Thoughts from a man who currently has a mind of mush

My mind is full of mush right now. Also, thinking hurts on top of that! Let's review Tuesday's craptacular day. I went to my one class of the day and it sucked. Geology sucks. Science in general is just one big suckfest!!! Came back and did laundry and that was blah of course cuz its just laundry. I wanted to clean the room today, but yeah, that didn't happen. You know, I used to be a clean freak. Hell, I still kinda am, I HATE LIVING IN A DIRTY ROOM! I liked it when my parents were here because we kept the room clean. I have fallen victim to stooping to the level of my roommate. It's like I don't care because he does it and the room is suffering because of it. It's like he's affecting how I act. What is it with me and sloppy roommates! GRRR I HATE IT! Let's see what else happened today, oh we had our "camping" meeting. I've been camping twice, and have hated both experiences. Hopefully this time will be different. I'm older, the weather is looking better and I will be with friends. With that said, I'm a city boy who has no shame when it comes to loving the luxuries of the city. When I take vacations, I stay at hotels. I feel safer out in the city, than out in the wilderness. I like being in contact with people more than nature, I like eating at restaurants and I absolutely love the luxuries of home: tv, radio, computer, etc. With that said, I'll give this weekend a shot, though in my heart of hearts I have a feeling that this isn't gonna be a super idea. And this is gonna cost some real big $$$ that i don't necessarily have right now. This weekend trip, per person will be like two weekends goin out. Well I guess it will be the same result as every other weekend, lotsa drinking and staying single. Which brings me to the point where I let my feelings go. I'm feeling real home sick right now. I'm really not enjoying school. I'm really not enjoying anything down here. Going out has lost its luster. Staying in is boring. I kinda feel left out on an island now that I'm here. I've said it once and I'll say it again and again and again, I HATE GOING OUT TO PARTIES WITH PEOPLE IN RELATIONSHIPS! I'm really uncomfortable! Chris Rock is right, you don't wanna go out with the couple that's in love even if the couple isn't there together. Cuz you know in the end, they'll be going home with someone and I'll be going back to the dorm thinking why did I go out tonight, why did I waste my time and money and when's gonna be my time. I'm convinced that either my time already came and gone, or that it's never going to come, period. Poetry ain't doin it right now for me because it all goes back to loneliness. I HATE BEING ALONE! It seems like everyone and their best friend has had something. Hell, I even had a girl recently tell me that I'd be good for her if not for my lack of experience. The lack of experience is mostly my fault I guess. People give me shit because I'll mention "hey i saw a cute girl today." And when I tell them I didn't talk to them I catch shit. Do I deserve it, I guess, because I didn't attempt to make anything happen. But when you've failed and been let down and crushed before and it has happened repeatedly you have second thoughts. Hell, I have second thoughts about speaking all the time. I wish that sex didn't matter, and relationships don't matter. I want to tell myself that everything's going to be okay, and that my day will come. I want to tell myself that getting laid doesn't matter. But when everyone else is telling you exactly opposite of what YOU want to believe, you question yourself. I question myself all the time and I shouldn't. I wish girls werent' so superficial. I wish I wasn't so superficial. I wish I could go back to the past and fix things but I can't so that was a wasted breath, idea and energy typing that I wish that I could back because it can't happen, it won't happen and yeah....it seems that every other post I'm having this conversation with myself. I'm currently shaking my head and wondering where the hell I went wrong. Not like it matters, not like I can changing, just so I can see where I fucked this all up and maybe I can help people not make the same mistakes I've made.
INTERNET CRACK AND PET PEEVES
So let's get off that topic before I end up crying myself to sleep. My friends say that I'm addicted to the internet. But honestly, you can't blame me. CARBONDALE SUCKS!!! There's nothing better to do here besides play video games, watch movies, watch TV and goof off on the internet. That includes sites like My Space, Xanga, Live Journal, Xuqa and the original internet crack FACEBOOK! Facebook is a site where college students come together and connect, interact and blah blah blah. In reality, facebook is a popularity contest in which people try to bring in friends from the past, interact with current friends and hopefully hook up with someone using the internet. I'll admit it, I fell for it. When I first got hold of facebook, I added as many people as I could remember from my grammar school and my early years of high school that I remembered and my current friends. Then I'd be checking it every possible chance to see who else added themselves, who wanted to be my friend, and if there were any cute girls out there. Once again, let down. Note: don't put any faith in anything in the internet, especially when it comes to girls, but yeah, different story for another day. My Space is bad too, because they have "cool new people" which is basically hot girls posed in nothing. The newest version of internet crack would be Xuqa. Xuqa (pronounced "zoo-kah") is the bastard off spring of facebook and college humor. It's Facebook on steroids. Pictures, photo albums, "party pics", crushes, gifts, secret admirers, blogs in which you can rant and rave about a myriad of topics. It's kept me interested, like facebook did in the beginning. But xuqa strikes my interest mostly in the blog areas. Topics including: hot country girls, redheads, sexual encounters, the whole virginity debate, sports...basically anything and everything is touched in these blogs. If it's on your mind or on the mind of others, it's posted. I've treated Xuqa like a dating site (chuckling) because when I first encountered it, that is what I thought it was, and really it kinda wants to be. But I'll tell you this: YOU WON'T HOOK UP WITH ANYONE ON THE INTERNET! I've learned the hard way ;-) trust me! I learned the hard way unfortunately! Actually funny story, that was one of the recent posts today on Xuqa, it was something to the extent of: Xuqa will NOT get you laid. I chuckled, frowned and chuckled again at the thought of Xuqa finding me a mate. I wouldn't trust Xuqa, Facebook, My Space or even the highly touted e-harmony.com. On top of that I absolutely HATE those damn text message commercials. Come text me for a hot time. It started of as locals, now celebrities are doing it (Jenna Jameson and Melyssa Ford.) It's like, what stimulation will I get through text messaging!?!?!? It's almost as bad as talking to one of those "hot girls" on the phone. They say hot young singles in your area. The pessimist that I am, I say if they're so hot, why are they subjecting themselves to answering the phone calls of lonely and horny guys that obviously can't get any and that is why they are calling in the first place. Shouldn't these "hot young single girls" be out clubbing finding them Mr. Right, Mr. Tonight or out there acting like Mrs. Gold Digger??? But yeah, hot local singles? It's probably more like ugly foreign married people that can disguise their voice well enough to sound like a young hot local. I'm honestly tempted to call one of these because of my curiosity. But yeah, the text messaging, what in the world could they be texting? I don't even want to type what I think they're typing because it'd be sooo STUPID to do so. Oh and my final pet peeve before I go to bed. I HATE BAD RAP MUSIC! I hate that damn Laffy Taffy song. It's a waste of a decent beat and the words coming from the mouths of these "artists" is a waste of radiowaves, and most improtantly they're wasting energy, studio time and even oxygen. Also, I hate how everything in rap is about how much money I got (even though most of it is illegal and half goes to the government), all the cars I got (though most of the ones in your videos are rental cars that the "artist" doesn't own), all the hoes I got (gold digging bitches is more like it. most rappers aren't necessarily attractive minus the money and life style and myths of the music industry) and how much pussy I'm getting (aren't you mr. rapper man married with a few kids not paying child support.) I honestly wonder what the mothers of most rappers think when they hear their babies rap about slapping bitches, making hoes gargle nut. Better yet, what do the mothers of the video hoes thing when they're regulated to BET late night on the lap of a third rate rapper who's song sucks so much and video is so low budget that it consists of a bad concept, a bad video, ugly and out of shape video hoes. I wonder if these girls take pride in being degraded? And I know, I know "he ain't talkin bout me" is the classic response. Which begs the question, who the hell is he talkin about then? I think about where I went wrong and then I compare myself to these "people" and I smile and think I could be them...ewww! FAKES AND FRONTS ARE WHACK! That's why I love Kanye West, Common, Mos Def, Talib Kweli and artists like that who are actually talking about relevant material. In Kanye's albums, there ain't no fronts there. Where most rappers spend their time talking about being a stereotypical gangsta and hustling, Kanye talks about his time working at the Gap being the token and being underappreciated until another black shopped there and then they put you out (see track 6, Spaceship.) Or when Kanye talks about how his friend was a gangster and ended up having a baby and how his friend said "don't rush to get slow and drive slow." See Kanye's track featuring Paul Wall "Drive Slow." Yeah, don't even get me started on Paul Wall. All he raps about is his candy coated cars, picking up boppers and being from Texas. I told my roommate that he could be Paul Wall. Rap about your car and your friends cars and picking up hoes who are only interested in you because you have a car and life in the suburbs of Chicago. He could make it a lot easier than me who has a story to tell. I HATE RAP ABOUT FUCKING HOES, PIMPED OUT CARS, AND FAKE TALES OF GANGSTA! I appreciate real hip-hop!!! Oooh my final pet peeve. I HATE CHAIN LETTERS! Specifically ones that at the end say "forward this to (fill in # amount of people) in (insert time frame) or you will have (bad luck in love, life, lack of sex, you will be getting none...etc, etc.) I hate those. I'm a very supersticious person who believes those damn things but doesn't want to and doesn't want to be bothered. Maybe that explains my lack of a love life. But if that's the case, I have several lifetimes worth of bad luck and no love from the ladies.
This was a productive post. A classic in my eyes. And this is why I came back to blogger. Simplicity not surrounded by over stimulation of advertisements, stupid people and stupid chain letters! I'll be back later folks! Wish me luck as the days go on!