Thursday, March 02, 2006

Hump Day=Turnaround

Wednesday, or hump day as it is known, is over officially and officially the floor drama is over as of right now. There were lotsa words exchanged, lotsa heated words. I think everyone in the argument had valid points, my issues were in the intent of people in the way they said things. It seemed like I was being attacked because words when used in a certain kinda way can be hurtful. In fact, I think the thing that was the most hurtful about the words said is that most of them were exchanged over the internet and words that you can revisit and look at over and over again and then thoughts go through your head. And these ain't good thoughts, no these are the depressing, everyone's against me, negative thoughts. And to think a lot of the most heated words came from me repeating something said in a conversation between a friend and I that I repeated that was not taken the way that I said it.
When it came down to it and I was looking at the barbs being thrown back and forth, I felt that it needed to end. The reason I say that is because the argument was petty, immature and flat out dumb and as college students we should be bigger than situations like this that I left behind in my sophomore year of high school. So I went over and talked things out with Alicia, took a pretty good verbal lashing, a little bit (okay a lot of it) was deserved and there were somethings I disagreed with, but as DJ says "just take it" and I took it and soaked it all in. So, to make a long story short, had I written this blog around noon or so, I wouldn't be in such a good mood, but as usual things even themself out in the end.
Most notably, I still am considering researching schools closer to home, but as of right now I think that if I can fix things here in Carbondale, I'll be in good shape. I know I can fix things, I've been through worse things than this and have gotten through them. I'm quite disappointed in myself that I'm letting stupid women problems get me down, again. I'll figure things out, sooner hopefully rather than later.
So I need to figure out how to put myself in a better situation. I think step one involves an image change. I took it personally, so I thought back to the last time I was genuinely happy. I thought back of course to the 2003 Cubs and my Matt Clement phase. Yeah, the only way to put that is that Matt Clement was my favorite Cub at the time because of that wicked slider and of course the chin beard. I think my mom put it in the best terms when she said it was like an animal growing on his face. Well, I've decided to go back in time and bring back the Clement-beard for old time sakes. If I think about it, the Cubs haven't won a playoff game since I shaved it for my mom's wedding (game 5 NLCS, the Josh Beckett game.) So maybe this can bring the Cubbies some good luck and give me a little bit of a different look.
After doing my laundry today, I realized that I have a lot of nice shirts in my closet that I haven't worn. I think step two in my image change is going to involve my wardrobe. I think I'll start dressing better. When "dressed up" I feel a bit more confident and I even seemingly walk with a bit of a swagger. I think dressing better will help my self-image more than anything. This is part of my new plan to make myself happy before I make others happy, which of course was one my New Years Resolutions that I haven't kept yet, but hopefully I'll be able to keep them.
Step three in my image reformation involves my music. Recently I've found myself listening to music that doesn't necessarily make me feel better which isn't good. I think I need a bit more of a positive influence in the music I listen to. Music is a very important thing in my life, in fact I don't know how I'd live without music because it impacts me daily, hourly even by minute now that I think of it. If the right song comes on at the right time it can definetly set the mood for a good day, however if the wrong song comes on I could be setting myself for a dreary day. Don't get me wrong, I still like the mellow songs, even those that might even be a bit depressive sometimes. But I think some uppety music will do me some good. Today I started off listening to Korn, but I thought that would set me up for a bad day so instead I played some Kanye West which always seems to put me in a good mood and then I listened to some Justin Timberlake which got my head nodding and got me in a positive frame of mind. I think actually a good sign was when my Crunk Juice (Lil' Jon) CD wouldn't play on my CD player. Usually when I'm upset I'll throw that on because it gets me jumpy and pumped. The CD wasn't working so yeah, I had to listen to some calming music and boom, a change in the mood just happens. See how music works sometimes.

I know I've been promising previews, new segments and fun stuff but this whole drama thing really has taken up more time than it should have. I don't think I should do Saluki review until their post-season is over. Whether that is after the end of the MVC Tourney, the NCAA or as much as it pains me to say, possibly the NIT, I think when their season is completely finished, then I think I can do a proper review of the season. The "So Sick" segment has been really close to coming to fruition the past few nights, but tonight things have bettered themselves, so I'll stop myself from that segment until it deems itself as necessary.
The Cubs stuff is DEFINETLY going up tomorrow! I have so many Cub thoughts I really gotta get em out of me. However, I'm to tired to get them out of me now, but I'm really excited about what I have to write about my favorite ball club!

FINAL THOUGHT: Seems to me whenever I think I'm finished with the blog something else pops up in my mind and becomes the official final thought. It's like Springer minus the rednecks and the Jerry beads. So here it is, tonights final thought. As I've posted recently, I've been bother by some events that really I couldn't explain. I couldn't explain them for several reasons including the protection of the innocent, my overall state of shock and the overall awkwardness of the situation. Well, finally things have worked themselves out. Now I totally understand the situation. My "faith in the system" isn't totally restored, but it will take time to do so. However there's an understanding of "do as I say and not as I do" and I can deal with that. I've made a living out of avoiding the same mistakes that my friends have made before me, especially in relationships. That's why despite the fact that I've never been in a relationship, I believe that I am more than prepared to take one on. See when you think that you have someone who tells you one thing and it seems they blatantly don't even follow what they say themselves, you question their credibility as a person, especially when I'm someone who's a believer that all a person has is their word. I think the most humble things I've heard recently came today when there was self admittance of wrong-doing, apologizing and identifying the truth and reasserting that despite the fact that actions can be stronger than words, its someone's belief that is arguably the strongest action.

Good night from Carbondale!

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