Stepping Out Of Character

When I went home I wanted to do the following:

• I wanted to rest and relax. Check.
• I wanted to get some errands done. Check.
• I wanted to hang out with Chi-Town's Finest. Check.
• I wanted to find some happiness. Check.
• I wanted to come back to Carbondale with a new outlook.

Well, that last one is a work in progress, but it's a work that I've worked on each day since I've been back. Positive thoughts tend to drown out the negativity. Happy music has replaced depressing and down trodden tunes on my I-Pod. I'm generally happy. Minus certain moments, I can say that I'm quite content with things. So, you want proof that I'm attempting to move forward?

Tuesday was a step forward. The cute girl that sits in front of me in Physics, I started a conversation with her for once. That's new to me, usually I just talk Physics and crap with her, but Tuesday, there was a little more. Nothing to write home about, but this is Lu that wer'e talking about. And then later Tuesday I had a flashback. A flashback to a Las Vegas moment. In fact, I'm currently calling it a "Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?" moment. I was getting flirty with the waitress so I decided to try to pull a rabbit out of my hat and leave my number in her tip. She hasn't called back. A part of me is upset that she hasn't because A) it worked in the past and B) it's worked for other guys, even guys who are taken. So once again, Why Not Lu? Why Not Now? I walked out of that place with a swagger, a swagger I haven't had in a loooong time. I couldn't believe that I pulled that. But yeah, I was a bit "meh" about her not calling, but it's like a step forward. It's the principle, it's the idea that Lu can pull it off. It's the fact that I made an attempt, without anyone's outside influence. No pressure, no punch lines, no taking shit. In fact from the response of those I've told, they're quite proud of me. Heck I'm proud of me.

I'm hoping all of this parlay's into this weekend. SIU hoops Thursday, Hairbanger's Ball on Friday, Saturday's up in the air, but hey, once again you can't help but to think 'Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?' You can't help but feel optimistic. The only question is how long will this last?

If you read this and you know me, I'm expecting the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for the inevitable black cat to circle me. I'm expecting a gypsie lead by a billy goat at my front door any minute now. I'm expecting Bartman to ruin my chances for love (again!) But until the goat, the cat or Bartman decides to show up (again!) I'm just gonna keep it pushin'. It's all I can do.

Don't get me wrong, I want this to work. I want something to work. I want something to smile about. But don't be suprised if sometime between the time I post this and the time this weekend is over that I'm back to my old tricks and rants and raves of how it's just not meant to work out between me and any woman. Here's hoping I won't have to deal with that any time soon. And eventually, ever again!