Monday, June 04, 2007

I'm Moving!

Not out of the city. Not out of my apartment. Just to a new blog. It will be a lot like this one, but with some changes.
  • This will be the all-in-one blog. Sports views, poems, music reviews, movie reviews....everything will be posted here.
  • The blogs will be more focused. Clearer thoughts will lead to less nonsense and less randomness.
I'm turning 21 in less than one month and I figure it was time to move on from this blog and start fresh as I turn 21. Don't get me wrong, this blog isn't going anywhere. I'm keeping it around, mostly for referencing the past.

My new site is

Find me there and keep on reading!

An Open Letter To Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo

Dear Mr. Romo:

I am addressing this to you because of some recent headlines you have made.

So I hear you're breaking up with Carrie Underwood during the football season. Big mistake, buddy. Why? Why would someone do such a stupid thing? You must be retarded. You are retarded, right? Because no one in their right mind would break up with Carrie Underwood.

Maybe you were scared off by the Before He Cheats music video. I guess I can't blame you, I know the wrath of women myself (especially the hot blonde & Southern type) and I wouldn't want Carrie (or any one for that matter) swinging at my ride like they were Barry Bonds.

But it's obvious that you would rather sleep with NFL floozies, whores, roadies and groupies that probably have diseases that haven't been discovered/named yet instead of someone who actually has a future. Heck, maybe you'll end up hooking up with T.O.--bringing new meaning to his position "wide receiver." If that's your journey, enjoy yourself.

When you end up like Shawn Kemp with dozens of baby mommas, countless kids and more child support checks I don't wanna hear about it. When you end up on the Maury Show as one of the guys who is tested cuz someone doesn't know who their baby's daddy is, I'll be watching and laughing hysterically.

In the meanwhile, Carrie will be putting out hit-after-hit and will end up being the most successful of the American Idol winners.

I tell you what Mr. Romo, if you're really looking for someone to take Carrie off your hands I'm more than willing to offer my services. Show her a real man, and not end up having a country song written about how I cheated on the best thing that would ever walk into my life.

Heck, maybe she would be able to inspire me to write a happy poem.

Again, thank you for your time and for making Ms. Underwood single again. If somehow you end up on my Fantasy Football team in the fall, I hope you don't make these types of bone-head decisions on the field.


Luis C. Medina

P.S. Laces out!!!! lol

Sunday, June 03, 2007

A Day At The Ballpark

To quote rapper Ice Cube, "Today was a good day."

I spent my day at beautiful Wrigley Field watching the Cubs beat the Braves 10-1. Amazingly, I believe that it was the first time the Cubs scored in double digits all year. Good for them, it's about damn time. After Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett slugged it out in the dugout with fists (instead of on the field with their bats) and Lou Piniella's classic tirade (that MLB is suspending him indefinitely for) the Cubs offense did what it is being paid to do---out-slug the competition.

LF Alfonso Soriano, 1B Derrek Lee and 2B Mark DeRosa homered. DeRosa's home run was a fist inning Grand Slam to left center field, Soriano's was a line drive to the left field basket and Lee's was a wind-blown shot into the first row of the right field bleachers.

Sean Marshall pitched 6 2/3 innings of solid baseball matching a career high with eight strikeouts in his first win this season. Marshall has been a tough luck pitcher in his previous starts this year with the big club, a victim of little-to-no run support.

On a personal note, it was great to be back at Wrigley Field. I love that place: win, lose or draw. I love it even more when they win. I had awesome seats. Field box, a few rows from the right field wall (think Bartman seats down the right field line) at mostly sunny Wrigley Field.

I even ran into an old classmate from grammar school, Keegan Daley and his father. Keegan and I went to LaSalle Language Academy together from 5th to 8th grade. It's something like that is why I love Chicago. I come home and I run into someone I haven't seen in a few years and we catch up. It's always good to run into people from the past and catch up.\

That's about it. The Cubs have a big series against the first place Milwaukee Brewers. If the Cubs can win two of three games, I give them a fighting chance in the worst division in baseball. Also, I'll be watching for the ruling on Sweet Lou's suspension.

I think MLB is irresponsible and wrong for suspending Piniella, who has done this act before. I don't think it's right because suspending Sweet Uncle Lou will likely lessen the chances of he (and other managers) from arguing with umpires. If managers can't voice their disagreements with umpires, then what's the point knowing umpires will have all of the power.

That's all for now. Goodnight. Changes are in the works.

NOTES: The Cubs are now 2-0 in games I am attending. It's like they see me come through the door and they say to themselves, "Damn, not this guy again. We better win before we lose our last die-hard fan."

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

10 Things I Learned This Semester!

After first semester ended I came up with a list of the things I learned the previous semester while on my way back from SIU's basketball game at Indiana University. When I got home, I posted them here.

This time, I had a long trip from Carbondale but didn't think about the things I learned from this semester. But I've been thinking about the lessons I've learned this semester. Here are 10 of them:

  1. It's not the size of the Dawg, it's the size of the heart in the Dawg. Under sized and under talented according to experts SIU shocked many by making it to the Sweet 16 this year, losing to NCAA powerhouse Kansas University by three friggin' points. If you listened to "experts" SIU might as well have not shown up for the game, but they did and they made Saluki Nation a group of happy individuals.
  2. $300 million doesn't buy what it used to. Cubs fans, including myself, made a big deal about Tribune Company opening up the purse strings this off-season with a free-agent splurge. The most entertaining part of this season has been manager Lou Piniella, who has provided several intriguing sound bites.
  3. Even a blind squirrel can find a nut. It's one of my favorite sayings and I'm applying it to the St. Louis Cardinals who miraculously won the '06 World Series. Since that fluke-ish run, the Cards are currently sitting at the bottom of the NL Central thanks to a struggling offense, a depleted starting rotation and lots of controversy such as drunk driving incidents by manager Tony LaRussa and a fatal one by reliever Josh Hancock.
  4. If it weren't for poetry, I'd probably be insane. Last semester I said "when in doubt, write it out." It was true again this semester. Let's face it people, if it wasn't for poetry I'd probably be insane, lying in a puddle of alcohol, not attending SIU. Thank you poetry for saving me!
  5. Nobody's perfect, except the 17 pitchers that have thrown perfect games. Again, one of my favorite quotes, this one I take full credit for. I've been "flirting with perfection" as they say, or what I thought was perfection and I've learned that what I once thought was perfect really isn't. Hence, learning that nobody is perfect and my idea of "perfection" doesn't necessarily exist.
  6. Sex doesn't necessarily equal love. I guess that is why one night stands were invented. I always thought sex was a product of love, I was wrong. Mark this down, I admit that I was wrong. Once. Don't think it's gonna happen again!
  7. It's time to let go of the past. This was a very tough lesson to learn, but it had to be learned eventually. Unfortunately you can't change the past and that sucks. And as much as you'd like to leave your past behind you, it always catches up to you, so don't ignore it. Embrace it (cautiously) and learn from your mistakes. It's easy to nit-pick things and say "woulda...coulda...shoulda..." and that things would be different. Eventually I figured out that everything happens for a reason. It might not be reasonable, it may not make sense now and it probably won't make ya feel better right away; but eventually everything will fall into place (hopefully.)
  8. My "theories" are just that, theories. I once coined myself as "The Man Of Theories" because I have a lot of theories about a lot of things. Life, love, conspiracies, etc. Well, this semester I learned that not all of my theories are correct. Some of them, are---but not all of them. I guess that is what separates theories from fact....and that's why they make erasers, white out & the backspace button. Mistakes happen.
  9. Life STILL imitates art. I compared a lot of certain life experiences to one of my new favorite shows What About Brian? and the hits kept coming in the second semester. For example, Brian (a.k.a. the character loosely based on me) can't say no to cute blondes and is always too little too late when the right girl for him comes along. Unfortunately the season finale was also the series finale and the show ended on a cliffhanger. A damn shame in my eyes.
  10. I Make Too Many Mistakes For My Own Good. But somehow I survive these mistakes, not by much though. It's not like they are life altering mistakes, instead they are "minor" mistakes that just nag and aggravate me. My fear is that the small mistakes will build to something major that will be the end of me. My hope is that it doesn't happen.

  1. Sports Mean A Lot To Me. I don't know what I would do with myself if not for sports. Sports make for a great escape from real life. There's just something about an event that you can't directly control that puts things into perspective. A special thanks to my favorite sports teams for giving me a few smiles.
  2. Happy poems aren't my expertise and are few and far between. I can't write happy poems. Well, I can, but they suck and come off as over-the-top attempts that are comparable to a fake smile. People have asked me to write happy poems. I've tried, and failed. People have asked how someone like myself writes the gut-wrenching poems I write. One word (or is it two?): heartbreak (heart break?)
  3. A Lot Of My Poems Are Based On One Topic. Read a poem and think. That's all you have to do to figure out what I'm writing about. I didn't think that one topic can be portrayed in so many different ways.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Another Week Gone By...

...and another week full of unfulfilled promises.

I know in my last blog 8 days ago I promised new poetry, things I learned this semester, thoughts on the movie Serendipity and surprises along the way. None of those have happened. I've been busy with work and things like that.

The poetry hasn't come along for several reasons. Am I inspired? Not really, I'm finding it a little difficult to write without due dates and deadlines. However, my lack of poetry isn't because of a lack of topics. I have so much on my mind and a lot of topics to touch on. I have snippets here and there scribbled on notepads, in notebooks and on random pieces of paper. Right now I am working on a poem "Before You" which talks about my "dream girl." Then there's an untitled piece where I offer my apologies for friendships gone wrong. There are some other pieces in the works, but nothing finalized at this point. The one that is closest to being done is "Before You." And yes, I'm still working on "The Georgia Series" but right now that's at a bit of a standstill, writer's block has the best of me when it comes to that set of poems.

As for the things I've learned this semester, I've got a Top 10 list and a list of things that you (my friend/reader) should have learned this semester from this blog. The Top 10 will likely be done before any poem will.

As for the movie Serendipity, my mother loves it. She thinks that I should love it too. "It's about destiny and fate and what's meant to be..." that's where I'd cut my mother off. Is it a good movie? Intriguing is the better word. It's a total chick flick that is supposed to fool you into believing that true love is attainable. Not only that, but I think that it's messed up that they put each other through some bogus tasks to figure out if they were meant for each other. If it wasn't a movie, they could have drastically f*cked up each others lives by fooling around with the love gods. They're lucky it's a movie.

Another movie review: The Sandlot 2 was absolutely terrible. Worst movie ever, it's worse than Alpha Dog, worse than Titanic, worse than Starship is the! Period, paragraph, end of story. They went away from waht made the original Sandlot the greatest movie of all time. It was about tying life lessons together with America's Past Time. In Sandlot 2, the plot was terrible. The punch lines were terrible. Everything was predictably bad and it's a shame that someone thought it was a good idea to make a sequel to a movie that didn't need a sequel. Shame on them.

Music review: R. Kelly's Double Up is my second favorite album of 2007. Timbaland's Shock Value is still number one as of now, but Double Up has some serious fire and makes a great argument to be my favorite album of this year. He's got awesome guest spots from Snoop Dogg (Double Up), Nelly (Tryin' To Get A Number), Chamillionaire (Get Dirty) among other guest spots. The lead single I'm A Flirt (Remix) featuring T.I. & T-Pain is another highlight of the album. But the best track is the duet between 'Kells' and Usher 'Same Girl.' That track will probably end up being one of the 10 best songs of 2007. R. Kelly's raunchy lyrics, along with the guest appearances make this a very worthwhile album.

Alright, that's it for now. Again coming soon:
  • Poetry (maybe)
  • Top 10 Things I Learned This Semester (definitely)
  • Surprises along the way.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I Didn't Forget About You Mr. Blog!

I've been home a little more than a week, this is what I got:

  • It feels good to be home. Starting with the "Ribfest," I've felt good about being home. The grades were really good too. 1 A, 3 Bs & 1 C. Not bad. I think what feels the best about the grades is that I truly feel as if I earned those grades. I worked hard and focused. And yes, a lot went wrong this semester. A lot went wrong this school year. Hell, a lot has gone wrong for the last 2+ years. But the idea that I can get on facet of my life on track makes me feel a little bit good about myself.
  • Oh, and I'll be employed too. That's another thing that has me feeling good. I haven't worked a steady job since summer 2005 and I'm looking forward to making some ca$h money! Again, I'm happy because I feel like I am prioritizing correctly and that's something to feel good about.
  • The Cubs can make me feel good, sometimes. When they play like they did on Friday and Saturday, I feel good. When they play like they did Sunday and for 3 out of the 4 games of the Mets series, then they make me want to curl up in a corner and cry. But I guess taking 2 of 3 in the Crosstown Classic will do for now. The schedule doesn't get any easier. 3 against San Diego with the first game pitting Cubs lefty Rich Hill against San Diego ace Jake Peavy.
  • Another thing I like about the summer is the new music and movies that come out. I'm really looking forward to getting a chance to see movies like Shrek The Third, Ocean's Thirteen & The Simpsons Movie. That's just a small sample size. Music wise, there's always gonna be a few good albums coming out. I'm looking forward to albums from Fabolous, Chamillionaire, Linkin Park, etc. I know I'll be keeping my eye out for new tracks such as Kanye West's Can't Tell Me Nothing or First Time by Fabolous & Rihanna.
  • And finally, the best thing that I have going for me is a new mindset. Last summer I wasn't focused, not by a long shot. My priorities were not in the right place, and at the end of the summer it hurt me mentally. I was all about "summer love" and blah...blah...blah. I say "who needs it?" I'll admit that the idea of "summer love" is a splendid thought. But so is world peace, ending hunger and the Cubs having a shortstop that has a career on-base percentage over .290. As long as I stay focused, I'll be happy (relatively speaking).
Coming Soon:
  • New poetry (yay!)
  • Things I learned this semester
  • Thoughts about the movie Serendipity
  • And surprises along the way!

Monday, May 14, 2007

A Look Ahead To The Cross-Town Classic

Thankfully, Finals Week is over and I am home sweet home for the summer and I have some things to look forward to.

First, I need a job. I want a job. I want money. Lots of money. I need ca$h money a.s.a.p. so I can pay for my expensive college life style. But another thing I need money for is baseball--Cubs baseball.

Cubs tix aren't cheap, not by a long shot....and it's very UN-likely that I can get some Cubs/Sox tix for this weekend because I don't have much money in my name.

So I'll take a look at a preview from a far.

The Cubs will have a few distinct advantages. As the home team, the White Sox will be without the designated hitter. I am not a fan of the designated hitter. The idea of someone hitting for the pitcher is like having someone on the bench coming in to shoot Shaq's free throws.

Not only will the Sox not have a designated hitter, the guy who is their designated hitter won't be off the DL until after the series. Jim Thome, even at this age and being injury prone this year, is still a dangerous left handed bat off the bench.

The Sox will have their advantages too. They're at home for this week---their road games will be eight miles north of U.S. Cellular Field. And of course they have the master motivator Ozzie Guillen, who loves to play the underdog card and Sox fans eat it up.

Oh, and the Cubs kinda have sucked at home, record wise.

The Cubs will be out in Flushing, N.Y. playing one of the best offenses in baseball when they play the NY Mets in a four game series in the midst of their 13 consecutive games.

With all that said, I'm still looking forward to Cubs/Sox this weekend at Wrigley, specifically these pitching match-ups.

FRIDAY: Mark Buehrle (CWS) vs. Ted Lilly (CHC)
SATURDAY: Javier Vazquez (CWS) vs. Jason Marquis (CHC)
SUNDAY: John Danks (CWS) vs. Carlos Zambrano (CHC)

Those should be fun games, though I wish that the Cubs could have lined up their pitching staff to where "Triple-A piece of sh*t" (as referred to as by Guillen) Rich Hill could have pitched this weekend with the majority support of Cubdom and the Friendly Confines.

Here's hoping the Cubs can split against the Mets, which would be a major success. Though I'd prefer that they picked up 3 of 4 and take 4 of 7 from the road trip. Then take 2 of 3 from the White Sox.

Seems like I"m asking a lot, but all three Sox starters are beatable. Yes, even Buerhle, he of the April no-hitter.


  • The Cubs will face two lefties---meaning two games w/o Jacques Jones and Cliff Floyd---though Jones should start on Friday---he has a high career average against the White Sox.
  • Hopefully Zambrano will be motivated to the point where he knows a possible future employer will be watching carefully in the visiting dug out with Guillen, a fellow Venezuelan.
  • The Cubs will have their two big free agent acquisitions going back-to-back on Friday and Saturday. Lilly and Marquis have been impressive so far, but could really earn their keep in the eyes of Cubs fans with a pair of quality starts against the cross-town rivals.
  • We could see which team won this off-season's cross-town trade. Neal Cotts has been the best lefty out of the pen and arguably the Cubs best reliever. David Aardsma is one of the league leaders in strikeouts, WHIP & ERA out of the bullpen. His 100 MPH fastball would be quite nice---looks like Don Cooper straightened out his mechanics and his control problems.
  • Lou Piniella gets his first taste of the cross-town classic as a manager. Piniella vs. Guillen: need I say more?
This could/should be fun!

Friday, May 11, 2007

It's Al Come Down To This

Post #365---feels like there have been many more than this...well there is that other site---which I might quit with but who knows.

Anyway, it's all come down to this. Finals week at SIU. 5 days that define about 120 days of knowledge. Doesn't seem fair, but that's college life. You know what else isn't fair--bookstore buy back policies. The university and the bookstores around campus are making a KILLING in this industry---not to mention the parent companies that put these book packages together. It's so not fair to the students....or in my case my parents who pay for the books. $300 worth of books shouldn't give me a return of $32.50. That is wrong on SO MANY LEVELS!

Anyway, back on topic.

This roller coaster semester, heck, this roller coaster year will end sometime around 9:50 a.m. CDT when I get out of my MCMA 201 final. Not too long after that, I'll be on my way home for sweet home Chicago.

This semester has really been a learning experience. This school year has been an experience in itself. I dont have time to do a Semester Review right now because I have that final to go to at 7:50 a.m. but I will hopefully get to it sometime next week.

All I know is that as of right now I have an 'A' in my poetry class and a 'B' in my Psyc 102 class. I need a 40/60 to get a 'C' in my MCMA 201 class and my JRNL 310 and POLS 352-I classes are up in the air as of right now. Again, I'll learn my fate soon enough.

I'll close on this note. If all goes as planned (which I know it never does, but bear with me). If all goes as plan, I will have no grade lower than a C. Doesn't seem like much of an accomplishment, but for the last year and a half I've been in an absolute rut. Readers of the blog know why, so there's no need to get into that right now.

As of right now, this is the best I've felt about my educational progress in a loooong time. As for my personal life, it could be better of course---and I hope to improve it somehow, someway.

Again, I'll get into that in another blog.

I just needed a few minutes to vent before I go to bed in Carbondale for the last time 'til---well---I dunno.

Wish me luck!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Fun With Poetry: Part III, Semester II

Part three of three. Yes, the final edition...finally.....and I still have finals to do. ARGH!!!!

By Luis C. Medina

Poetry is like a map without direction,
showing you where you want to go
without telling you how to get there.

A poem should be portrayed
with vivid wordplay.
Showing the blind
things they’ve only heard about.

Let winds turn
into whispers overheard
while the rain drops,
giving you a beat to put your words to.

Sunrise, a clean slate.
Treat the new day like a blank canvas
fill it. Nightfall can lead to a new beginning.
Sunsets don’t have to mean ‘The End.’

A poem should be about
how birds and bees co-exist
until the bird that gets stung
heads back to the nest
with something to chirp about.


by Luis C. Medina

On TV is some story about corrupt politicians and I’m wishing I could change the channel because this ain’t news to me. Where’s the remote? Shoot, I’m still trying to figure out how Friday night turned into Monday morning. The phone rings, but I could care less because I don’t take phone calls while I eat. Now I’ve got this voicemail from some sobbing gal saying we need to speak. I find it odd because we haven’t spoke, not since she did you know what, with you know who. Sounds like she wants to reconcile, saying the things that make me smile, meanwhile I reconsider dating a cheater because that’s the lone reason I had to leave her. She said she was sorry for causing my heartbreak, but as nice as it was between her thighs, I could no longer put up with her lies. I decided not to return the call.


(Occasional Verse--Genethliacum--poem about the birth of a child)

by Luis C. Medina

A new beginning sent from above
to complete this family. Celebrating life
as the newest branch of the family tree.
You are proof that special things
can come in small packages.
Born innocent, your future
is as bright as the morning sun.
Looking at you I get a special feeling
because today a star was born.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Fun With Poetry: Part II, Semester II

Part two of a three part series. More poetry!

By Luis C. Medina

Again, another lonesome Friday night,
I am alone; wishing I had a friend.
I do not want to cry, but I just might.

The heavy rain outside I wish would end.
Thunder sends me running to my bed.
I am alone; wishing I had a friend.

Gloomy weather always saddens me.
Lightning strikes seem close; they scare me too.
Thunder sends me running to my bed.

When will this bad night end? I have no clue.
Rain and thunder make a lot of noise.
Lightning strikes seem close; they scare me too.

Shaking under the sheets I show no poise.
All I want to do now is go to sleep.
Rain and thunder make a lot of noise.

Lying down in bed I start counting sheep.
All I want to do now is go to sleep.
Again, another lonesome Friday night.
I do not want to cry, but I just might.


by Luis C. Medina

It’s sad I’ll never find another you
with your hair so soft and your eyes so blue.
You used to be the one I would run to,
now that you’re gone I don’t know what to do
knowing that I’ll never find another you.

Don’t know where you are, I wish you were here.
I can’t believe for you I shed a tear.
You made me feel better when you are near.
That’s what I believe I’m being sincere
as I sit alone, wishing you were here.

I wonder why you aren’t here with me.
I don’t know what I did to make you flee.
I guess you just wanted to be free.
Oh why, won’t you listen to my last plea?
Hoping one day you will be here with me.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Fun With Poetry: Part I, Semester II

So, it's Finals Week and it's time to finish strong. I'm not a big fan of Finals Week because I go through so many mixed emotions as I leave Carbondale for sweet home Chicago. Oh yeah, and then there's the pressure of passing classes. Yeah, there's a lot going on this week. So instead of blogging this week, because I have no time to articulate this week, I'll revert to something I did first semester and post my poetry that I've done for class this semester. I hope you enjoy.

by Luis Medina

It started on a bitter Friday night,
bright moon above, frigid breeze gusting.
It’s damn cold outside, I thought to myself
I’d rather be home under the covers,
instead I’m here. Might as well have some fun.

Through layers of smoke, off in the distance
she stood in a corner all by herself.
Strawberry blonde locks framing bright blue eyes
that glared at me as I stumbled towards her.
Stammering. Stuttering. Saying hello.

Words on my tongue searching for an escape,
wishing she would start the conversation.
Instead, she giggled as she turned away.
The cold shoulder leaving me with no doubt;
it was going to be a long walk home.

With each step my inner demons attacked
my wounded ego, fragile mind and heart.
Taunts and heckles relentlessly strike me
as the demons continued their attack.
For now, I just want to put them to sleep.


LATE NIGHT AFFAIR (Italian Sonnet)
by Luis Medina

I loved the way you looked at me tonight
with those lovely eyes and that darling smile.
There is no wonder why I stayed awhile
to spend this night with you it felt so right.
I am your shining armor-wearing knight,
you are my helpless princess in denial.
Embracing as we lay on the cold tile
hoping for one more kiss before midnight.

Unfortunately our affair must end,
return to the man that you say you love,
a love that I will never comprehend.
When will we meet again it all depends,
as I sleep you are the one I dream of
until next time I guess we’ll be just friends.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Friday's Off The Wall Blog: "One Saturday Morning" Edition

Yawn. Good morning, and Alright so I didn't do the blog on Friday, and I have no excuse except laziness. And if that's acceptable, then so be it. Anyway, this is going to be the final blog of this sort until further notice. What does "until further notice" mean? Probably next semester, maybe never. Who knows? Who cares?

So let's look forward to next year with the final "Friday Fun Blog" of this semester.

  • From the world of entertainment, Paris Hilton was recently sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating her probation. See, in the real world this wouldn't be news and in fact, shouldn't be news....but for some reason it is news. Only in America you can become famous for being famous. I guess those are the joys of being rich. Again, not newsworthy, but news that makes me want a hammer to my forehead, that's all.
  • Smooth transition here, a lot of people think Paris is sexy. I'm not one of them. There's nothing sexy about a girl who has had more sausage in her than a meat packing plant. Okay, not the best analogy, but you get the point. As for the transition, in Peru they have this drink that allegedly can cure bronchitis, asthma, sluggishness, and a low sex drive. That's what this article says. So why is this news? Because everyday people don't feel up to par when it comes to feeling good about themselves, myself included. Why not promote something that can make people feel good. I like feeling good...anyway, read the article.
  • Something that always gets on my nerves is PDA....public displays of affection. Call me the jealous type, but nothing irritates me than being the single guy with happy couples---that's just me. Anyway, looks like this guy got quite a punishment. Carl William Persing's "mile-high make out" will likely land Persing in jail. Prosecutors said Persing threatened a flight attendant who told the couple to stop---and for not stopping, he might find himself in jail for 20 years for disrupting and interfering with flight attendants. A part of me feels bad, but the little devil on my shoulder says he deserves every day of that sentence.
  • Finally, my favorite story has to do with one of my favorite music acts Justin Timberlake. This USA Today article details JT's recent success in signing, song writing and crossing over into acting. The interesting part of this article is where JT wants to extend his creativity into. Writing country songs. Shocking, I know, but funny because my roommate and I joked about what a country version of his hit My Love would sound like. But on a serious note, I don't think writing country songs would be too far fetched for JT, a Tennessee native. Everyone knows the best country songs are about heartbreak, so songs like Cry Me A River and What Goes Around...Comes Around could make for successful crossover tracks if covered by the right country artists. My concern is that JT would go away from what made him successful; songs about how Britney broke his heart. JT going away from that formula would be like me not writing poetry about know what I write poetry about. It just wouldn't be right. Maybe one day, JT and I could collaborate---that'd be a lot of heartbreak in one room.
FRIDAY'S FIVE. Five songs blowing up on my I-Pod.
  1. Sweat 'Cha Perm Out by Katt Williams (featuring Lil' Jon, Lil' Scrappy & Too Short)
  2. Go Getta Remix by Young Jeezy (featuring R. Kelly, Jadakiss & Bun B)
  3. Crazy by Ne-Yo (featuring Jay-Z)
  4. Settlin' by Sugarland
  5. Never Again by Kelly Clarkson
FRIDAY'S FIVE. Five old school songs that I like, and that you should like.
  1. The Same Old Song by The Four Tops
  2. That Lady (Part One) by The Isley Brothers
  3. Sing A Song by Earth, Wind & Fire
  4. Turn Off The Lights by Teddy Pendegrass
  5. Never Can Say Goodbye by The Jackson 5

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Sunday Morning's Off The Wall Blog: "What Happened To Friday?" Edition

So last week, no OTW blog and it made me think about how much longer I'll be keeping this Friday staple around. As of right now, I'm not quite sure how much longer I'll be doing the Friday blog.
    • Friday May 4th marks the end of classes. That means no more having to worry about Monday morning classes and stuff like that.
    • Friday May 12th marks the end of Spring Semester. My last final begins at 7:50 AM and after that, it's off to sweet home Chicago for a week. That's when I'll get my working situation in order. I'll come back to Carbondale for a weekend, then it's back to Chicago to work my balls off.
So after that who knows how often I'll be blogging because I'll actually be busy. So with that said, this JUST MIGHT BE the final "Friday Blog" until next semester.

FRIDAY'S FIVE PART I. Five hot tracks on my I-Pod.
  1. Laff At 'Em (Give It To Me Remix) by Timbaland (featuring Jay-Z & Justin Timberlake)
  2. Last Night Remix by Diddy (featuring Keyshia Cole, Yung Joc, The Game & Big Boi)
  3. We're Getting F*cked Up by Three Six Mafia (featuring Josey Scott)
  4. Lock U Down by Mya (featuring Lil' Wayne)
  5. Pickin' Wildflowers by Keith Anderson
FRIDAY'S FIVE PART II. Five Songs For The Summer.
  1. Summer Love/Set The Mood by Justin Timberlake
  2. Summertime by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
  3. Summer Madness by Kool & The Gang
  4. School's Out by Alice Cooper
  5. Saturday In The Park by Chicago

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

SIU Ain't F*ckin' Around....And Other Thoughts

Well, this was an interesting day on the SIU campus. Woke up and went to class only to see everyone standing outside of the Lawson building. Why? Because of a suspicous package/bomb threat type thing.

According to early reports (from people I talked to standing around Lawson) someone went into a classroom, left a bag in the room, left the room and never came back and someone called the authorities.

Thankfully, the SIU authorities were on the ball and evacuated the building immediately and two hours later I was back in class (after spending an hour or so away from campus) safe and sound.

As for the package, it was a bag of Quick-Crete left by a student which was to be used for a later class. You can read more about it here.

Personally, I'm glad that all the precautions were taken and that SIU was quick to act and notify students and such through four seperate e-mails sent to SIU-Webmail. Communication is key in situations like this, especially after what happened at Va Tech.

  • Wow, I can't believe school's almost over. This summer's got potential, I know I say it every year....and I say that I believe it, but it's not like I'm wrong b/c I have a lot to look forward to. Hopefully several jobs, an internship, my trip to Vegas for my 21st. The summer's looking bright but it doesn't start 'til May 12.
  • The Bulls won last night, going up 2-0 on the defending champion Miami Heat. I know that the Heat came back from 2-0 to beat the Mavs in the NBA Finals, but a younger, quicker, healthier, more athletic and hungrier Bulls team might be able to show the Heat an early exit.
  • The Cubs are sucking, even though they won today. News overshadowing the win against the Brewers is the season ending surgery for Mark Prior. Prior, who won't pitch 'til 2008, hasn't been right since October 2003. Beyond that he's had myriad injuries. I'm hoping the best for the man once known as "The Franchise."
  • Breaking News: I'm in love, again. Doesn't seem like breaking news, 'til ya find out who I'm in love with now. She's hot, yes....but she's not blonde nor is she southern. Her name is Alyssa Milano. I learned recently that the former Charmed star is an avid baseball fan. Stop your laughing, seriously, she loves the game. Yeah, she's a Dodger fan, but she knows what she's talking about. Check out her blog. Other than that whole being a Dodger fan thing, she's nearly perfect. Sure she might partake in the wave, and take in a tofu Dodger dog with a diet soda (yes she calls it soda) but she has many redeeming qualities such as Roberto Clemente being her favorite player. She doesn't leave games early. She starts chants. She realizes that Luis Gonzalez "throws like a girl." She was starstruck by Dodger GM Ned Coletti. You can read all about that here. All in all, I'm in love....and in the real world if I could find a girl like her I'd wife her matter WHAT team she cheered for.
  • The SIU/SLU rivalry might get a bit more interesting if the Rick Majerus to SLU rumors are true. ESPN says Big Rick is still unsure about his decision, but if he went to SLU, he'd give them instant credibility and an opportunity to take some of SIU's recruiting thunder in the St. Louis area. But as a Saluki, I'm not worried. I doubt Majerus will finish his contract for one of the following reasons:
    • Health
    • Bigger, better offer from a bigger, better school
  • It's good to be a Saluki!
That's it for tonight. See ya Friday for the Off The Wall Blog!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Fun With Poetry

I realize it's been a while since I've posted some poetry. Here a few poems I've written for class. Right now, I'm also working on a set of poems tentatively called "The Georgia Series." More info to come as more poems are written.

The first set of poems are Haiku. Yes, the plural of "haiku" is "haiku." Haiku are poems about nature and such. Some of these may crossover into the "senryu" style poems. Senryu poems are in the same format as haiku but are about human nature instead of the natural world.

Rain drops heavily
standing alone soaking wet
got stood up again


February ends
snow melts uncovering grass
warm weather will come


Short days dominate
old children in snowball fights
winter vacation


New day sun rises
blank paper and pen on desk
first poem this year


Colored leaves will fall
don’t want to be in class now
only the first day

The second set of poems are cinquain poems. Cinquain poems go 2-4-6-8-2 syllables per line.

Writer’s Block

I can’t
figure out why
writer’s block got me down.
Still not sure what to write about.
I’m screwed.

I Hate Saying Sorry

I hate
saying sorry.
It wasn’t my damn fault.
He was the one who did you wrong.
Not me.

Girl On The Roof

She’s the
girl on a roof.
Staring up at the stars
wishing for her dreams to come true.
They won’t.

That's it for now, more to come sometime soon.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Losing Sucks! Losing To The Cardinals Is Borderline Depressing!

I absolutely HATE losing to the Cardinals. Losing to the Cardinals is the absolute worse feeling in the world for me. --Luis C. Medina, 4/20/07

Didn't we just go through this on Friday?

I thought so. I guess the Cubs didn't get the memo. I hate losing to the Cardinals more than anything in the world. Might I be exaggerating? Maybe. But it's not just losing to the Cards, it's the way that they lose. The Cubs have found so many different ways to lose ball games, I shouldn't be surprised---but whenever you think you've seen it all---the Cubs find another new way to lose.

So Friday they lost 2-1. That sucked because Ted Lilly pitched a hell of a ball game, and again received no run support. The runs came for Jason Marquis on Saturday in the 6-0 victory. And again, the runs came Sunday....and were wasted because of one Wade Miller.

After watching this game, the only thing I can take away from this game is that Wade Miller sucks at life and has sucked at life ever since he was an Astro and Larry Dierker burned him out. Why couldn't he burn out Oswalt?!?!? Or Lidge?!?!? Nooo....the one guy the Cubs end up landing sucks! Wait, that makes sense.

Anyway, Miller sucks and needs to be demoted somehow. His fastball peaks at 89 and unless you're Greg Maddux, it's not a good thing. It's time to bring up one of the youngsters. I know Jeff Samardizija isn't ready and probably won't be ready until July, but there are other options.
  • How about Angel Guzman? He was pitching well before being demoted for Felix Pie.
  • How about Sean Marshall? Marshall showed at times he could be a serviceable starter.
  • Wonder what happened to Springfield native and life long Cubs fan Ryan O'Malley? He's still pitching in the Cubs system?
  • What about Carlos Marmol? Or Juan Mateo?
You know what all of those guys have in common? They're all better options than trotting out Wade Friggin' Miller out there each time. Oh and Miller's ERA after 3 starts....10.54. Guess what Cubs fans? You're not gonna win a lot of games with a 10.54 ERA.

And that's the heartbreaking part of it all. Lilly comes out Friday and throws an absolute gem, and really has proven to the critics that (at this point) he's worth the $10 million per year that Jim Hendry gave him while on that EKG machine. And what does Lilly get for his effort? A big fat 'L.' Then Sunday, Miller comes out and lays a big fat egg. He would have gotten the 'L' had the Cubs offense not bailed him out (again.) It was the second time this week.

Long story short, I'm sick of Wade Miller's bullshit. That's why I said Thursday when I previewed this weekend, that the two most important games were Friday and Saturday. Those were the two must win games because I knew in my heart-of-hearts that Wade F. Miller was gonna blow it. He did, and again, the Cubs lose a pivotal home series against a division rival. THE DIVISION RIVAL! ARGH IT SICKENS ME!!!

You want a positive? I'll show you a positive. The Cubs scored 15 runs in the last two games.....and not one was driven in by Alfonso Soriano. That's a positive sign in my eyes.

That's it for now. I'm tired and have poetry to write. Go Cubs, the best is yet to come. I hope.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Yay! Playoff Basketball!!!

As much as April means baseball to me, for a long time in my childhood, basketball shared the spring spotlight. How could an avid baseball fan such as myself split my sports world showing attention to a team not playing in Wrigley Field? The easiest answer: I grew up in the Michael Jordan era.

As a child of the Jordan era (and Chicago native) the Bulls took center stage from April to June. It's as if nothing mattered in the regular season, the Bulls always turned it on in the playoffs.

And how could they not? They had Michael Jordan, the greatest of all time. They had Scottie Pippen, the greatest complimentary player of all time. And they had Phil Jackson, one of the greatest coaches of all time. Phil did an amazing job taking some of the biggest ego's in sports and molding them together to bring championships to Chicago.

The first three championships featured Horace Grant, John Paxson and a deep bench of role players. The second set of three championships featured rebounding machine Dennis Rodman, Toni Kukoc and another deep bench. The constants in those two teams are Jordan, Pippen & Coach Phil.

After Jordan and Co. left, the Bulls disappeared off the face of the basketball earth. They got bad, real bad. They were constantly one of the worst teams in basketball. They couldn't attract any impact players through the free agent market, they failed to pick up young talent through the draft and their coaches weren't doing their jobs.

Enter John Paxson who replaced Jerry Krause as GM. Krause is best known as the architect of the Bulls championship teams. Paxson rebuilt this team from scratch. He dumped high price, high ego players in an attempt to build team chemistry. Next, he dumped all the remaining links of the Krause era--players, coaches, all of them. Then, Paxson did what Krause couldn't do and built through the draft.

In 2003, he drafted PG Kirk Hinirch out of Kansas. In 2004, he drafted Ben Gordon (UConn) and Luol Deng and Chris Duhon (Duke). Paxson's draft strategy was to draft players out of perennial NCAA powerhouse schools with a pedigree of success. Hinrich appeared in two final fours. Deng and Duhon went deep in the tourney under Coach K at Duke. Gordon won a Nat'l Championship in his junior year at UConn.

In free agency, the Bulls added Andres Nocioni who won a gold medal in the Olympics while playing for Team Argentina. He was also successful overseas.

In 2006, the Bulls stepped away from their draft strategy a bit. They chose Tyrus Thomas (LSU) and Thabo Sefolosha (Switz.). Thomas was chosen with the second pick (acquired from NY Knicks for Eddy Curry) and possesses amazing athletic ability and draws comparisons to Suns forward Shawn Marion. Sefolosha starred in the European basketball leagues and is another superb athlete who is versatile enough to play three positions.

Again, Paxson hit the free agent market this summer doing what Krause couldn't do--land the big free agent when he signed C Ben Wallace away from the rival Detroit Pistons.

So the Bulls look for their first playoff series win since the Jordan era again. Last year they took the eventual champion Miami Heat to six games. This Bulls team could be better with their additions while the Heat bring back basically the same team from last year. And the Bulls (despite having a lower seed) will get home court advantage because of their better record.

So break out the black shoes and the black socks. It's time for some Bulls playoff basketball.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Game One Goes To The Birds :-(

This wasn't only an introduction to the Cubs/Cards series for Lou Piniella, it was also an introduction to Cub-dumb.

Cub-dumb, also known as "being Cubbed" is an act when players decide to revert to the crap that they truly are, do stupid things in the field or on the short, Cub-dumb is baseball retardation. In the Cubs 2-1 loss to the Cardinals there was plenty of retardation to go around.

There were several strange plays and they all cost the Cubs in the end. They took a 1-0 lead in the 1st inning behind a run scoring single by Aramis Ramirez. Next, Mark DeRosa grounded into a double play to end the inning. But it wasn't a normal 6-4-3. DeRosa was safe when the second basemen's throw pulled Albert Pujols off the first base bag. DeRosa was tagged out when he entered fair territory while avoiding Pujols' tag.

In the 7th inning, Henry Blanco failed to move runners on first and second when he popped a bunt that was fielded by catcher Yadier Molina and almost turned into a triple play. Blanco was called out at the plate, and the Cubs rally was stifled after that when Cesar Izturis struck out looking and Daryle Ward struck out swinging at three splitters that weren't even close to being strikes.

The Cubs had a chance to make some noise in the bottom of the 9th inning. DeRosa hit a one out single and was pinch run in favor of Ronny Cedeno. Cedeno moved to second after Jacques Jones walk---kinda. Cedeno, off with the pitch, slid past the bag while shortstop David Eckstein kept the tag on Cedeno. The umpire initially called Cedeno safe until Tony LaRussa came out to argue the call, which was eventually overturned with the help of the umpiring crew and LaRussa insisting that he'd buy the first round at Sluggers after the game.

The Cub rally ended meekly as Matt Murton popped out on the first pitch he saw.

Sounds like the Cubs lost more than the Cardinals won, doesn't it? The Cards scored on a Preston Wilson two-run homer in the top of the 7th. That sucked, because I was watching the game in the student center and the Cubs were just rolling around. And in typical Cub fashion, as soon as you turn away...SMACK!!!

Preston F***ing Wilson. You've gotta be f***ing kidding me.

Besides Wilson's home run, Ted Lilly (1-2) was brilliant striking out six in seven innings while only allowing four hits. Lilly looks like he's gonna be that pitcher that gets NO run support despite good stuff.

Braden Looper (3-1) pitched well, especially knowing that I would be more than 300 miles south of Wrigley Field as I spent most of my afternoon taking a test. Nearly everyone by now should know my past interactions with Mr. Looper. Looptey-loop struck out five in seven innings while picking up the win.

If my mom was here, she'd tell me something to the extent of 'the sun will rise tomorrow."

If it does, game two will take place as Jason Marquis will take the mound against his former mates. If Marquis knows what's good for him, he pitches a complete game, no-hitter and hits a couple of dingers.

As you can tell, I don't like losing. I absolutely HATE losing to the Cardinals. Losing to the Cardinals is the absolute worse feeling in the world for me.

LIST PART I: Things that are bad, but not as bad as losing to the Cardinals.

  • Losing to Duke (UNC; basketball)
  • Losing to Ohio State (Michigan; football)
  • Losing to the White Sox
  • Rejection
  • Heartbreak (over a girl)

Yeah, I said it. Being rejected by a girl, not as painful as losing to the Cardinals in my eyes. And heartbreak? Not even close, a few drinks coupled with a night of poetry writing can get me through any heartbreak. Getting over a loss by the Cubs at the hands of the Cardinals---that's just on the brink of depressing.

LIST PART II: Issues with Lou Piniella....because we haven't seen eye to eye sometimes this year.

  • Why is Cliff Floyd batting second?
  • Why wasn't Felix Pie starting in center field against the righty Looper?
  • Why wasn't Pie used in the 9th inning as a defensive replacement? Either he or JJ could have caught that ball that Floyd missed on a dive that Jim Edmonds turned from a single into a triple.
  • If you weren't gonna use Pie as a pinch hitter or as a defensive replacement---why didn't you use Pie as the pinch runner instead of Ronny Cedeno? Pie is faster and a better base stealer than Cedeno.
  • Where was Michael Barrett? Last I checked, he hit a game winning Grand Slam against Jason Isringhausen last year against the Cardinals. Mikey B. is a better option off the bench than The Big Murt, who is struggling without constant playing time.
  • I will give Lou credit for arguing the 9th inning call---good to see the manager awake at the wheel (not that's not a jab at LaRussa's DUI....but it should be!)

Hopefully the Cubs will get it right in the next two games, or else I (and the rest of Cubdom) have to face humiliation at the hands of the Cardinals fans on campus.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Bring On The Cardinals!

As all the attention of the baseball world shifts east, baseball's most overlooked rivalry starts up again Friday at Wrigley Field when the defending World Champion St. Louis Cardinals visit the Chicago Cubs.

Yuck, it sickens me every time I have to think about the Cards being World Champs. I've had to deal with it every day since October. With World Champs hats, sweaters, t-shirts.....any time I have to see someone wearing those items, it feels like a punch to the balls.

But that was last year, every day is a step further away from that disastrous month of October. Since that night however, a lot has changed in the world of Cubdom.

I came up with the slogan "This is the year that Cubdom strikes back" which is a play on "The Empire Strikes Back." Pretty cool, I think. Then Andy MacPhail (F-A-I-L) stepped down, triggering the following events:

    • John McDonough becoming interim president
    • Lou Piniella is hired as manager
    • The Cubs spend $300 million on revamping the worst team in the NL
    • The Tribune Co. announces that it will sell the team at the end of the season
It's not like a lot hasn't happened to the Cards since then too.
    • The Cards decided to weaken their bullpen because they decided that they didn't want to partake in the free agent spending spree. The Cards will go to battle with their 8th and 9th inning guys to start the game instead of end them.
    • They've also decided not to go with a right fielder. Unless you consider Skip Schumaker, Juan Encarnacion (still injured), Preston Wilson and So Taguchi as a formidable right field trio. Oh and they've also decided to give Jim Edmonds uber amounts of money despite health concerns and a clear decline in skills.
    • Then there was this little bitch fit between Albert Pujols and Scott Rolen. "I won't sign autographs unless I make this much more than Rolen."-Pujols. "I won't sign autographs unless I make this much compared to Albert." -Rolen. What a bunch of bitches.
    • Oh, and then Tony LaRussa decided that he was gonna drive off that World Series hangover.
Again, lots has changed since the Cards were crowned. So that leads us into the first of about 19 or 20 games against our arch-rival (no pun intended.)

  • Game 1 matches up reliever-turned-starter Braden Looper and Ted "The Forty Million Dollar Man" Lilly. I endorsed the Lilly signing for a multitude of reasons, including the Cardinals inability to hit left handed starting pitching which continues to be a trend. Lilly has yet to disappoint, he's 1-1 with a 2.37 ERA and is racking up strikeouts while minimizing walks. Looper isn't terrible in his own right (except for the fact that he is wearing a Cardinals uniform.) Looptey-loop is 2-1 with a 2.37 ERA. He'll benefit from me not being at Wrigley to heckle him. As some of you may or may not know, Looper and I have history between us. As a member of the Marlins, Looper was heckled endlessly by me before, during and after a rain delay. He tried to get me kicked out (presumably...why else would he be talking to an usher pointing at me?) However, little did Braden's bitch ass know that the usher was a friend of mine. Looper would go on to blow the save, just like I predicted.
  • The most intriguing match up occurs Saturday afternoon as the Cardinals send Anthony Reyes (0-2, 5.40 ERA) to the mound against former Cardinal Jason Marquis. Marquis signed a three year deal worth $21 million with the Cubs after a terrible 2006 season in which Marquis posted an ERA higher than 6.00. To add insult to injury, Marq was left off the WS roster and left out to dry on several occasions by LaRussa and pitching coach Dave Duncan. Duncan and LaRussa grew thin of Marquis and basically made him Cardinal Nation's whipping boy. Cards fans are licking their chops for a shot at Marquis, who is coming off his first win in a Cubs uniform. He's sporting a 1-1 record with a 2.65 ERA.
  • On paper, game three looks to be a mismatch in favor of the Cardinals. They'll send World Series hero Adam Wainwright (1-1, 3.20) against Wade Miller (0-1, 9.00). Miller has been absolutely terrible this year. He hasn't pitched deep into ball games and I don't think his fastball has reached 90 MPH this year. If he continues to struggle, Angel Guzman might take his spot in the rotation if he keeps impressing out of the pen (and now in the minors.) Wainwright, a starter-turned-reliever-turned-starter struggled in his last two innings of work against the Pirates in his first loss of the 2006 season. But his raw stuff is still there as there are times where that mid-90s fastball coupled with that big breaking ball look untouchable.
This series will match two of baseball's best managers. We already know about what type of piece of crap LaRussa is, but what about Lou? Yes, Sweet Uncle Lou gets his first taste of the Cubs-Cards rivalry on Friday. Good news for Cubs fans is that he's out-managed LaRussa before, note the 1990 World Series in which Lou's Reds swept the heavily favored A's.

  • Both teams will be missing significant players this series. The Cardinals are without Chris Carpenter for about 4-6 weeks after an elbow injury. The Cubs will be without the services of Alfonso Soriano, who is nursing a hamstring injury.
  • The Cardinals should consider themselves lucky, they're missing lefty Rich Hill who threw an outstanding game in the Cubs 3-0 win against the Braves. They're also on a long flight from San Fran. to Chicago after their 6-2 loss to the Giants. Sucks for them! The Cubs are on their way back from Atlanta as we speak.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday's Off The Wall Blog: I'm Going Home Edition

I was so close to not posting this week, school work has been kicking my ass of late. However, I've got three hours of downtime 'til my next class and I have enough material so I figured why not waste some time and computer space writing this weeks "Off The Wall" blog before I'm off to Sweet Home Chicago where I'll see my one true love. Nope, not a girlfriend---the Cubs! I'll be catching game two (weather permitting) of the three game series against the Reds. My boy Rich Hill goes Saturday at noon at Wrigley Field. Why is "Richie Rich" my boy? Dude racks up strike outs like crazy, wins ball games, is left handed and has a wicked curve ball. And he's on my fantasy team. Now to this week's blog:

  • The first story of the week comes from Saudi Arabia, where a man's two wives attacked him after he joked that he would marry a third wife. Islamic law does allow men to have up to four wives. It reminds me of a quote (which I will paraphrase) "One woman is a problem, having two is two problems." Again, it's a story like this that makes me think: "it's hard enough to land one girl---how do people land two...or three?" I just am perplexed that the two wives don't have issues with each other. Whatever.
  • In other marriage news, more than 7 percent of the 59 million marriages are between interracial couples. I might have mentioned it before, but I did learn that it is the 40th anniversary of the legalization of interracial couples. That's interesting to note that our generation isn't too far removed from that time period, in fact that is our parents generation. It's good to see that some of us have moved forward and have come together.
  • However some of us haven't. Don Imus, the radio personality that referred to the Rutgers women's basketball team as "nappy headed hos" was fired yesterday which also coincided with MSNBC removing the simulcast of Imus's show from its morning viewing. Imus did apologize to the Rutgers women's team at the Governor's mansion in New Jersey, and the apology was accepted. In other news from that story, the New Jersey governor was in an automobile accident. Reports say he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
  • China's back in my news radar again. First it was the story about the story of there being 30 million more men of marrying age than women, now this. The Chinese government is going to great lengths to crackdown on online pornography because it has "perverted China's young minds." I kinda feel bad for the Chinese kids, first they're resigned to the fate that there aren't enough women to satisfy their "man needs" and now the government's trying to take away the women they fawn over online. Poor kids....stay over there and don't come over here thinking you're gonna take our women. When are they building that wall again? Just joking people, I don't feel like catching fire from my own blog.

FRIDAY'S FIVE. Five of the songs about baseball!
  1. Take Me Out To The Ballgame as performed by Harry Caray
  2. A Dying Cubs Fans Last Request by Steve Goodman
  3. Centerfield by John C. Fogerty
  4. Cheap Seats by Alabama
  5. You're My Cubs by Alan Barcus
FRIDAY'S FIVE. Five songs, not about baseball---but that's cool.
  1. Everybody Know Me by Paul Wall featuring Snoop Dogg
  2. Put It Down by Redman
  3. Make Me Better by Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo
  4. What I've Done by Linkin Park
  5. Read My Mind by The Killers
Hope everyone has a good weekend without me!

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Fun with Facebook!

Do I have a lot of downtime? Yes! Should I? No! I've got papers up the wazoo due soon and instead of doing that I'm browsing Facebook and found some groups that accurately describe college life. Here it is in a nutshell:

Summary of the people you will meet in college:


TCA can find something racial or discriminating in everything. Unlike activist annie, TCA doesn’t have the courage to stand for what they believe, in front of large crowds. Resembling the facebook zombie, TCA spends countless hours searching for groups that may be the least bit offensive. TCA will join groups just to make strong, false accusations and posts. TCA may be seldom seen with activist annie to avoid association. You will never find TCA at any major demonstration.


This person is someone you chilled out with once or twice, and found you had a lot in common with. You run into them maybe 4-5 times a semester, usually at a party or while running late for class. No matter the situation, their characteristic response is: "Gah, we need to hang out some time. Call me, and we'll (insert mutually beneficial activity here)." You agree, but neither make any effort to call one another to hang out.


The G.I. immediately has to know what grade you got on test the second you get it. G.I. will not divulge their own grade if yours was higher. If G.I. did get a higher grade, they'll offer a sympathetic shrug and let you know you did better than so and so and keep your head up.


You will never hear this guy/girl ever say anything, whether it be to other students or the professor. Then one day, after looking extremely intense or constipated for an hour straight, they will say something so gloriously insightful that it will bring tears to the eyes of everyone who bears witness to it.

Then they will never speak again.


This kid always procrastinates and is perpetually hurrying to finish papers or projects on deadlines. He/she work best 2-3 hrs before a deadline and are known to be b.s.-ing genius's... They always boast they procrastinate but shed years worrying about their papers!!


They have a huge backpack with every book for all their classes in it. A change of clothes, an umbrella and groceries. They are always late yet will choose the seat in the front middle next to the projector maximizing the disruption to the class.


The B.W.even having a 103.2 fever will still attend class, and will spend more time in class coughing, sneezing, wheezing, blowing their nose, and sniffling than they do not making noise. While their dedication to education may be set in stone, it is advised to avoid this person like the plague, even if it means missing class to stay healthy.


This kid is a douche bag! And for arguments sake let’s call him “DANNY” This kid will attempt to befriend you then manage to say or do something so unspeakably rude or offer some backwards compliment. Parties disassemble whenever this Ass hat manages to find his way to one.

THE Fuckin' Noo Yawker aka EMPIRE STATE COCK

A disproportionately large number of Fuckin' Noo Yawkers are criminal justice, law, public administration majors. Actually from Long Island, the Fuckin' Noo Yawker has the uncanny talent of injecting the fact that they're from the NYC area into just about every conversation. They complain about just about every aspect of their college town, saying that it's inferior in some way to NYC. "You can't get a good bagel at 3:00 on a Sunday morning!" "The pizza here sucks!" They'll even take positive traits of their new surroundings and turn that into a negative - "The subway here in Washington is too clean! It's not a real fuckin' subway like in Noo Yawk, with litter, bums, rats, the smell of piss and shit. That's real, not this sanitized Metro rail shit where they won't even let you eat a fucking pastrami on rye!"


Often in groups of two or three they will stretch out in a line and walk slower than an old person with a walker. Also known to hog sidewalks force other students use the grass.


The Suburban Rapper can be found in any common area, listening to his own music on his IPOD at an unreasonable volume. Generally (but not always) white, he awkwardly uses the words Dog, Crib, Homie, Phat, G, or Ill. If he spots you, he'll ask you to "peep this new track yo," or attempt to sell you tickets to his half-assed concert. His music is generally unbearable, and if you're lucky, you can get away with only hearing a few verses. He always seems surprised that his poser antics never land him a girl, or a record deal.


Somewhat related to the man-hating feminist but has plenty more to piss her off than just men. Needs to get involved in every civil rights or ultra liberal campaign that has ever been mentioned on campus. Tries to make a cause out of every problem anybody has with authority, no matter how absurd or completely unfounded the complaint.


Usually in the 28-32 year range, this species refuses to let go of the joys of college. Can be found on campus seven days a week, and is always present at EVERY SINGLE FRAT PARTY. Will give you some lame, shady excuse why he’s still in college, and will then befriend you so he can abuse the T1 connection in your dorm room to download porn. Most often has no friends his own age, is unemployed and still lives with his parents. Because he is older than everyone else, he will constantly criticize everyone for acting like children, but will then throw a tantrum when you won’t let him play a game of HALO. You can recognize him by his weird and outdated taste in clothing and his fondness for 80’s rock music. Usually very loud, obnoxious and opinionated in the classroom, with traits similar to that of THE EXAM BEGGER and THE INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO.


This person cannot take a test without first begging for as much review or information as possible. They cannot prepare for a test without first knowing seemingly unimportant details like "How many questions are on this test?" They will beg for extra review sessions, extra credit, and to know the exact breakdown of how the test is scored. They will waste the whole class when a test is announced if the professor doesn't shut them up. They will also spend the entire first session of a class, when the syllabus is presented trying to make homework a much higher percentage of the total grade.


Generally starts out being the CONVERTER, straight-laced and conservative; they go to church every week and brag about that fact often. This person even has the ability to recite any and every bible verse from memory. Then THE LUCKY BASTARD or JOHNNY THREE LEGS introduces them to the marvels of SEX,and it's all down hill from there, as they descend into the foul pits of whoredom. They of course will still go to Church every week in order to keep up a facade of piety, singing the glories of baby Jesus.


This kid graduated high school early, but doesn't really make a big deal about it. Because of this, his social skills are somewhat undeveloped, and he is quick to attach himself to social groups in order to gain acceptance. Said social groups are quick to make him the subject of their corruption projects, and take great pleasure in getting him drunk/laid/stoned for the first time.


Sort of the polar opposite of the Hillbilly Gangster, the Amicable Athlete is usually about 6 foot three, weighing in at 225 pounds, and looks like Sam Jackson on steroids. Attending college on a sports scholarship, the Amicable Athlete probably works a cushy job at a car dealership, gets more tail than you can possibly imagine, is more or less constantly high on primo weed all of the time, and is smart enough to know that he's in for an easy ride and to enjoy it and throws great parties! While he might never turn pro, there's a good chance he'll get a good gig on the local AM sports radio station


If this kid is corrected by another student on anything, no matter how wrong they were, and how right the corrector was, his wrath shall be incurred in the most passive-aggressive manner possible: Silently glowering at their new 'nemesis'. No matter if the incident occurred once, months ago, any time you look in this kid's general direction, he will still be fucking staring at you with the hatred of a thousand warlords. Will probably lead the victim of his piercing gaze to do a number of 'Is he still fucking staring at me?' checks.


All of his tie-dyed clothes are made from, like, pure natural hemp, man! He most likely sports an impressive set of dreadlocks and can be easily spotted as he skateboards to his next class. The White Rasta can also be found playing an odd game called 'hackey sack' along with others of his kind in any park-like area, or any place that has a couple of trees nearby, and seem to have an affinity for border collies and other shaggier members of the species canine. They also seem to possess an almost MacGuyver-like ability to create a bong from a combination of nearly any common household objects within a matter of moments.


This guy's gay! You see, he's only just found out and now he's got to make up for lost time. He may have had a healthy interest in sports, or board games - but no more. He tries, for the sake of decorum, to occasionally talk about things that do not directly involve his gayness, but he is unequal to the struggle and five or six minutes down the line, the increasingly one-sided conversation has shifted to his multiple fuck buddies, or one of his alarmingly variegated fetishes. You see, just liking cocks isn't enough - that's not gay enough for the Newly-Ripe Fruit to truly express himself. He must round his sexuality out with public discussion of whips or chains or piss drinking, but more often than not he decides he is a furry as well, and won't let it escape anyone's notice. Possibly does more to set back the cause of tolerance than Fred Phelps ever did.


OMG BUSY! These girls (invariably) are incredibly busy with their nursing school workload. Despite this, they get shit faced constantly with their fellow nursing school students, only to wake up at 5am for their OB rotation. Often incredibly attractive, these girls typically are still attached to the same guy they knew in high school, who they will marry.


His blinds are never open. His light's never on. He lives by the light of his computer. Whenever he goes out, which is very, very rare, he squints and looks frightened, often power walking to class. He uses the internet for his lectures, and never sleeps when you do, so you can't hang out with your friends/girlfriend at your place. He's not nice, but he's not mean. He's clean, but his room's a mess. There's Mountain Dew cans everywhere. He gets average grades, and he's usually a science major, though sometimes a Lit or English major.


This individual (almost always a guy) has been lifting weights since age 4, and never lets you forget about it. He goes to the gym twice a day, wears nothing more covering than a wife beater, and constantly twitches his pecs just to get you to look at his chest. McFlaunty may or may not be otherwise annoying, but it is a known fact that he eats creatine for breakfast, lunch and dinner to increase muscle mass even further; this will result in four different cancers before he is 30. Occasionally, Muscles McFlaunty will have a lisp, in which case, laugh at him.


Misses degree has no real purpose in college except finding "Mr. Degree" majoring in some lucrative field such as computer programming, premed, law, or engineering. Often packed with great looks, a killer body and half a brain Mrs. Degree has no problem being a mere shadow of their wealthy husband and is always the first to brag and attempt to start "intelligent conversation" on the career of Mr. Degree. Always on the prowl, you may find Mrs. Degree befriending such characters as the Study Nazi, FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR, and the CEO Junior.


Avoided by everyone, this person possess a crippling social tic that goes completely unnoticed to him. If you're unlucky enough to be identified by social disorder guy in public, you will be followed regardless of how much of a hurry you pretend to be in. You will be forced, due to social etiquette, to engage in a meaningless and awkward conversation that will be filled with characterizations of your self image. Social Disorder Guy is completely comfortable stopping on his way to work for fifteen minutes or half an hour to fill you in on one of two things: either his roommate is moving out again or he has a new job. You have no classes with him, and you never see him except for random times during the day around your campus, yet he considers you one of his best friends. You probably are.


This person gets it! They understand the material. They can answer the hard questions that require logical induction and they can form arguments using the material.
Unfortunately, everyone else in the class is either the Quiet, Smart Slacker or The Frat Mattress or I'm Too Important to Be Here. The professor lectures and asks a question and no one will answer. Grated by the awkward silence, The Answer Machine finally answers.

The floodgates open. From the rest of the semester onwards, the class is a dialogs between The Answer Machine and the professor interspersed with infrequent, sometimes mind-numbing comments from The Frat Mattress when she's called on and the slacker when they care. But for the most part, it's The Answer Machine. Even when they don't answer, the professor will call on them regardless of whether or not their hand is raised.


This guy seems pretty intelligent and contributes with a vast amount of knowledge. Unfortunately he has got no grasp of volume at all. Will scream across the room with a content smile on his face while embarrassing the people around him. When conversing with The Megaphone you can't decide if he is constantly pulling your leg or just doesn't realize what the hell he is telling you. Does never know when to shut up but magically manages to never piss anyone seriously off.


The provider tends to be everyone's best friend when they need something from him. Of his various requests, he spends the majority of his time lofting and unlofting bunks, or fixing people's computers. When he is not doing this, the provider is somehow nowhere to be found. For extra fun, combine THE PROVIDER with the FOREIGN SILENT CURVE DESTROYER


Often seen traversing campus in fatigues, yet his pack is devoid of water, map, GPS, or other survival gear. Instead, he packs the same Biology 101, Spanish II, and English Rhetoric texts that you do. Known to major in Criminology or Criminal Justice, and may show up to 8 a.m. class in PT gear, not having had time to make it home for a shower and shave after his morning run. Placed by God on Earth to counter the ramblings of Passionate Politico with physical threats (if PP is a male) or ramblings of his own stripping PP of her human/constitutional rights (if PP is a female). Very loyal to his friends and beliefs, Mr. ROTC Cadet is generally a good guy to have as a friend, or at least an amiable acquaintance.


This guy uses his job as an excuse not to show up and help with group projects. He will claim that he must work all the time and therefore cannot show up for any of the group meetings. Impossible to get hold of outside of class. Generally a 50/50 shot of doing the work.


One of the more rare species outside of Music Classes, Practice Rooms, and University Symphony Concerts. The MM spends 50% of their time practicing, 25% studying hard/semi-useless classes which require an A to get accepted to their low-paying major, 25% at band practices, and 25% with their music Fraternity/ that 125%? Doesn't matter; MMs party so much that the high alcohol content in their bloodstream causes them to black out and loose that 25%. Tends to only date other music majors because "Only another MM can understand why they have to practice 3-4 hours a day". Depending on the instrument, music majors are laid back, but complain that they are working SOOO hard to eventually get a salary of <$35K a year but that "I love music SOOO much it doesn't matter". Usually makes fun of the Drama Nerd for not being "Real Musicians" and has enough Classical CD's to fill up FACEBOOK ADDICT The Facebook Addict often makes references to who changed/added what, and who "its complicated" with who. Most of their sentences begin with "omg did u see _______ on his/her wall?" and end with "Tag it!" They check facebook every chance they get, only to get pissed when they dont have a new wall post from when they last checked it 18 seconds ago. They are amazed by those who mini-feed say they have "no recent activity" and how they have such self control. The FACEBOOK ADDICT often joins many groups and is only moments away from becoming the FACEBOOK ZOMBIE. THE STUDIO ART MAJOR: The S.A.M. totes around a humongous portfolios (often containing works of art only other S.A.M.'s can appreciate) manages to whack near passersby's and destroy other objects in their path. The studio major whine's about spending all their money on ridiculously expensive studio supplies, yet they have enough for a regular know, for the stress. Unfortunately, studio courses are inhumanely time-consuming, so the S.A.M. are almost always held up in the studio labs, yet the degree is absolutely worthless, thus resulting in a downward mental spiraling of the said major students. You could spot them easily by their odd sense of "fashion", consisting of articles such as striped socks, ripped jeans and unsightly hairstyles. The best way to test if an individual is a studio arts major is to ask him/her to help you count, as most can't do math to save their lives. INTELLECTUAL SUPERHERO Intellectual Superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don’t tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with his inane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it’s a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don’t worry; he’ll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with his insane method of solving the problem. At least you’ll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong. THE FACE BOOK ZOMBIE This person comes to class every single time, yet spends 100% of class time on their laptop. They believe that if one comes to class, one will somehow absorb the material telepathically from the professor. They usually are on Face book, Forums (Many are Goons) Some sort of RPG, Solitaire, you name it. The important thing, though, is that they are not paying attention to class at all, Ever. They tend to hover in the back, and have ultra quick minimizing reflexes if a lone TA should wander back there. THE ETHNIC TREASURE Comes from a multi-ethnic back ground, and will constantly bring this up. They will write articles in the school paper about how delightfully confused they are about not knowing which ethnic stereotypes to conform to. THE "GARY" Usually an unattractive guy who thinks he is a stud and acts like he is hung like a porn star. Thinks he can charm and seduce any woman by lecherously rubbing her back and give back massages while trying to undo her bra. Always touching up girls even if they give the message they are not interested, even in front of their boyfriend. But thats cool, he has a black belt in Karate so will be ready to fight off any pissed boyfriends. Carries a pair of handcuffs with him and loves to put girls through bondage in the pub even if they don't want it. THEY LIVE AT THE COFFEE SHOP It might be an on-campus coffee shop or one right near campus, but either way they're there. Always. The group can get quite large, but there's a core of about four people. Usually this core consists of: a fat, annoying girl; a gay guy; a theater major (male or female); and an older guy, either a grad student/limpet or a townie. This core group will invariably occupy the coffee shop's only couch; if there are more than one, they will occupy the best couch. No matter where you are in the coffee shop, you will hear them laughing, shouting, calling one another hot, singing along with the song playing on the stereo ("omigod i luv this song!!"), and erupting into a chorus of "BYEEEE's" whenever one of the group finally decides to leave. 45 YEAR OLD COLLEGE STUDENT WITH 2 KIDS The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting persona's found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered. THE FLEETING LOVEBIRDS Comprised mainly of Freshman, these two are fresh out of high school, and are gonna be in love forever. They take all the same classes together, they've got their first apartment together, and they're inseparable. Most of the time, one of the two had the chance to a scholarship at a better school, but turned it down in the name of love. They'll sit together in class, are always the first to volunteer for group work together, and will no doubt be broken up by the end of their first year. THE NIGHT OWL Staying up long after you've gone to bed, a Night Owl roommate may periodically awaken you with a laughing fit after reading a Chuck Norris joke on some crappy forum or heating water in the microwave for a 3 AM cup of ramen. May be seen complaining about the lack of places open in town at 1 in the morning on Tuesday night. The Night Owl is also likely to skip morning classes. THE GUY/GIRL WITH INHUMAN HALO SKILLS This person doesn't have "mad skills"; Instead, there is no word in the English language that properly describes how good this fucker is with a plasma rifle or pistol. They look rather ordinary, with no unusual physical features, nor obvious personality quirks. But give em' an Xbox, and a copy of Halo, and prepare to have many recurring nightmares of what you're about to see. They quite literally can chuck a grenade at a difficult-to-reach weapon, and the explosion will launch the said weapon straight at em', as if they was pulling it telekineticaly. They knows the location of every item on every map, and knows exactly when that item is gonna respawn. STUPID UGLY FAT GIRL Stupid Ugly Fat Girl feels the need to enter into every single class discussion, completely disregarding the fact that she has nothing of substance to add to the conversation. Stupid Ugly Fat Girl cannot construct a sentence without using the words "like" and "um" at least 12 times for every 2 other words. She always wears clothes that are too tight, and seems partial to gaudy rhinestone shirts with incredibly original phrases such as "Princess" strewn across the front of her sagging cow tits. The only way to actually learn something in a class with the Stupid Ugly Fat Girl is to distract her attention with a shiny object. THE ONE UPPER This student will make it a point to one-up anything that comes out of anyone’s mouth. You study for a test for 6 hours? He studied for 10. You drank 12 beers? He drank 20. You've broken your arm twice? He's broken his 3 times. The interesting thing to note about the One-Upper is the fact that everything he says is a lie, but he has convinced himself its true. SMALL TOWN GODDESS Hails from some microscopic town where she maybe had 5 or 6 classmates in her graduating class, the Small Town Goddess is what is known as HOT. SMOKING HOT, in fact. Like, all-natural, blonde haired and blue-eyed 1973-ish Playboy bunny-like hotness. However, for some reason unknown to science, she somehow did not develop what is commonly known as 'Hot Chick Syndrome' and is, instead, incredibly sweet, good natured and friendly to a fault. This, naturally, causes most members of the opposite sex to be baffled by this seemingly incongruous behavior. Many a man have approached her, yet few can stand to be around her for very long. Why, you ask? The fault lies not with her, oh dear reader! Nay, the fault comes from realizing that she is honestly squeaky clean and you, by comparison, are like some filthy hobo in your soul. JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice. STUDY NAZI Study Nazi is in school for one reason: to get good grades. Unfortunately for Study Nazi, he’s not that bright and he struggles with his classes. That doesn’t stop him from letting everyone know how long he studied for that 5 question quiz though. Study Nazi, much like the Intellectual Superhero, will ask questions constantly during class. However, the Intellectual Superhero has some grasp of the material. Study Nazi, while he can quote his books and his notes verbatim, has no idea what any of it means. Under no circumstances should you approach Study Nazi outside of class. Doing so will only remind him that he’s losing valuable time that he could be using in the library and you might get hurt in his frenzied dash to get there as quickly as possible. THE KARAOKE SUPERSTAR: Possessing the incredible ability of knowing the lyrics to every song ever written, but unfortunately lacking the talent to flaunt it properly, the Karaoke Superstar molds every moment of their life into that of an American Idol reject. Whether it be wailing along to their favorite Nickelback song at the bar, or belting out Phil Collins in the dorm shower at 8 in the morning, the Karaoke Superstar fails to hit the right notes every time. Those in earshot will reel in horror at the audio assault, exclaiming "Oh my God, a cat fell into the blender!" or "It sounds like someone is scraping a cheese grater across 200 feet of blackboard!" The Karaoke Superstar falls under the category of "completely ignorant," believing their vocal stylings to be those of a professional. Frequently an actual Music major, mentioning their shortcomings will result in a major blow to their ego. THE LUCKY BASTARD An amorphous presence, he is in your class just to make you feel crappy. He doesn't try, isn't smart, and may even be a mean SOB to people, yet gets lucky breaks in grades/finding a job/getting a girl. For instance he bombs a test but the professor loses it and acknowledges he took the test and gets the class average, or finds an emotionally unstable girl who clings to him and does anything he wants regardless of how he treats her. He also will get a job because of a crappy reason like him and the recruiter like the same baseball player. THE BALANCED GUY They're a fairly sociable bunch with lots of common sense, and they have fairly diversified skills. These guys seldom try to draw attention to themselves but also have a healthy amount of self-esteem (Balanced Guys generally don't attack/insult people in any way unless they feel it's warranted). They're willing to learn a little about everything and can be found in places such as the gym lifting weights, or even in a kitchen working on their cooking skills... or....sometimes in their room masturbating to a wide variety of downloaded porn clips. Who knows what Balanced Guy will do next. They aren't spendthrifts, but they aren't penny pinchers, either. They play both sports and video games. When it comes to discussions of any sort, balanced guy keeps an open mind and generally takes a politically "moderate" stance. SILENT FOREIGN CURVE DESTROYER Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you've left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it's more likely that he's some kind of magic robot. THE CELLPHONE TERRORIST The Cellphone Terrorist has the capability to disrupt classes without even being present. They will leave their belongings in class as they go for a bathroom break when, suddenly, the sound of "My Humps" fills the room. Yes, that's The Cellphone Terrorists new ring tone for this week and it isn't going to stop until they return. Those unfortunate enough to be sitting beside The Cellphone Terrorist will hang their head in shame as piercing gazes are shot directly their way. Upon return, The Cellphone Terrorist will usually check their missed calls and proceed to call said person back by means of a covert coat-over-the-head technique that they have perfected. FUCKING DISGUSTING C.S. MAJOR Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same "totally awesome" Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of "grammatical structure." He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations. AGENDA ASSAILER The Agenda Assailer has (surprise!) an agenda to push on everyone else. If you’re in, say, a science class you’ll get to hear about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist and therefore his scholarly work is somehow meaningless. Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, the Agenda Assailer will attempt to turn every class into a political debate. Here’s an example from a history class: quote: Professor: Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence. AA: How can you even SAY that?!?!?!?! He owned slaves!!! Professor: Well, yes. But he still wrote it. AA: Well then he’s a hypocrite and we should THROW OUT the Declaration of Independence!!! THE VISIBLE MINORITY He's the only one in your class, sometimes he makes sure that everyone knows it. Most of the time he's pretty cool tough, you just need to get to know them better. Excels at making you feel bad about random comment you make on his people. THE ANIME FREAK Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this: quote: You: Hey, what’s up? AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!! You: Um… I have to go. THE ENGINEER One who is rarely seen without a TI-83 Plus or higher model calculator, and actually knows how to, and does, use all the functions of said calculator. Often makes jokes that one outside of the Engineering spectrum will not understand, or makes really horrible ones, or both. Example: "I'm pretty sure it was a zero-force member..." "that's what she said." Takes many science/math courses that are said to "strongly relate to core Engineering" and "provide a base for higher level courses" but in reality 99% of skills in said classes are rarely used. MAJOR ELITIST Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bullshit like "History" or "English" or "the world economy" is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree! NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to "fight the man," he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheep like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, "I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!" FASHION MONGER Fashion Monger is on the bleeding edge of fashion! While having some nice clothes is something everyone should invest in, Fashion Monger’s entire wardrobe has been purchased from stores so hip that you've never even heard of them. Apparently, it’s "hip" and "with it" to pay 500 dollars for jeans that were hand stitched by the hardworking people of Taiwan. And, as we all know, 50 dollars for a silk-screened t-shirt is a completely reasonable price, as long as it was designed by an gay Italian man. Yes, nothing says, "I have too much money and not enough common sense" quite like buying clothes with fancy designer labels that are marked up 1000% THE SOCIABLE SLACKER This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class - he's not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. "Hey man, what's up? How's it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day." No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication. PARADISE LOST Smart, sheltered kid with a childhood full of religious superstition and intimacy issues. Finally gets into a relationship (aka LAID) and gets suicidal when the breakup comes a few months later. Will either hang himself in the woods or emerge as an improved species. Flip a coin. CEO JUNIOR III Born to wealth and privilege and toting an ego the size of Australia, CEO Jr. III will rarely be encountered outside of econ, business and business-related courses (like the lower level computer sciences). Much like the Fashion Monger, CJ3 is fascinated by brand names and drops them wherever possible. However, instead of dropping "real" designer names, he'll brag about the cheap shit he bought from Abercrombie last week. Success is what he's aiming for, and he'll probably get there, but only through his dad’s business connections. Like the Study Nazi, he is not particularly bright, though his particular mode of achieving good grades consists of stroking the professor's ego with appropriate questions and office hours schmoozing. Like the Sociable Slacker he is unfailingly cheerful, but his cheeriness, much like everything else about him, is completely insincere. He is astoundingly successful at getting laid for reasons which are at present unknown to science. It's probably best to avoid crossing him in social circumstances since he can wield his people skills like a weapon. THE SKIMMER The skimmer is easy to identify. He always sits in the back of lecture halls and is usually asleep 10 minutes into class. It is not uncommon to hear The Skimmer brag about how much studying he didn't do for that quiz coming up. The Skimmer is not usually found in higher level courses. THE SCOUT The Scout is always in lecture before you. Even if you show up five minutes early. The Scout will use his backpack, notebook, textbook, or anything larger than a piece of paper to cordon off the entire front row for his or her friends, who show up five minutes after the class has already started. THE PHANTOM A completely unremarkable student in every way, THE PHANTOM shows up for classes, does the work, and... that's it. You will never see THE PHANTOM outside of class - Existing on his sheepishness and fueled by his silence, even if you live next door to THE PHANTOM you'll never hear a word of him, sometimes can be combined with Fucking Disgusting Computer Science Major for a truly wholesome experience. FORMER MILITARY SERVICEMAN "Well, when I was in Iraq ..." And basically media misrepresentation is the cause of virtually everything bad in society these days. VALLEY GIRL Women who appear to be made entirely from bronzed plastic, with lips glossy enough to successfully buff the floor of a shopping mall. Don't bother remembering any of their names, as one valley girl is completely indiscernible from the next. Often seen courting Ugly Assholes. JOHNNY THREE LEGS Usually an average-looking, somewhat lanky guy, Johnny Three Legs is extraordinary on one respect: his ten inch penis. Flaccid. How do you know? Well, he's the guy that faces towards everyone else in communal showers. In dorms with individual showers, he dries himself off in public areas, and spends just a bit more time naked than other residents, who usually whip on a towel before they even draw the curtains open. Pity his poor roommate, usually a lonely computer science major that is still a virgin, who is kept up awake at nights from the cries of Johnny Three leg's dates - "Ouch! That hurts! Ungggnmph! Oh yeah ... yes ... God ... OUCH! Let's try it another way .... yes ... oh God ... oh Jesus ... OUCH!" MADDEN JR. This student's life revolves around sports. He can quote sports scores, character stats, and just about anything from some obscure game last week. Not only did he watch it, he studied it while his classmates were studying for that quiz he failed. He usually arrives in class approximately 10 minutes late wearing his favorite sports team hat and jacket, only to talk about sports for the entire class. Interestingly, the Madden Jr. rarely, if ever, has any athletic ability of his own, and is often obese due to a diet consisting entirely of nachos. THE PREMED The pre-med has a 4.0 cumulative GPA and has junior standing even though he's a first semester sophomore. He's got a >90 average in every class this semester, but is absolutely terrified that he's going to fail them all. Can often be heard making wild assumptions about grading schemes and arguing with the TA over 0.25 point deductions on exams.


He is always there to help. Whatever jam you have yourself in, he will, with ease, find a way to pull you out. However, he will do so with so much reluctance, he makes it sound as though Sisyphus (look it up) had an easy go of things. He will passive aggressively start conversations about what a drag it is being the designated driver, only days after he drove your drunk ass home.

He is the infinite conundrum of friendship. He is always there for you. Unfortunately he is always there.


This kid is sort of like intellectual superhero except that he's not really out to prove a point through questions, but rather through his personal experiences. He is in class to spill as many anecdotes as he can possibly think of, which, for the most part, only relate to the subject at hand tangentially. His diatribes are voiced in an overly sincere tone, which I'm sure he believes makes his stories sound more real, true to life, and hard hitting. Amazingly, his stories always tend to agree with the professor's point of view.


They can be found in groups often discussing old internet fads while downloading songs and files from P2P networks. Often annoying to the people around them. Will shout out "LOL INTERNETS" at random times and you can hear some old techno songs in the background.


Tends to occupy the center of the room for maximum visibility. Always nods along with the professor. Provides his/her own commentary, largely to herself, during lecture while jotting down notes. Most commonly uttered phrases are variations of: "Oh yeah", "Exactly", "Well, that's interesting".

Prof.: DNA is blueprint for life.
Comm.: [Nod] [Nod] Uh-huh. Well, ain't that something


This guy didn't want to go to college in the first place, but did because he didn't want to disappoint his parents and teachers by not trying. So he picked a party school, never went to class, and treated the whole thing as a $40,000, year long, spring break away from shitty middle class suburbia. Then disappeared to a distant part of the country never to be heard from again.


Female in a science degree who probably shouldn't be. However, due to chemicals she emits from her hair, holds sway over Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer or other male Asian students who do her beck and call. Part hive mind, part parasite. Identify by remarks like "This stuff is so hard, Haji, you're so smart" or "What did you get for number 1?". Usually a sub-species of Sally Sorority Chick


Whatever wing of the political bird he resides within he'll be damned sure to inject his angry rhetoric and sound bites into any classroom conversation regardless of topic. Often twitchy you can spot an outburst before it happens by looking for a grimaced mouth, spasming eye, tapping foot or softly pounding fist (because he thinks no one will notice), then out comes the insanity.


Mr. Uncertainty isn't really that bad a guy to have class with, as he's virtually guaranteed never to disrupt the class proceedings. Even when the teacher asks him a question directly, he'll attempt to deflect it through a magical combination of stuttering, fumbling, and vague sentences that trail off in the middle. He probably doesn't take very good notes, but he's there every day in hopes of making up for the fact. He probably has at least two majors and a third concentration that he's considering, but it's all perpetually up in the air since he doesn't really know what he wants to do. Because of this, you'll almost never see him in an advanced-level class, since he's always going back and satisfying the core requirements for a different major.


This student loves to volunteer class time to correct the professors' menial mistakes. Did he say 90% instead of 85%? Was he off an important date by a year? The Corrector will grab this opportunity immediately. Does the textbook back up the professor? Well that's wrong too! The whole world is filled with misinformation, and only this noble lad can spend 20 minutes setting the professor straight as everyone silently whispers "I HATE YOU." They may be a student, but they already years ahead of the class.


Pulling out of the parking deck at the speed limit while letting pedestrians cross will not fly while the OCD is around. Loud tire screeching, revving, horn honking, and blasted music must be accompanied at even the slowest street. They will outrace and outmaneuver vans in 20 mph zones. They will rev their engine to make sure they reach the stop sign 20 feet away fast enough. Their car is modified to maximize every scrape, screech and scratch to its highest volumes. If it's not unnecessarily loud, they are not driving.


Often found roaming (or more often loafing) in packs of 4 to 7, the drama nerd is best known for not shutting the fuck up ever and oh god i mean ever regarding new musicals, old musicals, how non-theater majors are intellectually devoid of any redeeming quality, who got cast where, etc. The drama nerd is mostly self-delusional, and if one is to ask it about it's past, the response often involves "well you know I just had the WORST time in high school i mean nobody understood me there but when I got to college I just felt like a BUTTERFLY, able to finally open my creative WINGS" and other such inane metaphors. The Drama nerd does, somehow, get laid all the goddamn time, but only by other Drama nerds, resulting in chain-reaction mega-drama-bombs that will certainly resonate throughout the school because these losers will not shut up about how Johnny Actor face "TOTALLY USED ME" at high volumes in the library during finals week. Somehow possessing both the largest and smallest reserve of self-confidence of any college student simultaneously, ladies and gentlemen: the Drama Nerd.


You'll find this one at the back of the class, and they tend to travel in herds. She spends all semester having conversations with the people around her, that have absolutely nothing to do with the class, usually pertaining to her boyfriend, a movie she just saw, or a party she was at/plans to attend. Completely ignorant of the people around her who are actually trying to pay attention to the lecture in a typically difficult subject. Another common trait of The Conversationalist is her apparent lack of any sort of school supplies (including pens, pencils, paper, and the freaking textbook) Sociologists have theorized that this is a subconscious ploy designed to draw more people into The Conversationalist's tangled web of distraction.


This is a student who has become very involved and uses his major as a replacement for a social life. He may, or may not work in the department office, but you'll see him wandering around the office anyway, chatting up the actual faculty. Maybe having lunch in the waiting area. He's only annoying when you actually have a class with him and he takes on the role of a teaching assistant.


This man is seemingly adept in all subjects, and will boast about it too. Hear him complain about how easy his last Abstract Algebra exam was, how he wrote his African paper two hours before its due and how little he prepared for his sociology presentation. His weakness is poor social skills. Ask about his girlfriend for massive emotional baggage!


Easily identifiable by his red eyes, incoherent speech, and the lingering stench of marijuana, the philosopher stoner may or may not be a member of NORML, and probably won't go to class very often. On the off chance that he actually attends a class, god forbid the professor mention anything related to drugs, because suddenly the philosopher stoner will turn into a walking, talking version of


This girl is much too busy to do something as menial as class. She's in a sorority, she's in the student senate and she's got a boyfriend on the lacrosse team. She treats class like it's a bother- much like a PTA meeting. During the entire class period, her blistered thumbs are hammering at the tiny keys on her super expensive new cell phone that Daddy's bought her three times because she keeps wearing it out. Whenever the professor asks her to stop her hammering, her face curls up worse than Reese Witherspoon's after eating out an asshole.


Normally, she's quiet. She's so quiet she'll duck down when the professor looks to ask questions. The second she's called on to give a speech, her entire body tenses up. Very rarely will a word escape her mouth that's not "Uhhh" or "Like". She's known for freezing up for periods of greater than one minute during in-class presentations, much to everyone else's amusement.


This is the kid, usually a male, who sits in the back of the class and will constantly spout out smart ass remarks at the professor in an attempt to act like he really doesn't really care for the class and thinks he is super cool cause he can be so disrespectful in class. But this guy is important cause when the class starts dragging and getting boring, he can usually lighten the mood. Annoying and funny at the same time.


The redneck managed to get into the college because he went to a backwoods school composed entirely of trailers in a swamp, where 4.0 gpa's are a dime a dozen, and anyone can pass the classes practically by attending. Unfortunately, he is probably going to fail multiple classes in a semester and drop out soon. Unattractive, disgusting hygiene, has a taste for inferior websites, loves to hunt, sometimes wears camouflage to class, attends every athletic event, and likes to "Git-R-Dun" occasionally. Nothing more than a friendly nuisance on his own, he is a very dangerous animal in the company of others exactly the same.


This person has spent anywhere from 3-12 months in a country that isn't too different from our own, but it's sooo much better. It's so cultured and you can drink without having the draconian American laws over your back. Most of this student's stories involve getting drunk and hooking up with a creepy older gentleman or passing out on the couch interspersed with some sightseeing. But it changed her life, like OMG i totally know how people in other countries live and I'll keep talking and talking and talking about it.


Normally found in one of the back rows but not the very back as he is trying to blend in. Doesn't say much in class, only being social when he has to or with people he knows outside of class. Won't disrupt class but if called on will answer correctly. Pays attention, but doesn't always do work, or work hard. Shows up to class 80% of the time, but does 40% of the outside work/study time. Graduates in 5-6 years with a 3.0 but only because of intelligence and test scores, not effort (as shown in number of years taken to graduate).


This is a person you meet in the class that you share the same interests and hobbies. At first you enjoy talking and hanging out with them, but then all they do is constantly talk about the same interests and never want to talk about anything else, and every day they want to hang out after class and do something related to the point it drives you insane. In the end you end up hating both the person, and what you enjoyed.


This guy or gal is a shining beacon of their Religion, and will attempt to bring it to light every chance they get, and attempt to get you to believe in whatever it is they believe. Anytime your classes mention faith, she is the first to preach to the entire class, and say that her deity is what everyone needs to follow


Exact opposite of The Converter, this person hates all forms of Religion and despises God. Used to be devoted to a faith, but lost his or her faith through some event in the past, such as a major physical/psychological trauma. This person loves to quote John Milton, and argue with others who believe in God.


Cannot use a computer or any technology to save their life. This person will rely on you to help them type up reports, assignments, or use excel/power point/access for projects. Will also become dazzled if they see you playing any kind of video game or watching a DVD in your dorm, and will want to learn more about it.


The guy/girl who's too cool for romance, and has to insult every couple that passes their way. Whether staring, snickering, or outright making an idiotic comment, the love-hater somehow tries to be "different" by not looking for an opportunity to pass on their genes. Needless to say, these types are usually at home practicing their five-knuckle shuffle.


These people are ninjas in disguise, often lurking amongst the normal people. They seem nice at first, but when they come to the part of the discussion of majors, the inevitable question of "What are you going to do with that?" comes up. Usually in a patronizing tone, they also carry shiruken... too bad that the weapons are so far up their a$$es that they can't utilize them.


The chubby idiot in the back of the classes, busy bragging about the amazing three pointer he pulled in a game with the boys. However, if studied in its natural habitat, the Wanna-be Jock can be seen getting the only sports exposure from a video game console. NOTE: If encountering one of these during its ritualistic video gaming, beware of celebrations. They often involve screaming and waving when they get an extra point on Madden NFL.


Found in most of the female population in college settings, the Ying-Yangers are those who, if approached by someone athletic, will swoon and bend to their every whim. However, if approached by someone of the least bit imperfection, the Ying-Yanger will sneer in disgust... if providing a reaction at all.


Black trench coat. Few words. Odd knowledge about weapons. And somehow, he always seems to sit next to you in class.


The apathetic genius is the pinnacle of wasted potential. He shows up to most of his classes, and is minorly sociable. He is involved in class discussions but will never write a single page of notes, never does any extra credit or optional assignments, and never even reads the textbook or studies. Despite this he will consistently get A's and B's in every class he takes, all while exerting no apparent effort. This person probably has the ability to cure cancer some day, but years of being unchallenged and socially shunned will lead him to drop out after his first or second year.


Everywhere you go, this guy knows somebody he has to high five and chat with for a little bit. He probably grew up in the area, has an outgoing personality, and is involved in a wide variety of activities that breach many social circles. Generally liked, although he may be too outgoing for some people. Generally doesn't have a lot of close friends, but makes up for it in sheer volume. This is the guy to talk to if you're interested in a new hobby, want to join a club, or just want to meet new people. May do incredibly outrageous things to get even more attention.


The R.A. lives to fuck up your social life. Lurking behind every dark shadow; The R.A. springs to action and stomps out any signs of fun, ranging from a friendly game of Bingo to a raging smorgasbord orgy. This guy, often hated by many feels because he is getting free housing owes it to his said college to annoy all with his passive –aggressive confrontational vendetta against all on campus students. All that is missing is a whistle, and a safety badge. Often useless, The R.A. does come in handy when the PHILOSOPHER STONER, JOHNNY FRAT BOY - or - SALLY SORORITY CHICK locks themselves out at 4am.


This RA just says hi and bye to residents. Decorates the bulletin board and complete the minimal number of required programs. This R.A. is cool as shit, but makes it clear they are only here for the free housing.


Usually found in Women's Studies or English classes. They find enjoyment in discussing how the standard of beauty is too high and how the opposite sex has taken over the world. They also tend to wear clothing that shows off cleavage in order to show that they are comfortable with their bodies. They tend to be loud in class discussions and easily annoyed by male classmates. Almost every conversation turns into a discussion of how men are degrading women.


This individual is a Freshman, who managed to get placed into upper level courses. Because of this, he will establish a heightened feeling of self-worth, and will consider himself to be a worthy equal to the majors in said department. Will bring up the fact that they are a FRESHMAN at every opportunity, and will become confounded when the upperclassmen in the same major aren't fawning over him or trying to suck his cock out of amazement at how awesome he must be, because he's taking upper level classes, but he's merely a FRESHMAN. If it is a language course, they will try to chat in that language, regardless of the fact that you won't understand what-the-fuck. Not because they're better than you, but in their pretentious righteousness, they don't realize they completely suck at it.


This girl is rather shy, quite studious, probably pretty conservative, and usually somewhat attractive in a sort of clean, traditional, classic way. Sometimes, her quietness or straight face may be misinterpreted as indifference or the "get away from me" look, but once you get to know her, she is actually quite nice and makes a decent friend. She doesn't drink or smoke - not because she's a "goody two-shoes", but because she genuinely has no desire to. Gets along with most people, has a decent social circle, but holds just a few close friends. May need a little push to get involved in activities. Makes a reliable friend. Is a hard worker, but can enjoy having fun too.


Usually listens to "emo" music and wears nothing but skate brands, sagging jeans with a belt and t-shirt (sometimes a hoodie and a beanie). The skater is rarely seen without skateboard in hand. He is not particularly bright, nor does he say much. These types when not skateboarding through campus by themselves travel in packs.


This type pretends to know everything about a few subjects and will attempt to impress you with their extensive knowledge on said subject. Often times someone who actually knows what they are talking about will correct the wannabe, however the wannabe will argue his or her side until someone presents them with hard evidence that they were actually wrong. The wannabe will change their personality according to who they are with. No one knows what the wannabe is actually like because he/she is always changing.


The indie kid is the guy/girl who wears nothing but vintage cloths purchase from thrift stores and listens to music by bands that nobody has ever heard of. Indie kids stick together, always involved in some sort of "intellectual" conversation about a worldly event (past or present) that everybody is not talking about. Often times the indie kid will go out of his or her way to mention something obscure to give themselves "indie cred".


As a freshman, the education major parties excessively, because he or she knows in subsequent years, they won't be able to have any more late nights out due to having to go to field experience at a local school. The education major finds themselves wishing they could sign up for an 8 AM class because it feels like sleeping in when he or she compares it to waking up for field or student teaching at 5:30 in the morning.


Usually a freshman who is currently engaged. You often ask yourself how long will it last?, Why will anyone mary him/her?, when will he/she know that it may have been a bit too early?(After the divorce of course :D). Often talks about how he/she will be married soon, and relates alot of the projects he/she has done to marriage. Will need a therapist in the future if it all goes wrong.


Typically a girl and a Freshman. Spends most of her time stereotyping hallmates, classmates, and other acquaintances based on what cliques they would have belonged to in her high school. Her favorite hobby is badmouthing these people because 'in HIGH SCHOOL' she would never have associated with them. She also enjoys critiquing and complaining about every aspect of college which is 'different' from her high school experience.


This person has a very strong opinion about EVERYTHING and will force it down the throat of EVERY PERSON that opposes them. This is made intolerable by the fact that the "i'm right you're wrong’s" opinions aren't backed up very well or are announced in a very ridiculous and obnoxious manner. This people abuse terms like "liberal, democrat, hippie, freak, tree hugger, terrorist, right-wing, extremist, etc." Very often the opinion is somewhat one sided


This person, smokes, drinks, has other bad habits and can quit whenever they want. When asked to quit they always respond I would but i don't wanna.


A mixture of the music major and the american idol reject, this person you can hear down the hall singing La vie Boheme off key and way out of their register. These poor souls actually believe that their major is going to be lucrative one day and let them have something to boast about at their 10 year reunion. They tend to visit their old high school choir and still wear their old letterman that has all the patches from solo and ensemble contests since freshman year. They generally rank themselves as more accepting than the drama nerds but in the end will only talk to each other because "they understand each other."


This kid will confuse the HELL out of you from day to day. One day, she's THE ANSWERING MACHINE, next the QUIET SMART SLACKER. She used to be a MUSIC MAJOR, but she randomly changes to a hard science major. She will always be to class early (THE SCOUT) unless she was THE NIGHT OWL the night before. Wears totally amazing clothes, or something so lame you wouldn't wear to sleep in. Hates the conformity of society with a passion (NON-CONFORMIST CONFORMIST), but can be seen with many different groups, more often with the ANIME FREAKS. You often can't recognize them at parties or class because of complete transformations. Good luck trying to contact her, because her spontaneity with throw you for a loop and you will never be able to find her.


Jhtbafhdffasg is usually the happiest person on campus. she doesn't take parties for granted. if there are five parties going on simultaneously, she's somehow having the time of her life at all five. she won't disrupt class with any senseless questions, although it may take some time to get used to her everlasting smile. she makes an awesome friend, always optimistic until winter break rolls around and you have to drag her out of her dorm kicking and screaming.


Usually male, and often a variant of the creepy stalker, likes to keep a hand on you at all times, especially if you are romantically involved. Hasn't yet decided if he's gay, but definitely hasn't proven his straightness, either.


She is always hanging out with the guys and may not have a lot of female friends to hang with on a day to day basis. Tries her hardest to fit in with the boys by playing video games, burping, commenting about the "hott" girls (and why they aren't good enough), takes part in random mischief etc. She is always there to give relationship advice, is usually friends with all of the guys girlfr


This guy never studies for tests; he cheated his way through high school and knows every trick in the book. Instead of studying he spends his time trying to figure out how to steal the answers from the professor or storing formulas in his TI83. Every test grade is either an A (if the got the answers)or D or F (if they didn't). This will eventually lead to a final grade of a C.


40 things college admissions forgot to tell you about college:

Quarters are like gold.
Two meals a day is standard.
Road trip whenever possible.
Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
You will begin to nap again.
Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
Squirt guns = stress relief.
E-mail becomes your second language.
College students throw paper airplanes too.
You never realized so many people were smarter than you.
Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and youd never
but you can recite last weeks rerun of Seinfeld verbatim.
You will never rent more movies in your life.
No one is too old for video games.
The health service nurses are there because they couldnt make it in a
hospital. Never, ever forget that!
Care packages are right up there with birthdays.
Campus is only clean for family weekend and freshman orientation.
It never sucked so much to get sick.
Nothing you want to register for will be open.
Beware of the freshman 15.
Be creative in the dining hall.
Classes: the later the better.
You are no longer thankful that fire alarms are here to protect you.
Disney movies are more than just classics.
Asleep by 2:30 AM is an early night.
Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
New additions to food groups: Jolt Cola, Ramen, and Pizza.
ATMs are the devils advocate.
Duct tape heals all wounds.
Pro Wrestling is suddenly cool again.
Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them even more.
Showers become less important, sleep becomes more important.
You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.
You realize college is the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky
Procrastination is an art form.
Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
The only time to dress up is when all your jeans are dirty.
Youll eat anything if its free.
College football is the coolest thing on the planet.
Cartoons are for all ages, especially Scooby Doo.
No matter how hard you try . . . You are never alone

So do you know any of these people? Are you any of these people?

Time to write my paper!