A Post I'd Usually Reserve For My Cubs Page

http://mydamncubbies.blogspot.com That's my Cub page if you want my Cub thoughts, but this was too good to pass up.

For the first time in my lifetime, the Chicago Cubs have signed the top free agent of the free agency class. Still in his prime, still worth a damn, today the Cubs (pending a physical) have signed 2B/OF All-Star Alfonso Soriano. Since the off-season began the Cubs have hired a new manager in Lou Piniella. They've got themselves a new president in John McDonough who on the first day of the job his first words involved winning a championship, and soon! On top of that they re-signed All-Star 3B Aramis Ramirez, back-up C Henry Blanco and flame-throwing Kerry Wood to come out of the bullpen. They've signed utility man Mark DeRosa who can play 2B, SS, 3B, LF and RF. And now they've signed Alfonso Soriano to a big money contract. The best free agent coming to the Cubs. I never thought I'd see the day. Makes me think about other things I thought I'd never see in my lifetime.

So why would Lu post this Cub-intensive post in the "Let's Blog It Out..." blog is what you're probably asking. Well, here it goes. When I found out about Soriano I was @ the SIU/Murray State game checking out ESPN.COM on my phone. I texted my mom to confirm it. She called me later and confirmed it. She didn't like the idea of $136 million dollars on a ballplayer. And even though my mother admits to not being able to hit a 99 MPH fastball 400 feet (though knowing her if ya gave her the opportunity to work at it long enough she'd be able to hit one 500 feet) we both agreed that the addition of Soriano (along with some other parts) might be able to do something that very few people can do, and that is make Lu happy. Seriously, how often does that happen. What do you get more often here: the depressed Lu blog or the happy Lu blog. And as interesting and comical as depressed Lu is, happy Lu is better. And nothing would make Lu happier than a World Series for the Chicago Cubs.

Call me a loser, call me what you'd like but that would make me a happy person. Some people have their nice cars that make them super happy and no one laughs at them. Some have comic book collections that make them happy, no one laughs at them. Others have video games that keep them happy, some laugh at them, but those people usually have big money. Some people have their significan others and the elusive idea of "love" that make them happy. Well I don't have a nice car. I don't have a car at all. I don't have a comic book collection worth millions of dollars. I'm not amazingly skilled in video games (but I'm don't sleep on me in a game of Madden.) And if you've read this blog long enough, I don't have the love of my life to keep me happy and grounded. The only love I've always had and will always have is my love for the Cubs. All I have is the hope that one day I can hear the words "World Champion Chicago Cubs" and not from a video game for once.

Sounds sad, but I didn't care about not having a girlfriend when the Cubs were 5 outs away in 2003. And that was the last time I was completely happy. I'm not saying that women are the devil (though it'd be tough to convince me other wise) but certain things fall behind the Cubs. This coming from a man who was possessed to ditch his senior prom to see the return of Mark Prior. This coming from a man who was upset with his mother for having her wedding on the same day as game 5 of the NLCS. This coming from the man who one day wants to get married at Wrigley and possibly have his ashes spread on the field. Coming from the man convinced by all his friends that he'd fall for a White Sox fan or a Cards fan when he went south to SIU.

Everyone that knows me knows that I love the Cubs. But for years the Cubs haven't loved me back. Of the people that know me, they kinda liken me to the 40 year virgin cross-bred with Jimmy Fallon's character in Fever Pitch. In Fever Pitch, Jimmy Fallon found his love, and the Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino. Maybe in 2007, Lu finds his true love and the Cubs break the Curse of the Billy Goat. One can only hope!

My Announcement

Though it probably does not come as a suprise, I thought I might was well just put it out there.I'm coming back to Southern. Not just for next semester, but to finish my college experience.Not like it's breaking news, but I had to put it out there. The only reason I'm writing this is because I've been looking at schools since the end of first semester last year.

That's right, I've been looking for my own escape clause. DePaul, NIU, UIC and even some community colleges were on my list of transfer schools. But after some thinking and some conversations with advisors and such, I've come to the conclusion that I'm gonna stay at SIU and finish what I've started.Yes, it will take an extra semester, but it'll be worth it.

For the most part I'm happy here. I came here for a reason, actually a bunch of reasons. SIU has been the place I've wanted to be and will remain. Yes I get homesick. Yes I miss the peeps of the Chi. Yes sometimes SIU throws too much at me and I can't handle it. But this is what I'm here for, isn't it? I didn't wanna go through a whole new beginning, matching credits and all that crap either. But if I that wasn't an issue, I still wouldn't be leaving.I'm here for the long haul folks.

I think this only comes to a shock that I even thought about leaving. No one had any idea that I thought about leaving. Not my roommates, not my friends, not my family. No one, not even the blog!

Once again, thanks for your support and all that good stuff! It's gonna take a little more than a few rainy days to get me out of southern!

Just To Show That I'm Not Completely Negative

My weekend recap that doesn't include the Friday suckfest or last night's depressing phone call:

-SIU defeats Wash U (StL) 59-28 in the regular season opener. The defense was stiflin' and Tony Young went off! Can't wait 'til JT comes back next weekend.

-Mike & Joe rocked at Copper Dragon after the game. Gotta love that whitey music!

-SIU football defeats #11 UNI 47-23 in a must win game. Nick Hill goes off with probably his most accurate game at a chilly McAndrew stadium on Saturday Night.

-The Bulls beat the Pacers 89-80 Saturday night behind free agent acquisition Ben Wallace's 8 points and a Dennis Rodman-like 18 boards-SIU women's team lost to Mizzou, but at least they were fun to watch

-and DA BEARS beat the Giants 38-20 and showed the G-men what it was really like to be Baaallliiin' with a 108 yard return of a missed FG and Tom Jones runnin' all over peeps and Sexy Rexy bringin' Rexy back with TDs to Moose and Mark Bradley

-oh and Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood re-signed to boot

See it's not all bad. I'll be home next Monday, 'til then may the good times continue to roll!

How The Mighty Have Fallen

I'm too young to be thinking like this, but here goes nothing.

The last two-plus years have been interesting to say the least. Seriously, they've been interesting. Freshman year here at Southern for the most part was exactly what I thought it would be. It was what I needed. A fresh start, some new friends and some new experiences that I would never have been able to have if I were to stay at home for school. I went into sophomore year with a lot of hype. Not necessarily hype, I don't think hype is a good word, expectations is a better word. I came into sophomore year with high hopes. Well, I was supposed to come in with high hopes. Then I had the week from hell that changed everything. Actually it was more like a 48 hour period from hell. It started with my car accident Friday afternoon after work. Then I got a letter in the mail from SIU saying that my fall registration was cancelled because someone *cough*father*cough* didn't hold up their end of the bargain and didn't tell anyone that he didn't hold up his end. Then the week after, one of my closest friends (who I had been mad at all week because they had stood me up for a breakfast date) had a near death experience. I spent most of the first few weeks of school worried about her, and stuck with classes I didn't want to be taking with crappy professors in a place where I didn't want to be. However the low point of first semester sophomore year isn't what everyone thinks. Close, but no cigar! The low point, ladies and gentleman, was the internet girlfriend fiasco. A good idea, actually who the hell am I crapping, a terrible idea that was supposed to "boost my confidence" totally backfired causing a nice little downward spiral of unhappiness and depression coupled with something some would like to call Lu being an alcoholic. It's probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me, ever. Think about it, an internet girlfriend faking her death to break up with you. It makes you think about things. It makes you look at things in a different light. Well it makes ME think about things. It makes ME look at things in a different light. It's one of the reasons I am the way I am: bitter and cynical. And drinky, can't forget about drinky! Things didn't get much better as sophomore year rolled on. In fact they didn't change, they stayed the same. Even when given opportunities to change things I found a way not to pull through. I found a way to choke if you'd like to put it in that way. Oh and then there was this summer. To put it bluntly, if my summer was televised Bill Buckner would be telling himself "Damn, I thought I had it bad" and then he'd start laughing hysterically.

And then we get to this year. Another reason to be optimistic, another new start. Things were supposed to be different. Things were gonna get good, things were gonna be better. And really they haven't been. I find it difficult to string a week together where I'm completely happy. Friday, which is supposed to be my happy day, has been my day of depression for most of this semester. I feel unattached to anything, and really don't feel anything sometimes. For some it's easy to point out my problems and then fix them, because they're not me. And I know someone that will read this blog and tell me to stop complaining because all my problems are women related. My response to that, without going overboard, is that it's all mental. I don't want to get into that because that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my lack of happiness. This blog is about how things have gotten progressively worse each year since I've been in Carbondale. I'm not meeting expectations, any one elses, let alone my own. I've been here almost three years and have not accomplished anything that I've wanted to personally or academically.

Maybe I am cursed. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just not cut out for college. Maybe I'm not cut out for anything. The worst feeling I have beyond the loneliness, beyond the depression, beyond the thought/idea and not being loved is the emptiness that comes with not knowing why you're on this earth for.

And for the second consecutive year, I'm wishing for the old days. When we were all cool. When things were better. And when you think things can't get worse think the Bartman play, then the Gonzalez booted double play, and then think the ensuing eight run inning. Oh and then take game 7, add 98 years of failure and compress it into the mind of a fragile young mind and you have me at this point as I finish this blog @ 10:00 PM on Saturday November 11th, 2006.