Basketball Starts

UNC vs. Duke, it don't get much better...
In an effort to rebuild the friendship between my roommate and I, in a half hour we will be at each other's throats when the best rivlary in college basketball, college sports, heck maybe all of sports when my Tar Heels from the University of North Carolina (the defending National Champions) visit the #1 team in the country, the Duke Blue Devils. Me, I'm a huge Tar Heel fan going back to the days when I found out that Michael Jordan was a Tar Heel. Then I lived through the days of Vince Carter, Antawn Jamison, Jerry Stackhouse, Jeff McInnis, Dean Smith and that crew and that's carried over to today where though guys like Felton, May, McCants, Marvin Williams are gone, there are guys like Bobby Frasor and Tyler Hansborough and 'Uncle' Roy Williams the legend coaching the best team in college basketball. Then there's Duke and my roommate's fandom begins with him confusing Duke and DePaul and his grandfather's love for Chicago's own Coach K. That definetly grew when white boy extraordanaire JJ Redick came on Durham's campus and started launching 3 pointers like they were cure to all of life's ills. So starting at 8 pm, I get Lu and Hoos time. Sure, for the next two hours after that, we'll be at each others throats, but afterwards we'll be cool.
Ladies and Gentleman, we're going to St. Louis...
Yes, we are because the SIU SALUKIS beat UNI for the second time in the last two weeks, this time in the MVC tourney semi-final to meet long time rival, the streaking Bradley Braves. It a gut-wrenching, back and forth game, the Salukis pulled it out in over time due to timely shots, stingy defense and overall clutch play. As soon as the game was final, I got on the phone made sure it was okay to purchase tickets on my credit card and my friend Steve got his and we are going to St. Louis tomorrow, hopefully not in vain, and hopefully we can claim the automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament. Wow, and to think, last week I was talking about the dreaded NIT. Well folks, I'm so psyched. I'll post about other stuff later

Thursday Things

Due to me being tired and it being my bed time, here's a run down of Thursday's Things:

• I woke up only 15 minutes before my first class. To make it worst, it was a 1 pm class. I threw on a shirt, stayed in my pajamas and got to class a minute or two late. After class ended, I got back to the room at 2 to have Cocoa Pebbles. Now does that constitute itself as breakfast? After that I had a class at three and that went quite smoothly. The most upsetting part of the afternoon was when I came back to listen to the Boers and Bernstein show, only for it to be pre-empted by White Sox Spring Training Baseball. Yuck! It was Thursday and that means WHO YOU CRAPPIN?!? Ahhh, my Thursday was really nothingness after that.
• I played basketball for a few good hours tonight. I played very well, I found my shot again and that feels great. I have found my niche in basketball pick up games, stand around the three point line, wait for a loose ball or for someone to drive in and kick it out for the three ball. Today was an exceptional day because I hit several clutch shots. On top of that I had a bit of a post game today too with a bit of a turn around hook shot and fade away jumper. I did most of my damage from the outside. I took lotsa shots with guys in my face and drained them. I think there were two that were real clutch now that I think about them. Down 11-9 I drained a long ball with a guy flying past me, it was a high archer. Then there was another one from the wing with two guys coming at me, another high archer, it was like a Ben Gordon shot. Though I must say the shot of the night for me came when I was playing 21 and I called bank on a three and nailed it. It was totally awesome.
• Despite basketball, I think the highlight of the night was talking to my cousin Kristin. We exchanged drama stories and reflected on the past and stuff like that. I think the coolest thing was when we apologized for the times when we were mean to each other when we were younger because now that we look back at it we were young and dumb, but we were always there for each other and will continue to be. I'm glad to have family like that, family that cares. I hope to see her when I go home for spring break.
• All in all, Thursday was quite uneventful. Let's hope the weekend is a little fun. Besides, I have a paper due next Wednesday/Thursday, so I'm hoping for the best.
• Can't wait til spring break...one week....and selection sunday is in 9 days!!!!! GO DAWGS!

Hump Day=Turnaround

MY DRAMA'S LIKE DUKE'S ACC WINNING STREAK, IT'S OVER
Wednesday, or hump day as it is known, is over officially and officially the floor drama is over as of right now. There were lotsa words exchanged, lotsa heated words. I think everyone in the argument had valid points, my issues were in the intent of people in the way they said things. It seemed like I was being attacked because words when used in a certain kinda way can be hurtful. In fact, I think the thing that was the most hurtful about the words said is that most of them were exchanged over the internet and words that you can revisit and look at over and over again and then thoughts go through your head. And these ain't good thoughts, no these are the depressing, everyone's against me, negative thoughts. And to think a lot of the most heated words came from me repeating something said in a conversation between a friend and I that I repeated that was not taken the way that I said it.
When it came down to it and I was looking at the barbs being thrown back and forth, I felt that it needed to end. The reason I say that is because the argument was petty, immature and flat out dumb and as college students we should be bigger than situations like this that I left behind in my sophomore year of high school. So I went over and talked things out with Alicia, took a pretty good verbal lashing, a little bit (okay a lot of it) was deserved and there were somethings I disagreed with, but as DJ says "just take it" and I took it and soaked it all in. So, to make a long story short, had I written this blog around noon or so, I wouldn't be in such a good mood, but as usual things even themself out in the end.
Most notably, I still am considering researching schools closer to home, but as of right now I think that if I can fix things here in Carbondale, I'll be in good shape. I know I can fix things, I've been through worse things than this and have gotten through them. I'm quite disappointed in myself that I'm letting stupid women problems get me down, again. I'll figure things out, sooner hopefully rather than later.
CHANGE BEGINS
So I need to figure out how to put myself in a better situation. I think step one involves an image change. I took it personally, so I thought back to the last time I was genuinely happy. I thought back of course to the 2003 Cubs and my Matt Clement phase. Yeah, the only way to put that is that Matt Clement was my favorite Cub at the time because of that wicked slider and of course the chin beard. I think my mom put it in the best terms when she said it was like an animal growing on his face. Well, I've decided to go back in time and bring back the Clement-beard for old time sakes. If I think about it, the Cubs haven't won a playoff game since I shaved it for my mom's wedding (game 5 NLCS, the Josh Beckett game.) So maybe this can bring the Cubbies some good luck and give me a little bit of a different look.
After doing my laundry today, I realized that I have a lot of nice shirts in my closet that I haven't worn. I think step two in my image change is going to involve my wardrobe. I think I'll start dressing better. When "dressed up" I feel a bit more confident and I even seemingly walk with a bit of a swagger. I think dressing better will help my self-image more than anything. This is part of my new plan to make myself happy before I make others happy, which of course was one my New Years Resolutions that I haven't kept yet, but hopefully I'll be able to keep them.
Step three in my image reformation involves my music. Recently I've found myself listening to music that doesn't necessarily make me feel better which isn't good. I think I need a bit more of a positive influence in the music I listen to. Music is a very important thing in my life, in fact I don't know how I'd live without music because it impacts me daily, hourly even by minute now that I think of it. If the right song comes on at the right time it can definetly set the mood for a good day, however if the wrong song comes on I could be setting myself for a dreary day. Don't get me wrong, I still like the mellow songs, even those that might even be a bit depressive sometimes. But I think some uppety music will do me some good. Today I started off listening to Korn, but I thought that would set me up for a bad day so instead I played some Kanye West which always seems to put me in a good mood and then I listened to some Justin Timberlake which got my head nodding and got me in a positive frame of mind. I think actually a good sign was when my Crunk Juice (Lil' Jon) CD wouldn't play on my CD player. Usually when I'm upset I'll throw that on because it gets me jumpy and pumped. The CD wasn't working so yeah, I had to listen to some calming music and boom, a change in the mood just happens. See how music works sometimes.

I know I've been promising previews, new segments and fun stuff but this whole drama thing really has taken up more time than it should have. I don't think I should do Saluki review until their post-season is over. Whether that is after the end of the MVC Tourney, the NCAA or as much as it pains me to say, possibly the NIT, I think when their season is completely finished, then I think I can do a proper review of the season. The "So Sick" segment has been really close to coming to fruition the past few nights, but tonight things have bettered themselves, so I'll stop myself from that segment until it deems itself as necessary.
The Cubs stuff is DEFINETLY going up tomorrow! I have so many Cub thoughts I really gotta get em out of me. However, I'm to tired to get them out of me now, but I'm really excited about what I have to write about my favorite ball club!

FINAL THOUGHT: Seems to me whenever I think I'm finished with the blog something else pops up in my mind and becomes the official final thought. It's like Springer minus the rednecks and the Jerry beads. So here it is, tonights final thought. As I've posted recently, I've been bother by some events that really I couldn't explain. I couldn't explain them for several reasons including the protection of the innocent, my overall state of shock and the overall awkwardness of the situation. Well, finally things have worked themselves out. Now I totally understand the situation. My "faith in the system" isn't totally restored, but it will take time to do so. However there's an understanding of "do as I say and not as I do" and I can deal with that. I've made a living out of avoiding the same mistakes that my friends have made before me, especially in relationships. That's why despite the fact that I've never been in a relationship, I believe that I am more than prepared to take one on. See when you think that you have someone who tells you one thing and it seems they blatantly don't even follow what they say themselves, you question their credibility as a person, especially when I'm someone who's a believer that all a person has is their word. I think the most humble things I've heard recently came today when there was self admittance of wrong-doing, apologizing and identifying the truth and reasserting that despite the fact that actions can be stronger than words, its someone's belief that is arguably the strongest action.

Good night from Carbondale!

Tuesday Things

As of right now, my mind is as crowded as a Wrigley Field bathroom. So let's just say my mind is cluttered and disorganized and things just don't seem quite right. So I'm drawing off of last nights post for things to write about.

• So today was quite an interesting day during the day light hours. It was a really nice day, it showed when very few people showed up to class today. There was maybe 40 people out of the 100 that were in the class, it felt like less though in the gigantic lecture hall. So we talked about voter turnout and things like that. I had some really good things to say, but we were pressed for time in class, but I did talk to my instructors after class. I brought up a real good point, which was that a lot of celebrities that were out there "rocking the vote" either didn't vote or in many cases weren't even registered to vote. Teacher thought that was a good point and wished I would have brought it up in class. I also mentioned that I used to be involved with politics and even though I'm not as involved, I still vote and I still keep myself informed when it comes to "the issues." That's rare to find in someone in my age group. In general we're not interested in voting.....So it was a rough day on the basketball court. It shouldn't have been, but it was because of who I played with. After two decent games, my roommate decided to slack off and play like an assbag with me and I got fed up after playing hard. I have a bit of a killer instinct and a bit of competitive nature, and I HATE LOSING. I've spent a lot of my life being a loser, I'd rather not be one in a game of basketball. After the embarassing loss, I stormed off the court, only after I spent a few minutes lying on my back on the court trying to catch my breath because I was absolutely sick. Instead of just going back to the room to listen to the Boers and Bernstein show, I sat outside on a bench and enjoyed a really gorgeous day in Carbondale. I sat around watching kids play football and softball and enjoying the sights and sounds of what was a spring like day. In the background the breeze was so nice it was like it was saying things to me. I think the highlight of the afternoon was the guy on the bench across from me who was playing an acoustic guitar singing songs. Honestly it was quite relaxing.....So tonight was an absolute disaster. I spent a lot of it taking a nap which felt kinda good, but I felt tired waking up. So later, despite my personal wishes, I listened to peer pressure and went out, against my own will and against the advice of not only my medicine but some close friends that I realize I should have listened to. I shouldn't have had a drink tonight, I really shouldn't have, but I let into peer pressure. Shame on me, I should really know better. I really fucked up and not only am I pissed off at a lot of people, I'm pissed off at myself. I'm not happy right now, but I'll get into that in a later bulletin point.
• So I've decided what to give up for lent. First we'll start off with my arch-nemesis, alcohol. I've given up alcohol not only in attempt to make myself healthier, but clear my mind as well. I also have been wanting to kick the habit recently but haven't found a chance to, lent has given me a good out when it comes to step one in kicking the alcohol habit. Another thing I'm giving up for lent is dark soda pop (i.e. coke & pepsi) in another attempt to be a bit healthier, I'll be replacing those with apple juice, orange juice, water, lemonade and 7-up on occasions in which I have an upset stomach. Really if you think about it, since I'm giving up dark soda pop and alcohol, I've really also given up going out and getting drunk and partying. I might find myself at the bars to be sociable, but no house parties for 40 days/40 nights. I think that might help my lifestyle a bit. Granted there's an opposite side to this argument that I am quite fearful of. First of all, I'm in Carbondale and the one truth to this college town is that if you aren't wasted here there's nothing better to do except sulk around, and I've been doing a lot of sulking lately. So dark soda pop and alcohol and going out to house parties are things I've given up on for the next 40 days of lent. Oh boy, this could be disasterous, but it's worth the risk.
• I'll hold off the Saluki Review and the So Sick segments for tomorrow's blog because really I'm tired and stressed and pissed about some things. I'm also skipping the MY DAMN CUBBIES post for the night, I'll probably get to that later this week.
• So since I've given up on going out on the weekend, I think I need to find some new things to do on the weekend. Until I come up with better ideas, this is what I got for now. I can spend my Friday's cleaning. Saturday's in which college hoops isn't taking up my time I'll be watching movies, in fact, I might bring back movie night all for myself. Now that I'll be spending time with myself, now that my roommate's never here anymore (great friend he is, I'll get to that in the next bullett point) I can really buckle down in school. Actually, one thing that I am looking forward to during this lent period is that since I have so much time on my hands, I will have time to write poetry, which really has been missing this semester. And believe me I have things to write about. So if you the reader have any ideas, just leave them in the comments section. All suggestions will be taken into serious consideration.
• In previous posts, I've described the tensions and the diminishing relationship that my roommate and I have/are having/are going through. Well, today I think they've taken a turn for the worst. As of now, I'm seeing a lot of bad things in him, a lot of negativity and a lot of selfishness. On my part this could be based on a lot of bitterness that goes back to last semester when he swept the girl that I had my eyes on and that he said that he would help me get, he swept her from under me and in fact was working on while he was in another relationship. Yeah, the one word I have for him is bastard. So beyond that, yeah he's been really snippy and really in a word, a jagbag. On top of that, he hasn't paid me back like he said he would and this was in NOVEMBER, I paid for the tickets in OCTOBER. There's no excuse, his excuses are bullshit and really I'm sick of being like this. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was tonight when during a bit of a rough period in a bit of a disagreement between his girlfriend and I (which really, she started) he basically told me this (actually, I'm taking it straight off MSN messenger): "stop bitchin, im tryin to have alone time with alicia." That's the fuckin straw, when the fuck aren't you trying to be up her ass. I'm really sick of it, and I knew I would regret the day I ever entertained the thought of hooking them two up. I'm sick of it all really.
• So I had a brief conversation with my guy Al from U of I, and I think I came to a good conclusion. I think I'm going to start looking for schools at home. Really, I'm not happy here. There are moments in which I'm happy, but then things go back to normal and I'm not happy. Everywhere I've gone my past has followed me, and the exact reason I'm here is because I was hoping my past wouldn't follow me. Well boy was I wrong or what? It's quite depressing come to think of it. As I think about it, I don't know what to think about my situation. I came to SIU because it is where I wanted to be, educationally and socially. Now, I'm miserable and bitter and overall, I'm unhappy! I've spent a majority of my two years here upset and stressed out and that's not good for me or my health or my family who's paying for me to go to school. I think Alex made a great point when he said,"but unfortunately u kinda dun fit the southern puzzle." Good way to put it buddy.

FINAL THOUGHT: Sometimes things aren't the way they are supposed to be. Sometimes people aren't what you think they are. Things aren't about what you think they're about. And once you think you've gotten things figured out, you learn that you're wrong and by the time you figure out that you're wrong things are so fucked up that they're unfixable. One thing I've noticed about my people, and by my people I mean anyone from 16-25, it's all a front. Well I don't want to say that it's all a front, but a majority is a front. It's all one big show, in a sense it's all bullshit. It's the same shit different day and it's honestly, reality based of a group of falsehoods and inaccuracies. I wish things weren't like that, but even the most mature people that claim to be better than those who put up fronts and above those who are all about falsehoods and inaccuracies really aren't what they say they are. And that my friends is a damn shame!