Saturday, March 04, 2006

Basketball Starts

UNC vs. Duke, it don't get much better...
In an effort to rebuild the friendship between my roommate and I, in a half hour we will be at each other's throats when the best rivlary in college basketball, college sports, heck maybe all of sports when my Tar Heels from the University of North Carolina (the defending National Champions) visit the #1 team in the country, the Duke Blue Devils. Me, I'm a huge Tar Heel fan going back to the days when I found out that Michael Jordan was a Tar Heel. Then I lived through the days of Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Jerry Stackhouse, Jeff McInnis, Dean Smith and that crew and that's carried over to today where though guys like Felton, May, McCants, Marvin Williams are gone, there are guys like Bobby Frasor and Tyler Hansborough and 'Uncle' Roy Williams the legend coaching the best team in college basketball. Then there's Duke and my roommate's fandom begins with him confusing Duke and DePaul and his grandfather's love for Chicago's own Coach K. That definetly grew when white boy extraordanaire JJ Redick came on Durham's campus and started launching 3 pointers like they were cure to all of life's ills. So starting at 8 pm, I get Lu and Hoos time. Sure, for the next two hours after that, we'll be at each others throats, but afterwards we'll be cool.
Ladies and Gentleman, we're going to St. Louis...
Yes, we are because the SIU SALUKIS beat UNI for the second time in the last two weeks, this time in the MVC tourney semi-final to meet long time rival, the streaking Bradley Braves. It a gut-wrenching, back and forth game, the Salukis pulled it out in over time due to timely shots, stingy defense and overall clutch play. As soon as the game was final, I got on the phone made sure it was okay to purchase tickets on my credit card and my friend Steve got his and we are going to St. Louis tomorrow, hopefully not in vain, and hopefully we can claim the automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament. Wow, and to think, last week I was talking about the dreaded NIT. Well folks, I'm so psyched. I'll post about other stuff later

Friday, March 03, 2006

Thursday Things

Due to me being tired and it being my bed time, here's a run down of Thursday's Things:
  • I woke up only 15 minutes before my first class. To make it worst, it was a 1 pm class. I threw on a shirt, stayed in my pajamas and got to class a minute or two late. After class ended, I got back to the room at 2 to have Cocoa Pebbles. Now does that constitute itself as breakfast? After that I had a class at three and that went quite smoothly. The most upsetting part of the afternoon was when I came back to listen to the Boers and Bernstein show, only for it to be pre-empted by White Sox Spring Training Baseball. Yuck! It was Thursday and that means WHO YOU CRAPPIN?!? Ahhh, my Thursday was really nothingness after that.
  • I played basketball for a few good hours tonight. I played very well, I found my shot again and that feels great. I have found my niche in basketball pick up games, stand around the three point line, wait for a loose ball or for someone to drive in and kick it out for the three ball. Today was an exceptional day because I hit several clutch shots. On top of that I had a bit of a post game today too with a bit of a turn around hook shot and fade away jumper. I did most of my damage from the outside. I took lotsa shots with guys in my face and drained them. I think there were two that were real clutch now that I think about them. Down 11-9 I drained a long ball with a guy flying past me, it was a high archer. Then there was another one from the wing with two guys coming at me, another high archer, it was like a Ben Gordon shot. Though I must say the shot of the night for me came when I was playing 21 and I called bank on a three and nailed it. It was totally awesome.
  • Despite basketball, I think the highlight of the night was talking to my cousin Kristin. We exchanged drama stories and reflected on the past and stuff like that. I think the coolest thing was when we apologized for the times when we were mean to each other when we were younger because now that we look back at it we were young and dumb, but we were always there for each other and will continue to be. I'm glad to have family like that, family that cares. I hope to see her when I go home for spring break.
  • All in all, Thursday was quite uneventful. Let's hope the weekend is a little fun. Besides, I have a paper due next Wednesday/Thursday, so I'm hoping for the best.
  • Can't wait til spring week....and selection sunday is in 9 days!!!!! GO DAWGS!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Hump Day=Turnaround

Wednesday, or hump day as it is known, is over officially and officially the floor drama is over as of right now. There were lotsa words exchanged, lotsa heated words. I think everyone in the argument had valid points, my issues were in the intent of people in the way they said things. It seemed like I was being attacked because words when used in a certain kinda way can be hurtful. In fact, I think the thing that was the most hurtful about the words said is that most of them were exchanged over the internet and words that you can revisit and look at over and over again and then thoughts go through your head. And these ain't good thoughts, no these are the depressing, everyone's against me, negative thoughts. And to think a lot of the most heated words came from me repeating something said in a conversation between a friend and I that I repeated that was not taken the way that I said it.
When it came down to it and I was looking at the barbs being thrown back and forth, I felt that it needed to end. The reason I say that is because the argument was petty, immature and flat out dumb and as college students we should be bigger than situations like this that I left behind in my sophomore year of high school. So I went over and talked things out with Alicia, took a pretty good verbal lashing, a little bit (okay a lot of it) was deserved and there were somethings I disagreed with, but as DJ says "just take it" and I took it and soaked it all in. So, to make a long story short, had I written this blog around noon or so, I wouldn't be in such a good mood, but as usual things even themself out in the end.
Most notably, I still am considering researching schools closer to home, but as of right now I think that if I can fix things here in Carbondale, I'll be in good shape. I know I can fix things, I've been through worse things than this and have gotten through them. I'm quite disappointed in myself that I'm letting stupid women problems get me down, again. I'll figure things out, sooner hopefully rather than later.
So I need to figure out how to put myself in a better situation. I think step one involves an image change. I took it personally, so I thought back to the last time I was genuinely happy. I thought back of course to the 2003 Cubs and my Matt Clement phase. Yeah, the only way to put that is that Matt Clement was my favorite Cub at the time because of that wicked slider and of course the chin beard. I think my mom put it in the best terms when she said it was like an animal growing on his face. Well, I've decided to go back in time and bring back the Clement-beard for old time sakes. If I think about it, the Cubs haven't won a playoff game since I shaved it for my mom's wedding (game 5 NLCS, the Josh Beckett game.) So maybe this can bring the Cubbies some good luck and give me a little bit of a different look.
After doing my laundry today, I realized that I have a lot of nice shirts in my closet that I haven't worn. I think step two in my image change is going to involve my wardrobe. I think I'll start dressing better. When "dressed up" I feel a bit more confident and I even seemingly walk with a bit of a swagger. I think dressing better will help my self-image more than anything. This is part of my new plan to make myself happy before I make others happy, which of course was one my New Years Resolutions that I haven't kept yet, but hopefully I'll be able to keep them.
Step three in my image reformation involves my music. Recently I've found myself listening to music that doesn't necessarily make me feel better which isn't good. I think I need a bit more of a positive influence in the music I listen to. Music is a very important thing in my life, in fact I don't know how I'd live without music because it impacts me daily, hourly even by minute now that I think of it. If the right song comes on at the right time it can definetly set the mood for a good day, however if the wrong song comes on I could be setting myself for a dreary day. Don't get me wrong, I still like the mellow songs, even those that might even be a bit depressive sometimes. But I think some uppety music will do me some good. Today I started off listening to Korn, but I thought that would set me up for a bad day so instead I played some Kanye West which always seems to put me in a good mood and then I listened to some Justin Timberlake which got my head nodding and got me in a positive frame of mind. I think actually a good sign was when my Crunk Juice (Lil' Jon) CD wouldn't play on my CD player. Usually when I'm upset I'll throw that on because it gets me jumpy and pumped. The CD wasn't working so yeah, I had to listen to some calming music and boom, a change in the mood just happens. See how music works sometimes.

I know I've been promising previews, new segments and fun stuff but this whole drama thing really has taken up more time than it should have. I don't think I should do Saluki review until their post-season is over. Whether that is after the end of the MVC Tourney, the NCAA or as much as it pains me to say, possibly the NIT, I think when their season is completely finished, then I think I can do a proper review of the season. The "So Sick" segment has been really close to coming to fruition the past few nights, but tonight things have bettered themselves, so I'll stop myself from that segment until it deems itself as necessary.
The Cubs stuff is DEFINETLY going up tomorrow! I have so many Cub thoughts I really gotta get em out of me. However, I'm to tired to get them out of me now, but I'm really excited about what I have to write about my favorite ball club!

FINAL THOUGHT: Seems to me whenever I think I'm finished with the blog something else pops up in my mind and becomes the official final thought. It's like Springer minus the rednecks and the Jerry beads. So here it is, tonights final thought. As I've posted recently, I've been bother by some events that really I couldn't explain. I couldn't explain them for several reasons including the protection of the innocent, my overall state of shock and the overall awkwardness of the situation. Well, finally things have worked themselves out. Now I totally understand the situation. My "faith in the system" isn't totally restored, but it will take time to do so. However there's an understanding of "do as I say and not as I do" and I can deal with that. I've made a living out of avoiding the same mistakes that my friends have made before me, especially in relationships. That's why despite the fact that I've never been in a relationship, I believe that I am more than prepared to take one on. See when you think that you have someone who tells you one thing and it seems they blatantly don't even follow what they say themselves, you question their credibility as a person, especially when I'm someone who's a believer that all a person has is their word. I think the most humble things I've heard recently came today when there was self admittance of wrong-doing, apologizing and identifying the truth and reasserting that despite the fact that actions can be stronger than words, its someone's belief that is arguably the strongest action.

Good night from Carbondale!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Tuesday Things

As of right now, my mind is as crowded as a Wrigley Field bathroom. So let's just say my mind is cluttered and disorganized and things just don't seem quite right. So I'm drawing off of last nights post for things to write about.
  • So today was quite an interesting day during the day light hours. It was a really nice day, it showed when very few people showed up to class today. There was maybe 40 people out of the 100 that were in the class, it felt like less though in the gigantic lecture hall. So we talked about voter turnout and things like that. I had some really good things to say, but we were pressed for time in class, but I did talk to my instructors after class. I brought up a real good point, which was that a lot of celebrities that were out there "rocking the vote" either didn't vote or in many cases weren't even registered to vote. Teacher thought that was a good point and wished I would have brought it up in class. I also mentioned that I used to be involved with politics and even though I'm not as involved, I still vote and I still keep myself informed when it comes to "the issues." That's rare to find in someone in my age group. In general we're not interested in voting.....So it was a rough day on the basketball court. It shouldn't have been, but it was because of who I played with. After two decent games, my roommate decided to slack off and play like an assbag with me and I got fed up after playing hard. I have a bit of a killer instinct and a bit of competitive nature, and I HATE LOSING. I've spent a lot of my life being a loser, I'd rather not be one in a game of basketball. After the embarassing loss, I stormed off the court, only after I spent a few minutes lying on my back on the court trying to catch my breath because I was absolutely sick. Instead of just going back to the room to listen to the Boers and Bernstein show, I sat outside on a bench and enjoyed a really gorgeous day in Carbondale. I sat around watching kids play football and softball and enjoying the sights and sounds of what was a spring like day. In the background the breeze was so nice it was like it was saying things to me. I think the highlight of the afternoon was the guy on the bench across from me who was playing an acoustic guitar singing songs. Honestly it was quite relaxing.....So tonight was an absolute disaster. I spent a lot of it taking a nap which felt kinda good, but I felt tired waking up. So later, despite my personal wishes, I listened to peer pressure and went out, against my own will and against the advice of not only my medicine but some close friends that I realize I should have listened to. I shouldn't have had a drink tonight, I really shouldn't have, but I let into peer pressure. Shame on me, I should really know better. I really fucked up and not only am I pissed off at a lot of people, I'm pissed off at myself. I'm not happy right now, but I'll get into that in a later bulletin point.
  • So I've decided what to give up for lent. First we'll start off with my arch-nemesis, alcohol. I've given up alcohol not only in attempt to make myself healthier, but clear my mind as well. I also have been wanting to kick the habit recently but haven't found a chance to, lent has given me a good out when it comes to step one in kicking the alcohol habit. Another thing I'm giving up for lent is dark soda pop (i.e. coke & pepsi) in another attempt to be a bit healthier, I'll be replacing those with apple juice, orange juice, water, lemonade and 7-up on occasions in which I have an upset stomach. Really if you think about it, since I'm giving up dark soda pop and alcohol, I've really also given up going out and getting drunk and partying. I might find myself at the bars to be sociable, but no house parties for 40 days/40 nights. I think that might help my lifestyle a bit. Granted there's an opposite side to this argument that I am quite fearful of. First of all, I'm in Carbondale and the one truth to this college town is that if you aren't wasted here there's nothing better to do except sulk around, and I've been doing a lot of sulking lately. So dark soda pop and alcohol and going out to house parties are things I've given up on for the next 40 days of lent. Oh boy, this could be disasterous, but it's worth the risk.
  • I'll hold off the Saluki Review and the So Sick segments for tomorrow's blog because really I'm tired and stressed and pissed about some things. I'm also skipping the MY DAMN CUBBIES post for the night, I'll probably get to that later this week.
  • So since I've given up on going out on the weekend, I think I need to find some new things to do on the weekend. Until I come up with better ideas, this is what I got for now. I can spend my Friday's cleaning. Saturday's in which college hoops isn't taking up my time I'll be watching movies, in fact, I might bring back movie night all for myself. Now that I'll be spending time with myself, now that my roommate's never here anymore (great friend he is, I'll get to that in the next bullett point) I can really buckle down in school. Actually, one thing that I am looking forward to during this lent period is that since I have so much time on my hands, I will have time to write poetry, which really has been missing this semester. And believe me I have things to write about. So if you the reader have any ideas, just leave them in the comments section. All suggestions will be taken into serious consideration.
  • In previous posts, I've described the tensions and the diminishing relationship that my roommate and I have/are having/are going through. Well, today I think they've taken a turn for the worst. As of now, I'm seeing a lot of bad things in him, a lot of negativity and a lot of selfishness. On my part this could be based on a lot of bitterness that goes back to last semester when he swept the girl that I had my eyes on and that he said that he would help me get, he swept her from under me and in fact was working on while he was in another relationship. Yeah, the one word I have for him is bastard. So beyond that, yeah he's been really snippy and really in a word, a jagbag. On top of that, he hasn't paid me back like he said he would and this was in NOVEMBER, I paid for the tickets in OCTOBER. There's no excuse, his excuses are bullshit and really I'm sick of being like this. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was tonight when during a bit of a rough period in a bit of a disagreement between his girlfriend and I (which really, she started) he basically told me this (actually, I'm taking it straight off MSN messenger): "stop bitchin, im tryin to have alone time with alicia." That's the fuckin straw, when the fuck aren't you trying to be up her ass. I'm really sick of it, and I knew I would regret the day I ever entertained the thought of hooking them two up. I'm sick of it all really.
  • So I had a brief conversation with my guy Al from U of I, and I think I came to a good conclusion. I think I'm going to start looking for schools at home. Really, I'm not happy here. There are moments in which I'm happy, but then things go back to normal and I'm not happy. Everywhere I've gone my past has followed me, and the exact reason I'm here is because I was hoping my past wouldn't follow me. Well boy was I wrong or what? It's quite depressing come to think of it. As I think about it, I don't know what to think about my situation. I came to SIU because it is where I wanted to be, educationally and socially. Now, I'm miserable and bitter and overall, I'm unhappy! I've spent a majority of my two years here upset and stressed out and that's not good for me or my health or my family who's paying for me to go to school. I think Alex made a great point when he said,"but unfortunately u kinda dun fit the southern puzzle." Good way to put it buddy.

FINAL THOUGHT: Sometimes things aren't the way they are supposed to be. Sometimes people aren't what you think they are. Things aren't about what you think they're about. And once you think you've gotten things figured out, you learn that you're wrong and by the time you figure out that you're wrong things are so fucked up that they're unfixable. One thing I've noticed about my people, and by my people I mean anyone from 16-25, it's all a front. Well I don't want to say that it's all a front, but a majority is a front. It's all one big show, in a sense it's all bullshit. It's the same shit different day and it's honestly, reality based of a group of falsehoods and inaccuracies. I wish things weren't like that, but even the most mature people that claim to be better than those who put up fronts and above those who are all about falsehoods and inaccuracies really aren't what they say they are. And that my friends is a damn shame!

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Interesting Monday

Well, not really, seemed like just another day at the office really. Though I only went to one class though. I think Wednesday I'll be able to go to all three of my classes. After fighting sickness revisiting and a bit of fatigue for some reason I came back to the dorm to take my medicine and eat. Crap, that reminds me I gotta take my meds as soon as I'm done with this blog, so I guess this one won't be long.
However after eating and medicine taking, I mustered up the energy to hoop it up a few games. Though most of the time I spent pulling up my shorts and dogging it out there, I did find a burst of energy to hit some big shots and in our final game hit some game tiers and eventually the game winner. I even blocked my roommate twice, though one time I knocked him upside his gigantic head but he didn't call foul so he can quit his bitching bout that as I remind him I stuffed his ass. And on his airballed three attempt I got all ball and said it as I got all ball! He drained a few lucky threes in my face. I'm convinced that he just throws the ball at the net and hopes it goes in and then gives credit to himself pretending to be the second coming of JJ Redick. I got upset in one of the games because at the end I had several game winning opportunities when I was open but either my teammate didn't find me or took the shot themself. I'm the kind of guy with the competitive spirit where I want the ball in my hands for the last shot, that's just how I get down. I'm not the best, but when it comes down to crunch time, I'll find a way to get it done.
After a long nap this afternoon, I had a nice little argument with a friend of mine that really upset me. Yeah, it wasn't the best conversation, though some would disagree saying it's good because the girl I had the convo with hung up on me because I upset her. But really she upset me more. She spent most of the conversation saying that I'm a wuss, and I'm feminine and bullshit like that. Am I emotional, yes I'd say so, but it comes with the territory of being a Puerto Rican, we're emotional people, in fact all of us hispanics are if you think about it. Then she told me that I needed to change my ways of approaching women which once again, some might agree, but not with her methods. Well actually according to her my options are either to change, lower my standards or be gay. And she was serious about the last one. Yeah beyond that she took plenty of shots at me, bringing up stupid past shit about how I blew my chance with her and how she had a boyfriend and dumb shit. I think the kicker was when I said that I've learned a lot from being single and her response was "yeah but you haven't learned how to fuck in the shower, have you?" That's a low blow and a cheap shot for sure! That whole sex thing with me is a touchy subject, especially knowing now what I know about people that I refuse to mention in an attempt to protect the innocent. My friends say I should stop talking to this girl, and I try because I never call her, she always calls me. Always calls me bitching about some dumb shit, it's not like I ask for it. And then she goes on to take shots at me and not expect me to be upset.
Well after that I had a talk with a good friend of mine that tried helping me through the situation. Our conversation is long from being over, but was cut short because she had a phone call. She tried cheering me up kinda and tried giving me a window of ideas to follow, but as the days go on, I am continuously losing faith in women. One of these days, I'll truly "retire" like I did first semester, but for good.

Coming tomorrow:
  • The SIU Salukis season in review from my point of view
  • What am I giving up for lent
  • Revealing a new segment called "So Sick" inspired by the hit single by Ne-Yo I will reveal some shit that I'm sick of
  • Tuesday's happenings

And on

  • Cubs/Cardinals thoughts
  • My thoughts on the World Baseball Classic
  • A new segment I'll call "Behind Enemy Vines" where I take a look at what's going on down on 35th & Shields
  • Later this week I'll even come up with another position preview
  • And one of these days, I'm gonna talk about my love affair/obsession with the 2003 Cubs

And you know in both blogs, there are suprises along the way of course!

Good night from Salukiville!!!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Weekend Review and Things

It's Sunday and it's almost 11:00 pm and it means that my weekend is essentially over. It was an up and down weekend in Salukiville, but really, what weekend isn't down here? I'm looking forward to Spring Break and soon enough I'll be counting down the days. SIUs basketball season is over until the conference tourney and March is around the corner, I'm hoping that good college hoops can carry me over until baseball season (which really has already begun.) I had a visitor this weekend, and I love nothing more than visitation from guests, especially good friends so that made the weekend salvageable. Well enough with the run-around, here's the weekend recap.
So Friday I struggled through one class, I couldn't make it through all of them. It's hard when boogers are running down your face, your head feels like its over weight, your weak and you can't concentrate...I think you get the picture. I was completely out of it. I got back to the room, drugged myself up, took a nap and started to feel better. Alex, my guy from U of I, came for the weekend. I kinda feel bad cuz he ditched U of I hoops Senior Day starring James Augustine and Dee Brown. But he got to watch them after the game anyways so at least he got that. Things didn't go exactly as planned, but we ordered pizza (note spicy sausage, really good on pizza) watched disc one of Chappelle's show season two and talked a lotta shit. It was great, especially when I got to sleep in peace w/o cough attacks and constant tissue runs.
Well it was the SIU home finale and it was nothing like last year. There wasn't much hype, the Dawgs were on a three game losing streak and it just wasn't the same as last year when we beat Wichita State and I dubbed the day as "Championship Saturday" last year. Though this year I took solice in hoping ot upset the #25 team in the country, closing the year on a high note, gaining momentum into the conference tourney and positive things like that. I also wanted to show Al a good time as an honorary member of the Dawg Pound for one day. Oh and the thing I took in most was enjoying the last day as "four-time defending MVC champions" so that was cool, I'm not used to be defending champion at anything. So, for the game, SIU won in a 45-44 thriller at the Arena where Tony Young banked in a running floater with 7 seconds left, the Dawgs "Got on the D" stopping Ben Jacobson in the final seconds, the fans rushed the court and the Dawgs WON! I love rushing the court, it's a great feeling. Oh and I must note I saw former Bull Jay Williams doing color commentary at the game which was really cool. My roomie was star struck cuz J-Will is a Duke alum and my roommate is Mr. Duke.
We spent Saturday Night at Fred's Country Dance Barn. I figured that I would give Al the novelty of a once in a life time experience of going to a country dance barn. Now note that we're both from the city and aren't necessarily the biggest country fans in the world. We enjoyed ourselves, not as much as if we would have gone to the bars or stayed in and watched Chappelle's show and things, but we were entertained by the drunks, the hot chicks and jailbait. We did a little dancing (with the girls, gotta make that clear of course) and I think the high light of the night was when 3 girls made a Lu sandwich outta me. We finished the night at Don Taco and watching disc 2 of Chappelle's Show season 2. Saturday night: uneventful, yet enjoyable.
Well Sunday's almost over as I currently type this. It's officially over when Viva La Sex is over. It was a bit of a lack luster show tonight, I'm a bit disappointed, whatever. So I slept in until 12, me and al watched a bit of the Michigan State/Indiana game and then we finished Chappelle's Show finally (we passed out last night before it ended.) So then we put on the UConn/Villanova game and yeah UConn proved 'Nova's win 10 days ago was an absolute fluke. The thing that bothered me the most about that game was that UConn fans were chanting "overrated" at the end of the game. Really, where they overrated? You should not have been chanting overrated to a team that not only beat you last week, but a team that is only two spots ahead of you in the Top 25 polls. It struck me as odd, but I guess they were seeking revenge. I'd probably chant it if I was a UConn fan at the stadium. Took al to the train station at 4 and since then not much has happened. The Tar Heels won another impressive game this time against Maryland. The Heels, an after thought by all the experts after the top 7 scorers from last years National Championship team left, are ranked 21 and should be moving up the charts. They have solidified their spot as the #2 team in the ACC and they almost beat Duke. I predict they defeat Duke in the last game of the season, that'd be wonderful! The Sunday TV line up was reruns, I need something to do on Sundays.
Here's a segment that I drop in once in a while when I do a themed blog and I got some random thoughts to throw in. I like 'Loose Change' it makes me feel good when I'm done with the post. So here it is:
  • I think it's safe to say that my roommate and I have a deteriorating relationship/friendship. I don't know what it is, I can't put my finger on it, but things ain't the same as they once was. Beyond the girlfriend thing, beyond the whole him being pompous about how Duke's #1 though those are contributing factors, I don't know what else it is. Maybe it's cuz we've lived together for two years, I have no clue what's up. He's been quite snippy with me lately. One thing I really don't understand is how he takes shots at people all the time but when someone takes a shot at him he takes it super-personally and gets really defensive, I don't think that's quite fair. I'd like to talk things over, but he's never around. The only time we're around each other is when we watch the ball games. Whenever we eat, bullshit pops up and either we can't talk about it or something else takes over the conversation. Needless to say, it's bothered me enough to post it on the blog, so I guess you can say it's quite serious.
  • Quote of the day is brought to you by the good folks at and it deals with Cubs pitcher Randy Wells breaking the bat of teammate and Cub-newbie Juan Pierre: "That's cool, but he's my teammate. I'd rather break the bat of somebody on the Cardinals." That's what I'm talking about! I never even heard of this Randy Wells kid, but I want him on the team. Any guy who likes pitching inside, especially to a Cardinal has one fan, and that's ME! I know Prior and Woody and Big Z ain't afraid to pitch inside. Neither is Maddux though he's old and an inside fastball in the wrong location could find itself bouncing down Kenmore Avenue. But before I keep going on with this blog, I'll stop, because this is something I should probably save for the blog. I'll actually copy and paste it and add on to it later.
  • As I've said a million times in this blog, I'm tired of being single. I'm also tired of always being around couples. Sure, it's a little hard when you're roommate and his g/f are always together and you all are pretty good friends and all live within spitting distance. Being around them, and couples in general, makes me feel lonely, useless, depressed and all those feelings of negatvity. I also don't like the way some people want me to go out there and approach girls. Some people say that I should go out there and be a conflict. That's actually a kinder, gentler way to say what i want to say. They basically want me to go out and be a clown, treat women in not a good way, in a sense be an asshole. Basically the conflict theory works out when you push yourself far away they'll want you back. It just doesn't pan out in my mind, and the way I was brought up I can't do it. My conscience won't let me. So then there's the random girl approach. That works in theory, kinda like communism. But I have my fears. First off, my fear of rejection rules all because rejection hurts and it brings me back to all the crap I've got dealt by girls over the years and that don't feel good. On top of that I don't want to come off as desperate (which I might if you know my situation you really can't blame me if I do come off a bit desperate), I don't want to meet a girl that has a boyfriend (especially one that could kill me) and get my hopes up, I don't wanna come off as weird random guy as well. And on top of that, I really don't know how to approach girls, that's kinda important I think. I just have problems approaching girls, it's really as simple as that. I can talk to them in general situations and on a "friend" level, but it doesn't extend beyond the friendship stage. I think it's due to my theory which is the friends first theory. I'm a believer that you should befriend who you want to date first because who wants to date someone they'll conflict with? Not to many people I would like to believe want that. My problem comes when toeing the fine line that we like to call "The Friend Zone." Really, its a big grey (or is it gray?) area where you don't want to be. You don't want to be like me, the guy they tell EVERYTHING to, because then you're in the friend zone. Now, you can get in the friend zone and can get out with the right moves but that comes with high risks. You risk the awkward moment that may come when you make your move. You could also lose the basic friendship which isn't ever good. However, it's a high risk-high reward situation. Let's just say I end up taking the plunge in each situation I've ever been in.
  • In an effort to save time and to protect the names of the guilty while prosecuting those of the innocent, here comes the big rant which I would like to call "The Loose Change's Silver Dollar." Basically I want folks to read this because they might be entertained or something. Well, here goes nothing. I don't believe in anything anymore. I have lost all faith in the system, I am finally convinced that the system does not work. I wish it did, I really do, but as soon as I find something to have faith in something happens and I lose my faith in the system. It's like when you find out that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father. You see the potential that could have been had Vader stayed with the non-dark side. You felt a sense of disappointment. Well I feel that way right now. In a sense a bit of maybe betrayal, but that's a bit much for the situation. Angry and upset are in the neighborhood of the feeling, but angry and upset feelings would be stupid and wouldn't make much sense. Disappointed would be the best word to describe my thoughts right now. Well since I can't describe what I want to because of issues, here's the best way I can hide things. Once again, here goes nothing. I finally found something I could hitch my bandwagon to. Being in the situation I am in, as a college student, it's hard to find things to attatch to, specifically, I find it difficult to put validity in anything, let alone anyone. As I've said before, college really screws with your perception of how things really go down. So when you find some thing and you find out that it doesn't pan out, it's like finding a hot prospect and the prospect showing one year of potential followed by falling flat on their face! On second though this is really hard to put in a metaphorical form, but I'm trying people, I really am. I'm really struggling here to put a face to the situation and put some thoughts on this page, it's proven itself to be quite difficult as of right now. I had really good ones going through my mind for a while now but now that I've FINALLY gotten a chance to blog it, all my thoughts have slipped my mind. Okay here we go, I think I got it, or shall I say I hope I got it. As a college student there are some things that are so called givens in college life. However I don't agree necessarily with the givens and I'm one of the few that wants to steer their own ship. Granted, the givens come over time, that's why it's called a given, but the givens that are expected as a college student are sometimes a bit much to handle. So then you find people that agree with you about the givens and you don't feel like the one-man idiot parade. Well when there's a point where everything goes wrong and you become the one-man idiot parade again, that's whats going on. If you can do the math, good for you? If you can't, then get a tutor. Even though years from now I'll look back on this and not know what I'm talking about. But the thing about this moment I'm going in through now will be etched in my memory as long as my memory stays. Which knowing me, might not be long, but who knows!

Good night from Carbondale!