As a child who has been obsessed with baseball his whole life, I must say that my favorite child's tale is Casey at the Bat. Everyone knows Casey's story, if you don't then you're obviously an idiot! For the idiots out there I can give you a Cliff's Notes version. Casey's a good ballplayer, I mean really good. Folklore has him like Barry Bonds...with red hair, minus the steroids and snitching. Casey was the shit, but was full of himself and basically his attitude cost his team the game when he struck out with the game on the line when had he been playing the whole game Mudville would've smoked the opposition. So what does this story have to do with anything? I dunno, but I kinda feel like Casey now. Well, not really because Casey's much more talented than I am, but that's neither here nor there. I'm talking about the whole striking out thing, with the game on the line. Striking out sucks, it's the worse feeling in the world. It must have sucked for Casey b/c it was his only at bat during the game so it's like you sit on the bench all game, get summoned for one at bat and then are dispersed to where you came....and on top of that you're team loses. Once again, where does any of this matter? I feel like Casey, that's all. Striking out, for starters. No joy in Mudville (instead insert either Chicago or Carbondale.) It all makes sense. I was watching this show on MTV called Exposed, in which contestants are being monitored through lie detection/voice analysis software by someone in a surveillance truck. The one guy didn't tell one lie, while the other guy he was competing for the girl with spewed countless lies throughout the date. You would think the girl's gonna pick the honest guy. Nope, she picks the liar. Why? Because she thought the truthful guy would be too innocent for her. Are you kidding me?!?!? That's the most ridiculous statement I've ever heard, but it does make a lot of sense now that I think of it. Girls are always picking idiots over good guys, it's been like that for centuries, why would it change for a television show? I guess lying is a damned if you do, damned if you don't type of ordeal. You're lame if you don't lie to a girl, but if you do lie you're gonna get reamed for it. It's why women drive me absolutely up a wall. Later, I watched a news story about a snitch ass 14 year old boy who had sex with his teacher. So we Google the teacher's name and the story...and she's smoookin' hot causing me to question everything I've ever done with women (okay not really, still, makes you wonder.) Shit, I have enough trouble garnering the attention of girls my age....I couldn't get a hot teacher even if I had everything goin' for me. And what really grinds my gears about this (love the Peter Griffin reference) is that the lil' boy had a problem with it and snitched. BASTARD!!!
So here I am, at a crossroads. Sorry if I sound over dramatic, but it's how I feel so hold your horses. I'm 20, and by all accounts I'm going through mid-life crisis. Drama and my shortcomings in life are two primary targets for stress and such. I'm bitter, like, old man bitter...and cranky too. And ooh, I like the word jilted, I'm jilted too. See, once again, I'm not a happy camper. On top of that I feel as if the times are flying right past me. And then I take a look around, and it's not gonna get better any time soon. Valentine's Day is right around the corner, another reminder of my failures. And then June, my former roommate's getting married. No, not that roommate, the original roommate. The one I was at wits end with after my first semester at SIU b/c I was fed up w/his shenanigans. That was the big talk while I was home on winter vacation. First it was the engagement, which was news to me....then a few weeks later during a conversation in which I was giving him the best directions on how to get to the Westin Hotel on Michigan Avenue in downtown Chicago he dropped an "oh by the way, I got married today." Now that was breaking fucking news! So quick, so sudden (well at least from my point of view.) I was stunned, heck I'm still stunned....the reception and stuff is in June in Cali. And here I sit, still stunned. I never thought he'd be the first to get married from the group of friends I have, never in a million years did I think he'd be the first to be married. But more power to him, he found himself his dream girl and sealed the deal. I found my dream girl and well everyone knows that story so why re-hash and piss me the fuck off again. I guess that's the difference between he and I. Where he succeeded, I choked and failed. And I look at things from the outside looking in, I'm not getting married anytime soon, heck I don't even see myself dating in the near future unless a few miracles occur. In fact I might be the last to get married, that's depressing....okay, not so much. Still, I saw how the guys reacted to the girl and they were all like you know she's hot and all but blah blah blah. I guess that's my main reason behind being superficial, I gotta have my guys approval because I don't feel like taking shit from anyone anymore.
For the last few years I've been living by an adaptation of the whole Dusty Baker mantra of when he first came to the Cubs. "Why Not Lu? Why Not Now?" And after several failed experiments and even more evidence on why it hasn't been Lu and why it doesn't occur ever, I've come to the conclusion that I need a new mantra, a new calling card. In the end I need something that will make me eternally happy (this is where the 2007 Chicago Cubs comes in.) But that's another blog, for another night, for another site. Good night, from Carbondale.