Lu Posts On: "White Sox Envy Syndrome", The Maury Show, New Years, The Drex Show, etc.

Ahhh, long time no post. Well, not really, but it's been a while since I've posted with something of substance....I use the word "substance" loosely knowing that the stuff I write here randomly is basically crap. Anywhoo, it ain't gonna stop me from a classic blog of randomness.

• NEW YEAR'S EVE: Between celebrating NYE and V-Day, the winter season is chock-full of "holidays" I'd rather not celebrate. I'm not a fan of NYE b/c I've never gotten the "first kiss of the New Year" and I'll be honest, it bugs me. Also there's just so much hype and stuff surrounding it. Personally, I'd rather just go to bed at midnight, but that's my personal preference and it was what I was gonna do at one point b/c my cousin was gonna go to a Wrigleyville bar with his g/f and crew to ring in the New Year until I reminded him that he said he'd hang w/me for NYE if I stayed in town instead of heading to C-Dale for the SIU/Wichita State game that would be played on New Year's Day. So instead, a get-together at the crib Sunday, coupled with the Bears-Packers Sunday Night game could add up to an interesting New Year's celebration. Still, the "first kiss of the New Year" is probably not forthcoming. I guess here is where I insert the punchline "my first kiss of the New Year was my last...." but I won't.
• The Maury Show: I love the Maury show, and why wouldn't I? How can you not love a show that gives you a free paternity test and a free trip to New York for being a whore and not knowing which one of 19 men is your baby's daddy. Or a show that sends misbehaving kids to bootcamp or to local prisons. Recently there was a classic Maury episode in which a 16 year old girl wanted to have a baby and she's been having unprotected sex with what she says at least 300 partners. What got me wasn't that...it was when she stated her life goals as the following "I want to drop out of school, have a kid and be on Girls Gone Wild" prompting this response from me "You've set the bar pretty high there young lady." Still, the paternity test episodes steal the show. And to be honest there should be no point of this show anymore. Seriously, you would think that people have seen this show enough not to try to be on it. I love it when the guests say "Maury I love the show." Obviously you don't because if you did you would've thought twice about sleeping with 18 other dudes besides ur bf/husband/fiancee, etc.....
• The Drex Show: The Drex Morning show is the best morning show on the radio, hands down. It wipes the floor with anything Carbondale has to offer, it's why I stream it live every morning before I go to class. Even the re-runs are great. Today's re-run had the topic "I'm jealous of my hot teenage daughter/my mom's jealous of my hot teenage self." It was classic, mothers were calling in about their daughters getting so much attention from boys and that boys didn't look that good when they were that age and that they wish they would've gotten that attention back then. Then there were the uber-cocky girls that were portraying their promiscuous ways that had their mothers jealous. It was cool until a 13....yes....13 year old girl called in talking about how her 35-year old mother would flirt with her boyfriends and wear her clothes which sparked another topic...."dating my teenage daughter" prompting another classic Lu quote "I'm not going to have a daughter and if I do one of two things is happening: I'm either leaving her on a mountain side or she's being homeschooled....and this ain't communist China so homeschooling it is." I'd hate to have a daughter because I know I'll be super-controlling and ultra-cautious with her. But it's not for the wrong reasons, I know too many heartbreaks out there that would have me in jail after what I would do to them if they broke my sweet daughters heart.
• WHITE SOX ENVY SYNDROME: "White Sox Envy" was a term coined by hosts and callers on 670 The Score (WSCR 670 AM) in Chicago after the White Sox won the World Series in 2005 in reference to jealous Cub fans. So what does this have to do with anything, well I might need to check in to a doctor because I have symptoms of WSES...or simply known as envy. Green isn't a good color on me....actually it is when it comes to clothes....but when it comes to jealousy and envy, not so much. I was never an envious or jealous person before I came to SIU, I'll say that right now. But really I'm envious of several people and of course it's magnified in the holiday season and will once again be magnafied on Valentine's Day. Seems that my old roommates are one-upping me in the game of love (insert memory of the song by Michelle Branch and Carlos Santana.) My most recent ex-roommate's ordeal was documented in previous blogs this year, but the shocker is my original roommate. My original roomie left SIU after 1 semester and didn't complete 2nd semester at community college which lead him to go to the National Guard. Now (actually I learned of this last Monday while on the train) I've come to learn that he is now engaged! *Sighs* It'd be an understatement to say that I'm shocked by this all, I never thought I'd see the day that he was engaged before I....or any other one of the group that has hung out since high school. But hey, I guess that's how you gotta do it. Find someone that can take your sh*t and lock 'em up....something I've failed to do. You can argue that I've had my chances and have blown them, I'd agree completely. Time to move on, heck it's been time to move on....can't help to think though, what coulda been. So now I sit here envious of my two ex-roommates, one of my current roommates and potentially another one of my roomie's if things play out in real life the way they play out in my mind. If that's the case, it could be an ugly Valentine's Day in my room. DAMN VALENTINE'S DAY BEING ON A WEDNESDAY!!!! But that's another post for another day.

Approaching 300 Posts, 2007

Ahhh, yes, more 2006 review. Good news is that this is the be all, end all of '06 review. But this isn't a top 10 list, though it's still a list, it's a list of things that I've learned in 2006 (with some explanation).

• It doesn't feel like a bag of sand. Love referencing movies, especially good movies. Especially movies that some would argue are eerily similar to my life. However, I did learn that it does not feel like a bag of sand.
• When in doubt, blame Steve. It's easy to blame someone who constantly disappeared when night fell, spent the last two weeks of the semester at the blue barracks working, only returning to power nap and eat (coincidentally when I cooked)
• Girls DO disappear. One of the funnier punchlines of the semester refers to a girl that I had asked on a psuedo-date to a basketball game after physics class, and never returned to class after that. Sad, but funny!
• Madden causes holes in walls. It's hard to explain the phemoena of holes strangely appearing after playing Madden 07.
• Rub the tummy. "Rubbing the tummy" is something I learned that it makes girls feel good, and I'm all about girls feeling good. Hope to apply this lesson learned in 2007.
• The Devil Wears Cowboy Boots. This is not a misprint, the devil wears cowboy boots; not Prada. An inside joke that everyone can relate to, and it's easy to adapt to your own situation. Maybe your devil does indeed wear Prada, or maybe a Duke jersey, or a Cardinals cap...everyone knows the Devil doesn't wear Cubbie blue!!!
• "It's good to be the Yankees." QUOTE OF THE YEAR!!!! Take it however you'd like because I'm sure there can be several interpretations. But look at it this way, the Yankees are amking money hand over fist and they're quite easy to hate. Unless you are the Yankees. It's good to be the Yankees because they can cover their mistakes, shortcomings and fuck ups by taking other teams' salaries and providing a stopgap and quick fix. I might not be able to use the whole Cubs referencing anymore with the whole Soriano signing, but it's still not Yankee money!
• When in doubt, write it out. 2006 was the year of the blogger and don't just take my word for it, bloggers were the people of the year according to TIME magazine. Time credits blogsites and sites like YouTube & TMZ.com for increased noteriety of opinions, news, thoughts and randomness. C'mon even Facebook has a blog type feature. Everyone's got a blog: newspaper columnists, musicians, team owners, ballplayers...everyone! Between blogging and poetry, there's a lotta writing goin on in my book!
• The best work I do comes after midnight. Yeah, I procrastinate, but my best poetry and writing in general came after FOX's Sunday Night Comedy block, Sunday Night Football on NBC and Viva La Sex were all over. In fact, my best thoughts come late night too, that's also assisted by a lil' bit of alcohol!
• "Hot, blonde & Southern...they way I like 'em." That could also be a candidate for quote of the year. It's easy to point out the kind of girls I like, and you can check my track record cuz that's how it's been since I came to SIU (coincedence, i think not.) My mom swears she'll disown me if I give her "hillbilly grandchildren." Jokes aside, it's not like I have bad taste in the hot, blonde and southern category. Examples include Jessica Simpson (she's not as dumb as she looks, she's rich for a reason) and Reese Witherspoon (my future wife who I admit looks better as a brunette and if you've seen Walk The Line, you'd agree.) Twang it!

THE BEST OF THE REST

• "Get yourself some white friends." Comedian Katt Williams has got it right. They've got good credit and having whtie friends gives you instant credibility that you're a half decent human being....or at least that's what it's supposed to do.
• Change of scenery does work. See Jeff Weaver, Preston Wilson and the '06 champion Cardinals. Look at me too, I'll admit to being a product of my environment.
• I love SIU hoops. Not like that's breaking news to anyone, but the "winter escape" makes the SIU Arena the second happiest place on earth, behind only Wrigley Field.
• Drink with company. Even if it's bad company, it's company nonetheless!
• Love and marriage aren't sacred anymore. Look at Hollywood, all those break ups. Look how TV has made a joke of relationships with reality television shows and pop culture in general has made the idea of love an absolute joke!
• Life Immitates Art. C'mon you've got a TV show called What About Brian? On ABC where the guy falls in love with his best friends girlfriend and all three of them were at one time friends and then their friendship needs repair when the couple breaks up....that premise is taken straight out of my blog. Songs like Bad Day by Daniel Powter, How to Save a Life, Over My Head & All At Once by The Fray, 4 minutes by Avant and the beat goes on.....c'mon people. I want my life back!!!!

AND FINALLY

There is a such thing as knowing too much. There's so much that I've learned this year that I can't repeat and won't repeat. Let's just hope we don't have a lot of that in 2007!

That's It, I'm All Out Of Year In Review Stuff

Seriously, no more Year In Review. Actually there's one more segment, and that's the lessons I've learned but that will be posted within this week. But instead of review, let's do a little preview here of things I'm looking forward to next year.

-OPENING DAY 2007: It's the sporting event I'm looking forward to the most, though that could change if the Bears make it to the Super Bowl. There's so much hype and expectations surrounding this team, especially with this off-season's acquisitions. Opening Day @ Wrigley is on a Monday, though I've vowed to make the trip for the first step towards the first championship in 98 years.
-My 21st B-Day: Hopefully I'll be spending it in Las Vegas, which is the most likely scenario. Turning 21 is probably the last major event that will happen in my life. Hopefully that thing called "marriage" is in my future, but age wise, 21 is the ultimate milestone. And what better place to celebrate than in Las Vegas, where I've had tons of fun under the age of 21 (lol that rhymes.)
-Valentine's Day 2007: If you've read this blog on previous V-Day's or you've read my rants about my love life, you're probably scratching your head reading that I'm looking forward to February 14th 2007. Hey, it'll be a new year and hope springs eternal and everyone knows I'm looking for someone new to fall in love with cuz this whole ordeal with me not getting over is killing me inside and making me an awful bitter and cynical person (though my mom finds it hilarious.) Coincidentally on February 14th, both the Cubs and myself will be looking for fresh, new beginnings in an attempt to release ourselves from the shackles of the past.
-March Madness: I love March Madness, I'm hoping that SIU can win the MVC outright in the regular season and win back-2-back MVC tourney championships. The talent is there and so is the experience. There's no reason not to believe that this team can't do it, and possibly make a deep run in the NCAA tourney.
-2nd Semester: I'm looking forward to 2nd semester. My grades were a reflection of myself as a hole in 2006. 2 A's, 1 D, 1 F. Not pretty, still not terrible. I just have to straighten out somethings and I'll be all good. I'm rededicated and refocused, and I'm in the right surroundings and the most important thing is that I'm settled. It's all about being comfortable.
-The Bears Playoff Run: Hopefully it lasts longer than last years which ended abruptly at the hands of the Carolina Panthers. This team is more well rounded and I have faith that this team is the team to beat in the NFC.
-Spring Break 2007: Most college students will be spending their SB in hot spots with even hotter co-eds. Not Lu however (though I want to do that whole drunken SB w/lotsa scoring thing.) I'll be in Chicago for Spring Break and what is the thing I most look forward to....SEEING JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IN CONCERT!!!! Yes, Lu is going to see JT live and in the 11th row. Love it. I'm hoping that I can get a serious date for this thing, not one of those "friend dates" that I've fallen accustomed to. Instead, a real date, with an ending that doesn't involve "just friends."

I know I'm supposed to put a part where I write about how I'm gonna find the right girl, or the perfect girl, or a girl in general. Instead I'm shying away from the topic because while making "finding a girl" a top priority, I've failed in other aspects in my life. And yes, my clock is ticking, but I have faith (I don't know why, but I do) that some girl will come to her senses and see me for who I am, loveable Lu.

The Final Post Of This Semester

I'm not saying that this is the final post of the year, but this is probably the last post of the semester. And there usually is a big sigh of relief that comes with the end of the semester, but for me it's like I'd rather be hit in the face with a hammer and never come back to this place ever again. Yes, I'm committed to staying here, but at what cost? My happiness levels fluctuate daily (sometimes hourly), I put a lot of stress and pressure on myself to succeed (to no avail), and my personal life has done nothing but move in a negative direction since Valentine's Day 2005.

So where am I? What am I doing? I don't even know anymore. I know I feel like crap, and that's not just the stomach sickness that just hit me.

I believe (in fact, I'm sure) that most of my un-happiness is drawn from my social life, and sometimes lack of it. My failures and shortcomings in love have become well documented on this blog and it's kinda depressing to look back on the things I wrote and still not have moved on from certain events of the past. It's bothersome to think that someone like me still hasn't found somebody on a campus of 20,000 kids. And I'm not just feeding into my own ego, far from it. Everyone and their dog has had an opinion about how 'one day you'll find someone and they'll be perfect' or 'one day you'll make some girl really happy.' Between that and the almost inevitable 'let's just be friends' I'm mired in a slump....and really there's no explanation behind it. I'm honestly sick and tired of being on the outside looking in. And yes I've had my chances and admittedly I've blown them. And though I can easily point fingers, I'd rather not because pointing fingers is generally a cop out. Does Mariano Rivera bitch when the pitcher before him leaves runners in scoring postion that could win the game for the opposition. No, he doesn't. He takes the ball and fucking closes games out. I have been unable to "close games out" and that is the main contributor to my failure when it comes to girls.

And to be honest, this whole issue with girls has been going on all my life. You can start in grammar school, though really it shouldn't count. For me you can start in high school where every Valentine's Day since freshman year of HS has a depressing story of failure, rejection and depression. But really it didn't bog me down that much in high school because my grades still were good. Now my grades seem to be suffering like my personal life. Look at my last report card: A, B, D, D. That doesn't make any sense, now does it? My personal life and grades are going "Bi-Polar Betty," Jason Marquis style*. I can deal with a less than stellar social life if my grades are acceptable, but it seems like when it rains, it pours.

And then I can draw the comparisons from last year. I remember writing an earlier post in which I yearned for things to be like they were last year. I miss the old days. I miss the days where we could all get along and go out together and all that good stuff. And yes, things change, certain things have changed and it probably shouldn't have changed everyones friendships. But to be honest no one should be suprised, it's not like the writing wasn't on the wall. And the best thing is that everyone has a part to take when it comes to the blame game. Now will everyone, fess up to their end. Of course not. We're all youngsters who are prideful and sometimes egotistical. Personally, I'm not blind to my own insecurities and will take the blame (heck I give myself the most blame) just so others can get off scot-free. I digress, I'd love for the "old days" of just one year ago to be back. And sure I can point to you where it all began going down hill and point out where it hit rock bottom and such. But I won't. Why? Because we all know (individually) where it started to slip.

So what about next year? For Lu, it's back to the drawing board. A change of scenery is out of the question unless I completely bomb out in second semester. As for the grades, earlier this semester I put an effort to a recommittment to prioritizing. I came to SIU motivated, motivation that has since deteriorated. I need to find that motivation again, I don't know where it will be or where it will come from, but I'm sure it will re-emerge in some form. As for my personal life, like I said only a few sentences ago, I'd like to recommitt to prioritizing, though I acknowledge the difficult nature of that task. But I'm open to trying new things. Yes, the internet dating thing has now failed me twice. I can clearly point the finger at myself both times, though some would argue that I had less of a hand to play in the original, but at least in the most recent attempt I tried. It was my own doing, not a pass-me-down idea from someone else.

MY FINAL RANT ON LOVE IN 2006: The idea of true love is nice. That whole falling in love thing sounds great, far fetched, but great nonetheless. The idea of having someone who is your one and only someone/soul mate type person sounds great on paper. It also makes great Disney movies and great feature films and television shows while we're at it. However it's not as easy as the media makes it out to be. Generations have been taught that love happens naturally. People always say "that special someone will come" or that "it'll happen when the time is right" and of course "good things come to those who wait." Well I have news for you, those outlets are wrong. Nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes (and arguably the Cubs not winning the World Series) so the idea that someone special will come, instead should be changed to might come. What? I'm just being realistic. As for that whole timing issue, timing sucks. Especially for me, I'm horrible at playing that timing game. It's why I often reference having a time machine. I'm also really bad at taking "signs" also contributing to my failure with women. Oh and about that idea that "good things come to those who wait," I can easily disprove that. There are several girls that I waited for....and well technically you can say that I still wait. Instead that should be changed to "yeah good things MIGHT come to those that wait, but BETTER things come to those who go out and get them." For my final reference, I'll go back to last year when someone sat on their hands while they watched someone who had no business in that situation get what they want. Maybe it's time for me to take that approach. Hopefully, it's not too little too late.

Oh yeah and I must make a note that there is one more Year In Review segment, but that will be posted retroactively to Wednesday as soon as I put finishing touches on it.

*indicates a reference to the nickname given to former Cards, now Cubs starter Jason Marquis. Cards' fans dubbed Marquis "Bi-Polar Betty" because of his inconsistencies from start to start. That will fit in perfectly with this blog, and with Cubdom as well.

Television, Finals Week, Christmas Shopping & More

Lots of randomness going on through my mind let's get it started:

• Got myself a new favorite TV show. 'My Boys' on TBS is about a woman who writes for the Cubs whose best friends are all guys. The show is about her dating life and relationship with the guys and though I wish there would be more stuff about the Cubs, I like the show and its premise so far. Also I love the sports references she drops and compares to dating like "slumps" and "clubhouse cancers" it's like listening to myself. As for the other show that mimicks my life 'What About Brian?' it's going well too. The character that obviously portrays me has moved on, kinda. He's still chasing girls he can't have, but he's still trying, as am I. The show is amazing, not just cuz it resembles my life, it just is. In fact it's fun trying to figure out what's gonna happen next. What would Lu do instead of Brian? What is Brian doing right that Lu should do? It's also fun to give names of real people in my life to the ppl on the show.
• Finals week sucks. 4 months of hard work is basically condensed to one big f*cking test. It's so surreal. Everything you work for culminates into one moment, it's kinda pressuring and some of us (looks in mirror) don't perform well under pressure. And what makes it worse is that it concentrates on my biggest fear: failure. Two of my grades hang in the balance of cumulative finals, which I do horribly on. Since I've been here at SIU, I've only passed one cumulative final. I can't afford to fail, but I fear that I just might.
• Christmas shopping for college students is fun b/c all we really have to do is get something from the University and call it a gift. That's what I've done, and people seem to be happy with what I get them cuz SIU stuff reminds them of me and shows school pride. OUR PRIDE ROCKS!
• I never was able to give Fred's Dance Barn a proper send off. Though I must say they shoulda threatened to close down the place a while ago. They got 1200 ppl in there this weekend, or as I'd like to look at it 1199 white folks and Lu. J/k, still it's a funny joke. And it's not like it's far from the truth. Fred's wasn't my favorite place in the world, but when things were good and I was with the right people I had a good time. Now where am I gonna go look at cute southern girls? Oh right SIU CAMPUS!
• So between Fred's and my Friday night, this was a pretty cruddy weekend. To recap Friday night in basic terms would be quite simple. Lu was lonely, sad and reminded of a nice lil' past that he'd love to forget. So he decided to drink, talk to some friends online in a conversation that still puzzles him. SO where to go from there, I dunno? Friendships seem fragile, in fact they are fragile, I learned that this year.
• Can't wait 'til Finals are over though. They're over after my 7:50 am final. I plan to go to SIN to party and drink it up in celebration. It's free so if anyone's in CDale Friday there's no excuse to party. And then going to Bloomington, IN to see SIU/Indiana, the most anticipated game in my book since the MVC Championship game last year in St. Louis. It'd be great to see an SIU winner!

I got something else up my sleeve, but I'll hold off until more defenites are in place.

It Wasn't All Gravy In 2006, The 10 Lowlights of '06

Some would argue that if my life went right in every way that I wanted it, then this blog wouldn't exist. Others (upon reading my posted poetry) have told me that I need to write "happy poems." My response to that is that it's hard to write happy poems and it's much easier to write when you're down, the emotion comes out better. Besides, everyone can relate to a little heartbreak here and there. With that said, I must remember the downside to 2006. And what do I attempt to accomplish by posting the negatives of '06? You must learn from your mistakes before you're able to move on from them.

• The rest of the 2006 Cubs season. Yes, they swept the Cardinals twice. Yes Aramis Ramirez and Juan Pierre put up monster numbers in the second half of the year. But the Cubs absolutely fell apart after Derrek Lee's injury in a year that really could've used every happy moment I could've gotten. Things looked good through mid-April until Dodger SS Rafael Furcal crashed into Lee at first base causing him to miss a majority of the year. The team fell apart after that. No one came up to produce, everyone struggled and the Cubs faded into oblivion. They finished with the worst record in the NL leading to the resignation of President Andrew B. MacPhail and the parting of ways with manager Dusty Baker.
• Summer school was terrible. It started off nice, but finished poorly with me getting a D in math class. And though I can still count that towards credit hours @ SIU, I felt as if I wasted my Tuesday and Thursday nights this summer.
• No summer job/car. Both of my summer jobs fell through this summer, causing Lu to lose two forms of income this year, which was crucial to him getting a car, something he's been without since my car accident, which truly set off a series of unfortunate events that have lead to today.
• SIUs loss to WVU in round 1 of the NCAA tourney. After the high of getting the auto-bid to the tourney, Saluki Nation took a major hit when the tourney committee gave SIU the short end of the stick seeding SIU 1th matching us up against the 6th seed West Virginia Mountaineers, a team that went deep into the year before's tourney. Their size, stregnth and athleticism was too much for SIU to handle leading to a 64-46 blow out loss.
• Another bad loss was the Bears loss to the Carolina Panthers in the playoffs. For the second time in recent memory the Bears lost a home playoff game to the underdog. WR Steve Smith handled the Bears with several touchdown grabs, and one lasting bitter memory of Smith sliding down the goal post in celebratory fashion. That one still burns Bear fans, as too the Bears themselves.
• Three bad sports moments in one year? The Cardinals World Series Championship, though it made some people happy, reminded me that indeed it can get worse. It was one of those "everyone can be happy but Lu" moments which will haunt me until the Cubs get it right and win their first championship since 1908.
• Some would say that I drink too much. Some would argue with the things that I write, that I don't drink enough. I would say that I'm somewhere in the middle. Do I drink a lot, you can say that, I wouldn't necessarily disagree. Though I will disagree with those who think I'm "drunk all the time." Those days are behind me. I've limited my drinking to Friday nights, Saturday nights, and once in a while I'll drink during football games Sunday afternoons. No more drinking on a daily basis (even though it was only a beer a day.) This is a clear improvement over freshman year when I was drinking Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Mondays; and sophomore year when I'd go out drinking by myself coming back sad and really drunk. I'd like to thank my roommates and friends for setting me straight on my little habit, I appreciate them and their help.
• The overall emotional roller coaster was no fun whatsover. Did I dig my on hole, yes! Did I do anything to fix it, I tried. Did it get fixed, obviously not. I had too many lows and not enough highs this year, and it's typical of every year. An up and down year is expected for everyone, not every day is going to be wonderful. Every day has its challenges and its up to each individual on how to handle them. Every action has a reaction and every happening can cause a different chain of corresponding events. I've learned that, unfortunately, I've learned that the hard way.
• I don't know what John Travolta was singin' about in Grease, but for me there's been no such thing as "Summer Lovin'." After the school year ended I proclaimed that this summer (summer of 06) would be my summer of love. Long story short it was a summer of shortcomings, disappointments and an overall reminder of my flailing (and failing for that matter) love life.
• And finally I close with another mention of my love life, Valentine's Day 2006. I remember the original plan was to drink all day. Well, that didn't happen because A) I was to stay sober B) I had a POLYSCI paper due that day and C) I had a POLYSCI test that day. I celebrated (if that's even the word to use) Valentine's Day by watching SIU lose a crucial game against Bradley University, and sent the rest of the day and night alone, eating dinner, by myself, reminded of my failures in that department. It was clearly the lowlight of my year (not like that is shocking anyone.)

In my next post, hope springs eternal with the 10 things I am actually looking forward to in 2007.

2006 In Review Part II: Top 10 Highlights

Moving to part two of the year in review, 10 highlights. Despite what you might read in this blog, finding 10 highlights wasn't as impossible as it could be, especially if you read this blog and realize how emotionally and mentally unbalanced I can be at times. However I will say this about the "highlights" segment of 2006, when they were good they were real good. 2006 in a nutshell: like a .500 ballclub, when they're good they're real good, when they're bad, you hope it's fun bad. When it's been bad, it hasn't been "fun bad." With that said, the Top 10 Highlights (in no particular order) for 2006.

• The Cubs sweep the Cardinals, twice. Yes, I realize that the Cardinals won the World Series but they still get no love from me. They finished with a losing record to the worst team in the National League and for a majority of the games (minus the final three in St. Louis which served as the first signs of the team quitting under Dusty Baker save the Rich Hill start on Fox Saturday Game of the Week) and were dominated by the Cubs (and White Sox for that matter) when they played in Chicago. I'll admit the first sweep was sweet, a three game sweep which concluded on ESPN as their Sunday Night Game of the week which was highlighted by Sean Marshall's first start, Jacque Jones first hit (a 3-run home run off Sidney Ponson) and a game winning Grand Slam by catcher Michael Barrett. However, the sweep that was sweetest was the one in Chicago in July, concluding with a victory by Carlos Zambrano over reigning Cy Young winner Chris Carpenter. That might have been the peak of the summer, it ended a few weeks later.
• If this list was in chronological order, my 20th birthday would probably rank #1. It was an awesome 5 day period in which my "Southern family" came north from everywhere to help me celebrate turn the big 2-0. We partied like rock stars, taking in the sights and sounds Chicago had to offer over the 4th of July holiday. Arguably it was the most fun I've had in consecutive days this year!
• My trip to Puerto Rico was nice too. It was cool to see some of my family members again and take in life on the island. It was also pretty nice to use the Spanish I rarely use in Carbondale (or Chicago for that matter.) I wonder when I'll be returning to the island.
• The most anticipated moment of 2006 was probably meeting a new friend in Meagan. Meagan was a friend I knew through my old roommate Hoos who was coming up to see Country Thunder, a four day fest of country music that I was also slated at one point to attend. In preparation of the days in which she would stay a few with me, we basically spoke every day beginning sometime in spring 2006 until she arrived in July. That definetly softened the blow of what could have been initial awkwardness for it was to be the first time we'd ever meet in person. In addition to meeting Meagan, I was able to meet her friend Alyce who was to be attending Northwestern University in Evanston. Our time together was fun, and still I talk to Meagan on a regular basis.
• Another highly anticipated event of 2006 was moving off campus. I talk regularly in sports terms, especially when it comes to "change of scenery." Well the change of scenery has done me well if you ask me. To be honest, I've had my issues with former roommies, but I'll leave the past where it belongs. Currently, I love my roommates Marcus and Steve and I'm pretty sure the love is mutual between the three of us. No disrespect to my former roommates, but I don't think I've ever been happier with my living situation. Living off campus has been great. No RA's, no write ups, I cook my own meals and we can play music as loud as we'd like. Can't knock that now can ya?
• SIU Wins The MVC Tourney. With their backs against the wall and another consecutive NCAA appearance in the balance, the SIU Salukis turned out three wins in the MVC tournament in St. Louis clinching the automatic bid in the NCAA tourney for the first time since 1994. The highlight you ask? Probably would be when after SIU's overtime winner against Northern Iowa, I asked now-roommate Steve if he'd be interested in going to StL for the championship game. We rounded up several friends on the floor and headed to StL the next day on a spur of the moment type thing that really was a major adrenaline rush from beginning to end! Celebrating on court rocked too!
• Camping with Roy. Camping was fun, I enjoyed this version of camping compared to the stuff we did when I was a kid in tents in crappy weather. Roy's trailer rocks, Uncle Squeak calls it 'Condo Camping' cuz it has the ammenities of home (shower, fridge, stove, oven, beds) while also being outdoors. Drinking, eating, drinking, fishing, eating. That's the camping itnerary.
• KISS FM'S FRIDAY FREE FOR ALL. As I said in my last post, it was a good year musically, especially for new music. However nothing caught my ear like WKSC 103.5's Friday Free For All. It began when an outgoing deejay on his last episode decided to use his last show to go back in time and bring back classic songs from the 80s and 90s. Dance hits, club hits, songs that were popular when I was young, before I was young, when my mom used to party, etc. Songs like Holiday, Like A Virgin, Dangerous on the Dancefloor, Supersonic, Groove is in the Heart, What Is Love, Spring Love, Push It, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Jump Around....I COULD GO ON FOREVER! This flashback has contiued to be a Friday highlight and staple, now that I can get it streaming (along with the best morning show ever, the Drex Show) online @ kisschicago.com.
• The Bears Hot Start. A more recent add on to the happy moments of '06. '06 started off sour for the Bears with a loss to the Carolina Panthers (I'll get into that in the not so happy moments of 2006.) But the Bears started this year strong at 7-0 behind their dominating defense, super-special teams and the arm of a resurgent (and healthy) Rex Grossman. Since then "Sexy Rexy" has struggled, but has my support to lead the Bears to their first Super Bowl since 1985.
• The New Look Cubs. Not much went right for the Cubs in 2006, but they've set nice groundwork for 2007. President/CEO Andy "The Clown" MacPhail (should be F-A-I-L) resigned from his post, followed out the door the next day by much maligned manager Dusty Baker. In the weeks since the two failures have left the Cubs have turned the baseball world on its ear with their newfound willingness to spend and win right now. VP of Broadcasting and Marketing John McDonough was named 'interim' President of the Cubs. Next, they hired Lou Piniella to manage the team in an attempt to lead them to their first World Series appearance since 1945 and victory since 1908. They re-signed key pieces Wade Miller, Henry Blanco, Kerry Wood and Aramis Ramirez. They also added free agents Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis and Mark DeRosa to fill holes in the starting rotation and at second base. However those pale in comparison the the off-season coup they pulled off by signing Alfonso Soriano to an 8 year $136 million dollar contract. Soriano became the highest paid Cub in the history of the franchise and marked the first time the Cubs have signed the top player in a free-agency class in his prime in my life time. They're not done however, it could lead to an interesting 2007.

Here's hoping I have more trouble finding 10 highlights next year (hoping I have more than 10!)

Finally Part VII Of Lu's Fun W/Poetry: The Final Chapter

The final chapter, for this semester at least. I'm not a big fan of "New Years Resolutions" because they always fail, but next year I'll be making an effort to keep writing. This year I've seen the quality of my work increase as I've contiued to write this year and would love to keep this up.

I'll preface this final piece by saying that this was one of my favorite ones to write and read this semester. I put together some interesting ideas portraying how I was feeling at the time and it seemed to get good reviews from the people in class and others that have read it. With that said, I'm glad that someone out there can read my work and appreciate it for what it is. Without further to do, my final poem of 2006 'Down, Not Out.'


DOWN, NOT OUT
by Luis C. Medina


An open ear listens
to close-minded thoughts.
Stomp on the doormat to your life,
and dragging dirt inside.
In search of inspiration,
I fill the void
he left behind.
My ideas go ignored,
unwelcome words turn
into shredded strands of failure.
Beaten and belittled
I crawl back.The pain feels good.


This was to be the love poem and the goal of this poem was to show how much you love someone, and trying not to say, “I love you” with the idea of show, don’t tell. Understand that this isn’t your typical love poem. I really flipped the idea of this poem by showing another side of love, which is love that goes unreturned, which was the underlying theme and inspiration for this poem.

As for changes, I didn’t make many because I felt that this was my strongest poem that I wrote for this class. I did tweak some of the words in an attempt to perfect the flow and pace of the poem. I also cut out other words that were filler and broke up the flow of the poem. There were several suggestions on lengthening the poem, but I felt that it being short gave me the best chance to get my feelings clearly across. Though I could argue that leaving more to be desired by the reader is exactly how I felt when writing this poem. Oh, the irony!

2006 In Review Part I: Top 10 Songs!

As I've been saying, this year in review is going to be different from the previous reviews of previous years. I will not go month by month and detail every little thing that made 2006 special. Instead, I've broken it down into the following categories, making everything easier to read, and make people actually want to read it (for what reason I do not know.) As for the catergories: 10 Favorite Songs, 10 Highlights, 10 Lowlights, 10 Things I'm Looking Forward To, and 10 Things I Don't Want Following Me In 2007.

My 10 Favorite Songs (in no particular order):

• Sexy Back, Justin Timberlake. Every summer there's a song that blows up the airwaves, this year it was JT's 'Sexy Back.' It comes right at you with a pounding beat and intriguing vocals that make you want to scream along "I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK, THEM OTHER FUCKERS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT!"With the backing and re-emergence of super-producer Timbaland (who produced a majority of JTs album Future Sex/Love Sounds and hits for Nelly Furtado ), Justin ruled the charts in the summer and has continued to do so with his 2nd #1 hit...
• ...My Love, featuring rapper T.I. Timberlake's ballad which starts with "If I wrote you a symphony/Just to say how much you mean to me/If I told you you were beautiful/Would you date me on the regular?" That's some deep shit, and I love it, absolutely love it. T.I.'s rap is just icing on the cake to go with Timbaland's production. TIP kills it with the line "Friends so fly i can go fly/Private, cause I handle mine/T.I. they call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire" and makes me wanna go "damn this song is off the hook!" Song of the year and album of the year, hands down go to JT, but a close runner up is...
• ...How To Save A Life, by The Fray. The Fray are new comers to my world, and this is one of two appearances they'll make on this countdown. How To Save A Life, is equated by many as the song from hit television show 'Grey's Anatomy' which is quite a good show if I must say so myself. How To Save A Life, is a mellow song that reminds me a lot of my 2006 especially in these lines: "Step one you say we need to talk/He walks you say sit down it's just a talk/He smiles politely back at you/You stare politely right on through" and "Where did I go wrong, I lost a friendSomewhere along in the bitternessAnd I would have stayed up with you all night/Had I known how to save a life." I must ask you the reader, who hasn't had a moment like that, I know I've had my fair share.
• Over My Head, also by The Fray makes the list as well. The video really made this song for me, if you get a chance search for it on launch.com or some place that plays videos on line. I love everything about the song, everything, it'd probably be #2 behind Sexy Back if I had to put these in any type of order. I love the opening lines "I never knew that everything was falling through/That everyone I knew was waiting on cue/To turn and run when all I needed was the truth", the line in the chorus "eight seconds left in overtime", and my absolute favorite line of any song this year (at least on the list) "And suddenly I become a part of your past/I'm becoming the part that don't last/I'm losing you and its effortless." That my friends is some real deep shit, "I'm losing you and it's EFFORTLESS!" I feel it, cuz I've been in that situation, once again if you speak to me in music, I will like it!
• Next is Bad Day by Daniel Powter. Another song known by its television affilitation (American Idol.) And again, another song that strikes a chord with me. I had myself plenty of bad days this year, this song really just sums it up. Good call, DP!
• What's Left of Me by Nick Lachey somehow won an award for being the best love song of 2006, despite it being a song about losing Jessica Simpson. Ridicule me as much as you want for putting both Timberlake and Lachey on the list, but if I was him I'd be depressed about losing Jessica Simpson (especially knowing how much Lu has a thing for hot, blonde southern girls.) And she's rich! Nevertheless, Lachey did a good job not only on this song but on his album as well, granted every song is 'What's Left Of Me' with different words, as is The Fray's 'How To Save A Life' which Meltini from the Drex show put it best "I love the album, but its How To Save a Life each song with different lyrics." But hey, it works.
• A sleeper pick for the Top 10 is Ashley Parker Angel's, Let U Go. This song got a major push when APA performed live on the Drex show one morning. Though he didn't perform this song (a Billboard certified hit), other songs like "Crazy Beautiful", "Who Cares?" and "A Beautiful Lie" were performed and also became staples and in heavy rotation in my I-Pod.
• The hip-hop song of the year is arguably Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It by Dem Franchize Boys. Behind the production of rapper/producer/midget/over-achiever Jermaine Dupri, DFB put out a few hits this year in their album On Top Of Our Game. Though it wasn't a great album, Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It had people everywhere doing one of the most simple dances known to man! And they had a squabble with fellow Atlanta rap group D4L (of Laffy Taffy fame) about who originated the dance. Love when hip-hop beef is born from a dance off!
• 4 Minutes by Avant is a song about a dude who's literally gonna lose his girl if he doesn't give her a good explanation on why she should stay. Love the hook "I only got 4 minutes to do what i gotta do to prove to you that im gon' do anything/i only got 4 minutes to say what i gotta say to make you stay and show you that i will change/cuz in 4 minutes ill never have my girl again/ in 4 minutes ima lose her to some other man/ four no less no more/ im desperate cuz the clocks tickin/ i got 4 minutes to go" and along with guest appearances by Krayzie and Lazy Bone, Shawnna and production by DJ Smurf aka Mr. Collipark, 4 minutes was a hit for me. Once again a strong that strikes a chord in Lu. Unfortunately, Lu ran out of time and his 4 minutes in reality turned into the clock striking midnight.
• Finally, the hit for the first half of this year was Ne-Yo's, So Sick. A common theme here, Lu finds a song that he can relate to his life, go figure. Ne-Yo did something I'd love to do, turn heartbreak in to millions of dollars, the difference between he and I is that A) he's a bit better looking and B) sings much better than I do. But if you've read my poetry, I can write about heartbreak as good as the rest of 'em! I love how Ne-Yo really tells it how it is saying how sick he is of love songs, I can't blame him, I feel the same way, especially with the recent batch of love songs this generation has put out. C'mon, when Nick Lachey is winning awards for best love song for a song about being dumped, we've got some issues writing love songs people! That's besides the point. So Sick, hits a chord with everyone who can't stand not being in love, being dumped, rejected, overlooked, etc. If I did rank these top to bottom, So Sick would land probably at #3.

Song quote of the year, from So Sick: "And I'm so sick of love songs/So tired of tears/So done with wishing you were still here/Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow/So why can't I turn off the radio?" Gotta love it people.

SIDE NOTE: It was also a good year if you're looking at albums as a whole. Really good albums this year came from artists such as: Panic! At The Disco, Daniel Powter, Teddy Geiger, T.I., Ludacris, Clipse, Jay-Z, The Game, Busta Rhymes, Lupe Fiasco among others. In a year where the theme of the summer songs was girls sluttin' it up with songs like Me & U by Cassie, Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado, Loosen Up My Buttons by The Pussy Cat Dolls among countless other songs I deemed as "whore anthems" (jokingly of course) I came up with a damn good top 10 list and a nice start to SIU Final's Week and a good beginning to the end of 2006!

Part VI Of Poetry Fun

COMPARING ERAS
by Luis C. Medina


As the calendar turns
The Doors’ vinyl record turns into their greatest hits
on compact disc.
Tapping typewriter keys
replaced by click-click computing
followed by a voice announcing proclaiming
‘You’ve got mail.’
Black and white scrap-booked memories
Are supplanted by digital images.
Gone are those groovy bell-bottoms,
swapped with dragging jeans
headed to the hip-hop spot,
not the disco.
Love makers against war
now residing in corporate offices
spawned today’s progressive,
leisure loving kids surfing the net.
Time may fly,
but the past keeps us grounded.


This is a revision of the museum poem. I liked writing the museum poem because I was able to compare replicas of what dorm rooms at SIU have looked like throughout time. When preparing myself to write this poem I took pictures of each living setting and I took notes on what was in each room. I took the best and most interesting objects and made a poem out of it. It was a contrast of “new school” and “old school” so to speak.

As for changes I made minimal changes. I added some details such as the love makers against war now residing in corporate offices and progressive, leisure loving kids surfing the net, in an attempt to give more descriptive characterization of the people I wanted to be describing. In addition, I dropped the mini-skirt line and added where the kids were going. Knowing that many parents are against a lot of the hip-hop culture, I figured that would be a nice place to send the kids that would make the parents cringe a little. I also added a few descriptive words too in an attempt to liven up the poem a bit.

Happy Friday (And By Happy I Mean UGH!)

"Next time the past knocks on your door, don't answer."

So yeah this is not how I wanted to spend my Friday. Drunk, yes. Angry, pissed and depressed, not so much.

And really I was in relatively high spirits until I signed on to MySpace this afternoon and got a message from my "ex." Most of you do not know the story of my "ex" so here's the cliff's notes version. My former roommate thought that it'd be a great confidence boost for Lu (who was fighting depression b/c of his car and his once best friend) to give Lu this internet girlfriend. So what happend to internet girlfriend? She faked her own death (dying at age 18 due to lung cancer) to get away from me sending me into a disasterous spiral that really concluded with a "press conference' where I proclaimed that I gave up on women and retired and .... well we all know how that ended up. I still am convinced that I missed out on my opportunity on perfection, but that's a different blog for a different time.....or is it? I think that things could have been different had I spoke my peace then. Okay lemme rephrase that, I like to think that things would have been different. She could have always said no, and then I'm back at square one all over again, but at least I'd have something that was definite. And it's been a year, it's been more than a year, and I should be over her. And there was a point where I was over her, there was, I moved on at one point, but when everything (and i mean everything) fell through is when I realized the kind of failure I was when it came to love. I am a failure. I'm 20, I should be out enjoying myself, but I'm not I'm dwelling on stupid shit from a year ago that was MY FUCKING MAKING because I didn't have the balls to tell her how I felt about her. Why? Because I'm a fucking idiot, that's why! And the funny thing is that she knows how I feel. Her boyfriend knows how I feel. Everyone on this planet could theoretically know how I feel about her and I could care less because for some gosh for saken reason I still love her and I don't know why. And I've tried to get over her. But between girls just not having an interest in Lu like that or girls just up and disappearing, Lu's love life is an absolute joke. It's a fucking punchline. FUCKING CLOWN SHOES!

With that said, I dont even know where I was going with that. All I know is that the reminder of the internet girlfriend fiasco set me off into a drinking binge that included 5 beers in a half hour (not a good idea for you youngsters at home.) Maybe I should just resign myself to the fate that I'll never be a number one choice. Not like I have any inspiration or motivation to because every girl would rather just be friends with Lu like dating Lu is the fucking plague! Maybe I'll never be "boyfriend material." Maybe I'm not meant to be happy, cuz everyone else can be happy, just not Lu. Maybe this is all sour grapes, seeing ALL of my roommates with girls (both current and former) even my rooomie that dropped out of school got a girl. And then there's Lu wallowing in the misery of "chokes" and something Lu likes calling "being cubbed."

I don't even know why I'm writing anymore. All I know is that I was set off by a reminder of my past failures. And yes, the quote that resides at the top of this post SHOULD be always remembred. But when the past breaks your fucking door down and slaps you in the face it's like a reality check!!

Poetry Part IV

A STROKE OF MIDNIGHT
by Luis C. Medina


Behind that glass slipper of purity
lives a dirty little secret.
Slowly like a sunset
her dress dropped,
and her hair fell
slightly past her shoulders.
She laid down the ground rules,
and proceeded to lay down.
Two faces blank as the sheets
in which they are currently tangled.

Sporadic panting breaks the monotonous silence
along with the continuous pounding of the wall by the headboard.
Climax came and went
without a hint of emotion.
Both parties laid still as a hush fell over the room.
A free fall from royalty, his wife’s hassles
brought them together
to dance the night away.
Isolated lay the used condom
next to the glass slipper.



In this poem, I was supposed to put a fictional character in a situation that they normally wouldn’t be in. So I decided that there would be nothing like “whoring out” Cinderella. I really put a lot of effort into trashing the identity of Cinderella with the descriptions of her actions and mood.

As for changes, not many were made. I did split the poem into two separate stanzas. I felt by doing this that the pace and flow of the poem would be better. Also I cut out certain lines and certain words that helped in settling the poem. This piece was one of my favorite pieces to write this year, if not my favorite.


BONUS: Because I really didn't want to make another post with this I couldn't help but not post this at all. It's a part of conversation between myself and a friend of mine in the Chi. Let's call it Girls and Sports:

LU: love stinks
FRIEND: yea but so do the royals
LU: yea but the royals got friggin gil meche
FRIEND: so wheres your gil meche lou?
LU: she took more money and more years to play with the loser ass royals
FRIEND: lol lou i love your baseball analogies
LU: i love my baseball analogies too. i just love how i can take any of my situations in life and drop a baseball reference to explain it.

LOVE IT! HAPPY FRIDAY PEOPLE!!!

Happy Friday Morning Blog!

• It's truly fallen apart the second half of this semester and I'm truly disappointed in myself because for most of the semester I felt as if I was doing an excellent job of keeping tabs on myself. For example, drinking on school nights has been completely cut out of the picture since September. However the last few weeks I've been drinking a lot of soda pop, I've been eating a lot of junk foods and have been eating late, which was my number one goal of things I wanted to stop doing. I'm just hoping to attest these recent bad habits to finals week anxiety. My two least favorite weeks as a college student are finals week and the week before finals week. My biggest fear is cumulative finals, in which I have two. I've only passed one cumulative final in my time here at SIU, and that is because we spent the last two weeks (3 times a week) studying and basically reviewing every possible question that could be on the test. My two cumulative finals are a crap shoot!
• I'm 20, but everyone that knows me can attest that I've aged quicker than someone my age should. My roommate Steven put it the best: you're stressed, balding, listening to Luther Vandross, reading poetry and looking in the classified ads. You know what that tells me? It tells me that Lu's having a mid-life crisis. And now that I had a moment to think about it, the only things I need are the young/hot/blonde girlfriend and the overly expensive, really fast convertable and I'd be well on my way to mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 20.
• As for my dating dilemma. I've received my first Christmas gift this season, tickets to March 14th's Justin Timberlake concert in Chicago. 2 tickets to be exact. My mother said that I need to find a date for that concert. Expecting Lu to get a date (a serious date, not a friend date as my mother so specifically put it) is like expecting the Cubs to hire a top rate manager and signing the top free agent in the class in one year, if ever....wait....damn those "Loveable Loser" references and comparisons to myself are dwindling by the day. If I'm the last of the "loveable losers" who's gonna be the Boston Red Sox to my Chicago Cubs.....Anyways back to the post....First of all let me say that yes I know I'm going to a Justin Timberlake concert. Don't let his boy band past fool you, he's the man. He's reverse Michael Jackson! Have you heard the CD? It's hit-after-hit-after-hit and the beat goes on the CD is amazing!!!! I'm a major Timberlake fan since he's gone solo. The first album was great too! I'm excited to go to this concert. I'm not excited however about my date prospects because as of now I have none. And it kind of depresses me, especially when looking at my recent dating history. Last time I went after a girl with no assistance and made progress to the point where I asked her to a b-ball game, she disappeared. Literally, an A-student did not show up to class after I asked her if she'd like to go to a basketball game. Sounds like Lu's luck doesn't it? Sounds like a curse doesn't it? So let's look back even more. The last date that Lu hooked himself up on was senior prom, and that turned out well. And by well I mean an absolute train wreck where Lu was used as an emotional pawn to get attention from other guys. I know what you're thinking "Lu's got great friends, let them set you up on a blind date." Though I'll admit the blind dates haven't been horrible, they haven't been successful. The last time I let a friend try to hook me up with a girl, it ended with a meaningless kiss, reminiscent of one of those prodigious 500 foot Sammy Sosa home runs that would happen in the 8th or 9th inning when the Cubs were already down by 10 billion runs! Oh and the time before that, it was a girl who used her sisters picture's and faked her own death to not meet me. Thanks, Kevin for sending me into that depression that lead to something smart people call spurrilous correlation, which in normal folk terms, is a bunch of events that may or may not occur because of a specific moment. I believe that was one of those "beginning of the end" moments for me, my confidence and a certain someone last year. Enough sour grapes, this looks like the impossible dream. But as The Game said in his song Dreams: "Anything is possible, if 50 f*cked Vivica."

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Referring to my last statement of anything being possible, I turn to my roommate Steve and one of my favorite Steve quotes is "Everything is possible, but everything is not probable." Smart words from a smart cookie (won't call him cracker!) Good night from Carbondale!

POETRY PART THREE!

The third revised poem of the seven I wrote this year for ENGL 382A. It was actually the first poem I wrote for this class this year. I hope you enjoy (with explanation at the bottom.)


SUNDOWN AT THE PIER
by Luis C. Medina


Because of distance
he's out of focus. When cropped, still
distant, a blurred shadow on the pier.
It clears and develops, exposing a shadow
of an aging sweatshirt and ripped jeans,
in the twilight of dwindling daylight.
Attempting to escape inevitable darkness
a single figure in the reflection of the river.


The photo poem. The idea was to take a picture of a family member and describe it and the family member portrayed in it. I chose a picture of my dad off in the distance fishing at the pier. It wasn't a quality picture because it was taken from far away at sunset and at a bad angle. I used that, flipped it and used it to describe my dad in a relaxed and reflective stage.

As for changes, I extended the poem making it longer by tweaking some line breaks. What I attempted to do with the line breaks I wanted a certain flow of the poem. I also (successfully) lengthened the length of my lines creating the pace and feel I wanted for this poem. Another addition is the part of what my dad is wearing. The "aging" clothes also puts across the idea of my dad aging as well, in addition I tweaked the closing to where it made more sense and took out the line of "reflecting in the reflection of the river." I didn't want to use the same word twice. That's one of the things I've learned this year when writing my poetry. I don't want to use the same word twice, and generally I don't want to use the same idea twice, though certain poems fall under certain meanings and stuff like that.


Questions? Comments? Drop one here!

Coming later a blog about Lu's dating dilemma, a possible mid-life crisis and the anticipation of finals week anticipation.

And Now Presenting PART TWO of Poetry Slam

Ahh, finally I got another work of poetry finalized for my portfolio. Though the last poem 'Gone' still has some unfinished business. My favorite thing about that last poem is that it could have been interpreted in so many different ways, it's great. I've had several friends ask who it's referencing, etc. So without futher ado, another poem that references my personal life, 'Missed Connections.'


MISSED CONNECTIONS
by Luis C. Medina

Her eyes held me hostage
alone under dimmed light
and ominous discomforting silence
I was out of place, out of my mind
attempting to capture her heart.
Needing direction, love had me down
unsettled back roads lost while losing her;
and those sweet southern lips
that weren’t meant to be mine again.
Her wicked ways and poisonous kiss had me spellbound
as for her trick, a disappearing act.
Miscast as Miss Right, Miss Right Now
was a complete miss.


To be honest this is the fourth or fifth revision to this poem, so I hope people like it. The original had three stanzas which consisted of the girls I was referencing in this poem, and a closer stanza that tied them all together. I dropped the final stanza, and merged the other three stanzas (and the girls represented) into a one stanza poem. I cut out some unneed words and descriptions, or as I like to call it "cut out the fat."

FINAL NOTE: 'Missed Connections' was a poem that came with a lot of negative connotation from classmates and friends alike. Originally it was intended to be a list poem based off of the idea "the girls I kissed" which turned into "the girls i DIDN'T kiss" which turned into missed opportunities. As for the inspiration of the revision, I'll give some credit to Jay-Z's song "Dig A Hole" on his new album "Kingdom Come." I actually came up with the idea of rolling the three stanzas into one after this line "Why don't you get at ole boy? Why kill a puppet and keep Ghepetto alive?" Well, loosely based. The way I see it, putting 'em all together simplified everything in this poem. Thanks Jay!

Coming soon: Hopefully I'll have another poem revised. I've got a dilemma on my hands and don't know how to solve it (yet) and coming some time really soon Lu's Year In Review! And of course, suprises on the way!

BONUS: From the original creative writing genius of my family and her interpretation of my poem:

• Sounds like....one night stand or stood up by miss miss or just a slow dance that never quit completed the play. tantalizing.
• u know i usually like seductress type/heartbreakers characters as my main characters, but interesting to read that from a guys point of view--u really got the less empowered side of hearbreaking but did it without totally dogging her out as a slut or as not sexy anymore, lou. thats hard to do.
• poetry being the most powerful words in the least lines, or something like that. im impressed.

If you have thoughts, I'd like to hear them!

Flattered

It's been a while since I've posted on the original blog. Like I've said before, I'm looking to change things. After watching tonight's episode of my new favorite television show 'What About Brian?' I learned one thing: distractions can be a good thing. And after a discussion with a close friend yesterday evening, my favorite distraction is the Chicago Cubs. So most of my attention has been put into the "other" blog because of rampant rumors and all-things Cub-related that I must put my two cents in.

With that said, here's an interesting tidbit. I recently wrote an essay responding to the question "Why Write?" and presented it in a meeting with my english teacher. One of the reasons I presented was that because there are so many forums and outlets to write why wouldn't one write? I explained blogging and its rising popularity relating it to how it seems that everyone has a blog, and the fact of the matter is that anyone can make a blog with my evidence being teachers here @ SIU and even NBA owner Mark Cuban are blog owners. I also indicted myself as a proud blog owner. My teacher asked if I had left the URLs for my blogs, I hadn't but it seemed as if he was interested. Not in a stalker-ish type way, but an intrigued type way, especially how I described my blogs. It made me wonder about the things I've written here over the years. And personally I don't regret one thing I have written on this site. I have nothing to hide. I remember the initial reasoning behind this blog was to re-incarnate the old satyrical articles from my high school days. Which ended up flopping, turning my blog into something people who I didn't talk to while I was at school could keep in touch with me. As things hit rough spots, the blog turned into a place for me to vent, complain, whine, cry, and emotionally let it all out without necessarily troubling any of my friends. Then my friends started reading it, and still didn't bother me what I wrote, because I've meant every word I've said (even the drunk ones.)

And now the blog has taken a different turn recently with the addition of my revised poetry (which I swear I'll get more up, it's been hell since I've posted the first poem.) So what's next for the blog? Who knows. I have one more gut-wrenching, heart breaking blog that I've been holding in for a week or so. I have a few more poems that need to be revised, that's around the corner. It's cold and it's December and that means 'The Year In Review' blog is around the corner, and this year I've promised a new twist to TYIR. Finals week is next week, nothing better to do to kill time than to post my feelings during finals week. And I'm sure there will be suprises along the way!

But I must say, the fact that anyone would be interested in my life, cool!

Poetry Slam Part One

So my assignment for my poetry (ENGL 382A) class was to revise one of my poems. Well I've decided to re-work all of them. Here's one of my favorites, called 'Gone.' The original assignment called forthe following: "try for at least one line break that generates suprise or irony. Include the name of someone you haven't seen in several years; a kitchen appliance; an article of clothing; the name of a street, newspaper, song or movie; one line about a town you've never lived in, and any three of the following words: mucus, tongue, sprawling, relaxed, maniacal, wrinkle, and spinach." I used longer lines and different vocabulary than what I usually would use. Compared to the original version, I changed up some of the line breaks, added some words here and subtracted some there to clarify some things and give a little more of a visual. In addition, I used some of the quirks that I tend to use in all of my poetry to give it that 'Lu' feel. Well here's the finished product, Gone.


GONE
by Luis C. Medina


In bed with my Tribune, abruptly awaken by an alarm,
damn buzzer on the stove won’t turn itself off.
‘Get it Meg!’ I yell, but Meg is long gone,
once sprawled next to me, now she’s dashing
down Grand Avenue with my favorite sweater, ball cap
and roommate to boot. None of which I will miss
as much as her shining eyes, striking smile or supple tongue.
I remember her saying that
‘Atlanta’s real purty in the fall.’The Devil Went Down To Georgia, go figure.



Your comments and input are greatly apprectiated. I'll post #2 within the next few days, if not tomorrow!

P.S. With finals week coming, you know that my year end review is around the corner. But I've tweaked the format. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it!

Vacation Recap

Well this was an interesting week of vacation. Nothing special or out of the ordinary happened. Nothing worth a press conference or anything. LOL. But I must say I enjoyed my time at home.

Monday I spent half the day in C-Dale and didn't get home til abut 10 pm. It was great to be back even though I missed What About Brian/Lu? I wasn't sure about staying the extra two days in C-Dale over the weekend cuz it was dead, but the pool and the drinky and the Winston's was worth it.

Tuesday wasn't terrible. Got to see grandma again, and she got to cook me breakfast. Gotta love family that loves to cook for you. I also got to drive mom to work, I'm sure that's the reason she misses me most, she misses her chauffer. Oh and I got my nails done (yes again) cuz really my nails were messed up, but I must say since I've gotten them done twice I've quit one of my worst habits, which was chewing my nails.

Wednesday and Friday weren't really worth anything.

Thursday, Thanksgiving was amazing (minus the SIU loss to Arkansas!) Of course the highlights included deep fried turkey, mom's mac & cheese, grandma's Puerto Rican rice, mashed potatoes and corn, apple-peach cobbler and cheesecake!!!! And Thursday night was great cuz I got to see my cousins and aunt and I got to chill with Tony and the gang.

Saturday was getaway day and I helped mom decorate for Christmas and stuff and before I knew it I was on my train back to Carbondale.So, here I am, back in Carbondale until December 18th when I'm home for 21 days for X-Mas break.

I hope everyone had a good break, now it's time to close this semester strong!

A Post I'd Usually Reserve For My Cubs Page

http://mydamncubbies.blogspot.com That's my Cub page if you want my Cub thoughts, but this was too good to pass up.

For the first time in my lifetime, the Chicago Cubs have signed the top free agent of the free agency class. Still in his prime, still worth a damn, today the Cubs (pending a physical) have signed 2B/OF All-Star Alfonso Soriano. Since the off-season began the Cubs have hired a new manager in Lou Piniella. They've got themselves a new president in John McDonough who on the first day of the job his first words involved winning a championship, and soon! On top of that they re-signed All-Star 3B Aramis Ramirez, back-up C Henry Blanco and flame-throwing Kerry Wood to come out of the bullpen. They've signed utility man Mark DeRosa who can play 2B, SS, 3B, LF and RF. And now they've signed Alfonso Soriano to a big money contract. The best free agent coming to the Cubs. I never thought I'd see the day. Makes me think about other things I thought I'd never see in my lifetime.

So why would Lu post this Cub-intensive post in the "Let's Blog It Out..." blog is what you're probably asking. Well, here it goes. When I found out about Soriano I was @ the SIU/Murray State game checking out ESPN.COM on my phone. I texted my mom to confirm it. She called me later and confirmed it. She didn't like the idea of $136 million dollars on a ballplayer. And even though my mother admits to not being able to hit a 99 MPH fastball 400 feet (though knowing her if ya gave her the opportunity to work at it long enough she'd be able to hit one 500 feet) we both agreed that the addition of Soriano (along with some other parts) might be able to do something that very few people can do, and that is make Lu happy. Seriously, how often does that happen. What do you get more often here: the depressed Lu blog or the happy Lu blog. And as interesting and comical as depressed Lu is, happy Lu is better. And nothing would make Lu happier than a World Series for the Chicago Cubs.

Call me a loser, call me what you'd like but that would make me a happy person. Some people have their nice cars that make them super happy and no one laughs at them. Some have comic book collections that make them happy, no one laughs at them. Others have video games that keep them happy, some laugh at them, but those people usually have big money. Some people have their significan others and the elusive idea of "love" that make them happy. Well I don't have a nice car. I don't have a car at all. I don't have a comic book collection worth millions of dollars. I'm not amazingly skilled in video games (but I'm don't sleep on me in a game of Madden.) And if you've read this blog long enough, I don't have the love of my life to keep me happy and grounded. The only love I've always had and will always have is my love for the Cubs. All I have is the hope that one day I can hear the words "World Champion Chicago Cubs" and not from a video game for once.

Sounds sad, but I didn't care about not having a girlfriend when the Cubs were 5 outs away in 2003. And that was the last time I was completely happy. I'm not saying that women are the devil (though it'd be tough to convince me other wise) but certain things fall behind the Cubs. This coming from a man who was possessed to ditch his senior prom to see the return of Mark Prior. This coming from a man who was upset with his mother for having her wedding on the same day as game 5 of the NLCS. This coming from the man who one day wants to get married at Wrigley and possibly have his ashes spread on the field. Coming from the man convinced by all his friends that he'd fall for a White Sox fan or a Cards fan when he went south to SIU.

Everyone that knows me knows that I love the Cubs. But for years the Cubs haven't loved me back. Of the people that know me, they kinda liken me to the 40 year virgin cross-bred with Jimmy Fallon's character in Fever Pitch. In Fever Pitch, Jimmy Fallon found his love, and the Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino. Maybe in 2007, Lu finds his true love and the Cubs break the Curse of the Billy Goat. One can only hope!

My Announcement

Though it probably does not come as a suprise, I thought I might was well just put it out there.I'm coming back to Southern. Not just for next semester, but to finish my college experience.Not like it's breaking news, but I had to put it out there. The only reason I'm writing this is because I've been looking at schools since the end of first semester last year.

That's right, I've been looking for my own escape clause. DePaul, NIU, UIC and even some community colleges were on my list of transfer schools. But after some thinking and some conversations with advisors and such, I've come to the conclusion that I'm gonna stay at SIU and finish what I've started.Yes, it will take an extra semester, but it'll be worth it.

For the most part I'm happy here. I came here for a reason, actually a bunch of reasons. SIU has been the place I've wanted to be and will remain. Yes I get homesick. Yes I miss the peeps of the Chi. Yes sometimes SIU throws too much at me and I can't handle it. But this is what I'm here for, isn't it? I didn't wanna go through a whole new beginning, matching credits and all that crap either. But if I that wasn't an issue, I still wouldn't be leaving.I'm here for the long haul folks.

I think this only comes to a shock that I even thought about leaving. No one had any idea that I thought about leaving. Not my roommates, not my friends, not my family. No one, not even the blog!

Once again, thanks for your support and all that good stuff! It's gonna take a little more than a few rainy days to get me out of southern!

Just To Show That I'm Not Completely Negative

My weekend recap that doesn't include the Friday suckfest or last night's depressing phone call:

-SIU defeats Wash U (StL) 59-28 in the regular season opener. The defense was stiflin' and Tony Young went off! Can't wait 'til JT comes back next weekend.

-Mike & Joe rocked at Copper Dragon after the game. Gotta love that whitey music!

-SIU football defeats #11 UNI 47-23 in a must win game. Nick Hill goes off with probably his most accurate game at a chilly McAndrew stadium on Saturday Night.

-The Bulls beat the Pacers 89-80 Saturday night behind free agent acquisition Ben Wallace's 8 points and a Dennis Rodman-like 18 boards-SIU women's team lost to Mizzou, but at least they were fun to watch

-and DA BEARS beat the Giants 38-20 and showed the G-men what it was really like to be Baaallliiin' with a 108 yard return of a missed FG and Tom Jones runnin' all over peeps and Sexy Rexy bringin' Rexy back with TDs to Moose and Mark Bradley

-oh and Aramis Ramirez and Kerry Wood re-signed to boot

See it's not all bad. I'll be home next Monday, 'til then may the good times continue to roll!

How The Mighty Have Fallen

I'm too young to be thinking like this, but here goes nothing.

The last two-plus years have been interesting to say the least. Seriously, they've been interesting. Freshman year here at Southern for the most part was exactly what I thought it would be. It was what I needed. A fresh start, some new friends and some new experiences that I would never have been able to have if I were to stay at home for school. I went into sophomore year with a lot of hype. Not necessarily hype, I don't think hype is a good word, expectations is a better word. I came into sophomore year with high hopes. Well, I was supposed to come in with high hopes. Then I had the week from hell that changed everything. Actually it was more like a 48 hour period from hell. It started with my car accident Friday afternoon after work. Then I got a letter in the mail from SIU saying that my fall registration was cancelled because someone *cough*father*cough* didn't hold up their end of the bargain and didn't tell anyone that he didn't hold up his end. Then the week after, one of my closest friends (who I had been mad at all week because they had stood me up for a breakfast date) had a near death experience. I spent most of the first few weeks of school worried about her, and stuck with classes I didn't want to be taking with crappy professors in a place where I didn't want to be. However the low point of first semester sophomore year isn't what everyone thinks. Close, but no cigar! The low point, ladies and gentleman, was the internet girlfriend fiasco. A good idea, actually who the hell am I crapping, a terrible idea that was supposed to "boost my confidence" totally backfired causing a nice little downward spiral of unhappiness and depression coupled with something some would like to call Lu being an alcoholic. It's probably the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me, ever. Think about it, an internet girlfriend faking her death to break up with you. It makes you think about things. It makes you look at things in a different light. Well it makes ME think about things. It makes ME look at things in a different light. It's one of the reasons I am the way I am: bitter and cynical. And drinky, can't forget about drinky! Things didn't get much better as sophomore year rolled on. In fact they didn't change, they stayed the same. Even when given opportunities to change things I found a way not to pull through. I found a way to choke if you'd like to put it in that way. Oh and then there was this summer. To put it bluntly, if my summer was televised Bill Buckner would be telling himself "Damn, I thought I had it bad" and then he'd start laughing hysterically.

And then we get to this year. Another reason to be optimistic, another new start. Things were supposed to be different. Things were gonna get good, things were gonna be better. And really they haven't been. I find it difficult to string a week together where I'm completely happy. Friday, which is supposed to be my happy day, has been my day of depression for most of this semester. I feel unattached to anything, and really don't feel anything sometimes. For some it's easy to point out my problems and then fix them, because they're not me. And I know someone that will read this blog and tell me to stop complaining because all my problems are women related. My response to that, without going overboard, is that it's all mental. I don't want to get into that because that's not what this blog is about. This blog is about my lack of happiness. This blog is about how things have gotten progressively worse each year since I've been in Carbondale. I'm not meeting expectations, any one elses, let alone my own. I've been here almost three years and have not accomplished anything that I've wanted to personally or academically.

Maybe I am cursed. Maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just not cut out for college. Maybe I'm not cut out for anything. The worst feeling I have beyond the loneliness, beyond the depression, beyond the thought/idea and not being loved is the emptiness that comes with not knowing why you're on this earth for.

And for the second consecutive year, I'm wishing for the old days. When we were all cool. When things were better. And when you think things can't get worse think the Bartman play, then the Gonzalez booted double play, and then think the ensuing eight run inning. Oh and then take game 7, add 98 years of failure and compress it into the mind of a fragile young mind and you have me at this point as I finish this blog @ 10:00 PM on Saturday November 11th, 2006.

It's Nights Like These That Keep Me From Being Optimistic

All week I looked forward to Friday. Not like that's anything new, shit, I look forward to Friday on Sunday afternoon. But it's Friday nights like these that A) Keep me from being optimistic and B) Keep me in ruts that I generally find myself in.

I called this one of the worst Friday's I've had in a loooong time. Granted, nothing too terrible happened, but a part of me wishes that it would have because then I'd have something to complain about rather than complain about a sense of nothingness.

It's Friday's like this that make me wish Chicago was only 2 hours away from Carbondale, instead of St. Louis. There's a major difference between Chicago Lu and Carbondale Lu. Everyone knows that, and I acknowledge it. I try to change it, but it's like how things are whenever you want to change them. Something to the extent of 'the more things change, the more they stay the same.'

For the record, I hate this.

Chicago Lu would be having fun by any means necessary. C'mon, where else can you have fun just hanging out at McDonald's? Not Carbondale. Where can I go here to just hang out and have fun without paying a cover charge of some sorts. There's no Lake Shore Drive, where am I gonna go? Why is it that everything around me revolves around parties and drinking. Heck, Chicago Lu has a different drinking approach than Carbondale Lu. I like when Chicago Lu drinks. He's calm, reserved, sophisticated...all while intoxicated. And it's not like I go home and get hammered, I have a few drinks, shoot the shit and that's it. I can't do that in Carbondale. I'll go out and drink and then expect to get on some hoes or something stupid like that. No pressure at home, I like no pressure situations. There's always something down here, something stupid that pisses me off.

I just want to be happy, but I guess that's too much to ask for. I'm not talking about superficially happy, because like a rocking chair, being superficially happy is fun but in the end it gets you nowhere. (Paraphrased from the movie Van Wilder.) Because everyone else can be happy, but not Lu, nope, not me. I can't be happy. I'm not supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be tortured and pissed off at every turn. Depressed every night. Every day is like a beating. Emotionally and mentally, every day is just one big beatdown. And even on days that I don't feel it, I know it'll come later.

But everyone else can be happy. Can't do anything right, I just can't.
For the record, I'm sick of writing these blogs. And I'm sure the people reading these (if anyone still does) are sick of reading them. I'm tired of being depressed all the time. I'm tired of always being angry. I'm sick of everything. Long story short: I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired! That's the bottom line here.

The only things that would help are the following:

• Winning the lottery. Because money, though not the root of my problems, can fix something, can't it? Because people with money are happy, superficially happy, but happy nonetheless. It's like hiring Johnny Cochran to be your lawyer. People say that you look guilty. We'll I'd rather look guilty in the mall than look innocent in jail. (That of course paraphrased from Chris Rock)
• A fresh start somewhere not in Carbondale. I'll be honest, Carbondale was at one point the fresh start I was looking for. But when my past, along with black cats and billy goats, resurfaced it was the beginning of the end.
• The Cubs winning a World Series. Because once again, the last time I was genuinely happy was in 2003 before Cubdom even knew that Steve Bartman exsisted. A Cubs World Series Championship could provide something to me that I've been lacking my entire life. A chance to associate myself with a winner (though for arguments sake, SIU Men's Basketball has filled a small void when it comes to that department.) But a Cubs championship would give me hope that ANYTHING is possible.

Alas, I've come to the conclusion that like true love (which is a different post for a diffrenet night), genuine happiness is a pipe dream. Good night from Carbondale, maybe sleep can turn this around. Probably not because in the end, my problems will still be there.

Stepping Out Of Character

When I went home I wanted to do the following:

• I wanted to rest and relax. Check.
• I wanted to get some errands done. Check.
• I wanted to hang out with Chi-Town's Finest. Check.
• I wanted to find some happiness. Check.
• I wanted to come back to Carbondale with a new outlook.

Well, that last one is a work in progress, but it's a work that I've worked on each day since I've been back. Positive thoughts tend to drown out the negativity. Happy music has replaced depressing and down trodden tunes on my I-Pod. I'm generally happy. Minus certain moments, I can say that I'm quite content with things. So, you want proof that I'm attempting to move forward?

Tuesday was a step forward. The cute girl that sits in front of me in Physics, I started a conversation with her for once. That's new to me, usually I just talk Physics and crap with her, but Tuesday, there was a little more. Nothing to write home about, but this is Lu that wer'e talking about. And then later Tuesday I had a flashback. A flashback to a Las Vegas moment. In fact, I'm currently calling it a "Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?" moment. I was getting flirty with the waitress so I decided to try to pull a rabbit out of my hat and leave my number in her tip. She hasn't called back. A part of me is upset that she hasn't because A) it worked in the past and B) it's worked for other guys, even guys who are taken. So once again, Why Not Lu? Why Not Now? I walked out of that place with a swagger, a swagger I haven't had in a loooong time. I couldn't believe that I pulled that. But yeah, I was a bit "meh" about her not calling, but it's like a step forward. It's the principle, it's the idea that Lu can pull it off. It's the fact that I made an attempt, without anyone's outside influence. No pressure, no punch lines, no taking shit. In fact from the response of those I've told, they're quite proud of me. Heck I'm proud of me.

I'm hoping all of this parlay's into this weekend. SIU hoops Thursday, Hairbanger's Ball on Friday, Saturday's up in the air, but hey, once again you can't help but to think 'Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?' You can't help but feel optimistic. The only question is how long will this last?

If you read this and you know me, I'm expecting the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for the inevitable black cat to circle me. I'm expecting a gypsie lead by a billy goat at my front door any minute now. I'm expecting Bartman to ruin my chances for love (again!) But until the goat, the cat or Bartman decides to show up (again!) I'm just gonna keep it pushin'. It's all I can do.

Don't get me wrong, I want this to work. I want something to work. I want something to smile about. But don't be suprised if sometime between the time I post this and the time this weekend is over that I'm back to my old tricks and rants and raves of how it's just not meant to work out between me and any woman. Here's hoping I won't have to deal with that any time soon. And eventually, ever again!

I'm Suprised It Lasted This Long

This is my "note" from facebook.com @ 5:09 PM

• This isn't a note where I dwell on the worst thing that happened this weekend, which was the Cardinals (the 83 win Cardinals that had a losing record against the worst team in the NL, my Chicago Cubs) winning the World Series. This also isn't a note in which I talk about how this weekend served as more evidence on why I should've never came back to Carbondale. Instead, this is a happy weekend recap note.Friday I got off the train and hopped in a cab to Boni Vino's to see my dad and my uncle at the bar. We drank for a few hours, exchanged some stories and had a grand time. It was good to be home. I was happy, heck I was estatic to be home. I knew it was gonna be a good weekend when the cab was playing the song "Look at Her" by One Chance & Fabo from D4L and I was humming the song and told the cabbie to turn it up and his response was "Finally someone that likes the music I like."Saturday, the sun rose, proof that the world didn't end with the Carindals WS victory. I had breakfast with grandma, got a much needed haircut, set up a new bank account, cleaned my uncles gutters and then the fun came. I went to the mall with my mom and my aunt so they could get their nails done. I didn't know it then, but eventually I would be getting a manicure as well. Don't judge me! Don't knock it 'til you try it. It felt good. It feels good to be pampered. I say to everyone if you get a chance to pamper yourself, DO IT! You more likely than not deserve to be pampered. It felt good, and it looked good. I'll never complain about women who complain about their nails ever again, one of my nails got black ink on em and it kills the shine! After that we ate at the Olive Garden, that was great time spent with the family. Saturday night, I spent with some of the guys in McDonalds. I tell ya what, if I spend a Carbondale night in McDonald's, I know my night was a failure, there's no doubt about it. In Chicago, different story. Location! Location! Location! It changes a lot!Sunday I watched the Bears, saw more family and then I was off to Carbondale, again. Refreshed, recharged and ready to embrace my future.For more, check out my blogger site for more indepth stuff later!

So you would think I'd be in a good mood when I wrote this blog right? WRONG! DAMN WRONG! IT'S ALL WRONG! There are so many reasons to be pissed off right now, but right now my focus is why can't I be happy for one measley week outside of the city limits of Chicago. Is that so much to ask for? Maybe I should've dwelled on the Cardinals victory, proving once again that I'm not allowed to have ANY happiness in my life. Or maybe I should dwell on what seems to be a growing fact that I should have never came back (some would I argue I should've never came in the first place) to Carbondale. And the more I'm allowed to think about things the more I get to dissect things and analyze things and come to drastic conclusions like I'm not meant to be happy, ever; or Everytime something good happens to me it's luck, but everytime something BAD happens to me its fate; or the fact that I'm 20 and as of right now have no direction in my life. Sorry, wrong again, the only direction in my life is DOWN! Does DOWN count as a direction? I think it does, cuz it's all been down hill for the last year. There are so many things I can point to that have brought me to this point. There's so many things I can get at. Instead I'll blame myself. And only myself. I led myself down my own road. Did I follow hints, yes, but I didn't have to. Just goes to show that you should only have faith in yourself, even when you shouldn't because in the end I'd rather be able to blame myself and only myself for my situation. Instead, it's easier to find scape goats (hehehe I mentioned goats...FUCK GOATS) and reasons things went bad and not simplifying things to the point where you can only have yourself to blame. This blog was not, I repeat was not, coming tonight. But as the ball bounces, so does my mind. And my mind is telling me to vent before I want to pick up an alcoholic beverage. Damn consecutive drinking streak ending Saturday! And to think I was optimistic when this week started. Now I just know that something will go terribly wrong. I guarantee it!

Sleep calls, because it's better than drowning my sorrows with another Coors Light!

I'm Going Home...

...but I'll be back. Don't worry. I will return to Carbondale, whether I like it or not. I've got a lot of thinking to do. I've got a lot of soul searching to do. It makes me think that I won't have much time for parties and things of that nature. I need a weekend away from Carbondale to recharge the batteries, get re-focused and then come back strong for the final months of the school year.
This semester has been rough on me mentally. Physically it's starting to take it's toll too. Some of it's alcohol related, some of it leads to the alcohol use. Whatever the case is, a weekend away from all of this can't hurt.
Hopefully by the time I return heads will have cleared and Lu will be on the road to recovery. Here's hoping happiness is only around the corner.

The Flashback, The Vision, The Prediction

I've had a few days to think about what happened Monday night and a few days to articulate what I need to write for this "note" to make sense. So here goes nothing.First, the Monday Night Miracle. Bears down 20 with 15:02 to go in the game the Bears score 0 offensive touchdowns and STILL comeback to win 24-23. I'll note this because in The Heckler, a comedic sports paper, wrote that the NFL would spot the Cardinals 23 points in that MNF game as a joke. They were instead spotted 20 by the Bears. That's the first part. But after Devin Hester returned that punt for the game winning TD and Neil Rackers (last year's Mr. Automatic) missed a game winning FG I had this numbing feeling in my body, followed by a tingling sensation.

This leads to THE FLASHBACK. The flashback was a conversation I had between myself and my roommate. Here's an excerpt from my blog last year: "Yeah, we still like the same girl and we were talkin about it. We were talking about the prospects of them and all of the other guys that like her. We eliminated them for one reason or another, then I basically eliminated myself. There's the self reflection. Here's exactly how I eliminted myself:"Me (chuckling) in my wildest dreams that include a year in which the bears, bulls, cubs and SIU win championships..." And then it hit me. The Bears are a contender and will probably win the NFC North title and in my eyes are serious contenders for the conference title and (dare I say it?) the Super Bowl. According to basketball experts, the Bulls are one of the top 5 teams in the Eastern Conference and could contend with Miami if everything breaks their way. SIU is one of the favorites to win the MVC title, again. And the Cubs, with the hiring of Lou Piniella, are making their way to becoming contenders again for the first time since 2003 and 2004. So it hit me, and it hit me hard. Could I be next? Could this be the way the chips fall? I'm not gonna say that the stars are aligned, but I WILL say that there is movement among them.

This leads to THE VISION. More of a dream. Long story short it's me at Wrigley Field on Opening Day and the Cubs win. I can't tell you who played or who I was with, all I know is that there was a conversation with someone saying that this was the year and it was only us two among the whole crowd that believed. So I'll put it out there now Cub fans. 2007 is ours. Accept nothing less than a championship. Yes, start small with division aspirations because the NL Central with 88 wins is winnable. But don't accept choke jobs in the LDS or LCS. World Series or bust. Dusty Baker had one good quality and that was bringing the attitude of "you're either with us or you're against us." So Cub fans, you're either with me or against me. 2007: The Year The Cubs Strike Back.

As for THE PREDICTION: 2007 will be my year. No doubt about it. Shaking off curses, jinxes, hexes and all of the past that has plagued me. Cheering on SIU to a MVC title and hopefully a deep run into the NCAA tournament. Cheering on the Bears, hopefully to a Super Bowl Shuffle Remix. Cheering on the Bulls, hoping to knock off the big bad Heat. And then the Cubs, you know how I feel about 2007.

FINAL THOUGHT: To enforce my vision, my mother and I spoke today. I told her the following: "I was all about Joe Girardi coming to manage the Cubs. I thought that it'd be perfect that the local product, life-long Cub fan and former Cub leads this team out of a 98 year drought. But I thought about Piniella signing and I think it'd be more fitting that a guy named 'LOU' did the job." In response, my mother said "You know, I was thinking the EXACT SAME THING!"

Why Not Us? Why Not Now? Why Not Lu? All questions that will be put to rest in 2007, I'm SURE of it!