#11 Salukis Stunned By Creighton In Championship

It was a long trip from the Scottrade Center all the way back to Carbondale. During the quiet trip, I went through a million ways to write this post in my head. Just so many emotions and feelings going through me, so I figured the best way to do it was a little bit of everything. Here goes nothing:

1. DENIAL: Wait. What? Creighton beat us? Unranked, second place Creighton beat #11 ranked, MVC regular season champion SIU? SIU, the team that had the Valley's best player (Jamaal Tatum), best defensive player (Randal Falker), best coach (Chris Lowery) lost to f*cking Creighton? This can't be happening, what the hell happened? Are you sure that just happened?
   
2. ANGER: Damn you Creighton, damn you all to hell! I hate you Dana Altman, you have a girls name. I hate you Nate Funk, you're ugly and you look like a caveman....and not a cool looking caveman like Johnny Damon (circa 2004) or Captain Caveman. Have fun in your future as a corner whore! I hate Omaha. I hate Nebraska. I hate Blue Jays. To the girls at CU, it's okay to go outside. That brightness in the sky, it's called the sun, it's okay to get a tan!
3. BARGAINING: I don't think there is a such thing bargaining with a Creighton fan, but here's what my "bargaining" would sound like: "Get the f*ck off my court! Get your f*cking fans off my damn court! Give me that damn f*cking trophy! Tatum's the real motherf*cking MVP! Give it to me now before I blow you the f*ck away!" What can I say? I know what I want!
4. DEPRESSION: I can't believe SIU lost. This sucks. My life sucks. Why do all of my teams have to lose? Why can't I ever be happy? Will I ever be happy again? We're screwed. There goes our #3 seed. There goes our #11 ranking. Why even show up? We sucked today. I don't think there's enough alcohol in Saluki Country to wash this loss away.
5. ACCEPTANCE: Alright, so SIU lost. The #1 seed hasn't won the MVC tourney since 1998 when Illinois State did it. I wonder whatever happened to Kevin Stallings and Rico Hill? But you know what, hey that's cool. We still had a badass year. We went 27-6 in the regular season. We went 17-4 against conference opponents. We achieved our highest ranking ever, and our highest RPI ranking ever too. We're out-recruiting Mizzou, Mizzou St. and SLU in their own back yard. We just out recruited DePaul, Purdue and U of I for stud prospect Justin Bocot. SIU fans can take solace that we're living in a basketball renaissance in "Little Egypt" and even though we lost today the Egyptian Dawgs are still barking!

Now that I got that out of my system, I can talk a little about the game.

As a child, St. Louis has always been a place of horrors for me. Most of that comes from being the die-hard Cubs fan I am, and seeing the Cubs go down to the Cardinals in old Busch Stadium so many times and in so many heartbreaking ways, I could barely stand it. I thought I got over that last year when SIU came out and won the MVC tourney at what was then known as the Savvis Center, proving to me that at least one of my favorite teams could win in the city of St. Louis after years of coming up short.

Well, that all ended today with Creighton's (22-10) 67-61 upset of #11 SIU in the MVC Tourney Championship game.

There are so many factors that makes this loss so painful. First, it was to our arch-rival and everyone knows I think of Creighton as the midwest version of Duke, so you know I was not happy at all. Second, a lot of my friends were watching. In an attempt to spread the good word of the Missouri Valley Conference up north I posted blogs, notes and bulletins online while calling family members up north to tell them that SIU was gonna be on CBS today to watch it. Unfortunately, those who saw it saw one of SIU's worse performances in recent memory.

I guess I have to give Creighton credit where it's due. As much as I hate him, Funk is a pretty damn good player and played very similarly to former SIU-killer (and former Blue Jay) Kyle Korver. Altman, the longest running coach in The Valley, is an exceptional coach and there's no doubt that he should be coaching at a major school *cough*DePaul*cough* but his loyalty to Omaha, Neb. is strong. Good to see a coach that actually backs what he says.

In the end, Creighton outplayed SIU. They out hustled us. They out rebounded us. They beat us in every phase of the game today. And that's what stings the most, looking at the game in retrospect.

Funk, CU's senior leader led the Jays with 19 points en route to tournament MVP honors. Center Anthony Tolliver dominated the inside with 15 points and 13 rebounds.

JT did his best Superman impersonation leading SIU with 21 points. Forward Matt Shaw chipped in with 11 points, a majority of which came in the first half. The scoring surprise for SIU was junior point guard Bryan Mullins who hit several big shots on his way to 10 points before fouling out.

Speaking of fouling out....maybe it was just me, but I thought the game was pretty poorly officiated. Granted, you can say that about most (if not all) Valley games but it was unacceptable on the national stage.

SIU had three players foul out: Mullins, Tony Young and Randal Falker. An ineffective Falker picked up all five of his fouls in the second half and really played poorly this tournament after winning conference tourney MVP last year.

There's just so much more to write, I don't know where to stop. But I guess I'll stop here. If you want more you can check out the game story from the SIU Athletics website. Or from the Eastern Seaboard Programming Network.

I have other fish to fry before I log off.

Moments after the best college basketball rivalry in the midwest was over, the best overall rivalry (arguably) in sports took center stage. Duke/Carolina at Chapel Hill. I was really hoping that UNC would avenge me as they did a few years ago when an SIU loss saddened me until UNC beat Duke to salvage my weekend.

#8 North Carlina (25-6, 11-5) did the job, and did it quite well. The 86-72 win over #14 Duke (who give s a damn about Duke's overrated @$?) gave UNC a share of the regular season ACC title and the #1 seed in next weekend's ACC tournament. It also marked the first SWEEP! of the Dookies in 11 years.

However, it wasn't all gravy in the Dean Dome. The already heated rivalry got turned up a notch when freshman Gerald Henderson took an apparent cheap shot at UNC star Tyler Hansbrough (who lead the Heels with 26 points and 17 rebounds) in the closing moments.

I'm lazy and pissed off so you can read about it here and here. Oh and you can read more about how great Creighton is (excuse me while I throw up) here.

That's it for now. There was more I wanted to get at. Unfortunately, there's more to my life than Saluki and Tar Heel basketball. Maybe I'll approach the topics floating in my head. Maybe I'll let them simmer, even though they've been simmering for a week.

Good-bye, for now.

A Wasted Weekend (And Not In A Good Way)

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."

That quote is wrong, absolutely wrong! For someone who had so much to do this upcoming week, I totally blew this weekend. To be honest, I'm quite disappointed in myself.

This is what's On Tap for me this week:

• MONDAY: Villanelle poem due.
• TUESDAY: JRNL 310 assignment due.
• WEDNESDAY: MCMA 201 essays due.
• THURSDAY: POLS 352 test.
• FRIDAY: MCMA 201 test @ noon. PSYC 102 test @ 2:00 p.m.

Do you see where I'll be busy this week? That's a lot of writing. Oh and I'd love to have a social life too while I'm here at SIU. Mardi Gras at Copper on Tuesday. Un-Official St. Patty's Day on Friday. Oh and let's not forget that Cubs single-game tickets go on sale this Friday and I want to go to the Saturday game on that first weekend home stand of the year. First day of ticket sales is a day I usually reserve as my "ditch day" as I spend my day on-line and on the phone with Cubs ticket people. This year, not so much.

As for my weekend, it sucked. The highlight of the weekend was SIU beating Butler, as noted in this blog. As for the rest of the weekend, it sucked. I got some laundry done, but not nearly enough. My room is still a mess, so no change there. As for the assignments due next week, only the poem due Monday is done. Tomorrow, I'll do the journalism assignment to the best of my abilities and I'll try to work on the MCMA 201 essays because I'd really like to go out Tuesday night for Mardi Gras.

I went out to Gatsby's Saturday night, I wasn't a happy camper. I didn't really want to be out, on top of that I had to pay a $2 cover to be there for an hour and a half. Usually, I'm there at 10:30, with a couple of beers and a couple of games of pool under my belt. In fact, I generally don't like going there if I have to pay a cover. I hate paying cover, it's just stupid unless there's a band that is worth paying cover for. Gosh, sometimes I wish I had a backbone and the ability to say: "No guys, I'm not going out." But I felt the need to go out because I spent plenty of time arguing with a certain someone who might read this blog so I won't mention them by name. Sighs, this was a frustrating weekend.

I could have easily gotten the poem done, a rough draft of my journalism assignment or my essay's for MCMA 201 done. Nope, the classic underachiever re-emerged this weekend and decided to say "Fuck it, I'm not doing shit this weekend."

What a waste! I feel like shit!

Next weekend will hopefully be better. Saturday is Senior Night, where Tony Young and Jamaal Tatum will play their final home game at the SIU Arena. It should be a great atmosphere. As for the rest of the weekend: it's one big f'ing question mark!

So, It's A Few Days Late, But This Weekend Was TOTALLY Blogworthy!

Alright, I guess I should explain myself before I go off on my weekend recap blog. First of all, there was no blog Sunday because I was recovering. There was no blog on Monday because I was getting sick again. So that leaves now as the best time to blog about this weekend. Should I be doing homework? Probably. In fact, I should be doin' my homework for my JRNL 310 class and my POLS 352I class, both have paper assignments due on Thursday. But that can wait 'til later tonight. Well, let's get crackin' on the weekend recap blog.

First of all, I'd like to say this is (probably) the first weekend since the weekend my friends came down from Chicago in which I had uber-amounts of fun on both Friday night and Saturday night. That's the key to my weekends, two consecutive nights of happy thoughts. Usually it's either one or the other. In actuality, it's usually Lu being pissed off on Friday and then having a good Saturday.

Friday was pretty sweet, I must say. I napped most of the afternoon/evening after taking some meds, but after I woke up my roommate Steven and I went to Moe's. Moe's is a fast-food Mexican joint from the South that comes with lotsa acclaim. I had to check it out for myself and it definitely lived up to its billing. I had a basket of nachos engulfed with steak, cheese, salsa, black beans; it truly was amazing. After that we walked (yes, walked) to Gatsby's to shoot some pool and have a few drinks. There we saw a whole slew of people that we knew. We saw a buncha people we lived with on Floor 14 of Mae Smith over the last two years. We even saw our RA from last year who encouraged us to party it up with her when we were done with pool cuz, well, we could now cuz she's not our RA anymore. Actually, she heads a residence hall of 300 girls at Ole Miss. I dunno about you, but that sounds like my dream job. Where do I sign up to hang out with 300 hot Southern girls. Puts a smile on my face just thinking of it. However, when we went over there to find her and her friend, we couldn't. But I did roam around the dance floor and while I was aimlessly wandering, a really cute girl danced on me. She just randomly started dancing on me, then eventually with me. That never happens to me, ever. Unfortunately I was unable to get her name or number and I barely got my name out of my mouth when I was trying to talk to her (mostly out of shock that a cute girl is willing to dance with me lol) but yeah, that was fun while it lasted. When I told my roommie's, they were proud of me. Baby steps for Lu.

With a happy Friday out of the way, Saturday couldn't disappoint. It didn't, even though SIU did struggle in the first half of their game against ISU, they pulled ahead in the second half with masterful defense and shooting 64% in the second half of play. Later that evening, it was off to Pinch's Polar Bear Party. Basically it's Corona's for $1.50 and everyone drinks in the cold outside in the beer garden. It was my first Polar Bear and I had so much fun, I wish that every weekend could be a Polar Bear weekend. Heck, I even got sprayed in the face with a Corona by a football player (dude was huge) and I didn't flip and neither than he, instead we struck up a conversation about the Bears and the Cubs (I was wearing my Bears NFC North Division Championship Hat and my Cubs hoodie.) I also cut my hand on the wall, totally weird how that turned out. And then I saw one of my favorite SIU basketball players at the bar, Jamaal Tatum, and I just had to have a picture with him so I went up to him and asked him if I could have a picture with him. He didn't object, he seemed kinda enthused (though I'm sure other drunk Saluki fans made the same request throughout the night) but yeah, that totally made my night. Oh and I spent a lot of the night dancing with this girl who's a suitemate of a friend of mine. And though she told me she had a boyfriend and all I said a night of dancing isn't gonna hurt anyone and she agreed so we danced, a lot. Heck, I even sang Justin Timberlake's "My Love" when dancing with her when it came on over the speakers. I'm proud cuz I remembered every fucking word for once. That's my next trick, is to make a drunk dial and sing "My Love" to some girl. That'll be fun, 'cuz of course I'm trying to incorporate drunk singing with drunk dialing to add some spice to drunk dialing.

That was it, that was my totally awesome weekend. I still can't believe that through all of that I'm still happy about this weekend. Usually, when I have a weekend where I can't even speak to a girl, and then dance with a girl all night who has a boyfriend, I usually come back to the apartment sad, depressed, angry and in the mood to throw chairs and hit beds with baseball bats. Nope, not this weekend. The consensus is that everyone likes "Happy Lu." I like him too, it's good to have him back!

Picture Caption: Me & JT3....he totally rocks! Go Dawgs! Bring another MVC Championship home to The 'Dale!!!

Television, Finals Week, Christmas Shopping & More

Lots of randomness going on through my mind let's get it started:

• Got myself a new favorite TV show. 'My Boys' on TBS is about a woman who writes for the Cubs whose best friends are all guys. The show is about her dating life and relationship with the guys and though I wish there would be more stuff about the Cubs, I like the show and its premise so far. Also I love the sports references she drops and compares to dating like "slumps" and "clubhouse cancers" it's like listening to myself. As for the other show that mimicks my life 'What About Brian?' it's going well too. The character that obviously portrays me has moved on, kinda. He's still chasing girls he can't have, but he's still trying, as am I. The show is amazing, not just cuz it resembles my life, it just is. In fact it's fun trying to figure out what's gonna happen next. What would Lu do instead of Brian? What is Brian doing right that Lu should do? It's also fun to give names of real people in my life to the ppl on the show.
• Finals week sucks. 4 months of hard work is basically condensed to one big f*cking test. It's so surreal. Everything you work for culminates into one moment, it's kinda pressuring and some of us (looks in mirror) don't perform well under pressure. And what makes it worse is that it concentrates on my biggest fear: failure. Two of my grades hang in the balance of cumulative finals, which I do horribly on. Since I've been here at SIU, I've only passed one cumulative final. I can't afford to fail, but I fear that I just might.
• Christmas shopping for college students is fun b/c all we really have to do is get something from the University and call it a gift. That's what I've done, and people seem to be happy with what I get them cuz SIU stuff reminds them of me and shows school pride. OUR PRIDE ROCKS!
• I never was able to give Fred's Dance Barn a proper send off. Though I must say they shoulda threatened to close down the place a while ago. They got 1200 ppl in there this weekend, or as I'd like to look at it 1199 white folks and Lu. J/k, still it's a funny joke. And it's not like it's far from the truth. Fred's wasn't my favorite place in the world, but when things were good and I was with the right people I had a good time. Now where am I gonna go look at cute southern girls? Oh right SIU CAMPUS!
• So between Fred's and my Friday night, this was a pretty cruddy weekend. To recap Friday night in basic terms would be quite simple. Lu was lonely, sad and reminded of a nice lil' past that he'd love to forget. So he decided to drink, talk to some friends online in a conversation that still puzzles him. SO where to go from there, I dunno? Friendships seem fragile, in fact they are fragile, I learned that this year.
• Can't wait 'til Finals are over though. They're over after my 7:50 am final. I plan to go to SIN to party and drink it up in celebration. It's free so if anyone's in CDale Friday there's no excuse to party. And then going to Bloomington, IN to see SIU/Indiana, the most anticipated game in my book since the MVC Championship game last year in St. Louis. It'd be great to see an SIU winner!

I got something else up my sleeve, but I'll hold off until more defenites are in place.

Just To Show That I'm Not Completely Negative

My weekend recap that doesn't include the Friday suckfest or last night's depressing phone call:

-SIU defeats Wash U (StL) 59-28 in the regular season opener. The defense was stiflin' and Tony Young went off! Can't wait 'til JT comes back next weekend.

-Mike & Joe rocked at Copper Dragon after the game. Gotta love that whitey music!

-SIU football defeats #11 UNI 47-23 in a must win game. Nick Hill goes off with probably his most accurate game at a chilly McAndrew stadium on Saturday Night.

-The Bulls beat the Pacers 89-80 Saturday night behind free agent acquisition Ben Wallace's 8 points and a Dennis Rodman-like 18 boards-SIU women's team lost to Mizzou, but at least they were fun to watch

-and DA BEARS beat the Giants 38-20 and showed the G-men what it was really like to be Baaallliiin' with a 108 yard return of a missed FG and Tom Jones runnin' all over peeps and Sexy Rexy bringin' Rexy back with TDs to Moose and Mark Bradley

-oh and Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood re-signed to boot

See it's not all bad. I'll be home next Monday, 'til then may the good times continue to roll!

Weekend Recap Before Bed

Suprisingly this was a good weekend. Maybe suprisingly isn't the best word because I expected to have a good weekend, but there was just something special about this weekend. Let's recap briefly shall we?

• The boys came in on Friday. I was happy. It was Tony, George and Brian. Just three, that's it. That was cool though cuz think about it, 6 dudes in one apartment doesn't sound fun unless you're a whore in a gang bang. That's neither here nor there. We went out to S.I.N. (Southern Illinois Nightclub) Friday night after pregaming. I got pretty drunk. Tried dancing up on some girls (unsuccessfully) but I really didn't care as much cuz I was pretty drunk. And on top of that I woke up with a nice hangover on Saturday morning.
• Saturday was cool too. Went to the homecoming game against WIU (Western Illinois University) and beat them 31-24. My guys got kicked out after the first quarter cuz they smoked in the stadium. Oops! I got back from the ball game took a shower and then began cooking. I made burgers, hot dogs and sausages. They were amazing. I love to cook, I love to grill. Cooking/grilling makes me happy. And on top of that I did some more drinking. Beer and burgers are an excellent mix. We didn't end up at Mike and Joe's @ Pinch cuz they were inside Copper so we moved on to Stix. Stix wasn't anything special but it was great to be out with the guys, drinking. Tony and I called it an early night which we used to catch up on some things, shoot the breeze and play a few games of Madden 2007.
• Sunday was the end, of course 'cause all good things must come to an end. We watched the first half of the Bears game together and then they took off at half-time cuz the Bears were whooping ass. The final score ended up being 40-7. I did some more cooking. Pizza and hot wings. Later I would go on to eat 3 krispy kreme donuts, a piece of fried chicken and some ice cream. Today was a self-proclaimed fat day for Lu. I needed it, heck I deserved it. How'd I cap off today: not well by watching the Cardinals beat the Padres which will force me to do something no Cub fan should ever feel obliged to do. I must cheer for the Mets. It's like voting for the lesser of two evils. It's like cheering for the team under the theory "the enemy of the enemy is my friend." I hate the Mets. I wasn't around for '69 but I seen the videos and shit. I hear Santo all the time. I was at Opening Day 1994 when Tuffy Rhodes hit 3 HRs off of Doc Gooden and the Mets STILL won that game. I'll remember the Mets (Victor Diaz and Mike Jacobs specifically) breaking the hearts of the 2004 Cubs after a Mark Prior masterpiece on Saturday's FOX game of the week in which I broke my TV remote after Hawkins blew the save and on Sunday too. I never forget. And everyone knows how much I hate the Cards. But that blog is over on http://mydamncubbies.blogspot.com.

REBOUNDING

So the other night I left a short and peculiar blog out there talking about potentially losing friends and on top of that having to relive "The Bartman Play" after a really bad conversation. I just want to say that things (as of now) are looking better for me. Kind of. I did what I had to do. Granted it might have been too late, but when something sits on your mind for a while it eventually will hurt. And what I did (in principle) is in excusible from both sides of the argument. Sparing the details of course, there's still a lot of work to be done as far as I'm concerned. I want things to work out, for everyone. I cleared one part of the dilemma on Friday night. Saturday, I backed into clearing the other part (partially of course.) I had a lot of confessing to do. A lot of admissions. A lot of things I had to get off my head. Several times during the conversation my eyes watered or I'd go silent/speechless. I didn't know how I kept myself together. Heck I'm suprised (and proud) of myself for putting on a strong front with the peeps still around. The telling story came this afternoon when she came over. I invited her over, just so I can see her. Call it weird but when you have a close friend and you almost just cut your friendship....seeing them is like a weight off the shoulders kinda moment. We talked and we were cool. It makes me think that there will be no "cutting" of one another out of each other's lives. I didn't want to lose her. Heck no one wants to lose any friends, especially those true friends. I'll be honest there were a few times where I almost crumbled, and I almost did when I pulled her into the kitchen just so I can give her a hug and tell her that I was sorry. I did that because I figured I'd turn into putty or something. In the end I don't wanna say we're all good, but I'd like to believe we're getting there. But like I said, there's work to be done and my work is cut out in front of me.

FINAL THOUGHT: It's good to have friends. I'm talking about friends, not acquaintances. Friends, people that you can go to whenever for whatever you need. The people that you hold closest to you. The ones you trust, the ones you care about, the ones that are there for you and in turn you are there for them. The friends that can make your day with a phone call. A friend of mine gave those friends a good nickname "The Core Group." After this week I know who my "Core Group" is. Whether they're in Carbondale or not, they know who they are and they stepped up big this week for me. I appreciate it. I appreciate all my friends but the ones that were ever so influential (they know who they are) worked wonders for me this week. I'll be honest, without them I would have ended up depressed and having burned bridges. Instead I write this with a half-hearted smile, not half hearted because I don't mean what I'm saying....half-hearted because I realize NOW the worse that could have happened and how unprepared I would have been for a day that I wish would never have even come close to coming to. This weekend was too close to being that weekend. I don't ever want to reach that point again.

Appreciate your friends, because your true friends in return will appreciate you. That's my lesson. Let's hope things stay positive. I stayed away from the negative for the most part in this blog and even though to be completely honest my mind is still a bit heavy...I have an idea what's going on.

Hmmm....

After a weekend without internet access (I'm using my roommate's computer as I speak.) I've had a lot of time to think about what I was going to type before I actually typed it out for the world to see. Which is weird because usually I just blog it out without a care to who reads it. So this is what I've come up with.

• Upon further review, I may I repeat may have a drinking problem. An alcohol consumption issue if you may. Granted that might be slanted a little because I'm in Carbondale and I have nothing better to do with my time on my weekends, but this might be something I keep a close eye on in the future. I've actually been entertaining the thought in my head about giving it up for a little bit. Going sober for a little. Granted that might just take out the fun in my life and what little glimmer of hope I may have, but it might be better for my mental (let alone) physical help. So what brought this up? A comment at the football game when my roommate asked me why I wanted to leave the football game early...and then he paused....and then I answered because I gotta go drinking which he responded "I thought you were about more than that" to which I responded "There was a time in which I was about more than that." Those times are long gone.
• Some of us live in a little bit of a dark world. For some of us, life ain't all hunky dory. I think what really gets to me is what people get away with. I love how some people can get away with anything and be able to live with themselves. There are somethings in life that I just can't do and even thinking about them makes me feel dirty. I think what bothers me more is when people get second chances in things that others don't get first chances in. It's quite disappointing to be honest. I don't think life is fair enough to the good people, and then when they flip sides like Annakin then they're looked at as the bad guys. Now I know why Darth Vader was a prick. The man obviously was depressed. And some peeps killed his mom and he wanted revenge. You know if someone killed my mom and I was at a young age to remember it I'd be getting revenge on all sorts of people. Sometimes that's just what makes me tick.
• Which leads into this weekends depressing story. I totally lost my cool. For the first time since spring semsester freshman year I had myself a mental breakdown. To revisit the mental breakdown here's how it goes. Something small ticks Lu off the point in which he becomes easily irritated and confrontational. Then Lu gets violent to the point where he goes to his room and just starts throwing a tempertantrum. After about 10-20 minutes of silence and relaxation Lu feels calm and normal again as if nothing happened. Well I pulled one of those this weekend. So what did Lu do? Lu took his computer chair and whipped it at his desk. Usually he just flips it over on the floor. No, he picked it up and threw it at his desk and broke a wheel in the process. Really, if that thing could talk the stories it could tell. Like the time I threw it across the dorm room at Hoos. Or the time I whipped it at the brick wall outside of Mae Smith. Or the time I hit it with a baseball bat. Or the time I tackled it. Or the time I knocked it down with one punch or one kick. Hey, better than something that I'd have to pay for that's worth something.
• To be honest I'm very regretful of last night. I made a fool of myself in front of my friends and am sorry for the way that I acted this weekend. I'm embarassed to put it correctly.
• So what set me off? A combination of the following: depression, loneliness, anger, frustration, jealousy, the things in my head that cause my head to hurt, stress, failure, the truth. All of those were contributing factors to Lu's First Mental Breakdown of the school year. And to be honest it was a long time coming. Small tempertantrums aside, this was the first full blown Mental Breakdown since freshman year when my roommate while on the phone with his then girlfriend made a crack about me being a virgin and I took his hat off his head and repeatedly hit him with it. And then when he took the hat away from me I took my computer chair and threw it in his closet...threw it ACROSS THE ROOM!!!! Needless to say when the tough get going Lu throws things and becomes violent.
• So after the mental breakdown process I took a walk. I looked at the stars. I did some thinking. I don't think it was a good thing. But I think the best thing I did was not make any phone calls. The reason: I didn't wanna ruin anyone's night. Who am I to ruin the nights of my fellow man just because I'm losing my mind. Just because I'm a borderline depressed fool. Why would I want to ruin the nights of my friends by troubling them with my issues? Who am I to do something like that?
• MY FINAL THOUGHT OF THE NIGHT: It's obvious that I'm not happy. So what do I do, I try to make everyone else happy. Why? Because if I can't be happy why drag everyone else down with you, in hopes that the happy people around you will pick you up. Friendship is a team effort. I've had this conversation a zillion times with a certain friend of mine who I hold closely. They say I need to make myself happy, which I agree. However since it seems not in the Cards to do so then why not make someone else happy. Why not? I'm all about the greater good. It's why I do the things I do. Why be selfish? There have been plenty of times where I could have ruined good things for other people by being selfish and I didn't. And where did it get me....here, depressed, alone and sad. Makes me wonder what I've done with my life. It makes me think about what I've done here at SIU. It makes me think about if the last year of college is a failure or not. Or if my whole SIU experience as a whole has been a failure. All I know that in my head there are devestating things that if they ever got into the wrong hands could mean very bad things. It's why I keep my mouth shut, for the greater good.

That's all for tonight folks. I don't know what else to post. I really wish I had internet all weekend so I could post these things on the fly, make it a shorter read for the peeps. Well I'm off to bed. Goodnight from Carbondale!

1. Oh, and another thing. A conversation if I may: "You know what Lu, you might be cursed. Heck your curse might be a little side curse of the Billy Goat curse. You might be on to something there. But look at it like this. We all know the Cubs are cursed except the Cubs. Though they DO know that they're cursed they play through it. They don't complain, they don't bitch they just play through it in hopes that by accident they can break the curse. You don't play through it, not anymore at least. You wait for the other shoe to drop. You let the black cat do its thing. You let the goat do its thing. You let Bartman do his thing and yes so did the Cubs but they tried fighting through it. You Lu have quit. You were in the on deck circle when the black cat came and instead of heading to the plate you ran from your opportunity. You let Steve Bartman take that ball away from you. You didn't pull an Alou! You didn't jump for it. You let Bartman take it from you. And then you let the Marlins take away everything you ever wanted and left you in the cold, alone....so close and yet so far. 5 OUTS AWAY. You need to play through it. Yes you might be cursed. So are the Cubs at least they try to fight through what's holding them back. You have just given up." Sums it up there for ya doesn't it.