Thursday, February 17, 2005

What a Horrible Day!

Wow, today has been my worst day in a long time. It's days like today in which I wasn't even down here. I'm actually motivated not to go to one of my history classes. I hate it, but its too late to drop. I absolutely hate the class. The lectures are boring, the sections are worthless and GOSH I HATE IT! If I pass the class, it'll be a miracle. My health class, because of a test, was full for the first time since the beginning of the year. Simply amazing, its one of two classes that I haven't missed. My 20th american history class and section are TOTALLY AWESOME and my health class which I only go because its all about eye candy. I've missed one of my poetry classes, but I love that class a lot too, its arguably my favorite class, and definetly the best class I've taken since ive been here. But yeah, back to my crappy day. I've only eaten a bowl of cereal and a breakfast crossaint and i'm truely hungry. I hate myself right now. Like, I'm in my mood where like I'm acting like a whiney little bitch where I hate everyone equally and I especially hate myself. I find all the negatives and all the bad in the world. Right now, I'm listening to my anger management mix. God, I wish I could be happy, just for a little bit right now. Like, can I win the lotto miraculously. Or, how about I don't know...ANYTHING. I need love. I need it bad, my parents can only love me so much. And my friends can only do so much. I need "special attention" YES I'M SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED! Very sexually frustrated, and as of right now, I'm working with nothing down here and I'm not blessed enough like some of my friends to have available girls when they go home. I don't, well I do, but not anything serious. That's what happens when you are the friend of the world, you get friend status, but nothing more, nothing less. We were actually talking about the other day about having your heart ripped out and shown to you. Well, yeah, I've been feeling that for a while, and I'm sick of that feeling. It's time to move on, but god damn, the past is haunting me like a god damned ghost. In situations like this I'd ask for a drink, but I really need to stop because of the dumb shit I do and say when I drink. Do I regret what happened Monday? No, not at all. But god, I wish I was in a sober state of mind in which I can explain myself. I wish I could go back in time and not be here. Day 2 of spring training's today. Go Cubs, world series or bust mother fuckers.
Tell Me Why...I can't buy a pair of headphones that EVER WORK!
Tell Me Why...I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt on tuesday and on wednesday I wore a sweat suit.
Tell Me Why...That the only people saying the Cubs will win the NL Pennant are me (which I say every year) and the Odds Makers in Vegas. Do they not realize there is still a curse that hangs over Wrigley Field???
Tell Me Why...I'm a failure.
You know, If it wasn't for my all of a sudden turn towards anger, I wouldn't be writing about this. Because today, in all honesty was the most boring day ever, but somehow turned for the worst, and it just turned out of nowhere. Golly, I hate when that happens!

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