Monday, April 04, 2005

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Well, it's Monday (morning) and I'm happy...kinda. It's Monday April 4th 2005...OPENING DAY!!!! YAY! We all start fresh, leaving all memories of last years failure behind us with the enternal optimism that our team is gonna win it all this year. And once again, I have faith in my team, the Chicago Cubs, to break a 97 year old Championship drought. After hearing Bo Sox fans bitch and moan about a non-existent curse, and then seeing them happy because they broke their curse made me happy cuz they beat the Cardinals, but gave me also EXTREME OPTIMISM for this year. Why Not Us? Why Not This Year? Okay, so we lost Sosa, Alou & Clement. But we also lost Grudzielanek (can't pronounce won't bother), Kent Mercker Kyle Farnsworth (club house cancers along wit Sosa and Mo) and Paul Bako (no hit no glove catcher). Oh yeah we also lost Ramon Martinez, Tom Goodwin, Bendover Grieve, Alex Gonzalez. In contrast we get a full year of Nomar and T. Walk and a full year of hustling Holly. Jeromy Burnitz plays more defense in one game than Sosa did since 1998 (except for that one diving play against the Pirates, the last time Sosa did anything for the Cubs.) Hmm...let's see. So yeah, I'm looking forward to the Cubs being the saving grace of my life like they were in 2003 and most of 2004. Let's see this years team has the following goals: Win on Opening Day, Win the Home Opener (I ain't takin a 6 hour train ride cutting school to see them mofos lose), beat the hell out of the Cardinals like they owed you child support, slap the White Sox around like they was the hoe that owed you money, sweep the Yanks in NY and beat the Bo Sox in Wrigley, did I mention an all-out bombardment with weapons of mass destruction of the Cardinals? oh yeah, demolish Busch stadium...oh fuck I forgot about the Astros, I hope we "melt they ass"--oh kells, your genius shines each and everyday....GO CUBS GO!
Oh the other good thing to happen tomorrow as one season starts another one finishes. As the NCAA Championship is tomorrow with my team the University of North Carolina faces the bitches from the north the University of Illinois. I've been waiting for this matchup all year. Everyones been a part of the Illini dick riding society and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everyone in this state hopping on the bandwagon just cuz its cool to wear orange and be an illinoisan. NO, it isn't. I'm a CHICAGOAN before and Illinoisan. If it was up to me, Chicago would be its own state, but then i'd be paying out of state to go to SIU...and another thing. U of I took our coach Bruce Weber. The U of I wasn't shit two years ago, they were a buncha bitches when SIU was the states Cinderella team. Now, the state treats us like a step child while Illinois just up and takes our coach in the bullshit Big Ten where me and 4 of my boys can be the 4th place team in that conference. So until SIU gets our DAP I don't wanna hear shit from Champagne. You took our coach, our system, claimed it as your own and now you want the championship...not if the Tar Heels have to do with it. James Augustine sees Sean May; he shivers, tears and fears the future. Rumors out of champagne are that Nick Smith has just quit the team after reports that North Carolina was playing U of I on Monday. And if by some miracle Carolina loses, I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna hide in my room and never leave ever again!
But now to the depressing part of my night. Well, its 1:23 AM so you must've known that was coming. I'm sick of this place. 37 days and I'm going home a virgin. I guess thats good, at least I'll come home with no STDs, but you know I'm gonna hear it. "You went to SIU and came back a virgin." I already got it for going 0-for-Prom. And I wouldn't have a problem with being a virgin if I was in a steady relationship, but I can't even get that. I try, I honestly do, and there's no interest anywhere. From anyone. Dating is dead, relationships are a dying breed unless they're one-and-done relationships--thems is on the rise! It must be something with me, it's gotta be. I've tried everything. Friendship doesn't work. Being a drunk doesn't work. Being sober hasn't worked. I haven't smoked up, done crack, sniffed coke, shot heroine, done X, used acid, done Meth or none of that shit, so I'm clean and I won't try that...EVER if it's up to me. One day I'll get mine, that's what everyone tells me. But as I sit here single watching my roommate pullin 4 hoes, I see all my boys gettin theirs and I see everyone else gettin theirs I sit here and wonder...when is my time? I just hope its soon.
On a positive note, as a Catholic Virgin, I am still in the running to be Pope. Not to poke fun at the church, and I'll probably go to hell for this, but here goes nothing. Why not me? I'm a catholic, I'm a virgin and I'm a male. Can we have female Pope's? I dunno. Well Im gonna go so Holla at ya boyee!!! GO CUBS! GO TAR HEELS! GO EVERYONE WHO'S PLAYING THE CARDS & WHITE SOX!

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