Thursday, February 22, 2007

This Blog Goes Everywhere, So Readers Bare With Me!

Finally, some free time to write a blog. This week has been up and down to tell the truth. Thankfully, it's almost over. Alright, so I'll start off with some stuff that I have links for so if you want to read the rest of the story you can head off into the web when you click the links and then I'll close with some personal stuff. Sound good? Well I don't care, it sounds good to me!
  • Let's start with some of that #13 SIU Saluki hoop action! By virtue of Creighton's loss to Illinois State and SIU's 59-50 win at Indiana State, the Salukis have clinched the Missouri Valley Conference regular season title for the second time in three seasons under Coach Chris Lowery. Unfortunately, I was unable to watch the game but I did manage to listen to the last few minutes on the radio. That means no game story from me, sorry folks. Last night's win deserved a blog of it's own, I was unable to do so (see, that's why I don't do a blog solely dedicated to SIU sports.) Senior Night is Saturday, that is deserving of a preview blog and a post game blog as well. In more good news for the Salukis, press wise, is that the news is headed north to the Chi, game summary here from NBC 5 Chicago and the Chicago Tribune has an excellent article about senior guard Tony Young and the strides he and the basketball program have made.
  • When he was hired, I joked that Lou Piniella may have officially signed on to be the Cubs manager, but little does he know that job also entails the side job of being my life coach. In today's Tribune, Piniella makes one of those "break you down to build you up" statements in this article when he says that "Curses are for people with no confidence." Sighs, I guess I have been hiding behind a curse. Maybe. Sweet Uncle Lou may ignore Billy Goats, black cats and Bartman....but he has no clue about the cursed love life of one Luis Medina and how if the Cubs somehow won the World Series that all of that love crap would immediately take a backseat. (*Chuckling* some girl is gonna read this and laugh at me for being a loser....I don't care.)

As refreshing as poetry writing has been for me lately, I must say nothing clears the air like a good ol' fashioned sit down talk with an old friend. I hate when I'm wrong. I hate when other people prove that I'm wrong. I also hate when I'm proven wrong by a woman. No male ego trip here, I'm just saying....they know to make me feel stupid when they're right about something that I've completely screwed up.
Yesterday was like a reconciliation of sorts. Spending the afternoon/evening with Alicia was great. We cleared the air about several things. Chatted up about what's new, with me realizing that you can not see me for two months and things with me are so simplistic that nothing has really changed. I'm still not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
She also gave me a nice lil' talking to about how good I have things and gave me a little insight about her that I didn't know before. The way I see it, the whole being single thing is a gift and a curse (I know I mentioned curses earlier, now bare with me.) I like being single. I like the idea of open possibilities. I like not having to answer "Where are you going?" or "Who are you going with?" or even "When will you be back?" or having someone needing to tag along. Being single is pretty cool, especially in a college town.
As for the cursed part, my first problem is that I have issues with hanging out with people in relationships. This little quirk about me dates back all the way to high school when my two best friends had girlfriends and then there was Lou (we'll put the 'O' in the name for nostalgia's sake.) That has stayed with me throughout college and to be honest, I think that's effecting some of my relationships and friendships in a negative way. Though it does explain why I'm damn bitter at couples in general and why sometimes I just don't feel like going out with certain people at certain times.
Now that I got that off my chest, this is where I say "Maybe she's right" because really, she does have a very valid point. I'm single and theoretically, I have the whole world in front of me. I can do what I want and not have to worry about my girlfriend or what she thinks. I, by myself can theoretically get done whatever I want to for my career and such, get settled and then eventually settle down....with nobody holding me back.
That sounds nice and pretty like a package wrapped in ribbon, tied in a bow. Unfortunately, that's not how I've been seeing it.
The way I've been seeing it, it's been holding me back. I kinda compare it to John Elway's Super Bowl championship. Short and simple, Elway's a badass QB who's got all these badass records, but never won a championship and he always used to say "It's okay I had a good career." But when he won that championship finally, he admitted he was full of shit and that the championship validated his career and cemented him as an all-time great.
What the hell does that have anything to do with me? Maybe it's the whole "pussy on a pedestal" thing. I guess you can say that girlfriend thing is the missing piece of the puzzle. For me, I'll argue that a girlfriend would be my validation.
(Someone's gonna come across this, read it, then think I'm a total loser and probably never date me because of it. Oh well.)
And it sounds bad, the idea of a girlfriend being validation, compared to a Super Bowl girl wants to be looked at as a prize. But let's face it, that's the only thing that has been missing, compared to people my age. At least that's what society says.
What magnifies my insecurities are my friends who are in happy relationships, my friends who get constant attention from girls and some new developments in my friends lives. My first college roommate has moved on from his days at SIU to go to the National Guard and is getting married in June. He just turned 21, and he's married. He'll be the first of "The Chi-town Boys" to be getting married. I have a friend, she's been engaged for more than a year now and she'll be getting married when she's out of school, I'm sure of it. I have a friend that's now pregnant....having a kid. I feel as if everyone's growing up without me.
But she put it in the best way possible "It's like playing real life house."
Despite giving me hell, she always knows how to make me feel better. There's just something special about her, I have an idea of what it is but I'm not quite sure of it. Maybe I've got my head in the clouds, maybe I'm still living in first semester of last year....I don't know what I'm feeling, but I think it's good.
Maybe that would explain my first good night of sleep in over a month, that whole little talkin' to maybe (no pun intended) put some of our issues to sleep. You know I'm a big believer in that symbolic shit.
In my mind, I laughed when she mentioned something about how her ex wants to get out on the dating scene again but is seemingly comparing these girls to what he had in her. I laughed on the inside. If it was an outside laugh, it would have been one of those nervous laughs....those are never good.
Maybe that's my issue in getting over her. It's not like I'm putting every girl up to her standard, but it's that perceived idea of perfection that keeps holding me back, mentally. The sooner I find a new girl, the sooner I get over her.
Maybe she's Vanessa all over again. That would only prove to be more symbolic than anything I've mentioned in this blog....ever.
I'm not getting into that story. I'm too happy, I think I've got my best friend back. And that is more important than anything else!

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