of my fellow man just because I'm losing my mind. Just because I'm a borderline depressed fool. Why would I want to ruin the nights of my friends by troubling them with my issues? Who am I to do something like that?
• MY FINAL THOUGHT OF THE NIGHT: It's obvious that I'm not happy. So what do I do, I try to make everyone else happy. Why? Because if I can't be happy why drag everyone else down with you, in hopes that the happy people around you will pick you up. Friendship is a team effort. I've had this conversation a zillion times with a certain friend of mine who I hold closely. They say I need to make myself happy, which I agree. However since it seems not in the Cards to do so then why not make someone else happy. Why not? I'm all about the greater good. It's why I do the things I do. Why be selfish? There have been plenty of times where I could have ruined good things for other people by being selfish and I didn't. And where did it get me....here, depressed, alone and sad. Makes me wonder what I've done with my life. It makes me think about what I've done here at SIU. It makes me think about if the last year of college is a failure or not. Or if my whole SIU experience as a whole has been a failure. All I know that in my head there are devestating things that if they ever got into the wrong hands could mean very bad things. It's why I keep my mouth shut, for the greater good.

That's all for tonight folks. I don't know what else to post. I really wish I had internet all weekend so I could post these things on the fly, make it a shorter read for the peeps. Well I'm off to bed. Goodnight from Carbondale!

1. Oh, and another thing. A conversation if I may: "You know what Lu, you might be cursed. Heck your curse might be a little side curse of the Billy Goat curse. You might be on to something there. But look at it like this. We all know the Cubs are cursed except the Cubs. Though they DO know that they're cursed they play through it. They don't complain, they don't bitch they just play through it in hopes that by accident they can break the curse. You don't play through it, not anymore at least. You wait for the other shoe to drop. You let the black cat do its thing. You let the goat do its thing. You let Bartman do his thing and yes so did the Cubs but they tried fighting through it. You Lu have quit. You were in the on deck circle when the black cat came and instead of heading to the plate you ran from your opportunity. You let Steve Bartman take that ball away from you. You didn't pull an Alou! You didn't jump for it. You let Bartman take it from you. And then you let the Marlins take away everything you ever wanted and left you in the cold, alone....so close and yet so far. 5 OUTS AWAY. You need to play through it. Yes you might be cursed. So are the Cubs at least they try to fight through what's holding them back. You have just given up." Sums it up there for ya doesn't it.
   

I Had That Dream...Again

I could easily rehash the details of my depressing day, my depressing self and/or my depressing life. Instead I'll come with something new. During a mid-afternoon nap I had a dream that had a hint of a revelation in it. It was that dream again. And that dream of course is the one about the Cubs winning the World Series.
It wasn't a clear dream, in fact it was quite quick. It wasn't like the last 'Cubs Winning The World Series' dream which I had last in 2004. I wasn't celebrating in the dorm room popping champagne with my roommate and suitemates. Instead I myself was at Wrigley Field. In the stadium, in the grandstands. Not as a member of the media as I once had hoped for. But it was me, among my people on the third base side of home in the terrace reserved level. I couldn't tell you who was pitching. I couldn't tell you who we were playing. I couldn't tell you who was on the team. All I remember was out number three at Wrigley and looking at the center field scoreboard saying "World Champion Chicago Cubs" and me just bursting into tears.
In reality, I can't see myself with the ballclub whether it be at home or on the road if they ever won the whole damn thing. I'd have to be at home alone, or with several die-hards like myself. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be there to see it myself, but in my mind I can see it unfolding on television. I can hear Joe Buck saying something to the extent of "Cub fans have longed to hear it: 'The Chicago Cubs are World Champs.'" I can see the video montage on Fox of that years team, flashbacks to the 2003, 1984 & 1969 teams, things that exonerated the goat, the black cat & Bartman...I can hear Santo in a triumphant cheer....And finally I see myself drenching myself in champagne in joy.
I know that this is all a pipe dream and that in two years it will have been 100 years since anyone actually did that in real life. But it would be something, at least for me to take a hold of and call my own. You wouldn't be able to take that away from me. You can take away my dream job. My dream car. My dream girl. But if you GAVE me a World Series Championship....I think I could live with myself peacefully once again.

From The Heart of the Heart Broken

WARNING: I'm pissed off and I'm drunk. Now, on with the show.

• So I watched the HBO special on the Cubs tonight. It turned into a great drinking game where I drank six beers in a 40 minute span. I wrote what the baseball part of me thought in my Cubs blog @ http://mydamncubbies.blogspot.com. But personally I can't let go. I was on the verge of tears when they talked about the 2003 team. When they played that Bartman footage, everything replayed in my head. Everything from that day. It's sad that I can retrace EVERY footstep of that day. I point to that day in specific as the day my life turned out for the worst. People say that losing their virginity is "their loss of innosence." For me, games 6 and 7 of the 2003 of the NLCS was worse than the worst experience I've ever had. That took my innocence. That took my childhood from me. That jilted me forever. I mean it kills me just thinking about what could have been. It makes me want to cry now that I'm just letting it all go on paper here. It's so hurtful. It's so painful.
• And only Cub fans really feel my pain, but no one SPECIFICALLY feels MY pain. Because I am the Cubs. The curse transfers over to me. And to think for years I pointed at a "cursed e-mail." Nope, it's just a branch effect of the Billy Goat. It explains my fear of Black Cats. It explains my quote in which I compared myself to the hated Tribune Corporation "I'm competitive until the price goes up." I am the Cubs. And I hate it. I hate myself. I truly do. I hate that I embody the Cubs. A cursed, choke artist who is a feel good story that you want to cheer for and you hope the best for but in the end you know what's going to happen. You know that somehow the Cubs are gonna blow it in the 9th. You know that 9 game lead will eventually diminish. You know the Cubs will trade some potential All-Star for a washed up ballplayer. You know that in the end the Cubs will not be the champion. Just like you know that Lu will eventually choke. You know will get to a point and then it will be all downhill from there. You know that Lu's competitive until someone with a bigger offer that isn't necessarily the best comes in and takes what Lu wants away from him. In the end Lu will choke. In the end the Cubs will choke. In the end Lu will be the loser. In the end the Cubs will be the loser. In the end, both of us will still be waiting for next year.

All I want is one chance. That's all I ever wanted. Yes I choked, yes I've failed and yes I live in misery. But I believe I've earned my one shot. Will I get it, ever? Who knows. To be honest, probably not. I'll be living with it hanging over my head for years upon years. Like Brock for Broglio, I'll be constantly reminded of my stupidity. Like 1969, 1984 and 2003 I will be constnatly reminded of how close I was but in the end still came up a little too short. Choke artist is something that I might never shake off. And that is a scary thought.

Good night from Carbondale, maybe I can sleep this off.

So I Find Myself Lost, What Else Is New?

So much to blog, so little time. Actually I got all the time in the world, we'll see how much I can put out there.

• Let's start off with the sports part. The Bears are 3-0 and off to a Super start. I'm happy and with the way things have been going in my personal life (which I'll get to later) I'm hoping that the Bears are something I can grasp and be my happy moment. It'll be different than the '03 Cubs because that was a daily thing, that's why that team was a savior. It's hard when they only play once a week and who knows if I get the privelage to watch with the damn Rams game taking up precious Bears television time....The Sox joined the Cubs in the elimination chamber after being spanked by Cleveland tonight and good for the Indians, payback is a bitch! Now the Sox fans can retreat back to their hobbit holes and section 8 housing facilities....the Cubs found another embarassing way to lose. So what's the Dusty countdown at now? Seriously: bring me a new coaching staff and some new players that actually have talent and we can have something here!
• Lu is currently patiently waiting. For what? Homecoming. See in high school I looked forward to homecoming because it was a chance for me to dress up and look good for a girl that I had some sort of interest in dating. Instead this homecoming will be different. The boys will be back in town. The only peeps that have visited me the first two years will be back and this time I think will be the best time! I can't wait. I'm so excited and I just can't hide it! I'm looking forward to it because I know whenever they're with me everything turns out just fine. It's why they're my boys, we get shit done! This will probably be the highlight of first semester, and I wouldn't mind cuz they make it worth it. Too bad it couldn't be every weekend!
• Musically I got two new CDs that I'm currently raving about. Ludacris' 'Release Therapy' and Lupe Fiasco's Food and Liquor. Lyrically Food and Liquor is brilliant and flawless. Lupe Fiasco just blew my mind and it was all so clear. The best hip hop album since Common's 'Be.' As for 'Release Therapy' another classic Luda cut. And what made it even better...NO SKITS!!! As much as I love Luda's skits some are out of place and are better off hidden on a special bonus disk or at the end of an outro or something like that. Luda's got some killer tracks like "Ultimate Satisfaction" featuring Field Mobb and "Slap." Standouts on Lupe's album: "The Cool," "Pressure" featuring Jay-Z," "The Instrumental" and so far my absolute favorite track has been "American Terrorist" because lyrically and topic wise Lupe just kills the track. End of story.
• Movie notes. I still wanna see "Accepted" but now my new thing is "School For Scoundrels" that comes out this weekend. Looks like a funny one. Can't wait, maybe I can go with a friend or something. Because it MUST be better than "The Last Kiss" or another "Jackass" flick.
• So for the fun and personal part. A friend called me the other morning, and it was awkward because it was early in the morning and she was the last person that I would have expected to talk to at that time. To make a long story short, she told me she got engaged. I was happier for her, heck I AM happy for her. I believe everyone should have that feeling. But to be honest, I felt a little bit heartbroken. Just a little bit, nothing to drink over. Just remembering the good times we had together in the little time we spent together the thought crossed my mind. Personally I give her a lot of credit for giving me what little confidence I have today because of our talks and that great date that kinda made me realize I have 'it' in me, I just need to bring it out. I liked her, I really did. I know I wasn't supposed to, but I fell for her I just couldn't help it. I caught feelings when I shouldn't have, but once again I couldn't stop myself. She'll always be a little special to me and I think she knows that. But in the end, I knew nothing was meant to happen between us, and that's why I'm glad we're still friends....So I've found myself to be a hypocrite. A shell of my former self. Many things that I believed in when I first came here I don't believe anymore. That's more of a realization of the truth than being a hypocrite. But then there are certain beliefs and certain ideals that I have not held up since I've been here. I find myself saying hypocritical things, I find myself giving advice to others that I myself should be taking. I just don't feel like myself. Mentally I'm lost and stuck in moments that I shouldn't be in. Sometimes I just want out, a complete pull out of Carbondale and a fresh start back in Chicago again. But I must learn that I can't run from my problems and that I must either face them head on or face the consequences.
• As of right now the thing that bugs me the most is the constant reminders of my failures and short comings and those "what could/should have been moments." Those bug me the most. I feel helpless and wish I could turn back time. I feel as if I'm holding things back that are hurting me, but for the greater good I keep them in. It's a tough feeling. It's a diffucult task. I just want things to work out for once. I'm sick of being "cursed" I'm sick of the constant failure I'm sick of thinking "what could have been" every night. As much as I want to go, there's something that keeps pulling me back. I just wish that I would have made some of these revolutionary thoughts oh about a year ago. Things would be different. This would be a different blog. I want, no, I NEED to make things right in my life, I just don't know how.
• So you want to know how I'm feeling. Find the following songs: 4 Minutes by Avant and Beautiful Lie by Ashley Parker Angel....read the lyrics/listen to the songs....oh and Because I Love You by Lenny Williams. Listen and then you SHOULD get it.