Well folks, this is the beginning of the end and there's no one happier to hear those words than myself. There's so much down time during finals week, I can't help but reflect on not only this semester, but this school year as a whole. I love reflecting about things. I usually use that time to see the good and the bad that I did and analyze the year.
Well I guess I can start with that a lil' bit now. This year has been inconsistant to say the least. It's been up and down and it's just been pretty bad. Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad. I've had good days and bad days. I've had the week from hell and the week that was completely blessed. It's just been weird to say the least. There have been times where I've wanted to just drop out of school. Other times I wouldn't want to get away from this place. Anyways, I'm gonna leave sometime, so I guess I could look forward to it.
I don't look forward to finals however. Why? Because F.I.N.A.L.S. stands for Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit!!! I got three finals tomorrow. Two of them I desperately need to ace. One of those is an essay quiz so I'm a bit worried about that. The other one is geography, the class I rarely attended because I didn't learn from the instructor as well as I did from the book. My grade might suffer from it, but my mental stability won't. I have a final in race and ethnics tomorrow around 6 pm. That one I studied most of the day for. I'm shooting for a B in the class and would be quite attainable if I do really well on this test here. I've gotten a B on the last two tests. My missed week of class will hurt because I missed quizzes that couldn't be made up. I'm still hoping for the best. I have one cumulative final on Thursday around 8 AM which I haven't sniffed 8 AM in the longest of other times. I'm not a big fan of cumulative finals because they cover a whole semesters worth of work. Which means I have to go into my mental rolodex and go back ALL THE WAY BACK to mid January. Seems like ages ago. I guess that's just preparation for the future when I need to use my long term memory beyond 5 months.
Beyond finals and the whole educational thing its the last time I'll be with all my college peeps at the same time. In a sense I'll miss the college life for a little bit. I'll miss some of the parties, I'll miss going to $5 concerts at the bars. Stuff like that I'll miss. I won't miss drama, stupid people, drunks, walking down 14 flights of stairs because of a fire drill, I won't miss being awaken by our pothead suitemates whether it be the dijereedoo or them shooting off snot rockets. Stuff like that, I'll live happily without.
And then there's a part of me that looks forward to next year. Yet another fresh start on campus, yet the thing I'm looking forward to is living off campus. An apartment with two of the guys. A place off campus where there aren't fire drills, RAs, campus police and most of all...DRAMA! And oh yeah, my own room. No roommate!!!!
Though I can't complain much, it's not like first semester freshman year where I had roommate issues. In general, Kevin's been a pretty good roommate. Minus the lack of cleaning sometimes, the ignorance he displays sometimes, oh and the fact he's a Duke fan. Beyond that he's been a pretty good friend and a pretty decent roommate. Next year, I'll have housemates, NO ROOMMATES!
After a depressing year of women issues I'm looking forward to getting back on the block. I'm done looking in the past (as of now of course, I might have said this before). Seriously, I need to let all that go and move on with my life and look to make successes out of what were my past faiures. This was part of along conversation last night. One that took place at 5 am nonetheless. It was that whole "love" and what I wanted and stuff like that. So I'm thinking about love and I think it's more like a mathematical equation. It's difficult to solve, yet once you solve it you look back on it and try to figure out why something so simple was so difficult in the first place. On top of that you know what you want in the end, but you need things to make the equation complete and true. In the end, I just want to be happy. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines. Eventually I'll find someone, but you can't find someone if you're not out there looking. I saw a nice quote today that said "Don't frown, because you never know when someone is going to fall in love with your smile." Very deep. Also the Tony Soprano quote from earlier in the year "Every day's a blessing, and I'm going to treat it as so." I guess that's a nice way to put it.
I'm done for tonight. Enjoy and wish me luck this week.