Monday, January 17, 2005

Welcome Back to Carbondale, Semester 2

I'm back, and it's good to be back. It was cool at home, but nothing beats a second home in which you live independently. I miss my Carbondale people, i really did. I missed my gals, i missed my homies,and i missed my room. that view outside of my window of the field. I am sooo happy to be back. I hope to start off the semester well. In my opinion, I have already done so by declining to go out to the Pit tonite. I wanted to, I truely did, cuz the Pit is the place to be, but i decided to stay and chill and write to you, my readers and to myself. I have set some goals for myself this semester. I want to work harder in my school work. Party hard, work harder for this semester. I want to chill out on going out all the damn time. I can't afford it, well I can, cuz I have loot, but I've just realized that I've been going out for the wrong reasons. Either I was drinking disappointment, sadness, anger or depression away, or it was female related. It kind of sucks to realize this hundreds of dollars later, but better late than never right? Speaking of females, I'd like to have one before Valentine's Day. Just saying this statement makes me laugh inside. "I'd like to have one" sounds like "Man, if I can get the money before Valentine's Day, I can have a girl, but I need that money." That's how it feels when I say it. Since I've been back, I've seen the Valentine's candy sale at Wal-Mart, a pop-up ad from an online dating service telling me "Know your Valentine's Day Options" and Valentine's candy in the dining hall. It all makes me naucious, makes me wanna puke. But I say it because I want this year Valentine's day to feel different than Valentine's of past. Let's retrace our V-Day footsteps. 2004: Car show with brother in law, cut school, chilled at the crib. 2003: Absolutely nothing, because I don't remember. 2002: A prolonged rejection that lead to a slight depression and a drop in my grades (As and Bs 2st quarter to all Cs 3rd) and a little bit of drinky. 2001: Rejection, followed by absolute anger, followed with Absolut Vodka. I think the worse one was from 2002, because the situation was lengthened. Her decision came after a week of her avoiding me, after I thought we were good friends. I bought her flowers and kissing bears. You know, the ones with magnets at the mouth and they kissed. I thought that'd put me over, it didn't. It just proved to be a waste of $20. At that point, I had seriously quit with women. No, I'm not gay, don't get me wrong, but I figured out that it was as pointless as a dog trying to catch his tail. So, I'm trying to figure out this Valentine's day. Will this dog finally have his day, or will the curse of the chain letter continue. Oh, I can attribute these Valentine's day massacres to a chain letter I refused to forward in the 6th grade. It said that if i didn't send it to a certain amount of people, I'd have a horrible love life for the rest of my life. After that, I had my 2 day relationship, and numerous girls that are my friends. Girls that like me, but don't like me like that. Girls that just want to be friends. Have I had my kissy-kissy, touchy feely? Sure, kinda, I guess but that is all I have. But nothing in Chicago. It sucks because I feel that I have done absolutely nothing as I am surrounded by sex crazed people who seem to have experience and me, I'm a beginner. Have you ever heard of the base system, I'm sure you have. Well, let's just say, I'm still on my way to the stadium and tickets are selling fast. Tis a shame too, I'm a good person, and you would think that I deserve a little better. I don't ask for much in a girl. Just at least an awesome personality at the least. I like them to be cute, they don't need to have this slamming body with double D boobs or a gigantic ass. Just a cute girl with a nice personality. Sounds like I want marriage, well I don't, there's only one girl as of right now that I can see myself marrying and she's in a relationship with a guy that I consider to be really cool. He's the white version of me. But why is this happening, because I didn't make the effort to get after it. Well, I am going to make a concerted effort to go out there to (in the words of my friend Anthony) "do what you do" or "do the damn thing." As I sip on my coke and vodka before I go to sleep for I have class at 11 am tomorrow, I leave you with this...good luck next semester and may the force be with us all.

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