Thursday, August 10, 2006

Saying My Goodbyes

As I rose from the breakfast table I saw her eyes water, that's when I knew it was the beginning of the end. It was the beginning of the end of my last day of the well documented (well not on this blog site at least) "Summer of Chi." My grandma always gets sad when I leave, I remember when I first left for Carbondale she was insistant on that I finished school in two years, at all costs so I could get back home. She called all the time, she sent me food, the whole nine. But now, she accepts it more that I'm gone. She doesn't really know what I do at school, and that's a good thing, sometimes you just can't tell grandma that you spend your weekends drinking away your problems that are associated with women. Or tell your grandma you spent your whole night sleepless because of the loud whore down the hall. Or that you can't talk right now because you've got drunks to take care of in you room. All that said, I think my grandma has an idea of what's going on, but in her mind what she doesn't see can't and won't hurt you.
After my last breakfast with grandma I went and got my hair cut...all the way cut. It's a close cut, my mom calls it bald, but it's cool, I love my hair when it's short. Then I got home shaved, and I called the shave a moment of a fresh start. I love shaving because I feel like I'm cutting some things away.
I spent most of my avenue packing things, sealing boxes, and putting the boxes in the truck and car. As time moved forward I kept realizing my time here was coming to an end. My godmother and godbrother came to visit, and it was nice because I love my family and I love when they visit. And then Anna came to bid adieu to me.
This was a good summer. Yes, there were ups and there were downs. And even though I got a D in my summer class I've learned a lot of things. I'm excited about getting a new start at school. This should be good!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

So THAT Was My First Post Back & This Is My Second

I didn't realize that was my first post back on this blog. It's been a while. Blogger has missed out on so much. Not really, just a lot of the normal put under a microscope and blown out of proportion times 100. If you're interested in ANYTHING that has happened to me since I've been gone from blogger check my MySpace account @ But that's only if you care, if I were you I really wouldn't bother because really I don't want to think about a majority of those blogs.
Moving on, I'll be leaving to Carbondale very soon, Friday in fact. I'm excited because the future looks bright. I know I say that a lot, but for some reason I actually believe that things might be different this year. I know I say that a lot, but why not have faith? Because I've failed every other time, you say. Well I say 'Boo' to you! I'm trying to make things right in my life, and school will be the beginning. I'm sure when Lu gets back to normal academically everything will fall into place. Once again, I'm operating under the theory that if everything DOESN'T fall into place (which normally things don't because nothing's perfect) at least I have my geniusness to fall back on.
It's usually around this time of the year where I start trying to make goals for this school year. Things I'll be shooting for, things I went to do and achieve. This year, I'm gonna say no to that because like my New Year's Resolutions they'll matter for a few weeks, maybe at the most a month, but then my attempts fade and I go back to not caring. So I'm not going to make extravagant goals or have lofty expectations. First of all keep your expectations low so when things don't happen you don't have too far to fall. Seriously though no big exepectations and no high hopes. Nothing specific, that's usually when I get burned. I was looking at my most recent Resolutions and I just shook my head because I haven't attained any of them. In fact it's quite possible that I might have regressed. To be blunt, I have regressed and it's disappointing because I try and I fail and when I fail I get down on myself because all I want to do is succeed. Sometimes I feel as if there's a lot of pressure to succeed, especially in this society where everyone's got a cut throat out look at things. If I'm not feeling the pressure from the outside, I'm putting it on myself.
*FOCUS* Back to the point of this blog. I'm not gonna make this laundry list of things I want to do because in the back of my mind there are a slew of things I want to get done before this semester is through. But instead of specifics, I'm thinking in generalities for now. Focus will be my number one issue. Priortize, I need to keep my priorities straight. Put myself in positive situations. Things like that. Little things can go a long way, that's what I think.
I could have easily written about how much I want a girlfriend or the need to get laid so I won't be the reincarnation of the 40 Year Old Virgin. Or how I want to make enough money to buy a car and the necessary insurance by the time second semester rolls around. Or how I want A, B & C to happen. Instead I've decided to simplify! SIMPLIFY! SIMPLIFY! SIMPLIFY! Make things easier, keeping the pressure off. Let's not have the self defeatist attitudes. Let's not have those late nights full of depression. Let's give myself a chance and not eliminate myself from contention instead of saying since it's never happened before it's not going to happen now.
As the saying goes, anything will happen that can. I'm assuming the bad is behind me, so now the good must be on it's way.

Sometimes I Wonder...

...if anyone ever reads this anymore. Just thinking about it because this is one of the first posts since I've decided to take a break from MySpace blogging. This site's pretty accessible to those who are my friends. It's in my AIM profile and there's a link on my Facebook profile too. And I sent plenty of e-mails to friends of mine who wanted to keep up with me while I was gone freshman year at SIU that this was the site that would keep you informed (and entertained) and give you some laughs along the way about my life. And I know thre are a couple of people from SIU that I am pretty sure still read this or at least know that this exists. Hey, I said I'd take a break from blogging on MySpace, who said anything about quitting blogger? If anything bloggers like my long distance girlfriend. When we're not seeing eachother daily we drift apart and see other people, but then we realize we can't live without each other and get back together. Something like that but what the heck do I know about grilfriends and analogies except that I'm realy good at making analogies. It's part of that whole poetry thing that I was really into freshman and sophomore year and hopefully will get back to it soon enough this year. (P.S. There are some "lost poems" out there that might find their way on to myspace or more likely blogger first so keep ya eyes peeled cuz it might come sooner than you think.)
Today's Blog Topic: Me Beign Odd and How It Leads To My Achilles Heel.
I'll admit it, I'm an oddball. No, you don't understand, I'm weird. I know everyone's got their little qurks, but nothing like mine. I'll forget something that my mom told me 10 minutes ago (reminds me I gotta lock up downstairs) but I'll always remember that I was at game 2 of a 2001 double header Cubs/Brewers at Wrigley Field where Carlos Zambrano made his first start as a Cub. I'll forget where I put my keys, but I'll remember that I was at the game when Sammy Sosa hit a game winning homer off the Mets and broke a window at the aparment building across the street. I'll forget a simple formula, but won't forget that in 2003 Mark Prior and Kerry Wood were unbeaten against the Cincinnati Reds. But besides my large baseball accumen, my biggest quirk may be my love for the southern accent. Really, because THAT is inexplicable. I grew up in Chicago my whole life (minus the last two years in Carbondale for school) and really wasn't around southern folk a lot. I refused to listen to country music as a child because I thought it was depressing and had underlying racial undertones. I was a city boy, through and through. But since I've been at SIU there's been a growing love on my part foor that "southern belle" kind of girl. You know the proper southern girl, with that cute southern drawl that just brings a HUGE smile to my face. Now there are some other accents that I'm attracted to. British accents are cute. New York accents a bit aggrivating but sometimes can be attractive. I met a girl from Boston once who had me smiling with her accent until I heard her laugh and she sounded like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. But anytime I hear a girl with a southern accent I just wanna jump out of my skin. It's weird because in my head I envision myself as young child jumping for joy whenever I hear it, it's like a flashback kinda deal. Weird, tell me about it! And look at the pattern of the girls I've liked and crushed over since I've been at SIU and they all fit under this category: Hot. Blonde. Southern. Kinda coincides with one of my classic quotes from last semester "Country style, the way I like it." Which actually I was talking about country style orange juice but I was with two girls from southern illinois at the time and yeah I could have easily been talking about them.
I can't help but to wonder why I've taken a liking to these southern gals. Really, and I'm gonna even expand it to small town girls too, cuz I've seemingly overlooked the non-southern small town girls that I've found myself falling over. Maybe because of my bad experiences with city girls I'm looking to get away from that. Maybe because city girls aren't appreciative of jack shit and expect everything yet give no thanks in the end. Even though my advances have gone to no avail, the southern girls have at least had an appreciation for my attempts. Opened doors, gift flowers, timely complements have all been "Thank you'd" and "Aww shucks that's such a nice thing that no one's done for me before." Makes me think I shoulda been a small town guy, but I'm too big time for that. Seriously though, I open a door for a gal in the city I get no thanks no nothing. Southern girls go out of their way to say thanks seemingly.
So you're probably thinking what brought this up. Well I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a southern girl and for some reason at that moment when she talked to me, the accent was heavy. And I was all happy and giddy. She was entertained to say the least. I know she knows I have a thing for the drawl, in fact if you really want me to do something, I'm very succeptible to the drawl and I'm easily manipulated by pretty girls too. It's a deadly combination, let me tell you! Seriously, a cute girl with a little twang could get just about anything from me. I'm not encouraging you to try it, but yeah if you really want something from me, there's your best bet. It's a bit disturbing I must say. Manipulated by a voice, well shoot, gimme a break, the mighty Achilles' weakness was his friggin heel! But yeah, that whole southern belle thing really just makes me have a great big smile.
Maybe that's what I need, a nice lil' southern girl to make my life happy. Hot, blonde and southern just might do the trick for Lu. It just might.