Loose Change

I've titled this post loose change because there isn't anything major to report, just some random ramblings from the first day of school. Interesting day, I would have liked to have slept in but because of habit of waking up early during vacation month I was up before my roommate who had a class at 9 am this morning. So I had one class today it was my politics class. I'm quite interested in the class because of my background in politics. Oh and of course I'm peepin the girls, but here comes the cynicism "why is this gonna be any different time." Well I don't have an answer to that question, only time will tell so we'll see what happens. So yeah, that's my day, I spent the rest of it lounging around the room doing nothing, though I did fill out a job application earlier.
RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Okay, I know its January 17th, meaning 28 days til my least favorite holiday Valentine's Day. I will probably spend a lot of time dwelling as the clock ticks down closer to the day that I despise. But there is NO reason that Valentine's Day needs to be forced down my throat. Now maybe I'm taking things a little to personal (which I do on occasion) but on January 1st when I went shopping with my mother and what do I see ready to replace Christmas and New Year's is VALENTINE'S DAY CANDY AND CARDS AND BEARS AND THINGS! And it keeps coming, at the Card store, a whole aisle is dedicated to Valentine's Day things. Oh and even when I go on the web on My Space there are bulletins about valentine's day or on xuqa where there's a valentine's day blog. Then there's little old me, getting ready to spend another miserbale valentine's day alone, and most likely drunk! And there will be my roommate, happily in a relationship in which he will overspend (and for good reason i guess because she's worth it) because thats just how he is and he'll be happy and she'll be happy. And there will be others that will enjoy and there will be others that will be in my boat. But sometimes it seems that this day just brings the worst out of me. Anyways, my point is that its less than a month away and the hype machine that is the market is selling Valentine's Day to anyone and everyone and it seems like folks are eating it up already. Maybe its time for me to do so as well.

The Third Time I've Editied This Post
As more thoughts pour into my mind another one about the V-Day hits me and I promise this will be the last of the night. I was randomly surfing My Space when I found a Valentine's Day application with questions ranging from the basic name, age, blah blah bullshit to the intruiging would you kiss me or introduce me to your parents kinda deal. It's not even here yet and I'm already sick of this day, I need a drink.

4th Time and I promise i'll stop

Random thought of the night brought to you by the good folks at Roc A Fella Records: Hip-Hop Since 1973. This thought entered my mind while looking at a Xuqa post and escaped through the power of my brain sending messages to my hands to type this: I feel that I'm destined to be single. However, I am a big fan of putting "destiny" in its place and defying the odds, but this thing with women seems to elude me each time. I've turned shy and have put myself in a shell.

I Could definetly use some advice.

Day 1....Semester 2.....Year 2006

New year, new semester a new day and more of the same. I vowed for change and it looks like things are still the same. My room was clean until my roommate got back, well at least it was clean for a minute. And the room, back to grand central station. The center of the 14th floor universe is 1434 Mae Smith. I sometimes wonder about rooming with him next year, like the rest of the guys it won't be quite bad, but i dunno, i think we gotta give hoos his own wing of the house to fuck things up in! I dunno there's so much more on my mind but i'm too tired to write. As much as I've vowed to change, I hope things do change, but somewhere inside me my doubts have overshadowed the my confidence. Good night from Carbondale

I Have Thoughts About Beauty & The Geek

If there's one thing I love, it is television. I also love when television teaches me things. As I struggle through being single and all the crap that comes with the territory, I decided to watch Beauty & The Geek 2 just to see whats up. Another thing I love is reality shows, especially ones that I can potentially take something useful out of. I also like being entertained, so that's another reason I turned on the TV to 'Beauty.' So let's see what I learned. Well, throughout the show, I continually muttered to myself things I would do in that situation and things I would change about the guys. Then I realized something, I'm in a MUCH better situation than they are when it comes to women. Sure these guys are GEEKS not in the (well lemme check that) not all of them are in the Trekkie mode cuz some of these guys are MIT graduates and geniuses and things like that and they'll make more money than I can ever dream of most likely. But I have some sense of style, I have some sense of pop culture and I have an ounce of confidence which mnost of these guys don't have. And that's odd to say because usually I don't have confidence but after watching the show tonight I have no reason not to have confidence because I have a lot going for me.....Let's see what else did I learn. Oh, they got a token black girl on there. I feel bad for her dude cuz they've already shaved weird ghetto patterns into his beard and she fits a stereotypical bougie black girl. Some call her hood rich, I wouldn't. Evidence you ask for well here it is: they showed her a picture of John Kerry and asked her who is this failed presidential candidate. And she had no clue and what came to my mind (of course she doesn't have a clue because she probably didn't vote, and why because black people don't vote, there's your proof!) And as racist and as bad as that sounds, look at the numbers and the numbers show not only blacks, but minorities as a total don't vote. And I don't have a reason why. I digress. That political rant was brought to you by The Richard M. Daley Political School of Thought. Running the Chi as a King since 1989......I also learned things about women and how they look at guys and how insecure I can be, they can be too. And how sometimes all I need is a little pick me up, they need it too and they appreciate it as much as I do. There's something I can work on. I'm hoping I can figure to learn more as the show goes on. Let's see trying to figure out what else I learned. Well as my mind forgets what I learned unfortunatley, I'll know to watch this show with a yellow pad in hand next time when I watch to take notes.
FINAL THOUGHT ON THE SHOW: There was one more thing I wanted to mention about what I learned from the show. I learned that I can change. I learned that I don't necessarily need to be stuck in the mindset where I'm always gonna fail. I don't need to live in the past where my failures still haunt me and seemingly keep me down. I see that these guys are trying something new to freshen things up and to give things a chance. I, presonally, am ready to give things a chance! Time for a fresh look and a new me. Get 'em Luie

A Look Back, A Look Forward: I'm Just Lookin, Thanks For Askin

THE LOOK BACK
Well folks I was bored and tired and decided to take a look back at some things from last years blog. Specifically, I took a look at my new years resolutions. I wanted to see if I succeeded in them. Here are the answers:

Do Better at School: Yes and No! Second semester freshman year was great: an A in poetry, a B in english, a C in world civilization, a C in health and a B in american history. This semester an A in english, a D in philosophy, and i failed math and geology. Hopefully both semesters in 06 are friendly to me.
Be a Better Person: INCOMPLETE. Upon further review, I remained as friendly and as kind as ever, but I am still easily upset and was easily put into a tailspin with several strings of bad luck. I look to improve on that this year
Get a job at school: No! I failed and failed miserably, hoping for a job but honestly I don't mind not working at school. I'm under enough stress, I really don't need anymore that comes with a jobA more personal goal of mine is to get a job at school.
I Want to Forgive and Forget: Another incomplete. I have forgiven the wrongs that have been done, but I can't forget. Why should I, because everything and everyone that have let me down only makes me stronger. You should always remember your past but don't let it affect the future.
And finally, the goal of every college male that hasn't gotten any is simple. Go out and get laid: I guess if you don't read this blog (and honestly I don't know who does) I didn't accomplish this goal. In fact I'm still girlfriendless. I've gone through several changes of hearts since the new year's post of 2005. I've gone through a few crushes, a mini-bout with depression, I've seen relationships blossom and flop in front of my face, I've seen friends go through the ups and downs and I've taken it all in. I went through a phase in which I didn't know where I want, followed by a reassuring of what I wanted, and then I questioned myself. I've seen the crushes I've had go by the wayside and move on and away from me, making me question myself, doubt myself and basically dig my own ditch. Getting laid, isn't necessarily the least of my concerns, because honestly I'm sick of being the joke, I'm sick of the stupidity and I'm sick and tired of taking it from my friends. But lets face it, you gotta crawl before you walk. Let's work on a girlfriend first.

THE LOOK TO THE FUTURE

With all of that said in the past, I guess you have to move on because the future just might move on without you. With all that said here are my "New Year's Resolutions":

• Happiness is key: not just happiness, but pure happiness and happiness with my self. I need to live life in a way where I am my first priority. I want to make myself happy before I make anyone else happy. For years I've been putting everyone elses needs in front of my own. I hope that ends this year.
• Not everything revolves around sports: this will be the hardest most unattainable goal. Sure sports is my escape and my happy spot. My highlight of last semester was the SIU confrence championship. Wrigley Field is commonly referred to as home, or my Graceland. But I can't let my life revolve itself around that. I have to expand my horizons to find several happy spaces, to find several escapes. Maybe that will help me be happy.
• Better grades: is a given looking at last semesters grades. I resolved to do this last year and it lasted for only one semester. Let's see if we can put to consecutive good semesters together
• Get a car: I need a car, because mom's not gonna let me use the impala year round and that means I'll lose my big money job at Gage Park HS over the summer. I'll be on the car hunt this spring to be able to drive to work starting in July.
• Be more out going: by that I mean I want to go out there and meet people (especially girls, specifically, pretty girls) so I can make friends, and take friendships and evolve them somehow into relationships. I'm gonna be more open to people.
• Less depression: this will be hard, possibly the hardest, especially knowing my past and how it usually comes back to haunt me at the worst times. When it comes to this resolution I promise to be good on Valentine's day. I'll be drunk, but I won't be stupid or desperate.
• Live life to the fullest: I was reminded of my mortality several times last year. From the sudden deaths of Roy's brother and sister, mom's co-worker, my friend Mike's mom, and seperate car accidents involving my best friend and one involving me (seperated by a week) you can't take this life for granted becasue you only get one (as far as i know.) And then I think about the tsunami, the earthquake and Katrina and I think to myself 'I better take advantage of what I have in front of me, because you never know when it will be all gone.'

Good night and a pleasant tomorrow!