Thursday, December 23, 2004


Well, as usual, I've been keeping my eyes opened and have been paying attention to the news. Two stories caught my eye and though both were seperate stories, having absolutely nothing to do with each other. Both stories made me cringe and nearly yell out loud: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS DAMN COUNTRY!
Story number one comes straight from the always interesting world of Major League Baseball. Before you even say anything, no it is not a new trade rumor, fan wish list, team analysis or Steve Bartman hate letter. This story is straight from Queens, where Mets pitcher Kris Benson's wife had something to say. Anna (correct spelling?) Benson, a stripper, made a major statement while doing a recent magazine interview. She said, if her husband ever cheated on her, she would sleep with everyone on the Mets. Not stopping while she was ahead, she continued through a laundry list of people on her potential "To Do List". She said all players, managers, management, trainers, bat boys, front office players, coaches, owners. Who knows where else this list can go. Maybe the hot dog and beer vendors and the rest of the concession stands. The equipment manager, parking lot manager, the ushers, the dudes at the ticket window, security guards, personal trainers. Hell, she might go off and bone every player, coach, manager and whoever else they bring with on the visiting team. Take this into consideration, SHE IS A STRIPPER. Most likely, she's already half-way done with the list. So, I'm gonna guess while Kris is lonely on the road after a start in which he was shelled and pulled without even getting through the first, Kris will just lock himself in his room and order "Night Nurses from Jersey" cuz that is the closest he will get unless he makes a nice little phone call to wifey. And if I was a Met, first of all, I'd be pissed off cuz I play for the Mets. Second of all, I would be doing everything to catch Kris in the act. Hell, I'd get Kris in the act. Take him to the Cubby Bear during a weekend set against the Cubs. On the west coast trip, make a little trip to Vegas, but not to bet on his own team of course. How about a day on South Beach in the MIA during a 4 game set against the Marlins. Or, my favorite, how about a Clinton-like trip to the Oval Office, ya know, meet a little intern or two. And I would be the first guy with my camera phone or whatever I can get my hands on to be the first to show Mrs. Benson the footage. "Here, Mrs. Benson, here's the evidence." Cuz y'all know I'd want first dibs, no sloppy seconds!
I wa s recently reading on-line that the recently convicted Scott Peterson (no, not the Polish Sausage, though he might end up cooked like one in the recent future) is getting love letters from women while he is in jail. WAIT JUST A MINUTE, you have got to be kidding me. A man, convicted of murdering his wife while she was pregnant with his kid; Who in that time was also seducing another woman, while planning and during the murder of his wife is getting love letters from women. Do these women not have access to television news, radio newscasts, the internet, newspapers, telegraphs, Pony Express...anything? Are they completely oblivious to the fact that he is in jail for murder? He is in jail for a reason ladies. Are they erasing out of their mind the fact that if they ever get in contact with this man, he does not have a problem with killing you, dumping you in the ocean and moving in on your best friend? I guess not. And it is a damn shame. Now I know where all my love letters go, I don't get any. Why you ask? Because they are all going to some dude that is gonna be in jail for the rest of his life. Only in America.

America, answer me this question: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS DAMN COUNTRY!

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