Friday, May 26, 2006

And when it all falls down.... think it can't get any worse, but then something dumb happens over and over again.
  • Well where do we start: happy friday to the readers of this blog. However it wasn't a happy friday for me. I went to the community college by me after a week of waiting for a week for my placement test results. Well all that was basically for nothing because they want me to take an entry level class instead of what I need to take for course credit to transfer to SIU. They were adamant about taking the pre-req which I thought was bullshit because that's what you give to an incoming freshman in college. I've graduated high school and I'm halfway through college. Yet they want me to take an entry level class like I'm some slow ass retard that would go to a community college because I'm obviously too dumb to take it. I don't even feel like making sense anymore. So that was bullshit. I have to wait til I get back into the country and have the head of the math department (who wasn't there, figures huh?) to sign me a release form to take the class I need. This is why the City Colleges of Chicago suck balls for a living.
  • Right after that I got hit with the news that I wasn't going to the Cubs game Saturday. BOO!!! The lady sold the tickets to someone that wasn't my mom. I was really looking forward to going cuz C-Lo (SIU b-ball coach Chris Lowery) was gonna be singing the 7th inning stretch. Instead I might go shopping with mom tomorrow instead. Still looking for Cubs tickets for a mid-July game. Stupid yuppies buying all the tickets I need.
  • RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY: I was stuck in traffic on LSD (lake shore drive of course) and I had a bit of a revalation. By the way, I love my revelations. So I took a look out on the lake on a beautiful spring day. Took a look at the beautiful skyline and wondered to myself "why did I leave this place?" Seriously, Chicago is the greatest city in the world hands down without any doubts in my mind. I been to New York, it's a great city that brings out the best in me, but it ain't Chicago. I been to Vegas, which has been my second favorite place in the world and it's my getaway place and the place where I've had some of the best luck. All that said, LV doesn't hold a candle to Chicago. I've even been to Europe, I went to Barcelona in 1999 as part of an exchange program for school. I love that place too, but Europe just ain't for me. So as I thought about my travels I wondered why did I go to SIU-Carbondale, 6 hours away from wonderful Chicago. I wonder where I'd be had I not left. I think about the people I would have never met and the experiences I would have never had. I wonder if all of that would have been worth it by staying in Chicago. I am not gonna say that I regret going to SIU, but I can't help but think what could've been. Granted sometimes I think I'd be worse of now had I not ever gone to SIU. I'd probably still be stuck with a high school frame of mind....kinda like some other people I know that never left Chicago and I'd probably stuck chasing the same meaningless things I did before. I'm a changed man because of my experiences out of the city of Chi. But because the city brings out the best in me, I love it and appreciate it so much more than anyone ever really could.
  • And of course the Cubs. Boy oh boy, the just keep finding new ways to lose. It's been nothing but bad since October 14th 2003. It's depressing. I'm convinced that it's a punshiment to be a Cubs fan. Being a die-hard like I am, I must have been overly pleasureable in my past life because being a Cub fan is just heart-break after heart-break in so many different ways. It's days like today and years like the last few that make me truly believe in curses. Good news is that Prior's got a start in Peoria soon and will be back. Then will be Wade Miller. Then eventually Derrek Lee. But it will all be too little too late.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

It's Just A Little Crush...

...and some other stuff on my mind.
  • And that crush I speak of is of course, well actually I have two crushes. I think anyone who read my last blog knows I have a bit of a thing for American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee. However a bit of a newbie comes in the form of Nelly Furtado. I saw her new music video for her song "Promiscuous" and yeah wow, she got hot. I remember her from "Fly Like A Bird" and I thought she was cute but she definetly "whored" out in this video, very provocatively dresed. But yeah, I was sitting there watching the video and I was like "there's my new crush."
  • Boring day in the city. I dunno what's weirer the boring city blogs because everything is relatively normal or those late night blogs from Carbondale in which it seems I'm losing my mind. Those are fun to write but not fun to see the next day when you wake up. No practice, I spent most of the day in bed out of pure laziness and I've spent most of my night in the basement waiting for laundry. Yawn, I know. This weekend should be fun, especially if I go to the mall tomorrow and I go to the Cubs game Saturday and oh yeah the trip to the PR.
  • Oh I got a new favorite show on MTV. It's called "Why Can't I be You?" OR something to that extent. Basically there's someone who idolizes/admires/envies someone else from a distance and wants to be like them. Then they meet this person who they live with for 48 hours in an attempt to learn as much about what they envy and how they can make themselves more like. The episode I saw they had this nerdy kid who wanted to be like this guy who came into his restaurant with a bunch of hot girls every day. C'mon who isn't jealous of that guy? I know I am. In fact I find myself in that boat as we speak. If I could tell that kid one thing, it's to be yourself. Why would I say that? Well because I'm finally starting to take my own advice and it seems to be working. Remember that first impressions are key because they lead to proving or mis-proving predispositions a girl has about you. Learning as I go along.
  • FINAL THOUGHTS: This might be my last blog until I get back from Puerto Rico, which I leave for on Sunday. So I'd like to take a moment and wish happy anniversary to two people that I know read this. Happy anniversary Kevicia. See it's been about six months since I put myself in a dilly of a pickle between my roommate and as I knew her back then as "the cute blonde across the hall." since then being around them has had its ups and downs but being the close friend in a relationship, it happens naturally. sure it has caused awkward moments, odd thoughts and sometimes a strain in the our friendships. but as i said, shit happens right? i don't know what else to say or what else i can say about this without saying something dumb. so i'll leave on that. happy anniversary you two.
  • That's it I'm all out of thoughts for the night. Though I'll leave you as I hum Jennifer Paige's "It's Just A Little Crush..."

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Happy Hump Day!

Today was so boring. I'm sorry today was a wasted day of nothingness. Got up early to try to sign up for summer school classes and my placement exam results aren't in yet because the english department hasn't read my BS of an essay. Then I drove my grandma around today, which was cool because I like spending time with grandma. I got back and watched the Cubs absolutely fall apart. It's an embarassment to be a Cubs fan these days, especially a die-hard like me who cares about the team and who's cared about the team more than anyone should for the last 19 years and on top of that I'm cynical like a 50 year old Cub fan at the ripe old age of 19. They're just causing me nothing but hell. Then we did a lil' softball practice. I played some less than average first base. I gotta work on my range going to my right. In my defense we were practicing on asphalt and the balls that got by I woulda been diving for. At the plate I took some practice swings and changed my approach on the plate. I tossed my old "load-and-unload" technique for a simpler lift and stride approach. For the first day I hit more line drives and I wasn't pulling everything down the 3rd base line. I gapped some today. It felt like it was a better swing too. I felt more balanced. We'll see how it works at practice tomorrow. I came back and ate dinner. It was yummy, I love me some home made food. I went downstairs to watch American Idol and Taylor won (BOO!) and I BOO! because I've been a Katherine fan since I laid eyes on her. She's friggin gorgeous. And has a great voice, I think she's on Kelly Clarkson's level if not better. She was definetly my idol. They showed the cute country girl from earlier episodes again. I blurted out "I'd hit that from here to whatever hick town she's from." I apologized after saying that cuz it was out of my character to say something that dumb. In more interesting news I scrapped my diet after a week. But I'm looking to get back on. It was tough last week cuz there was nothing to eat in my house except junk food. So my new plan is to cut out the pop, cut down on what I eat, drink more water and exercise more. I used the exercise bike today for a half hour today. I think a half hour a day will do me some good. I just want to look good. I figure if I look good I'll feel better about myself. I'm just looking to be happy. Sometimes I think that's asking for too much!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Short & Simple The Way Folks Like 'Em

I'm tired so I'll keep this quick and simple. It was an interesting day. After a day like today I feel like I mature a bit more as each day passes. I spent my day shadowing my sister at work seeing what she does and stuff like that. Now I know why she has no time for anyone cuz her work is hard and the people that work under her aren't geniuses by any stretch of the imagination. After seeing what those people do for a living, all that manual labor stuff, makes me wanna get a nice desk job somewhere. We also spent a lot of time catching up on stuff. Mostly my two years @ SIU which she knows little about because we never talk cuz she's always working. She gave me a nice lil' lecture today too. I love her lectures (well the ones I agree with at least). Those are tolerable. Well we talked about love, potential marriages, girls and stuff like that. I got a new perspective on it. Actually it was a re-hashed perspective that was eerily similar to something a real good friend has told me several times. It's just more believeable (not saying I don't put stock in the other person I do, in fact I value their opinion very highly) but it just sounded better coming from another outlet. It was more like a re-affirmation of my beliefs. Another good conversation I had was with my father this afternoon. Here's the gist of it. Use others' mistakes to guide you to your successes. Check. I've been doing that all my life with my friends. It's why one day I'll make an awesome boyfriend! LOL. Then he gave me marriage advice for some reason. I guess his step-daughter got married and he said that I should wait til I'm 35. I told him that marriage and having kids is the least of my concerns right now. However I won't deny that if that girl came along, I'd have to go with her. But as of now I guess I just have to live it fully.
That's it for tonight. Quick and painless. To an extent.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Pretty Decent Day To Be Me

I can't complain, today wasn't completely horrible. Woke up, took mom to work, got back and spent the day learning life lessons from my dad. Shopping, cooking, seasoning, preparing food all that good stuff. You know stuff I'll need for next school year when I'm living on my own in my own apartment. Oh and I got a grill, so I'll be cooking and I love cooking.
I'm excited for next year. I'm thinking new beginings, a new me, a new outlook. I'm trying to think positives here. But we gotta get through the summer first. And really I'd like for summer to take its time. I got people to visit and I have people coming to visit me and I just can't wait to see them. I guess we can start off with my trip to Puerto Rico and I leave town Sunday morning. I'm looking forward to that, going back to PR for the first time in a long time. I'll get to see some sites and some family. Hopefully the government stays in tact and the people are in order. Next is the potential trip to visit Alicia. I'll probably take that trip with Kevin. As much as I'm afraid of the country for obvious reasons, it's worth it to see Alicia (or as she is referred to as 'The Third Most Important Woman In My Life'). Then comes my birthday. I'm having peeps come in not only for my birthday but the taste of chicago too. Taste of Chicago in the morning, party at night. That's how it should/will go down. And then One week after everyone leaves after the 4th and all that good stuff, Meagan comes and I can't wait to meet her in person. We shall have a blast. Still gotta find some money to go to country thunder though. It's such a tight squeeze with bills, saving for a car, and saving for the apartment fund. Oh yeah and insurance!!! Well country thunder or not, we'll have have fun I'm sure!
Off to bed it is for me. I hope this was short enough for those who have asked me to shorten my blogs! Good night peeps!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

So Much To Blog, So Little Time

Let's Get To It Shall We
  • First of all I feel sooo much better since I spent the last blog venting everything that has been bottled up in me for such a long time. Usually that's where everything starts when it comes to negativity. Whether its me, or anyone. When things are kept inside untouched they build to a boiling point, then comes the explosion. Last blog was the explosion. Since then my mind has cleared up and things have been better in my mind at least. My insecurities and my shortcomings should be the least of my problems but are put to the forefront because of what they mean to society, and not necessarily what they mean to me. Pressure is bullshit. I was just thinking to myself that I've let a lot of opportunities go by in my life and that sucks. Naturally it happens, you take the good with the bad. Recently I let things go without a fight and usually that's not like me. I thought that's what I wanted to be, the passive type. I can't stand myself as the passive type, because those who are passive live with regrets, and there are certain regrets (i.e. the girl of your dreams) that sometimes you can't let go right away. I'm not saying I'm over her yet, but the time will come soon, I'm getting there. And it's not like a workout plan where you set a goal and you'll get there a little bit at a time. This is something that can go away with one big swoop or it will just melt away as time goes on. But as long as it isn't in the forefront, it isn't an issue.
  • Speaking of issues, I almost gave up on the Cubs. I read what I wrote, and personally I was really disgusted with myself. I've been through much worse as a Cub fan, and to let this slide be the breaking point its obsurd. What sparked my re-faith? Michael Barrett of course. Barrett's punch not only stood for him, but it stood really for Cubdom, well at least in my opinion. I saw it as "You might be the biggest, you might be the best, but we're not going down without a fight." I haven't seen that type of fire since Dusty verbally assulted LaRussa in 2003. Yeah, speaking of letting go of old crushes, we as Cub fans gotta get over 2003. That's the dream girl that got away for all of us. Actually, in retrospect I jokingly call that year "the ultimate cock tease." I know it's gonna be 100 years very soon, but you know what one day it will happen. Why? Because anything will happen that can! That means anything for anyone or any team. The Bulls will be champs once again. So will the Bears. I will find that girl. You will find that one that's missing in your life. Good things happen to those that wait. I'm not sure if that's true, but I'd like to believe so.
  • I went to a Christening today. I saw the good and the bad side of kids. Yeah they're cute and adorable, but when they aren't raised right they're a hassle. And the only reason I say hassle is because it sucks to have kids that don't know how to behave themselves. But going to the church today, I'll be honest, it felt amazing. I thought about that whole "purity" thing and stuff and I felt kinda good about it for once. A friend of mine told me once "Don't worry about that stuff. It will happen. Hey, at least it's one less thing you have to explain to God." I laughed it off, but maybe its true. I'm not gonna go change my stance and bust off with some "I'm waiting til marriage" bullshit. But I will say I won't put myself in anymore bad situations because of what outsiders tell me. I've spent too much of my life letting others dictate things in my life. I heard a funny joke about the "rules of a wedding" on the radio. It was more of a wise crack and it went a little something like this "A new wedding rule should change the color of the bride's dress from white to rouge red especially when the wedding party consists of kids that aren't even your husbands." I started laughing so hard when I heard that come over the airwaves cuz it's soo true. But yeah back to the good side. I had a moment, where I was just sitting in the church and I saw myself out there with my wife and my child and I could see my family sitting out there at my child's Christening. Children are such a special thing in life. It honestly made me want to have a child. How would I support it? I have no clue as of now, but the day dream was worth it! A child's innocence is precious.
  • Potentiall and the Future. Two of my favorite words in the world. Time to let go of the past and embrace the future. "The past is for losers and cowards, neither of which I am." Dusty Baker said that in a press conference. It was either his first as a Cub manager or one during the '03 playoffs. Whenever it happened, it still clearly rings in my mind. Potential is a word I've been hearing since Jayson Peterson put on a Cubs jersey. Who's Jayson Peterson? Another Cub bust, of course. This analogy has a point. Potential is untapped until you figure out how to use it. I believe I have potential, I just have to figure out how to put it to use. Something else that I'm gonna have to figure out.
  • Softball update: I like my team! Seriously this team is more athletic and more well rounded than last years team. I'd like to get more experience, but that's what practice is for. I could also use a couple of guys coming off the bench. I could definetly use some outfield help, or maybe another stick. Or an ace pitcher. I sound like George Steinbrenner. Too bad I can't pull off some prospect for stud-All-Star trade like he and Brian Cashman do. Infield looks awesome, but you can't look at it like we're the shit yet, cuz that's when someone comes and beats you and reminds you that you suck. Just gotta keep working. I gotta note though, that throughout softball not once did I talk about the issues in my life. It's why I love my favorite past time, baseball. I leave the bullshit outside, as soon as I step on the field it's like that shit doesn't even matter. Sometimes it makes me want to play even better and even longer!!!!
  • It feels great that I've found myself again. May the official re-citification of me begin. It was sad the other day when there was country song playing somewhere and I started singing along. Not that it was bad thing, country's like a guilty pleasure of mine. But I was around non-country folks and they were looking at me like something possessed me. Yeah it's called that hot southern twang. Kinda makes me miss Carbondale. But then I just drive on campus at DePaul and then oh yeah, the "Lincoln Park Trixies." Ahhh, it feels great to be home sometimes.
  • THE FINAL WORD(S): Read. React. Correct. I analyze things I'm going through (read). My reaction, how I take it, how it affects me (react of course)! Correction is the process I'm going through now. It just feels good to be back on the road to recovery!!!
  • OH AND ANOTHER THING. In a revelationary thought (I wonder if that' s a word, because I did have a revelation, so wouldn't it make that a revelationary thought?) Anyways, this is what I was thinking. I was thinking about "the girl of my dreams" and letting her get away. I was thinking about it, just myself and then I started to chuckle. Why? Because I thought the same thing a long time ago and then another one came into my life and it's more like I need to let her go, and then "the one" came and I let her go without a fight. My point here is that you never know when she comes along. I've said it twice already that I wouldn't let this opportunity slip again. Yet I've let it slip twice. Is the third time a charm? Who knows. Here's hoping it happens soon!