Women are Like a 1000 Piece Puzzle, Very Hard to Solve Especially When You're Drunk

Women are like a 1000 piece puzzle, they are very hard to solve, especially when you're drunk. Even when you are sober, women are harder to read than War and Peace. They cause guys to act differently. Do they cause depression though? How about alcoholism? For every good thing a girl does, there's hundreds of things that drive me nuts. They say one thing, and mean another. Say that something is wrong, and later will go out and do it. They say they don't want a serious relationship, but then complain that no one loves them. They flirt and bring you closer and yet in the end they push you away. What I don't understand is what women want in a man. I know, i know that they made a movie about it but that hasn't helped me at all. Girls say they want a nice guy, and you treat them good and then you fall into the friend-zone and you instead of being their little secret, you turn into the guy that they tell all of their secrets too. Girls say they want a bad-boy and an asshole, so you play a little hard to get, and they want no part of that and wished you treated them better. There is no happy medium in this world gone mad is there? But there must be, because we keep reproducing and there are people that are happy in relationships, something has got to give. You wish there was something you could do about your situation, and you try. But you can't teach confidence or the correct approach, so how do you solve those problems. You can't cure fear of rejection or the immunization to getting shut down by what everyone could consider as a sure thing. So, what are you gonna do? Nothing, because there is nothing you can do but sit there and just take it. Take it one day at a time, because everyone says your time will come. But how do you know? No one is guaranteed tomorrow, what's your answer to that? I'm as happy-go-lucky as you get. I put positive spins on everything, no matter what, because who wants to live life on a downslide...no one! But when you see everything around you, it seems like your head is spinning. It's like being a Cubs fan, watching everyone get better while your team sit around and hope everyone else gets worse. Have I been heartbroken? Yes, but I'm over that. Sexually frustrated? You bet. But as the great 2 Pac said: "You gotta keep ya head up."

How being a Cubs fan compares to being a college student

• You deal with plenty of nuts, drunks and punks.
• You learn to down the nastiest, piss-water beers out there.
• At times you waste three hours of your life yelling and screaming at something you can't control.
• There are plenty of bad habits that you can fall into on campus and at the ballpark.
• There cycle goes as this: Hope leads to dreams which usually fall short which leads to disappointment, which leads to depression which leads to alcoholism.
• You deal with plenty of hot drunk white chicks.
• There are obnoxious fools in your area that you just want to punch in the face because of their foolishness.
• There's people you generally wouldn't get along with that are now in the same boat you are in.
• You build up your immunization system to fight the cold, the obnoxious, the diseases, the disappointment and build up a strong tolerance for alcohol.
• After the game (or the night) is over, there's always tomorrow.

Decisions College Students Must Live With

Good Idea/Bad Idea
Good Idea: Eat daily, think healthy, live happily.
Bad Idea: Eating once a week, eating too much, not thinking, living with regret.
Good Idea: After eating food, wash your dishes.
Bad Idea: Leaving dishes unwashed for a month.
Good Idea: Drinking with friends.
Bad Idea: Drinking alone.
Good Idea: Social drinking.
Bad Idea: Drinking until you pass out.
Good Idea: Getting your work done.
Bad Idea: Getting your work done two weeks after it is due.
Good Idea: Talking to girls.
Bad Idea: Stalking girls.

Carbondale vs. Chicago
Carbondale: Several country radio stations.
Chicago: Several lost country folks.
Carbondale: 50 degrees equals jackets, sweaters and long pants.
Chicago: 50 degrees equals spring time.
Carbondale: You see someone driving around the block several times, assume he's lost.
Chicago: You see someone driving around the block several times, hide because something's about to go down.
Carbondale: Someone wears their hat crooked: fashion statement.
Chicago: Someone wears their hat crooked: hope it's just a fashion statement.
Carbondale: Be careful walking at night because of the lack of lights.
Chicago: Be careful walking at night, you might get shot at.
Carbondale: Saluki Express.
Chicago: CTA
Carbondale: Revolves around Wal-Mart and the SIU campus
Chicago: Revolves around the Maginificent Mile and Chicago's finest restaurants.
Carbondale: The best place to eat-Lonestar Steakhouse.
Chicago: The best place to eat-Gibson's steakhouse.
Carbondale: You can go to a party without worrying about the age of the chicks there.
Chicago: You can't go to the mall without worrying that the chick you are staring down is of age.

All in all, I sum it up in this. "I can't wait to go back to Carbondale, at least everyone there is of age or close to it. These girls can range between the ages of 13-20."-me during Thanksgiving Break at Woodfield Mall

Do not mess up college. There are very few experiences like this. You are away from your family, live alone where your only responsibility is to go to class, get your work done and graduate. You don't get to live like this often, don't blow it. If you make the wrong decisions, no matter what your excuse, it'll be hard to live with the idea of being a failure and just another statistic that proves that you don't belong in college. That is my motivation. To prove those who don't believe I belong in college wrong. To make my family proud of me, follow a family tradition.

11 days left until I go home and am locked up in my room, at work or doing laundry. I like it down here, because I am free, I answer to me, myself and I. But it will be good to be home because that is a very stable environment, compared to being here in Carbondale. I've got a second draft of a paper due Wednesday, a quiz Wednesday, Finals Questions due Wednesday, a test on Thursday, a speech and a final paper due on Friday and a final paper due next wednesday. Oh yeah, finals. I have two finals Monday and one on Wednesday. Good luck to me and my college companions making the effort to survive their first semester of college. Here's to us, the future (giggles) of the world.

The Monday Morning Quarterback Starring SIU Lou

Views from Around the NFL

• Peyton Manning is going to be your NFL MVP again. He's the best quarterback in the NFL and if he had a defense that was at least showing up, his team would be even better. But in the defense of the defense, they are getting better. A team that can score at will and stop on the occasion is damn near unstoppable.
• OVERRATED: The Green Bay Fudge Packers, the team that is supposed to put up the biggest fight against Philly got their pants dropped, bent over and hit with a cane. They couldn't run, throw, catch or defend the run, throw or catch...simply that's why they fell flat on their face. If that is your competition, Philly might as well take an early flight to Jacksonville and let the AFC fight it out. The Viking once again will not win an NFL title due to the fact that they have lost to the Bears...again. This time they lost to their 4th string quarterback and former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher. I found it tough as a Cubs fan to cheer on Chad Hutchinson, but when you put on that Bears uniform and win, all of those past sins are put to rest. The only team that can give Philly a challenge is Michael Vick and friend, however, they got stomped 27-0 against Tampa in Tampa.
• UNDERRATED: The Chicago Bears defense. They have only allowed 75 points in their wins compared to 160 in their losses. Take out losses against the Colts (41-10) and Cowboys (21-7) the Bears have lost by a combined 34 points. In games the Bears win they have gave up 20 points only once. And in games that they have lost (including the Colts and Cowboys) they have given up 20 points 4 times (blowouts vs the Colts and Cowboys and close games against Detroit (16-20 L) and Minnesota (22-27 L). If the Bears could just be healthy for a complete year they have enough defense and an adaquate enough offense to make a run at a declining Brett Favre, a team in Minnesota that gives the Cubs a run for their money as chokers, and team with QB controversies between a #1 pick and a 4th round pick.
• Studs: Peyton Manning (425 yards and 3 TDs), Donovan McNabb (464 yds 5 TDs), Clinton Portis (148 yds 1 rush TD 1 rec TD), Terrell Owens (161 yds 1 TD) and the Tampa Bay Defense (shutout Michael Vick and the Falcons).
• Duds: Michael Vick (115 pass yards 80 rush yards; 2 lost fumbles 2 INTs), Ruben Droughns (14 att 38 yds), Isaac Bruce (2 rec 18 yds) and the Tennessee Titans team (after outscoring the Colts 24-17 in the 1st quarter, they didn't score again and gave up 34 points after that.)

News from The Northside

Reports from the Chicago Sun-Times indicate that the Cubs are close to re-signing SS Nomar Garciaparra and 2B Todd Walker to be the double play combination. Okay, so it isn't exactly going as I wished, but if I had a third choice in this (2nd choice would be moving Nomar to 2nd and signing Edgar Renteria) it would be BoTown Connection as my choice, as I wish it was for the second half of last year, but no, Dusty tried the G-Unit Remix (Garciaparra and Grudzielanek)....With Steroid reports running rampant in the MLB, trade talks between the Cubs and the Mets have cooled. Similarites between Sosa and admittant Jason Giambi are similar, but Sosa has no ties to BALCO, Bonds or J.G. Trade talks will resume this week at the Winter Meetings. Other teams interested in Sosa include the Angels, Dodgers, Rockies, Royals and Yankees....I wouldn't be suprised if Kyle Farnsworth found himself not in a Cubs uniform next year. There isn't one team not interested in a 6'4" right hander that can throw 100 MPH on demand. I would be suprised, as you should too, if the Cubs trade last years scapegoat LaTroy Hawkins. Despite a major push by fans to get him out of town, and an interest in several teams, LaTroy might comeback next year as baseball's best 8th inning man; but who's gonna pitch the 9th....Danny Kolb (39 saves with MIL), Shawn Chacon (35 saves with COL), Ugeth Urbina (21 saves with DET) and Robb Nen (43 saves in 2002) all remain options along with Ryan Dempster and JoBo. The baseball world now knows, if Jim Hendry wants it, he will get it, no matter what it takes....Don't get it twisted Cub fans, despite interest in Carlos Beltran, the Cubs will not trade Corey Patterson to make room. If the Cubs can drop Sammy Sosa, Patterson is willing to move to right field making room for Beltran in center. Who will play left though? Jason Dubois? David Kelton? Cliff Floyd? No one, and have Beltran and Patterson play the gaps? Too bad Chip Caray couldn't be around to say "SWUNG ON AND BELTRAN!" Someone tell me who the hell is Len Kasper. Why did we hire a former Marlin to do Cubs play-by-play. If he brings up the 2003 NLCS at all, there will be a mob of Steve Bartman's most feared enemies outside of the pressbox as if there was free beer being given out by supermodels at Wrigley Field.

That's all for now, holler!

Saturday Night at The Pit

Down here in Carbondale, partying starts whenever you want it to. Usually it starts on Thursday, continues on Friday and finishes Saturday night/Sunday morning. According to city laws, you are supposed to party once a weekend. After drinking in the rooms Thursday and Friday, by default Saturday was the night to go out. It was our first weekend back from Thanksgiving vacation to party, and party we did. Cherry pit is the place to be and has been the place to be since the house with the red light was closed after getting busted. But last night, to be honest, it was lame. The music was okay, the alcohol was craptacular, nobody was dancing. It was really boring, it was full of lame ass loser guys who ideal party is standing up against a wall talking about the newsest computer games. For every girl, there was at least 5 guys and thats not really fun, I'm not a big fan of sausage fest. Usually, there are enough girls to dance with, there are awesome danceoffs, awesome music and everyone is going home plastered. I didn't go home plastered, I did go home tired, frustrated and once again...alone. One of these days though, one of these days...
News That Has Been Abused
The number of hispanics in the United States is rising. Rising at such a high pace, according to political expert Kevin Hoos, in 4 years the number of hispanics will overtake the number of whites.
In that same amount of years (4), California will have been officially broken off of the United States at the Las Vegas Border and will be floating in the ocean. Las Vegas insiders say that there will be new oceanfront casinos built in a 72 hour period after the secession of California from the continental US.
According to several news reports, President George W. Bush was arrested by Canadian authorities on the account of War Crimes.
According to international reports, a group of touring senior citizens has gained a new ally in United States foreign exchange college students in efforts to take over the country of France. The French military, or lack thereof, has fallen to the seniors and the students have taken over parliament. This all started when seniors were not allowed their morning walk in the Eiffel Tower and the college students were broke, bored and sober, so there is no better or easier place to get money and wine than in France.
Dorm Rumors
According to reports from unneccissarily overprotected and hysterical health freaks, if you touch a girl while she's naked you will catch chlamydia. If you have sex with her, you will die. Grab some condoms.
If you play in muddy sewer water, you will catch hepatitis and sooner or later will die.
The Supreme Court has struck down cheerleading as a sport voting 8-1. To be considered a sport, there must be scoring (on the field) and balls must be in play (on the field.)
Swimming at night by yourself is not a good idea. An even worse idea is combining water (swimming pool, lake, ocean, pond, etc.) and alcohol and teenagers.
Studying, books and homework in the world of students have all been voted as OVERRATED!