I have a half hour to do this post, so I'll try to make this as quick as I can. I finally got my issues resolved with everyone which makes me feeel a lot better. In fact, it feels like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders. Sure, I still have my doubts if I should have come out with what I said, but the fact that I said it and it really helped out the conflicting situation, I guess I'm glad I said what I said.
So what are my issues you ask? Well, on the surface it was the diminishing relationship between my roommate and I which was based on shots that went back an forth that included subliminal shots, shots that could have been taken the wrong way, misinterpreted statements of hypocracy and things like that were the things that were bothering me. And what bothered me is that they were said and that they were from people that I didn't expect to be saying that which really disturbed me. So that was, superficially, what was the issue that caused drama.
Deeper than that was my insecurities. My constant unhappiness/depression that has been keeping me down and essentially puts me down whenever I'm here in Carbondale. On top of that is my general unhappiness and awkwardness around couples, especially me being the single kid. On top of that, my main issue with the situation was seeing how things between a certain couple went and my jealousy. Not necessarily the jealousy of the couple themselves as a whole, but the jealousy that I haven't been in that situation and my belief that they take each other for granted. Those were my issues. In fact, that didn't come out until the end when something struck a cord and I nearly flipped and almost didn't wanna talk about it. In fact I didn't want to talk about it because of the reasons that I didn't wanna have that conversation with those people in general because I didn't want to be around for the reaction. It turned out being the best decision I made all night. It changed the mood of the conversation, it changed the tone in which everyone spoke and really resolved things. If you were here, you could pin point that as the turning point in the conversation. Even I am on record of saying before that point I felt that the prior conversation was going around in circles.
All in all, I'm glad it's over because now I can resume things as they were before. Granted I blew another day to work on this paper and yeah, I might be in some trouble when it comes to school. However, as of now, I am at peace with myself, which I believe is the most important thing as of right now.
now to take my meds as it seems like i'm gonna get sick again and then go to bed. good night from carbondale. and by good night i mean that all is well that ends well!!!