Sunday, September 24, 2006

It's Nights Like These... which I even wonder why I even go out anymore. Seriously, I don't even know why I went out tonight. I didn't want to go out, heck I even told everyone that I had no intentions of going out this weekend or drinking. Yet I found myself out and drinking tonight. And the bars, that was great. Being out tonight just reminded me of every failure I've had with women since I've been in Carbondale. I can't even pull any positives. Did I have my chances? Yeah I did, but I had no interest in being out tonight. I'm sure had the finest girl walked up to me, I probably owuld have had to think twice about it. It's like I already know my fate so why fight a system that has been beating me for the last 20 years, it just doesn't make ANY sense. I hate it, I absolutely hate it. If it wasn't for sports I really don't know what I would have to live for. This college thing sometimes isn't what I thought it'd be. I can't wait 'til homecoming. The boys will be down and we'll get wasted beyond belief and it'll be a great weekend. Until then I don't know. I'm not happy here, and that is clear to me and I think everyone I associate myself with. But I continue to put on the happy face and one foot in front of the other in attempts just to get by. And at this point I just want to quit. I don't want to try anymore. I don't want to put any effort into something that is obviously a lost cause. Curses, you bet. Bad luck, what else is new? Lu being Lu, best believe it. I'm not meant to be happy. I'm not meant to be successful. It's meant for me to sulk over my failures and be reminded at every fucking turn of all of the times I fucked up. It's just UGH! I hate explaining it because I should just post the same thing every weekend. Copy and paste that's all I really need to do. Why even try with girls anymore down here? All that's gonna happen is that we'll end up close friends and nothing else. I always used to think that guys and girls could be "just friends" nope I was wrong. College brought the truth out real quick and made it painfully obvious that it just can't work. The truth hurts. So does my mind. So does my heart. At this point of my night I'm just gonna go to bed and hope tomorrow that the Bears win and give me something to smile about!

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