by Luis C. Medina
Her eyes held me hostage
alone under dimmed light
and ominous discomforting silence
I was out of place, out of my mind
attempting to capture her heart.
Needing direction, love had me down
unsettled back roads lost while losing her;
and those sweet southern lips
that weren’t meant to be mine again.
Her wicked ways and poisonous kiss had me spellbound
as for her trick, a disappearing act.
Miscast as Miss Right, Miss Right Now
was a complete miss.
To be honest this is the fourth or fifth revision to this poem, so I hope people like it. The original had three stanzas which consisted of the girls I was referencing in this poem, and a closer stanza that tied them all together. I dropped the final stanza, and merged the other three stanzas (and the girls represented) into a one stanza poem. I cut out some unneed words and descriptions, or as I like to call it "cut out the fat."
FINAL NOTE: 'Missed Connections' was a poem that came with a lot of negative connotation from classmates and friends alike. Originally it was intended to be a list poem based off of the idea "the girls I kissed" which turned into "the girls i DIDN'T kiss" which turned into missed opportunities. As for the inspiration of the revision, I'll give some credit to Jay-Z's song "Dig A Hole" on his new album "Kingdom Come." I actually came up with the idea of rolling the three stanzas into one after this line "Why don't you get at ole boy? Why kill a puppet and keep Ghepetto alive?" Well, loosely based. The way I see it, putting 'em all together simplified everything in this poem. Thanks Jay!
Coming soon: Hopefully I'll have another poem revised. I've got a dilemma on my hands and don't know how to solve it (yet) and coming some time really soon Lu's Year In Review! And of course, suprises on the way!
BONUS: From the original creative writing genius of my family and her interpretation of my poem:
- Sounds like....one night stand or stood up by miss miss or just a slow dance that never quit completed the play. tantalizing.
- u know i usually like seductress type/heartbreakers characters as my main characters, but interesting to read that from a guys point of view--u really got the less empowered side of hearbreaking but did it without totally dogging her out as a slut or as not sexy anymore, lou. thats hard to do.
- poetry being the most powerful words in the least lines, or something like that. im impressed.
If you have thoughts, I'd like to hear them!