Saturday, January 21, 2006

One Week Down

The first week of school is over, and I'm relieved over it. I've felt very relaxed this week, which is a total and complete change from 1st semester and basically my whole year. I've got plans, I've got things worked out, I'm so far focused and interested in what I have to do. To be straight forward, I totally screwed the pooch 1st semester. Fuck it, let's be real straight forward and say I FUCKED UP! PERIOD! Now I have to dig myself out a major whole, and really, the only way to do this would be to get straight A's. And as impossible as it seems, I think I can do it, and as long as I can think it, I can do it. I just have to take it one class at a time, review daily, go to all my classes, do all my work and things will fall into place the way they are supposed to! I'm quite proud of myself, I didn't go out tonight despite several factors. First of all, its the first weekend back and you know everyone's throwing their inhibitions to the wind on their first weekend back and out on the town. Secondly, people are still living off of their Christmas money, so for the first few weeks people will be out and partying. Being out leads to my 3rd point, the weather for being January down here is EXCELLENT! 60 degreees, can't beat that and as the weather cools off in February and snow potentially comes and possibly comes to stay people aren't gonna be going out. But going out, getting wasted and getting laid should be the LEAST of my concerns. Ah, brings back a great conversation a friend and I had about the difference between me when I'm at home and me when I'm here. There's a MAJOR difference between the me of Carbondale and the me of Chicago. First of all when I'm home, there's something about being in the city that brings the best out of me. I'm happy, I'm confident and I'm relaxed. I get down here to Carbondale and I easily turn and become easily aggrivated, easily depressed, stressed and I have no happiness or confidence. Once again, I'm hoping to bring some of that Chicago Lu down to Carbondale for a bit. I think one of the biggest differences is something minor but it gets out there and it hits the light and makes sense (kinda.) Like I've said before, it seems that when I'm at school my goals and my outlook on life is totally different than it should be. My concerns seem to focus on girls, drinking and getting some. When I'm home getting some is the least of my concerns. And you would think it wouldn't be like that, especially with the crew that I hang out with that I take shit from them guys because I talk to girls that "won't put out" and shit like that. And believe me, I take shit from them and it's almost as bad as my Carbondale people that you know it's difficult because I (once again mentioning the past) don't have much good experience with women and yeah the whole sex thing is yeah um how do i put it nicely, I'm rockin the 'V'-Card, so yeah, I really don't have much room to talk. Though I must say I have everything to offer and hell I can make other guys good boyfriends or better boyfriends than I can make myself. I'm a better as an assistant than as a guy who's running the show.
Hopefully that changes soon. I say that because I got set up on a "date." Mind you, I've never been on a "real" date (though to think about it, I have been on one and that failed MISERABLY) well back to the story. So, my guys (let me specify this that these are my guys here at Carbondale cuz my city guys wouldn't/won't do this. I don't know why, if its that they like seeing me struggle or they just don't have the resources) but once again back to the story. The guys were at dinner and decided that I needed to meet girls and I had to get my confidence up. Now, my roommate tried upping my morale when he tried hookin me up with the internet chick, well we all know that failed (I digress.) So my roomie did some research and contacted some "sources" who told them about someone who might have an interest. To get this hooked up my roomie gets someone to go pick her up and bring her over. Now, throught the day (actually last two days) I had heard mutterings and mumblings about someone coming and something going down and my roommie had a really pissy attitude with me, so I was like "what the fuck is going on?" I digress once again and it's back to the story. So, I was a bit in the dark though I had some inklings but you know me, sometimes I'm the eternal pessimist and don't want to believe that anything good will happen to me because of the simple fact that in the past nothing good has happened. So anyways, long story short I'm suprised because she comes to the room, gives me a hug, we have movie night, I finally get to see Wedding Crashers and I might have me a "date" tomorrow night at the 80s Cover Band Hairbangers ball. As excited as I am, I am cautiously optimistic. What is cautiously optimistic you ask? Think 2003 Cubs when you thought this team could win the division and you thought they could and would but since you've seen them collapse in the past you didn't wanna get your heart broken. Well in the end, you got your heartbroken if you were a Cubs fan, but it was a hell of a ride. I'm not saying I'm just looking for a hell of a ride, but if this can be the start of something, either with her or with someone else in the near future, all I have to say is bravo to the peeps for lookin out for a brotha, for once. I'll holla tomorrow or Sunday bitches!

No comments: