Monday, May 08, 2006

And in the end...

...I went home. Soon enough, I'll make like the Kanye/Common song and I'll be on 'My Way Home.' And I'll be happy initially. I'll be glad to be back in the city I love, back in my wonderful queen size bed and I won't be worried about waking up and going to class. I won't be worrying about notes, studying and reviewing. I won't be worrying about trueblood, grinnell, wise guys, quatros...and the beat goes on. I won't be worrying about what I say and who's around when I say it because I'll be home. I won't be worrying about being a third wheel, awkward moments, the small-time pressures of being a college student none of that. I won't have to worry about who's sleeping where, because in the end I'll either be in my room or in my basement. I won't be thinking about "what am i gonna do this weekend" because I won't be wanting to get wasted. I won't be out looking for random pieces of ass. I won't be drinking myself into a drunken stuper in which I drunk dial girls, think depressive thoughts and end up puking my brains out. I'll be home and I'll be happy. But then I'll miss my college friends. I'll miss late night chats, movie nights, party weekends and stories from the night before. I'll miss "hey, you hungry? wanna order some food?" Most of all, I'll probably miss watching Viva La Sex on Sunday's, watching ESPNEWS because there was nothing else on TV except the same sports stories from last night, re-runs of the Sopranos on Wednesday. And in the end, when it hits about mid-July or early-August, I'll want to go back to Carbondale. Because I'll be sick of my parents. Sick of working. Sick of being bored on the weekends because (fill in answer here.)
Sounds familiar doesn't it. I'm sick of Carbondale because I'm sick of classes, sick of being mired in shit, tired of being me. It sounds like a cycle from hell.
I got to be on TV today. SWEET! I was on closed circuit, campus television show Viva La Sex. And I know what you're thinking. The virgin, on a sex show, how? Well, I wasn't the only one, the co-host, who's a friend of mine is also a virgin. I actually said while on the show "America, are you ready for two virgins on one sex show?" I was nervous, but after the second switch, things went well, and I hit a bit of a stride. Its easier to rip into the show when you're not watching it. Actually the show went really well, and I'm not just saying that because I was on it. I'll be back Tuesday when they do tryouts for next year.
Had a nice little conversation tonight about wishes, dreams and love. Personally I have my own views on the topic that have been skewed by past experiences and things of that nature. To me wishes don't come true. A wish is something distant that you wish that under the best circumstances would come true. Unlikely, but anything will happen that can supposedly. Dreams are extremely distant wishes. Dreams are extended goals that are attainable under the right circumstance. Dreams are much more attainable than wishes. Wishes seem like they need some type of star-crossed path to get across what is wanted to be achieved. And love. Oh good ole love. How do you define love? Haddaway actually posed the question in a song: what is love? So what is love? Some people say that it's not defineable. Some would define it. Some would rather not. Personally to me love is something that I can't put a finger on. Why, well maybe it's because I can't/haven't found love. To me though, love is a fraud. I defined love as an 'imaginary concept' because it can't be defined and as a few people put it "I don't know what it is, but I know it when I see it." Which coincidentally is the US Supreme Court's definition of "obscenity."
So in the end: wishes don't come true, dreams are seemingly unattainable goals and love is just an imaginary concept.
That's just my opinion, and I'll stick to it until further notice or I get a reason to change it.

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