Thursday Night 10:09

So when its not one sickness it's another. As soon as i get over whatever-the-hell I had that had me in bed more than Paris Hilton, here comes the mysterious stomach illness that causes me to throw up 40 minutes before class starts, prompting me to stay home, at least for that class. Could it be stress? Maybe. Lack of care? No, I've taken good care of myself. Could it be the fact that everyone is spreading they're sickness? YES! It seems like everyone from me to the star of the basketball team is fighting flu like symptoms. It sucks. Stuffy head, runny nose, coughing, sneezing, dry mouth, just evertything sucked. I didn't go out, hell, I bearly left my room. That shit sucked. So now, after today I feel clean. I feel like its all out of my system. Well, I hope so. I still am not going out this weekend. In fact, I'm tired of going out. I've been out only once since I've been back. That's a fucking achievement. That is worthy of a scholarship of some kind isn't it? Granted, going out and getting wasted is the only thing to do around these parts, but I've done fine without it. I've been attending the basketball games, writing and reading poetry and watching a lot of Law and Order. No need to get wasted, I can have just as much fun with those that come back at 1 am wasted. That was much of the fun anyways. There is the only thing I miss about my former roommate, whenever I didn't wanna go out, or said I wouldn't go out, I'd end up out with him. But now, I make my own decisions, not like he made decisions for me or anything, I just found myself going out usually when he did. Sorry bout that first night buddy, honest mistake! lol. Wow, so classes were boring today. I didn't see that one girl again, I'm still head over heels over her, and in a class of 200 kids, I'll probably never see her again. Oh well, it was a nice view while it was there.
4 Days til Valentine's Day
I was thinking one day (I know, another amazing achievement) about Valentine's Day. And what everyone is telling me. What they're gonna do, who they're gonna do, their ultimate plans and all that crap. I had a revelation, I want to be part of that. Just once, I wanna buy a roses and place them on the doorsteps of the girls I like and the girls that I consider friends. I wanna send out lovey-dovey cards with catchy Valentine's Day slogans. I wanna eat those candies with those adorable sayings. I wanna be a secret admirer. I wanna give stuffed animals and candies as gifts. I wanna go out to dinner with a really nice girl, talk about the good times and have a good time. I want to come back, pop some popcorn and lounge around and snuggle with someone special. Finally, I want someone special so at least I can have one fond memory of Valentine's day. However, I can't, not for this year at least. It seems that I have my mind made up about Valentine's Day. My hate for it is holding back those other emotions I have inside of me. For how long, who knows, all I know is that I have 4 days to make a very important decision. Girls aren't making my feelings or decisions feel better or easier. The month of February, its cold, and the only good thing to come out of it is that pitchers and catchers report in 6 days. Keep it Pimpin...HOLLA AT YA BOY! As I finish this entry, the time at the tone is 10:37

The Good, The Bad, The Other

The Good: SIU wins, they pummelled Indiana state despite really crappy officiating in front of a lackluster croud at SIU arena. The fans that were there were rockin as always, but only 6,054 were in attendance. Classes were good, yet uneventful today despite a cell phone ringer war in history today. Very nice.
The Bad: Duke wins. I hate Duke. With an undying passion that rivals my hatred as a fan for the Cardinals, the Packers, the Knicks and Florida State Football. They're like the Yankees of college basketball. Except I can cheer for the Yankees because they unlike Chicago owners, put up whatever is necessary to win. Losing is unacceptable. I hate Duke, and they beat my favorite college team, UNC hoops. More than I like Michigan or Florida Football. More than I like my SIU hoops team, I love my UNC hoops that much more. The Program that Built Jordan. What makes it worse is that they lost by one. One fucking point. All those missed free throws, all those missed open jumpers, 22 turnovers and the worst game Rashad McCants has played all year. What a time to have your bad game. That was just as bad as when the Cubs decided to save their 3 worst playoff games in 2003 for games 5, 6 & 7 of the NLCS. Or when they decided to play their worst baseball against the worst teams in September (Reds, Expos, Mets). It kills me, the #2 team in the country lost, and now i gotta hear from the ILLINI-Board.com nation. Typing away that they get no respect, while they steal our (SIUs) coach and succeed with Bill Self's talent. You're #1, you get all the respect in the world, especially when Dickie V's tongue is snatched from Coach K's asscrack and placed in Illiniboard.coms bitches.
The Other: In a move that gives the Cubs a new look and continues the theme of getting rid of clubhouse cancers, the final step was taken today with the trade of Kyle Farnsworth to the Tigers. Sure, I'll miss Mrs. Farns, she was the best of all of the Cubs wives, granted she was a one night stand gone wrong, but you know how that goes when you're an athelete. Well, him and his 100 mph fastball is gone. But so is the mindset that throwin the 60 mph hanging curveball that gets hit 500 feet is better than throwing the unhittable 100 mph heat. Also, his gigantic redneck truck will be gone. Oh yeah, I'm pissed off at the rednecks down here in Carbondale. Who the hell do you think you are to boo the Jesse White tumblers. A buncha do good kids from the streets that are off the streets at least doing something. They entertained the hell out of you didn't they? You didn't expect that from a buncha black kids from Chicago did ya? No. Thats why us city people don't like "yall" sometimes, you judege to quickly, and then ya get mad when we do the same about you guys. Turnabout is fair play. Love you all, keep it pimpin!

How I spent my day

This day was awfully plain. I woke up for breakfast, but refused to go to my History 101B lecture siting the fact that I didn't feel like going to that class. I don't like being there, I don't like being in section, but its okay that I only miss one day. Geez, it's not like I'm cutting class and staying in my room all day watching BET and downloading porn. So, I did get up to go to my Health and Nutrition class, managing not to spend my time downloading porn, however I did watch BET. I spent my time recovering from my lack of sleep I received last night while tossing and turning thinking about..i don't even remember what I was thinking about..wow i feel like a dumbass. Well, back to class. I like to sit in the back left corner of my Health and Nutrition because I am generally isolated, I can take notes, while reading the paper at the same time, because of all of the empty desks. However, something caught my eye today in class, it was a girl. Not just any run-of-the-mill gal, this one was the goods. Grade A, a dime, a certified 20, a silver dollar. She was fresh, hot, sexy, stunning. Or as I'd like to say, girl had talent! She was perfect, beautiful flowing hair, even clean and shiny. Her eyes were bright and hazel...killer eyes. THE PERFECT BODY. Nice chest, stomach flat like it got steamrolled. Girl had it going on. And she had those jeans with the holes in them, and to me, as dumb as I think that trend is, on certain girls its super sexy. Now, don't get me wrong, this girl is totally not my type, in fact she's totally out of my league. But once in a while that girl comes along. She's untouchable, on a pedastal somewhere not for you to approach, but for you to see like if it was a shrine or to appreciate. She's eye candy. That was her today, and she sat next to this guy, and he didn't even seem to flinch. This might be my immaturity here kicking in, but I'm already fidgety in a dark classroom and have a short attention span, thank my lucky stars she didn't sit next to me. I'd be more jumpy than a drug dealer at the border. I would've approached her, if not for my new found fear of failure, and the fact that she'd probably laugh me off like I was just another dude in her ever-so-precious space. So, since I couldn't get close to her at all, I found myself doing what most teenage boys do...undressing her with my eyes. I felt like such a dog, such a perv such a tool for doing so, but believe me, I didn't do it on purpose, I really didn't, that's not me. I felt so bad for doing so. I apologize to all women for acting the way I did. Maybe that'll clear my conscience. Well, anyways, I undressed her with my eyes. A glance from the corner of my eye had her leaned back in the chair topless, running her hands through her hair. Shook that one off, Louie calm down. Another glance, she's rubbing her stomach. LOUIE DAMN IT CONCENTRATE! Took a couple of notes about the..I don't even remember what I took notes on..she's sitting there naked, like nothing is wrong. That's cuz nothing was wrong and she was fully clothed. But not in my eyes. Wow, that must feel degrading to be one of those women who gets that stare. And I'm suprise she didn't catch me. Wow, I'm soo sexually frustrated right now. Not to the point in which I'm desperate for the next girl that walks in my door, but desperate enough to make a plea to several girls and just throw my Valentine's morals out the window just to test the waters. Wow, nothing compares to that moment in Health class. Nothing will probably, until the day I get some. Someday I'll make some girl happy...I wish it was today and I wish it was her.
Oh yeah, and after class I went back to my room to watch BET, from Justin to Kelly (possibly the worst musical ever written) and I ate and went to the Rec Center and got me a hella work out by playing Butts Up. I'll explain that tomorrow and I will talk more about from Justin to Kelly and how that burns more brain cells than drinking and takes time off your life while adding years on to it. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

5-18-7-96 All Relevant Numbers, And I'll Tell You Why (No, Not the Winning Lotto Numbers Either)

You're all probably confused about the numbers heading this post. I'll keep it very simple for ya. 5 days until Valentine's day in which I will spend my 18th year alone, and a number not mentioned 1st without Fannie May candies to keep me happy. It is really gonna take a lot for me to get over this day. A friend and I were talking about my hatred for it and he's mad that I let the day get to me. I'm mad about that too, I get fucked up over the most stupid shit. When I get pissed about Valentine's Day, I should think about some poor kid across the globe who wishes he was in my situation complaining about not having someone special for Valentine's Day, instead of having something to really complain about, like not having enough money to support the family from day to day. That'd be something to truely complain about, not some stupid wannabe holiday. 7 days until Pitchers and Catchers report to Cubs spring training. Only the greatest time of the year. Those are the best words ever to come out of any sportscasters mouth because its cold, and grey, and whenever I hear "Pitchers and Catchers Report" I can't help but think about sunny Arizona where they train. That leads to visions of the fully blossomed green ivy on the outfield walls, the girls in the bleachers, hot times in the city, and a summer day in my Graceland, Wrigley Field. All of the good times pop into my head. Like when Sammy Sosa beat the Astros with a walk off homerun off Brad Lidge on my birthday. Carlos Zambrano beats the White Sox in a 2-1 thriller. Sammy hits a game winning homer that shatters the window of a building across the street. And all of the heckling I did to guys like Austin Kearns, Raul Mondesi, Billy Koch and Braden Looper just to name a few. However, the 96 stands for how many years it has been since the Cubs have won the World Series, which would bring the ultimate happy thought to me. If the Cubs ever won the Series, all my cares would be thrown out the window. I would be the happiest person in the world. Happier than any announcer, any player, any fan or any one else associated with that team. Why? Because I have associated myself with that team all of my life, through good and through ALL OF THE BAD! I'd cry, I swear on everything I would cry because I would be so happy. Heck, I'm watering just thinking about what I would be feeling in that moment. I wouldn't even worried about Valentine's Day, I'd just pawn it off as Cubbie day and I'd gift myself with some chocolates and some Cubs memorablia. Instead of popping in a phat Booty Mix, I'd pop in the tape of the World Series clincher. I'd be sitting on my couch, with my stuffed Cubbie Bear, eating a hot dog with grilled onions, a Pepsi and a Frosty Malt while I watched the game in all of my Championship gear, under my warm Cubbie blanket. I'm just gonna stop here, because if I write anything else on this page that doesn't have to do with this, it will ruin my moment.

Team Playmaker

Now that the football season is now over, it is time to reward those who truely made this football season worth watching.
The Playmakers <Coached by: Bill Parcells (Head coach), Tom Moore (offense), Jim Johnson (Defense), Mike Singletary (Special Teams)>
Quarterbacks: Peyton Manning (Colts), Michael Vick (Falcons), Donovan McNabb (Eagles)
Running Backs: Curtis Martin (Jets), LaDanian Tomlinson (Chargers), Willis McGahee (Bills)
Wide Receivers/Tight Ends: Terrell Owens (Eagles), Marvin Harrison (Colts), Randy Moss (Vikings), Tony Gonzalez (Chiefs), Alge Crumpler (Falcons)
The Heavy Hitters
Defensive Line: Julius Peppers (Panthers), Dwight Freeney (Colts)
Linebacksers: Ray Lewis (Ravens), Keith Brooking (Falcons)
Defensive Backs: Brian Dawkins (Eagles), Ed Reed (Ravens), John Lynch (Broncos)
Special Teams: Brad Maynard (Bears, Punter), David Akers (Eagles, Kicker), Allen Rossum (Kick Returner)

My predictions for next year:
Division winners: Patriots (AFC East), Colts (AFC South), Ravens (AFC North), Broncos (AFC West)
Wild Cards: NY Jets, Jacksonville Jags.
Divison Winners: Eagles (NFC East), Falcons (NFC South), Rams (NFC West), Vikings (NFC North)
Wild Cards: Carolina Panthers, Dallas Cowboys
Conference Champions: Colts (AFC), Eagles (NFC)
Champions: Eagles
MVP: Peyton Manning
Rookie of the Year: Cedrick Benson (running back)
Defensive Player of the Year: Julius Peppers

The End of the Day

Wow, today sucked sooo much. I haven't eaten all day, except lunch...I had a hot dog and some chips. I've been so sick, today my stomach felt like crap and taht added on to my sickness. I'm one sick bastard I tell you what. Other than that, I spent my night in my bed, I've been so tired. I really would like someone to talk to but its hard to communicate when you're passed out in your bed all day and all night. Since 2 o'clock I've been in my room. Golly, I wish I wasn't so damn sick. The way things are going, I'll never go to the Pit again, which wouldn't be a bad thing necissarily. I'd be saving a lot of money by doing so. I'm so happy, only 8 days until spring training for my Cubs. So happy because finally the only controversies will be on the field. And the only criticisms will go to the Cubs front office, not to any particular player. Finally, hopefully we can have a good spring training, and a good year. I really have nothing else to say, because my mind is hazy, cloudy and cold, like the Carbondale night. 7 days left tho, thats what I can say!

Monday Morning Mayhem

It's 2:34 and I just finished my english paper rough draft. You're probably wondering why I waited for so long to do it. First of all, it was assigned on Friday. Why didn't I work on it Friday? I don't do anything Friday except laundry and go out. I didn't go out because of my illness that is currently pissing me off because I've now got a sore throat. So, I spent my Friday night in, chillin, playin X Box, watching TV and listening to music. Saturday, I slept til noon, like I usually do, played X Box and spent my night writing on my blog, wallowing in my own misery and doing laundry. I spent Saturday night/Sunday morning taking care of the drunks that came in that night. Sunday, was Super Bowl Sunday, nothing gets done until after the game. Great game, but of course my team lost. Philly played like crap. After the 1st interception, I called that those lack of points was gonna cost them. It did, they lost by 3. The least they would've gotten is a field goal if not for the INT. It's funny, cuz we did the ESPN NFL 2K5 simulation and we got the same 24-21 score with McNabb throwing for over 300 yards with 3 interceptions. T.O. also had 9 catches for 100 yards in both games. And in both games, an Adam Vinatieri field goal in the middle of the fourth quarter sealed the game. Both games ended on a Rodney Harrison INT. Wow, that was a really good simulation. Only difference is that in the simulation, David Akers, Philly's kicker missed three 40 yard field goals. Akers didn't attempt one during this game. Congrats to the Pats though, the first dynasty of this century. Granted I hate them, but you gotta give credit where credit is due. However, MAD props to my favorite receiver in the NFL, Terrell Owens, who proved that he was able to play and if not for him, that game wouldn't have even been close. T.O. is the man, and as soon as I get the money, I'm buying a T.O. jersey. No doubt. This game proved one thing to me as a Bears fan...THEY'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO! No consistent running game, no offensive line, a quarterback who has only played in 3 full games entering his third year, a receiving squad full of #3 receivers and an irrelavent tight end. Bears fans, if we win 8 games next year, consider it a feat.
Valentine's Update
7 days until Valentine's Day. It's funny, because everyone has an idea for me. Louie should do this or Louie should do that. It's all a blur to me. I don't know what I should do if anythign at all. You know my stance, I don't want to do anything that jeopordize any friendships, I don't want to do anything that would make me look like more of an idiot than I already am and I don't want to go out with anyone "just as friends." I'm kinda tired of that. Being "just friends" with a girl can only go on for so long. And once again, I see the girls in situations around me, and I look at myself and I say to myself, "I could be a good guy for them in all of these situations." But it seems that girls lvoe to be in drama filled situations, and I'm not a drama guy at all. Just for once, I wish I could step up, be smooth, sweep one of these gals of their feet and get the god damned monkey off my back. We'll see. But that won't happen, you know why, it's very simple. Whenever I talk to a girl and she has something to say about me it is usually one of the following statements. "You speak so well." "You're such a great friend." "You're so well spoken." "You're such a nice guy." "You'll make a girl very happy one day." First of all, what the fuck did you expect me to sound like. Yes, I know, I'm tanned and when I don't shave for a week I look like a caveman/terrorist, but damn, I made it to college somehow, and it wasn't because I speak bustdown english. I'm no fuckin' border hopper, so throw that out the window. Secondly, great friend/nice guy, once again, what did you expect. Not all of us Puerto Ricans are loud, obnoxious violent assholes. Me, I'm loud, sometimes. Obnoxious, arrogant, confident...proud is a much better description. Violent, not at all, I must be really pissed to raise my voice. I do not typify your stereotypical Puerto Rican...ain't I great. My favorite is the "you'll make some girl very happy one day." Some girl, what some random girl. I can do that everyday by buying some random broad something superficial, they'll be happy. I can make a girl who doesn't get any guys to talk to her happy by actually talking to her. I can make really hot girls very happy by not even approaching them, saving their time and mines. So yeah, I can make girls happy. Now, the true meaning to that statement, that's gotta mean a long term relationship, that I'll make a girl happy in a long term relationship. I am a virgin, now I have my doubts sometimes, will I ever shed that label. Hell, my biggest fear is not terrorists or the southside of Chicago, my fear (well, when it comes to my women relations) is that I will be one and done. Meaning, I'll get with one girl and that'll be the one I marry. Now, if I know that's the one, like I have an idea of who I'd like that to be, that's cool. But I doubt that will happen. I wanna test the waters, I want to check the market before I put all my eggs in one basket. There are 4 to 5 girls that if right now this second called me and said "Let's Get Married" I would have no regrets being one and done. They're either in relationships or are looking elsewhere now. We'll see. Who knows, I got 3 years of college, at least, left in me. However, there have been a lot of expectations of me and for me when I went down here. There is one that is sticking in my head and won't escape me. "If you don't get laid in Carbondale, you will never get laid." My roommate didn't get laid, came close but couldn't seal the deal. Me, I've gone nowhere. The coach called me in from the stands to hit a pinch-hit single. I found myself woke up in some random girls room in another building, but nothing since that November night. That's a lotta pressure, intended or not, that quote just haunts me every time I go out. It's like the damned goat. I swear, I just might sacrifice me a goat before this baseball season starts and say to hell with it and just nail some random chick. But that will be giving in, and that's not me. It's not who I am to just nail some random girl at a party and never talk to her again. Is that college? Yes. Is that the way the ball bounces sometimes? Yes. Do I have a problem with one night stands? No. But that damned conscience of mines sometimes won't shut up and keeps me up all night. Asshole! Well, it's 3:09 am and I have class at 10 am. I gotta catch some ZZZZs. Holla at me at the other side of this commercial break. To update, 7 days til Valentine's Day, and there's a lotta shit on my platter. Oh for some Fannie May chocolate. MMMMM!

What a difference a couple of hours makes

Wow! I love this place. As soon as I said I waas bored, lonely and damn near depressed, 1 oclock rolled around, meaning the drunks were coming back. Oh, thats the most fun. We have some of the most interesting conversations. Like, seperating the city people from the fake city people. Or the effect of hip-hop and urban culture on foreigners. The hip-hop generation in general. I see myself in a lot of these people. Difference is I'm a little more quiet and I like going to bed when I'm drunk. I like showering and sleeping. I can't wait til Valentine's day so I can get fucked up like these people that I spent the wee hours of this morning take care of. Wow, so far my college experience has been full of such drama only rivaled by crap that I went through in grammar school and in high school. But I'm beyond that. Problem is, stuff I experienced daily back in the city, its about damn time that country folks deal with it. We shall se what the outcome is like. Oh by the way GO EAGLES! McNabb better rep the CHI right!

A Lonely Saturday Night in Carbondale

It would figure that with only 8 days left until Valentine's Day, that I would spend tonight alone while everyone else enjoyed their night at the Pit. Tonight typifies why I hate Valentine's Day with an undying passion rivaled only by my hatred for the ignorance of certain Cardinals, White Sox and Packers fans. Damn near everyone on the floor has been out either Thursday night, last night or is currently out tonight...except me. The floor is quiet, with people randomly walking down the halls, and only I have my door open and am currently doing my laundry. Right now, I'm listening to 50 Cent's remix of Justin Timberlake's 'Cry Me a River.' Awesome song, added to that is 50s rawness. I think I'm gonna try working on a Valentine's Day rap mix. It has to fit a certain mood that fits me. A little angry, a little raw, a little rugged ness and anger towards the day of St. Valentine's. Maybe I'll throw in a little bit of the soul of hip hop with Kanye West, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, with some Nas and Jay-Z. Maybe I need a new Slow Jams CD. I dunno what I'm gonna do. I really wanna go out and celebrate the single life by getting as crunked up as possible, but I truely am having second thoughts. I don't want that to be a common theme in my life, drinking due to anger. I look outside, its dark, and there are cops out there. The parking lot is half empty (or half full depending how you see it) and as lonely as I am in here, its better than being pulled over by a cop. I'm honestly weighing my "other" Valentine's Day options. I've got something at home, that I am pretty confident in which I can get if I wanted. Problem is that I want no part of it. Not like I don't want her as a friend, but I can't be with her like that. I've been in that situation. I've been the guy that the girl will just be a friend with, but won't dare take it to the next level. I don't mind, I guess, at the time I didn't. I kinda do know, because I feel unappreciated and I feel like I've been overlooked all my life. But ya gotta take your bumps before you win. See, the thing is I feel like I've taken more than bumps, I've taken a beating, from the blindside by several steroid using Major League baseball hitters with aluminum baseball bats. I hate beating up on myself, but that is how I truthfully feel about my situation. Pardon me, back to my situation. So, I got her at home, but I really don't want her. Then there's the girl down here that I go to school with. Don't get me wrong, the campus is full of dimes, silver dollars and certified 20s, but those girls seem very outta reach to me. There's someone that I'm head over heels for, and I've felt this way since the beginning of the year, but that damned personality trait (aka my shyness) kicks in. I don't feel like saying anything to her, because I don't wanna fuck up any friendship we have and therefore creating awkwardness between us. If everything was equal, I don't see things working out between us because I don't seem like her type, but honestly, I have yet to inquire about her type, so who knows? Well, I do. I know all. So maybe, I roll the dice. What's the worst that can happen? That's not a question you ask me with my smart ass attitude and the creativity that I have in my mind, I can paint the picture through writing on the worse thing that can happen to me on Valentine's Day. But that is a whole other blog for a whole other day. To continue my original thought however, when I think about her, I think about a poem I recently read. To summarize, the poem talks about a dog walker who lets their dog out to run free after a fresh snow. The dog spends a lot of time in the snow playing in it, but refuses to return. The owner just decides to let him go, cut ties with the dog. That's how I feel. I can see them happy elsewhere, so why postpone that for them and just let me cut my ties now. But that's like quitting, and if I damn Sammy Sosa for quitting, I should damn myself for even remotely thinking about quitting. Though I have basically quit on Valentine's day, but I'm not alone. So now, I have several Valentine's Day options. Option #1: Buckle to the pressure and get the girl at home. Option #2: In the words of Jay-Z I go out there and"Mike Jordan 'em," meaning make my last ditch, clutch, come from behind, and make the best move that I can out there for her. Nothing flashy necissarily, just get the job done. Option #3: A new option, go out to the pit and try to get some, at least for one night. Option #4: Go out to the Pit and get crunked up. Option #5: The most difficult option. That would be to go on with Valentine's Day like it was just another day. Calmly and smoothly without a care in the world. Yeah, like Cubs-Cardinals is just another game. Like Carolina-Duke is just another game. Like the Superbowl is just another game. We'll see what happens.