Friday, December 08, 2006

Happy Friday (And By Happy I Mean UGH!)

"Next time the past knocks on your door, don't answer."

So yeah this is not how I wanted to spend my Friday. Drunk, yes. Angry, pissed and depressed, not so much.

And really I was in relatively high spirits until I signed on to MySpace this afternoon and got a message from my "ex." Most of you do not know the story of my "ex" so here's the cliff's notes version. My former roommate thought that it'd be a great confidence boost for Lu (who was fighting depression b/c of his car and his once best friend) to give Lu this internet girlfriend. So what happend to internet girlfriend? She faked her own death (dying at age 18 due to lung cancer) to get away from me sending me into a disasterous spiral that really concluded with a "press conference' where I proclaimed that I gave up on women and retired and .... well we all know how that ended up. I still am convinced that I missed out on my opportunity on perfection, but that's a different blog for a different time.....or is it? I think that things could have been different had I spoke my peace then. Okay lemme rephrase that, I like to think that things would have been different. She could have always said no, and then I'm back at square one all over again, but at least I'd have something that was definite. And it's been a year, it's been more than a year, and I should be over her. And there was a point where I was over her, there was, I moved on at one point, but when everything (and i mean everything) fell through is when I realized the kind of failure I was when it came to love. I am a failure. I'm 20, I should be out enjoying myself, but I'm not I'm dwelling on stupid shit from a year ago that was MY FUCKING MAKING because I didn't have the balls to tell her how I felt about her. Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot, that's why! And the funny thing is that she knows how I feel. Her boyfriend knows how I feel. Everyone on this planet could theoretically know how I feel about her and I could care less because for some gosh for saken reason I still love her and I don't know why. And I've tried to get over her. But between girls just not having an interest in Lu like that or girls just up and disappearing, Lu's love life is an absolute joke. It's a fucking punchline. FUCKING CLOWN SHOES!

With that said, I dont even know where I was going with that. All I know is that the reminder of the internet girlfriend fiasco set me off into a drinking binge that included 5 beers in a half hour (not a good idea for you youngsters at home.) Maybe I should just resign myself to the fate that I'll never be a number one choice. Not like I have any inspiration or motivation to because every girl would rather just be friends with Lu like dating Lu is the fucking plague! Maybe I'll never be "boyfriend material." Maybe I'm not meant to be happy, cuz everyone else can be happy, just not Lu. Maybe this is all sour grapes, seeing ALL of my roommates with girls (both current and former) even my rooomie that dropped out of school got a girl. And then there's Lu wallowing in the misery of "chokes" and something Lu likes calling "being cubbed."

I don't even know why I'm writing anymore. All I know is that I was set off by a reminder of my past failures. And yes, the quote that resides at the top of this post SHOULD be always remembred. But when the past breaks your fucking door down and slaps you in the face it's like a reality check!!

Poetry Part IV

by Luis C. Medina

Behind that glass slipper of purity
lives a dirty little secret.
Slowly like a sunset
her dress dropped,
and her hair fell
slightly past her shoulders.
She laid down the ground rules,
and proceeded to lay down.
Two faces blank as the sheets
in which they are currently tangled.

Sporadic panting breaks the monotonous silence
along with the continuous pounding of the wall by the headboard.
Climax came and went
without a hint of emotion.
Both parties laid still as a hush fell over the room.
A free fall from royalty, his wife’s hassles
brought them together
to dance the night away.
Isolated lay the used condom
next to the glass slipper.

In this poem, I was supposed to put a fictional character in a situation that they normally wouldn’t be in. So I decided that there would be nothing like “whoring out” Cinderella. I really put a lot of effort into trashing the identity of Cinderella with the descriptions of her actions and mood.

As for changes, not many were made. I did split the poem into two separate stanzas. I felt by doing this that the pace and flow of the poem would be better. Also I cut out certain lines and certain words that helped in settling the poem. This piece was one of my favorite pieces to write this year, if not my favorite.

BONUS: Because I really didn't want to make another post with this I couldn't help but not post this at all. It's a part of conversation between myself and a friend of mine in the Chi. Let's call it Girls and Sports:

LU: love stinks
FRIEND: yea but so do the royals
LU: yea but the royals got friggin gil meche
FRIEND: so wheres your gil meche lou?
LU: she took more money and more years to play with the loser ass royals
FRIEND: lol lou i love your baseball analogies
LU: i love my baseball analogies too. i just love how i can take any of my situations in life and drop a baseball reference to explain it.


Happy Friday Morning Blog!

  • It's truly fallen apart the second half of this semester and I'm truly disappointed in myself because for most of the semester I felt as if I was doing an excellent job of keeping tabs on myself. For example, drinking on school nights has been completely cut out of the picture since September. However the last few weeks I've been drinking a lot of soda pop, I've been eating a lot of junk foods and have been eating late, which was my number one goal of things I wanted to stop doing. I'm just hoping to attest these recent bad habits to finals week anxiety. My two least favorite weeks as a college student are finals week and the week before finals week. My biggest fear is cumulative finals, in which I have two. I've only passed one cumulative final in my time here at SIU, and that is because we spent the last two weeks (3 times a week) studying and basically reviewing every possible question that could be on the test. My two cumulative finals are a crap shoot!
  • I'm 20, but everyone that knows me can attest that I've aged quicker than someone my age should. My roommate Steven put it the best: you're stressed, balding, listening to Luther Vandross, reading poetry and looking in the classified ads. You know what that tells me? It tells me that Lu's having a mid-life crisis. And now that I had a moment to think about it, the only things I need are the young/hot/blonde girlfriend and the overly expensive, really fast convertable and I'd be well on my way to mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 20.
  • As for my dating dilemma. I've received my first Christmas gift this season, tickets to March 14th's Justin Timberlake concert in Chicago. 2 tickets to be exact. My mother said that I need to find a date for that concert. Expecting Lu to get a date (a serious date, not a friend date as my mother so specifically put it) is like expecting the Cubs to hire a top rate manager and signing the top free agent in the class in one year, if ever....wait....damn those "Loveable Loser" references and comparisons to myself are dwindling by the day. If I'm the last of the "loveable losers" who's gonna be the Boston Red Sox to my Chicago Cubs.....Anyways back to the post....First of all let me say that yes I know I'm going to a Justin Timberlake concert. Don't let his boy band past fool you, he's the man. He's reverse Michael Jackson! Have you heard the CD? It's hit-after-hit-after-hit and the beat goes on the CD is amazing!!!! I'm a major Timberlake fan since he's gone solo. The first album was great too! I'm excited to go to this concert. I'm not excited however about my date prospects because as of now I have none. And it kind of depresses me, especially when looking at my recent dating history. Last time I went after a girl with no assistance and made progress to the point where I asked her to a b-ball game, she disappeared. Literally, an A-student did not show up to class after I asked her if she'd like to go to a basketball game. Sounds like Lu's luck doesn't it? Sounds like a curse doesn't it? So let's look back even more. The last date that Lu hooked himself up on was senior prom, and that turned out well. And by well I mean an absolute train wreck where Lu was used as an emotional pawn to get attention from other guys. I know what you're thinking "Lu's got great friends, let them set you up on a blind date." Though I'll admit the blind dates haven't been horrible, they haven't been successful. The last time I let a friend try to hook me up with a girl, it ended with a meaningless kiss, reminiscent of one of those prodigious 500 foot Sammy Sosa home runs that would happen in the 8th or 9th inning when the Cubs were already down by 10 billion runs! Oh and the time before that, it was a girl who used her sisters picture's and faked her own death to not meet me. Thanks, Kevin for sending me into that depression that lead to something smart people call spurrilous correlation, which in normal folk terms, is a bunch of events that may or may not occur because of a specific moment. I believe that was one of those "beginning of the end" moments for me, my confidence and a certain someone last year. Enough sour grapes, this looks like the impossible dream. But as The Game said in his song Dreams: "Anything is possible, if 50 f*cked Vivica."

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Referring to my last statement of anything being possible, I turn to my roommate Steve and one of my favorite Steve quotes is "Everything is possible, but everything is not probable." Smart words from a smart cookie (won't call him cracker!) Good night from Carbondale!

Thursday, December 07, 2006


The third revised poem of the seven I wrote this year for ENGL 382A. It was actually the first poem I wrote for this class this year. I hope you enjoy (with explanation at the bottom.)

by Luis C. Medina

Because of distance
he's out of focus. When cropped, still
distant, a blurred shadow on the pier.
It clears and develops, exposing a shadow
of an aging sweatshirt and ripped jeans,
in the twilight of dwindling daylight.
Attempting to escape inevitable darkness
a single figure in the reflection of the river.

The photo poem. The idea was to take a picture of a family member and describe it and the family member portrayed in it. I chose a picture of my dad off in the distance fishing at the pier. It wasn't a quality picture because it was taken from far away at sunset and at a bad angle. I used that, flipped it and used it to describe my dad in a relaxed and reflective stage.

As for changes, I extended the poem making it longer by tweaking some line breaks. What I attempted to do with the line breaks I wanted a certain flow of the poem. I also (successfully) lengthened the length of my lines creating the pace and feel I wanted for this poem. Another addition is the part of what my dad is wearing. The "aging" clothes also puts across the idea of my dad aging as well, in addition I tweaked the closing to where it made more sense and took out the line of "reflecting in the reflection of the river." I didn't want to use the same word twice. That's one of the things I've learned this year when writing my poetry. I don't want to use the same word twice, and generally I don't want to use the same idea twice, though certain poems fall under certain meanings and stuff like that.

Questions? Comments? Drop one here!

Coming later a blog about Lu's dating dilemma, a possible mid-life crisis and the anticipation of finals week anticipation.

And Now Presenting PART TWO of Poetry Slam

Ahh, finally I got another work of poetry finalized for my portfolio. Though the last poem 'Gone' still has some unfinished business. My favorite thing about that last poem is that it could have been interpreted in so many different ways, it's great. I've had several friends ask who it's referencing, etc. So without futher ado, another poem that references my personal life, 'Missed Connections.'

by Luis C. Medina

Her eyes held me hostage
alone under dimmed light
and ominous discomforting silence
I was out of place, out of my mind
attempting to capture her heart.
Needing direction, love had me down
unsettled back roads lost while losing her;
and those sweet southern lips
that weren’t meant to be mine again.
Her wicked ways and poisonous kiss had me spellbound
as for her trick, a disappearing act.
Miscast as Miss Right, Miss Right Now
was a complete miss.

To be honest this is the fourth or fifth revision to this poem, so I hope people like it. The original had three stanzas which consisted of the girls I was referencing in this poem, and a closer stanza that tied them all together. I dropped the final stanza, and merged the other three stanzas (and the girls represented) into a one stanza poem. I cut out some unneed words and descriptions, or as I like to call it "cut out the fat."

FINAL NOTE: 'Missed Connections' was a poem that came with a lot of negative connotation from classmates and friends alike. Originally it was intended to be a list poem based off of the idea "the girls I kissed" which turned into "the girls i DIDN'T kiss" which turned into missed opportunities. As for the inspiration of the revision, I'll give some credit to Jay-Z's song "Dig A Hole" on his new album "Kingdom Come." I actually came up with the idea of rolling the three stanzas into one after this line "Why don't you get at ole boy? Why kill a puppet and keep Ghepetto alive?" Well, loosely based. The way I see it, putting 'em all together simplified everything in this poem. Thanks Jay!

Coming soon: Hopefully I'll have another poem revised. I've got a dilemma on my hands and don't know how to solve it (yet) and coming some time really soon Lu's Year In Review! And of course, suprises on the way!

BONUS: From the original creative writing genius of my family and her interpretation of my poem:
  • Sounds night stand or stood up by miss miss or just a slow dance that never quit completed the play. tantalizing.
  • u know i usually like seductress type/heartbreakers characters as my main characters, but interesting to read that from a guys point of view--u really got the less empowered side of hearbreaking but did it without totally dogging her out as a slut or as not sexy anymore, lou. thats hard to do.
  • poetry being the most powerful words in the least lines, or something like that. im impressed.

If you have thoughts, I'd like to hear them!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006


It's been a while since I've posted on the original blog. Like I've said before, I'm looking to change things. After watching tonight's episode of my new favorite television show 'What About Brian?' I learned one thing: distractions can be a good thing. And after a discussion with a close friend yesterday evening, my favorite distraction is the Chicago Cubs. So most of my attention has been put into the "other" blog because of rampant rumors and all-things Cub-related that I must put my two cents in.

With that said, here's an interesting tidbit. I recently wrote an essay responding to the question "Why Write?" and presented it in a meeting with my english teacher. One of the reasons I presented was that because there are so many forums and outlets to write why wouldn't one write? I explained blogging and its rising popularity relating it to how it seems that everyone has a blog, and the fact of the matter is that anyone can make a blog with my evidence being teachers here @ SIU and even NBA owner Mark Cuban are blog owners. I also indicted myself as a proud blog owner. My teacher asked if I had left the URLs for my blogs, I hadn't but it seemed as if he was interested. Not in a stalker-ish type way, but an intrigued type way, especially how I described my blogs. It made me wonder about the things I've written here over the years. And personally I don't regret one thing I have written on this site. I have nothing to hide. I remember the initial reasoning behind this blog was to re-incarnate the old satyrical articles from my high school days. Which ended up flopping, turning my blog into something people who I didn't talk to while I was at school could keep in touch with me. As things hit rough spots, the blog turned into a place for me to vent, complain, whine, cry, and emotionally let it all out without necessarily troubling any of my friends. Then my friends started reading it, and still didn't bother me what I wrote, because I've meant every word I've said (even the drunk ones.)

And now the blog has taken a different turn recently with the addition of my revised poetry (which I swear I'll get more up, it's been hell since I've posted the first poem.) So what's next for the blog? Who knows. I have one more gut-wrenching, heart breaking blog that I've been holding in for a week or so. I have a few more poems that need to be revised, that's around the corner. It's cold and it's December and that means 'The Year In Review' blog is around the corner, and this year I've promised a new twist to TYIR. Finals week is next week, nothing better to do to kill time than to post my feelings during finals week. And I'm sure there will be suprises along the way!

But I must say, the fact that anyone would be interested in my life, cool!