Upon Further Review

Sometime after I posted the world's longest blog I passed out. Not surprising really, especially after a vent session like that. But after reading it, I was like "what sense does this make?" And "damn, this thing is long!"

If one thing in my writing is consistent it's this: when I'm pissed off I write a lot and I seem to have no focus whatsoever. It kinda sucks, but hey shit happens.

Still searching for something meaningful from last night? Join the club. Here's the Cliff's Notes version of what I figured out on my own.

• School has me overstressed. I know, that's what school is supposed to do. It's supposed to get you ready for real life. Personally there are some "real life" things that I'm ready for, and some that I feel I'm not ready for yet. Or maybe I am ready but I'm not ready to admit that I'm ready because I feel there is so much that I have missed out on. The last three weeks of school have been absolutely gut wrenching. Paper after paper, poem after poem, test after test, quiz after quiz....they all came one after the other and at this point I just wish they'd all stop and leave me the fuck alone! Thank goodness Spring Break starts Friday.
• The little things are bothering me again. I hate when that happens. Little nagging things shouldn't bother me, but for some reason they do now. Those little things, I used to just brush off as if they were nothing. Now, they're pesky like mosquitoes and they've got me flustered to the point I just want to scream at the top of my lungs just because I feel as if it will make me feel better. It's like a domino effect, one falls and the rest must fall in line.
  
• I need to file a restraining order on my past, because it won't leave me the fuck alone. It's hard to think happy thoughts all the damn time, especially when it seems as if sometimes the only reason you think happy thoughts is so that others around you think you're happy in turn either they're happy or you've tricked them enough to the point to where they don't really care to know. And at this point in my collegiate career, it's not even my past that bothers me as much as things that were said that have unfortunately stuck in my head---and they're not good things either.
• Expectations and short comings have me feeling down. I used to be one who embraced high expectations. I used to like when people expected good things to come from me because it made me feel as if I have a skill and an ability to get stuff done. Then when expectations "lowered" I thrived more because I was motivated to prove people wrong. Now, I am no longer the motivated young man I was when I first came to SIU. Reminders of my short comings are everywhere. They're measured by those who surround you and unfortunately they are magnified because of that.
• There are somedays that I absolutely love SIU. On the surface, SIU is a great place to be. It's a good school with a good atmosphere and you can really make something of yourself here in Carbondale. Personally, my highlight of being here is being able to watch the basketball team. But sometimes I take a step back and wonder if 40 minutes of happiness is worth being here sometimes. In the end, it'll probably benefit me. But sometimes I wonder if I'd be happier elsewhere.
• I really think the thing that's got me down the most right now is dating. I guess we can start with that nice lil' Justin Timberlake concert that I still don't have a date for. I'm all up in arms that for someone who is "such a great guy" and "one day you'll make some girl happy" has not gotten one fucking response. Not one. None at all. So I'm all hot and bothered about that. Beyond that, if you've read this blog since--well if you've ever read this blog--you know that I've lost my mind since 2005. I lost all of my confidence after an internet girlfriend fiasco that really was nice in gesture and all but really not well thought out by the two geniuses who thought it up(yes I include myself in that because I was the idiot that thought it'd be a good idea.) It's too bad neither of us could have figured out or predicted what would have happened had it all fallen through in the way that it did. I know what you're thinking (yeah you!) "get over it, it's more than a year and a half ago" but it's more than that. There's so much more than that, it sickens me. It sickens me that I was possibly three words away from actually being able to put a smile on my face everyday. Instead I'm left to ponder "what could have been" beating myself up everyday about it to the point where I don't want to see people because I know that I can put on a happy face for the world, but I'd be a damn liar to them and to myself.

It's times like these where I hope all my sports teams do well because they are the only thing that keeps me relatively happy. Heck, even when they're bad they give me something else to focus on beside my personal life.

That's all for now.

Good night.

Generally I Don't Condone Theft, But In This Case...

So I found this on a friends My Space and figured it would be a nice response to all the "If you loved her" notes saying to leave her cute texts and hold her hand and tell her you love her blah blah blah.

To all the ladies out there, look around you. There are nice guys everywhere. The problem is the nice guys aren't confident enough to walk up to you and try to start a conversation. And to all the guys out there, those cute girls who are sitting in the corner with their friends not talking to anyone, not dressed all trashy and trying to get guys to buy them drinks, those are the nice girls, and you know what, they're just as shy as we are.

I didn't tag anyone with the note because I didn't want anyone to feel like I was directing it at them. If you read this and think its about you, it probably is :)


"to all the girls who look past the nice guys"

I'm sorry
that i bought you roses
to tell you that i like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not an asshole

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just f**k you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up,and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy


I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there, and being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new asshole comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your bf with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your bf was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry

That i cared

I'm sorry
that I listened to you at night so you could talk about how you wish you could have done something different.


Ladies always bitch and bitch to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. <> Well ladies next time you're bitching, maybe look up to see who you're bitching to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

This Blog Goes Everywhere, So Readers Bare With Me!

Finally, some free time to write a blog. This week has been up and down to tell the truth. Thankfully, it's almost over. Alright, so I'll start off with some stuff that I have links for so if you want to read the rest of the story you can head off into the web when you click the links and then I'll close with some personal stuff. Sound good? Well I don't care, it sounds good to me!

• Let's start with some of that #13 SIU Saluki hoop action! By virtue of Creighton's loss to Illinois State and SIU's 59-50 win at Indiana State, the Salukis have clinched the Missouri Valley Conference regular season title for the second time in three seasons under Coach Chris Lowery. Unfortunately, I was unable to watch the game but I did manage to listen to the last few minutes on the radio. That means no game story from me, sorry folks. Last night's win deserved a blog of it's own, I was unable to do so (see, that's why I don't do a blog solely dedicated to SIU sports.) Senior Night is Saturday, that is deserving of a preview blog and a post game blog as well. In more good news for the Salukis, press wise, is that the news is headed north to the Chi, game summary here from NBC 5 Chicago and the Chicago Tribune has an excellent article about senior guard Tony Young and the strides he and the basketball program have made.
• When he was hired, I joked that Lou Piniella may have officially signed on to be the Cubs manager, but little does he know that job also entails the side job of being my life coach. In today's Tribune, Piniella makes one of those "break you down to build you up" statements in this article when he says that "Curses are for people with no confidence." Sighs, I guess I have been hiding behind a curse. Maybe. Sweet Uncle Lou may ignore Billy Goats, black cats and Bartman....but he has no clue about the cursed love life of one Luis Medina and how if the Cubs somehow won the World Series that all of that love crap would immediately take a backseat. (*Chuckling* some girl is gonna read this and laugh at me for being a loser....I don't care.)

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF:

As refreshing as poetry writing has been for me lately, I must say nothing clears the air like a good ol' fashioned sit down talk with an old friend. I hate when I'm wrong. I hate when other people prove that I'm wrong. I also hate when I'm proven wrong by a woman. No male ego trip here, I'm just saying....they know to make me feel stupid when they're right about something that I've completely screwed up.
Yesterday was like a reconciliation of sorts. Spending the afternoon/evening with Alicia was great. We cleared the air about several things. Chatted up about what's new, with me realizing that you can not see me for two months and things with me are so simplistic that nothing has really changed. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
She also gave me a nice lil' talking to about how good I have things and gave me a little insight about her that I didn't know before. The way I see it, the whole being single thing is a gift and a curse (I know I mentioned curses earlier, now bare with me.) I like being single. I like the idea of open possibilities. I like not having to answer "Where are you going?" or "Who are you going with?" or even "When will you be back?" or having someone needing to tag along. Being single is pretty cool, especially in a college town.
As for the cursed part, my first problem is that I have issues with hanging out with people in relationships. This little quirk about me dates back all the way to high school when my two best friends had girlfriends and then there was Lou (we'll put the 'O' in the name for nostalgia's sake.) That has stayed with me throughout college and to be honest, I think that's effecting some of my relationships and friendships in a negative way. Though it does explain why I'm damn bitter at couples in general and why sometimes I just don't feel like going out with certain people at certain times.
Now that I got that off my chest, this is where I say "Maybe she's right" because really, she does have a very valid point. I'm single and theoretically, I have the whole world in front of me. I can do what I want and not have to worry about my girlfriend or what she thinks. I, by myself can theoretically get done whatever I want to for my career and such, get settled and then eventually settle down....with nobody holding me back.
That sounds nice and pretty like a package wrapped in ribbon, tied in a bow. Unfortunately, that's not how I've been seeing it.
The way I've been seeing it, it's been holding me back. I kinda compare it to John Elway's Super Bowl championship. Short and simple, Elway's a badass QB who's got all these badass records, but never won a championship and he always used to say "It's okay I had a good career." But when he won that championship finally, he admitted he was full of shit and that the championship validated his career and cemented him as an all-time great.
What the hell does that have anything to do with me? Maybe it's the whole "pussy on a pedestal" thing. I guess you can say that girlfriend thing is the missing piece of the puzzle. For me, I'll argue that a girlfriend would be my validation.
(Someone's gonna come across this, read it, then think I'm a total loser and probably never date me because of it. Oh well.)
And it sounds bad, the idea of a girlfriend being validation, compared to a Super Bowl trophy...no girl wants to be looked at as a prize. But let's face it, that's the only thing that has been missing, compared to people my age. At least that's what society says.
What magnifies my insecurities are my friends who are in happy relationships, my friends who get constant attention from girls and some new developments in my friends lives. My first college roommate has moved on from his days at SIU to go to the National Guard and is getting married in June. He just turned 21, and he's married. He'll be the first of "The Chi-town Boys" to be getting married. I have a friend, she's been engaged for more than a year now and she'll be getting married when she's out of school, I'm sure of it. I have a friend that's now pregnant....having a kid. I feel as if everyone's growing up without me.
But she put it in the best way possible "It's like playing real life house."
Despite giving me hell, she always knows how to make me feel better. There's just something special about her, I have an idea of what it is but I'm not quite sure of it. Maybe I've got my head in the clouds, maybe I'm still living in first semester of last year....I don't know what I'm feeling, but I think it's good.
Maybe that would explain my first good night of sleep in over a month, that whole little talkin' to maybe (no pun intended) put some of our issues to sleep. You know I'm a big believer in that symbolic shit.
In my mind, I laughed when she mentioned something about how her ex wants to get out on the dating scene again but is seemingly comparing these girls to what he had in her. I laughed on the inside. If it was an outside laugh, it would have been one of those nervous laughs....those are never good.
Maybe that's my issue in getting over her. It's not like I'm putting every girl up to her standard, but it's that perceived idea of perfection that keeps holding me back, mentally. The sooner I find a new girl, the sooner I get over her.
Maybe she's Vanessa all over again. That would only prove to be more symbolic than anything I've mentioned in this blog....ever.
I'm not getting into that story. I'm too happy, I think I've got my best friend back. And that is more important than anything else!

"There Is No Joy In Mudville, Mighty Casey Has Struck Out"

As a child who has been obsessed with baseball his whole life, I must say that my favorite child's tale is Casey at the Bat. Everyone knows Casey's story, if you don't then you're obviously an idiot! For the idiots out there I can give you a Cliff's Notes version. Casey's a good ballplayer, I mean really good. Folklore has him like Barry Bonds...with red hair, minus the steroids and snitching. Casey was the shit, but was full of himself and basically his attitude cost his team the game when he struck out with the game on the line when had he been playing the whole game Mudville would've smoked the opposition. So what does this story have to do with anything? I dunno, but I kinda feel like Casey now. Well, not really because Casey's much more talented than I am, but that's neither here nor there. I'm talking about the whole striking out thing, with the game on the line. Striking out sucks, it's the worse feeling in the world. It must have sucked for Casey b/c it was his only at bat during the game so it's like you sit on the bench all game, get summoned for one at bat and then are dispersed to where you came....and on top of that you're team loses. Once again, where does any of this matter? I feel like Casey, that's all. Striking out, for starters. No joy in Mudville (instead insert either Chicago or Carbondale.) It all makes sense. I was watching this show on MTV called Exposed, in which contestants are being monitored through lie detection/voice analysis software by someone in a surveillance truck. The one guy didn't tell one lie, while the other guy he was competing for the girl with spewed countless lies throughout the date. You would think the girl's gonna pick the honest guy. Nope, she picks the liar. Why? Because she thought the truthful guy would be too innocent for her. Are you kidding me?!?!? That's the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard, but it does make a lot of sense now that I think of it. Girls are always picking idiots over good guys, it's been like that for centuries, why would it change for a television show? I guess lying is a damned if you do, damned if you don't type of ordeal. You're lame if you don't lie to a girl, but if you do lie you're gonna get reamed for it. It's why women drive me absolutely up a wall. Later, I watched a news story about a snitch ass 14 year old boy who had sex with his teacher. So we Google the teacher's name and the story...and she's smoookin' hot causing me to question everything I've ever done with women (okay not really, still, makes you wonder.) Shit, I have enough trouble garnering the attention of girls my age....I couldn't get a hot teacher even if I had everything goin' for me. And what really grinds my gears about this (love the Peter Griffin reference) is that the lil' boy had a problem with it and snitched. BASTARD!!!

So here I am, at a crossroads. Sorry if I sound over dramatic, but it's how I feel so hold your horses. I'm 20, and by all accounts I'm going through mid-life crisis. Drama and my shortcomings in life are two primary targets for stress and such. I'm bitter, like, old man bitter...and cranky too. And ooh, I like the word jilted, I'm jilted too. See, once again, I'm not a happy camper. On top of that I feel as if the times are flying right past me. And then I take a look around, and it's not gonna get better any time soon. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, another reminder of my failures. And then June, my former roommate's getting married. No, not that roommate, the original roommate. The one I was at wits end with after my first semester at SIU b/c I was fed up w/his shenanigans. That was the big talk while I was home on winter vacation. First it was the engagement, which was news to me....then a few weeks later during a conversation in which I was giving him the best directions on how to get to the Westin Hotel on Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago he dropped an "oh by the way, I got married today." Now that was breaking fucking news! So quick, so sudden (well at least from my point of view.) I was stunned, heck I'm still stunned....the reception and stuff is in June in Cali. And here I sit, still stunned. I never thought he'd be the first to get married from the group of friends I have, never in a million years did I think he'd be the first to be married. But more power to him, he found himself his dream girl and sealed the deal. I found my dream girl and well everyone knows that story so why re-hash and piss me the fuck off again. I guess that's the difference between he and I. Where he succeeded, I choked and failed. And I look at things from the outside looking in, I'm not getting married anytime soon, heck I don't even see myself dating in the near future unless a few miracles occur. In fact I might be the last to get married, that's depressing....okay, not so much. Still, I saw how the guys reacted to the girl and they were all like you know she's hot and all but blah blah blah. I guess that's my main reason behind being superficial, I gotta have my guys approval because I don't feel like taking shit from anyone anymore.

For the last few years I've been living by an adaptation of the whole Dusty Baker mantra of when he first came to the Cubs. "Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?" And after several failed experiments and even more evidence on why it hasn't been Lu and why it doesn't occur ever, I've come to the conclusion that I need a new mantra, a new calling card. In the end I need something that will make me eternally happy (this is where the 2007 Chicago Cubs comes in.) But that's another blog, for another night, for another site. Good night, from Carbondale.

Lu Posts On: "White Sox Envy Syndrome", The Maury Show, New Years, The Drex Show, etc.

Ahhh, long time no post. Well, not really, but it's been a while since I've posted with something of substance....I use the word "substance" loosely knowing that the stuff I write here randomly is basically crap. Anywhoo, it ain't gonna stop me from a classic blog of randomness.

• NEW YEAR'S EVE: Between celebrating NYE and V-Day, the winter season is chock-full of "holidays" I'd rather not celebrate. I'm not a fan of NYE b/c I've never gotten the "first kiss of the New Year" and I'll be honest, it bugs me. Also there's just so much hype and stuff surrounding it. Personally, I'd rather just go to bed at midnight, but that's my personal preference and it was what I was gonna do at one point b/c my cousin was gonna go to a Wrigleyville bar with his g/f and crew to ring in the New Year until I reminded him that he said he'd hang w/me for NYE if I stayed in town instead of heading to C-Dale for the SIU/Wichita State game that would be played on New Year's Day. So instead, a get-together at the crib Sunday, coupled with the Bears-Packers Sunday Night game could add up to an interesting New Year's celebration. Still, the "first kiss of the New Year" is probably not forthcoming. I guess here is where I insert the punchline "my first kiss of the New Year was my last...." but I won't.
• The Maury Show: I love the Maury show, and why wouldn't I? How can you not love a show that gives you a free paternity test and a free trip to New York for being a whore and not knowing which one of 19 men is your baby's daddy. Or a show that sends misbehaving kids to bootcamp or to local prisons. Recently there was a classic Maury episode in which a 16 year old girl wanted to have a baby and she's been having unprotected sex with what she says at least 300 partners. What got me wasn't that...it was when she stated her life goals as the following "I want to drop out of school, have a kid and be on Girls Gone Wild" prompting this response from me "You've set the bar pretty high there young lady." Still, the paternity test episodes steal the show. And to be honest there should be no point of this show anymore. Seriously, you would think that people have seen this show enough not to try to be on it. I love it when the guests say "Maury I love the show." Obviously you don't because if you did you would've thought twice about sleeping with 18 other dudes besides ur bf/husband/fiancee, etc.....
• The Drex Show: The Drex Morning show is the best morning show on the radio, hands down. It wipes the floor with anything Carbondale has to offer, it's why I stream it live every morning before I go to class. Even the re-runs are great. Today's re-run had the topic "I'm jealous of my hot teenage daughter/my mom's jealous of my hot teenage self." It was classic, mothers were calling in about their daughters getting so much attention from boys and that boys didn't look that good when they were that age and that they wish they would've gotten that attention back then. Then there were the uber-cocky girls that were portraying their promiscuous ways that had their mothers jealous. It was cool until a 13....yes....13 year old girl called in talking about how her 35-year old mother would flirt with her boyfriends and wear her clothes which sparked another topic...."dating my teenage daughter" prompting another classic Lu quote "I'm not going to have a daughter and if I do one of two things is happening: I'm either leaving her on a mountain side or she's being homeschooled....and this ain't communist China so homeschooling it is." I'd hate to have a daughter because I know I'll be super-controlling and ultra-cautious with her. But it's not for the wrong reasons, I know too many heartbreaks out there that would have me in jail after what I would do to them if they broke my sweet daughters heart.
• WHITE SOX ENVY SYNDROME: "White Sox Envy" was a term coined by hosts and callers on 670 The Score (WSCR 670 AM) in Chicago after the White Sox won the World Series in 2005 in reference to jealous Cub fans. So what does this have to do with anything, well I might need to check in to a doctor because I have symptoms of WSES...or simply known as envy. Green isn't a good color on me....actually it is when it comes to clothes....but when it comes to jealousy and envy, not so much. I was never an envious or jealous person before I came to SIU, I'll say that right now. But really I'm envious of several people and of course it's magnified in the holiday season and will once again be magnafied on Valentine's Day. Seems that my old roommates are one-upping me in the game of love (insert memory of the song by Michelle Branch and Carlos Santana.) My most recent ex-roommate's ordeal was documented in previous blogs this year, but the shocker is my original roommate. My original roomie left SIU after 1 semester and didn't complete 2nd semester at community college which lead him to go to the National Guard. Now (actually I learned of this last Monday while on the train) I've come to learn that he is now engaged! *Sighs* It'd be an understatement to say that I'm shocked by this all, I never thought I'd see the day that he was engaged before I....or any other one of the group that has hung out since high school. But hey, I guess that's how you gotta do it. Find someone that can take your sh*t and lock 'em up....something I've failed to do. You can argue that I've had my chances and have blown them, I'd agree completely. Time to move on, heck it's been time to move on....can't help to think though, what coulda been. So now I sit here envious of my two ex-roommates, one of my current roommates and potentially another one of my roomie's if things play out in real life the way they play out in my mind. If that's the case, it could be an ugly Valentine's Day in my room. DAMN VALENTINE'S DAY BEING ON A WEDNESDAY!!!! But that's another post for another day.

The Final Post Of This Semester

I'm not saying that this is the final post of the year, but this is probably the last post of the semester. And there usually is a big sigh of relief that comes with the end of the semester, but for me it's like I'd rather be hit in the face with a hammer and never come back to this place ever again. Yes, I'm committed to staying here, but at what cost? My happiness levels fluctuate daily (sometimes hourly), I put a lot of stress and pressure on myself to succeed (to no avail), and my personal life has done nothing but move in a negative direction since Valentine's Day 2005.

So where am I? What am I doing? I don't even know anymore. I know I feel like crap, and that's not just the stomach sickness that just hit me.

I believe (in fact, I'm sure) that most of my un-happiness is drawn from my social life, and sometimes lack of it. My failures and shortcomings in love have become well documented on this blog and it's kinda depressing to look back on the things I wrote and still not have moved on from certain events of the past. It's bothersome to think that someone like me still hasn't found somebody on a campus of 20,000 kids. And I'm not just feeding into my own ego, far from it. Everyone and their dog has had an opinion about how 'one day you'll find someone and they'll be perfect' or 'one day you'll make some girl really happy.' Between that and the almost inevitable 'let's just be friends' I'm mired in a slump....and really there's no explanation behind it. I'm honestly sick and tired of being on the outside looking in. And yes I've had my chances and admittedly I've blown them. And though I can easily point fingers, I'd rather not because pointing fingers is generally a cop out. Does Mariano Rivera bitch when the pitcher before him leaves runners in scoring postion that could win the game for the opposition. No, he doesn't. He takes the ball and fucking closes games out. I have been unable to "close games out" and that is the main contributor to my failure when it comes to girls.

And to be honest, this whole issue with girls has been going on all my life. You can start in grammar school, though really it shouldn't count. For me you can start in high school where every Valentine's Day since freshman year of HS has a depressing story of failure, rejection and depression. But really it didn't bog me down that much in high school because my grades still were good. Now my grades seem to be suffering like my personal life. Look at my last report card: A, B, D, D. That doesn't make any sense, now does it? My personal life and grades are going "Bi-Polar Betty," Jason Marquis style*. I can deal with a less than stellar social life if my grades are acceptable, but it seems like when it rains, it pours.

And then I can draw the comparisons from last year. I remember writing an earlier post in which I yearned for things to be like they were last year. I miss the old days. I miss the days where we could all get along and go out together and all that good stuff. And yes, things change, certain things have changed and it probably shouldn't have changed everyones friendships. But to be honest no one should be suprised, it's not like the writing wasn't on the wall. And the best thing is that everyone has a part to take when it comes to the blame game. Now will everyone, fess up to their end. Of course not. We're all youngsters who are prideful and sometimes egotistical. Personally, I'm not blind to my own insecurities and will take the blame (heck I give myself the most blame) just so others can get off scot-free. I digress, I'd love for the "old days" of just one year ago to be back. And sure I can point to you where it all began going down hill and point out where it hit rock bottom and such. But I won't. Why? Because we all know (individually) where it started to slip.

So what about next year? For Lu, it's back to the drawing board. A change of scenery is out of the question unless I completely bomb out in second semester. As for the grades, earlier this semester I put an effort to a recommittment to prioritizing. I came to SIU motivated, motivation that has since deteriorated. I need to find that motivation again, I don't know where it will be or where it will come from, but I'm sure it will re-emerge in some form. As for my personal life, like I said only a few sentences ago, I'd like to recommitt to prioritizing, though I acknowledge the difficult nature of that task. But I'm open to trying new things. Yes, the internet dating thing has now failed me twice. I can clearly point the finger at myself both times, though some would argue that I had less of a hand to play in the original, but at least in the most recent attempt I tried. It was my own doing, not a pass-me-down idea from someone else.

MY FINAL RANT ON LOVE IN 2006: The idea of true love is nice. That whole falling in love thing sounds great, far fetched, but great nonetheless. The idea of having someone who is your one and only someone/soul mate type person sounds great on paper. It also makes great Disney movies and great feature films and television shows while we're at it. However it's not as easy as the media makes it out to be. Generations have been taught that love happens naturally. People always say "that special someone will come" or that "it'll happen when the time is right" and of course "good things come to those who wait." Well I have news for you, those outlets are wrong. Nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes (and arguably the Cubs not winning the World Series) so the idea that someone special will come, instead should be changed to might come. What? I'm just being realistic. As for that whole timing issue, timing sucks. Especially for me, I'm horrible at playing that timing game. It's why I often reference having a time machine. I'm also really bad at taking "signs" also contributing to my failure with women. Oh and about that idea that "good things come to those who wait," I can easily disprove that. There are several girls that I waited for....and well technically you can say that I still wait. Instead that should be changed to "yeah good things MIGHT come to those that wait, but BETTER things come to those who go out and get them." For my final reference, I'll go back to last year when someone sat on their hands while they watched someone who had no business in that situation get what they want. Maybe it's time for me to take that approach. Hopefully, it's not too little too late.

Oh yeah and I must make a note that there is one more Year In Review segment, but that will be posted retroactively to Wednesday as soon as I put finishing touches on it.

*indicates a reference to the nickname given to former Cards, now Cubs starter Jason Marquis. Cards' fans dubbed Marquis "Bi-Polar Betty" because of his inconsistencies from start to start. That will fit in perfectly with this blog, and with Cubdom as well.