Saturday, April 08, 2006

It's Been One Week...

...Since I've blogged so I have a lot to cover in a short period of time. Why a short period of time? Because it's Saturday night, I'm bored, lonely and looking to see one of the dozens of movies I have now. So here's a brief recap of this week starting with...
Well folks, as you can tell I'm alive so the dance didn't kill me. In fact it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be. I'll be honest I was nervous the whole night, I'm pretty sure she could tell because my roommate's girl could tell a change in my character, though my roomie said I pulled it off well. I really had no rhythm throughout the night because the DJ absolutely sucked because a lack of music selection and he did a horrible job of blending songs. His song selection got better as the night went on, but as the crowd dwindled, it didn't matter. I'll tell you about my date, she was absolutely gorgeous, I was quite honored to be going with her. I was also very happy that she appreciated the flowers I got her (that I accidentally almost forgot in the room.) My last date didn't appreciate the 11 white roses and the one red rose I got her, in fact her parents where more appreciative of the flowers than she was. I pulled the gentleman card and worked it to perfection. Complements, the door opening, the pulling out of the chair, the whole nine, etc. I came off as a really good guy despite my nerves. After the dance we got into Callahan's which is a 21 and over bar because a friend of mine's date was over 21 and we just walked in and chilled as he bought drinks for the girls. I couldn't drink of course because it's still lent, but I was cool. I was actually better off there you could have told by looking at my facial expressions that I was in a more relaxed situation. After that we went to Don Taco to pick up some late night eating and we talked 'til the end of the night while eating and relaxing in the end lounge. I really don't know how to take this. No feelings were exchanged, nothing, just a hug at the end of the night. I think she's really cute and I'd like to pursue things with her but doesn't seem plausible right now because I don't think she knows what she wants. Some people would say I don't know what I want, though I know I do want a girlfriend, that's step one. I think the highlight of the night was when she told me that no one had ever given her flowers before. I felt special. And the fact that she appreciated the little things I did that night made me feel good because city girls don't appreciate that shit, country girls do. Hence my case for my love for country girls.
Opening Day baseball. I decided to skip my classes after my test in my 11 am class. It was worth it especially after the 5 run first inning the Cubs put up. I was very impressed with the offense and the bullpen. I'm convinced that this year is the year, end of story. But if you want to read up on that go to for more.
Class cancelled because my teachers husband died in the Sunday tornados in Fairville Hts. She was a real good teacher and a nice lady too. I send my condolences. We'll see how the rest of this semseter goes.
I can't really tell you because I don't remember. Obviously nothing worth writing about.
The home opener so I decided to skip my two boring classes of the day to watch. Once again well worth it with D-Lee hitting the first home run into the *new* Bud Light Bleachers in left field and Greg Maddux's dominance of the Cardinals. Later that night I went to the rec and shot some hoops. I played some good ball, I had the hot hand for most of the night hitting those outside shots. I love nights when I find my shot because I feel good. Came back to shower and relax and then around midnight I got talked into going out. I went to my first ever foam party at SIN (Southern Illinois Nightclub.) It was amazing. It was insane, bananas, off the hook, off the chain, whatever it was nuts. For most of the night I was a foam man I got that shit in my eyes and it sucked, it burned!!!!! There were plenty of fine ass girls there but none for me. :-( Though it made me realize some things that bothered me. I didn't feel comfortable at the club for some reason. Maybe because I wasn't drinking. Maybe because I didn't have anyone to dance with. I felt kinda like a loser after I decided to exit the insanity just standing on the outside watching everyone grind it up. I guess the bar isn't the place I should be looking for a girl. Then again, where is that place? Where is that time? No one knows when your times up so time's constantly ticking. Being single sucks and the thought of being lonely scares me and bothers me and saddens me. I think I'm just bothered by the fact that every girl I have any type of feelings for only wants to be my friend and nothing more. One thing I don't understand is how some people just up and back into relationships. It's like for some it comes on accident. I guess maybe it's cuz they're not looking. When I'm not looking, nothing happens, in fact it's worse because not only am I not associating with girls they're not looking for me so how can I get some if there's no communication. It bugs me that I try hard and it's all for naught and others it just literally comes flocking their way. Some say "Don't worry, be yourself." Well what the fuck do you think I've been doing for the last 19 years, being someone else. I've been me for 19 years and it hasn't worked for anything, maybe being a fraud will eventually work, I just can't bring myself to front hard like my roommate did or to be a hard-ass like my cousin. I fit in the nice guy nitche and I can't get out of it. I guess I have to blame my parents for raising me correctly. All I know is that in less than 7 months I will be a 20 year old virgin unless things change drastically. I just want some good in my life. Sometimes I just want to get the experience over with so I can say I did it and move on with my life. I'm tired of not being able to contribute to guy talk or sympathize with beign cock blocked or something. Well I guess so far my sex life has been one big cock block. I just want to be hugged, kissed and loved and I want to return the favor to a special girl, heck sometimes I feel any girl would do. People have been saying for years my day will come. Well is it wrong for me to ask for more than a day or am I being selfish?
CUBS WIN GAME TWO AGAINST THE CARDS! WOO HOO!!!! Once again check out the Cubs blog for my thoughts. Tonight's been an absolute crap shoot. No going out as expected. No bowling. No movie. No nothing. Just the normal roommate/gf fight and the same old Lu being lonely and depressed routine. I'm once again convinced there's nothing to do in Carbondale when you're not drinking. I'm thinking about taking a walk to Don Taco to get some food, but I doubt anyone will go with me. Loneliness sucks though I did something nice today for someone. I picked "my wife" some flowers during a walk around campus. It was a very sweet thing to do and even though she's not my real wife, not even my girlfriend it felt good to do something nice for a girl you cared about. Who knows maybe that can be a spark of something? Yeah and the White Sox are gonna repeat as champions (1-4 start...not good PaleHose.)
It seems to me that I write the same thing over and over again. It's called a cycle, I think it's time to break the cycle.
"Since I got to college I've been through two boxes of condoms, and have yet to put one on." Now how's that for perspective?

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