Monday, October 30, 2006

I'm Suprised It Lasted This Long

This is my "note" from @ 5:09 PM
  • This isn't a note where I dwell on the worst thing that happened this weekend, which was the Cardinals (the 83 win Cardinals that had a losing record against the worst team in the NL, my Chicago Cubs) winning the World Series. This also isn't a note in which I talk about how this weekend served as more evidence on why I should've never came back to Carbondale. Instead, this is a happy weekend recap note.Friday I got off the train and hopped in a cab to Boni Vino's to see my dad and my uncle at the bar. We drank for a few hours, exchanged some stories and had a grand time. It was good to be home. I was happy, heck I was estatic to be home. I knew it was gonna be a good weekend when the cab was playing the song "Look at Her" by One Chance & Fabo from D4L and I was humming the song and told the cabbie to turn it up and his response was "Finally someone that likes the music I like."Saturday, the sun rose, proof that the world didn't end with the Carindals WS victory. I had breakfast with grandma, got a much needed haircut, set up a new bank account, cleaned my uncles gutters and then the fun came. I went to the mall with my mom and my aunt so they could get their nails done. I didn't know it then, but eventually I would be getting a manicure as well. Don't judge me! Don't knock it 'til you try it. It felt good. It feels good to be pampered. I say to everyone if you get a chance to pamper yourself, DO IT! You more likely than not deserve to be pampered. It felt good, and it looked good. I'll never complain about women who complain about their nails ever again, one of my nails got black ink on em and it kills the shine! After that we ate at the Olive Garden, that was great time spent with the family. Saturday night, I spent with some of the guys in McDonalds. I tell ya what, if I spend a Carbondale night in McDonald's, I know my night was a failure, there's no doubt about it. In Chicago, different story. Location! Location! Location! It changes a lot!Sunday I watched the Bears, saw more family and then I was off to Carbondale, again. Refreshed, recharged and ready to embrace my future.For more, check out my blogger site for more indepth stuff later!

So you would think I'd be in a good mood when I wrote this blog right? WRONG! DAMN WRONG! IT'S ALL WRONG! There are so many reasons to be pissed off right now, but right now my focus is why can't I be happy for one measley week outside of the city limits of Chicago. Is that so much to ask for? Maybe I should've dwelled on the Cardinals victory, proving once again that I'm not allowed to have ANY happiness in my life. Or maybe I should dwell on what seems to be a growing fact that I should have never came back (some would I argue I should've never came in the first place) to Carbondale. And the more I'm allowed to think about things the more I get to dissect things and analyze things and come to drastic conclusions like I'm not meant to be happy, ever; or Everytime something good happens to me it's luck, but everytime something BAD happens to me its fate; or the fact that I'm 20 and as of right now have no direction in my life. Sorry, wrong again, the only direction in my life is DOWN! Does DOWN count as a direction? I think it does, cuz it's all been down hill for the last year. There are so many things I can point to that have brought me to this point. There's so many things I can get at. Instead I'll blame myself. And only myself. I led myself down my own road. Did I follow hints, yes, but I didn't have to. Just goes to show that you should only have faith in yourself, even when you shouldn't because in the end I'd rather be able to blame myself and only myself for my situation. Instead, it's easier to find scape goats (hehehe I mentioned goats...FUCK GOATS) and reasons things went bad and not simplifying things to the point where you can only have yourself to blame. This blog was not, I repeat was not, coming tonight. But as the ball bounces, so does my mind. And my mind is telling me to vent before I want to pick up an alcoholic beverage. Damn consecutive drinking streak ending Saturday! And to think I was optimistic when this week started. Now I just know that something will go terribly wrong. I guarantee it!

Sleep calls, because it's better than drowning my sorrows with another Coors Light!

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