Dear Mr. Romo:
I am addressing this to you because of some recent headlines you have made.
So I hear you're breaking up with Carrie Underwood during the football season. Big mistake, buddy. Why? Why would someone do such a stupid thing? You must be retarded. You are retarded, right? Because no one in their right mind would break up with Carrie Underwood.
Maybe you were scared off by the Before He Cheats music video. I guess I can't blame you, I know the wrath of women myself (especially the hot blonde & Southern type) and I wouldn't want Carrie (or any one for that matter) swinging at my ride like they were Barry Bonds.
But it's obvious that you would rather sleep with NFL floozies, whores, roadies and groupies that probably have diseases that haven't been discovered/named yet instead of someone who actually has a future. Heck, maybe you'll end up hooking up with T.O.--bringing new meaning to his position "wide receiver." If that's your journey, enjoy yourself.
When you end up like Shawn Kemp with dozens of baby mommas, countless kids and more child support checks I don't wanna hear about it. When you end up on the Maury Show as one of the guys who is tested cuz someone doesn't know who their baby's daddy is, I'll be watching and laughing hysterically.
In the meanwhile, Carrie will be putting out hit-after-hit and will end up being the most successful of the American Idol winners.
I tell you what Mr. Romo, if you're really looking for someone to take Carrie off your hands I'm more than willing to offer my services. Show her a real man, and not end up having a country song written about how I cheated on the best thing that would ever walk into my life.
Heck, maybe she would be able to inspire me to write a happy poem.
Again, thank you for your time and for making Ms. Underwood single again. If somehow you end up on my Fantasy Football team in the fall, I hope you don't make these types of bone-head decisions on the field.
Luis C. Medina
P.S. Laces out!!!! lol