Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Settling Things

1st "official" post since I've been home. And by official I mean I'm actually sitting at the computer and THINKING about what I'm writing. Which brings me to tonights topic. THINKING. After a wild night freshman year and nursing a hangover the next morning my old roommate and I had a slurred conversation. I don't remember much, heck I don't remember the conversation except for a line that still resonates to this day. Something to the extent of "Drinking isn't a problem, THINKING is!" It could be that thinking while drinking is the problem, but let's look at THINKING as a sole property. Thoughts get people in trouble, especially when acted upon. I think now that I am home those thoughts that kept me up all night are just after thoughts right now. Little things haven't bothered me, that's a good thing. I'm just trying to get things settled in my life. Whether it be my personal life, whether it be school, whatever it is I just want to make everything well. I've had a HORRIBLE school year. Coupled with just a year of bad luck when it comes to personal stuff and yeah its bothersome. But when those summer winds call they seemingly blow my problems away. My insecurities, eh, they're still there, but they aren't overwhelming me to the point of me getting bent out of shape about them.
And here's tonights inspiration. And of all places it comes from the Cubs. Suprised or not, that's where it comes from. As everyone and their dog knows I'm the worlds biggest Cubs fan. I know a lot people say it, but a lot of my heart and soul goes into the support for that team. Good or bad, I've been through the worst and I've been through times that were good too. So, beyond that this is my thought. I've been listening to this team that is going through a major slump and it's depressing. What's depressing about it is that they're not taking it like men. There's always an excuse somewhere. It's an injury here, a bad call there and in the end all you really have to do is go to the top for answers. I hear the manager talking about "Just wait til things even out" or "the calls just aren't going our way." Then I think about myself, and sometimes that's all I think about. I think about the negatives, too much in fact. Sometimes things don't even out, unless you do something about it. Calls not going your way, well change the approach. Sounds good in principle, but whatever, it's just thoughts. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I'm ready for a change.
This summer is the beginning. I'm on a diet. A serious diet. A diet in which starting Monday and goes until my birthday (July 1st) in which I'm not drinking soda pop, drinking alcohol or eating sweets or junk food. I'm replacing pop and booze with water and juice. And junk food with a sandwich, or maybe some fruit if I can find some. I plan on exercising too. I have an exercise bike downstairs. On top of that every time my parents send me to the store, instead of driving I'll walk. Little things count!
And in the end, I just want to feel good. I want to be happy. It's weird. I got people in my ear telling me to party it up while you can. I got others saying to slow down. Sometimes I don't even know what to do. I think my best option would be to listen to the good influences, ignore the bad ones and just move forward each day because all I can do is control the current day.
Revolutionary thought: no. However this lil' blog session almost served as a "getting things off my chest" thing. It felt good. More to come later, maybe.

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