The third revised poem of the seven I wrote this year for ENGL 382A. It was actually the first poem I wrote for this class this year. I hope you enjoy (with explanation at the bottom.)
SUNDOWN AT THE PIER
by Luis C. Medina
Because of distance
he's out of focus. When cropped, still
distant, a blurred shadow on the pier.
It clears and develops, exposing a shadow
of an aging sweatshirt and ripped jeans,
in the twilight of dwindling daylight.
Attempting to escape inevitable darkness
a single figure in the reflection of the river.
The photo poem. The idea was to take a picture of a family member and describe it and the family member portrayed in it. I chose a picture of my dad off in the distance fishing at the pier. It wasn't a quality picture because it was taken from far away at sunset and at a bad angle. I used that, flipped it and used it to describe my dad in a relaxed and reflective stage.
As for changes, I extended the poem making it longer by tweaking some line breaks. What I attempted to do with the line breaks I wanted a certain flow of the poem. I also (successfully) lengthened the length of my lines creating the pace and feel I wanted for this poem. Another addition is the part of what my dad is wearing. The "aging" clothes also puts across the idea of my dad aging as well, in addition I tweaked the closing to where it made more sense and took out the line of "reflecting in the reflection of the river." I didn't want to use the same word twice. That's one of the things I've learned this year when writing my poetry. I don't want to use the same word twice, and generally I don't want to use the same idea twice, though certain poems fall under certain meanings and stuff like that.
Questions? Comments? Drop one here!
Coming later a blog about Lu's dating dilemma, a possible mid-life crisis and the anticipation of finals week anticipation.