Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Blogging In Beta

So this is a new trick for an old dog. Blogger goes beta, Lu changes up the look and in the end changes up the blog. An interesting off day for me. Not really, I did a whole lot of nothing, though I did have some interesting thoughts. After drawing from the positives of this weekend, I'm actually looking forward to going out this weekend and potentially the weekend after in the state of Indiana. Why the state of Indiana? Well SIU/IU football of course. If we go it'll be one of two trips to Bloomington we'll make this year. It'll be a completely new state for me to see girls, and I've heard good things about Indiana girls, here's hoping they're true.
I'm trying to put myself out there, I really am. It's with a bit of a sense of urgency, possibly desperation...somewhere in the vacinity though right now I'm not sure where it is. I wouldn't call it urgent because I'm not putting myself everywhere all the time. I wouldn't call it desperation because as of right now I am faaaar from desperate. Somewhere in the happy medium is where I stand. Though you could call it a bit urgent because I desperately want out of my current situation. I'd absolutely love to put these days of jealousy of others behind me. I'd like to get those "what could have been..." moments and feelings out of my system ASAP. I want to put to rest any negative thoughts in my head that I am destined to be alone, though as of now signs are pointing that way. I want all of that to be long gone.
So I was thinking about the ramifications of getting out of my situation would be. And I had a scary little vision. Long story short, my vision basically had me doing everything my friends have done to me, making a complete hypocrite out of me. Things like not having time to chill with the guys at a ball game. Or me not being able to go shopping with some of my gals or being able to talk them through their situations. I just hope that if (maybe I should use WHEN) I get into that situation that I don't turn into everything I've hated.
ARGUING THEORIES. There are two theories I want to argue right now. Theory 1: It's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. Theory 2: Trust over love. Theory 3: You have to start at the bottom to get to the top. Let's start at the top with theory #1: "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I'm a believer in that quote, though most would disagree. They would disagree because of the heartbreak factor. I believe that if you draw from the positives of having loved at one point you know what's out there and you know that "love" is attainable. However if you have never loved at all then you don't know what you're missing out on and personally I'd rather not be on the outside looking in. Theory #2: Trust over love. An issue that came from a MySpace survey, I'm believe if given the chance to choose one and one only that you should choose TRUST over LOVE. Why do I believe so? Because trust is the basis for true love. You cannot have true love without mutual trust. Some would say that to be in love you must have trust. Not necessarily because you can be fooled into love, you can be lulled into a false sense of security and love. Some would call that lust. I would call that "some" WRONG because LUST is only on a physical level, love is mental for the most part and everyone knows that mind games can throw someone for a loop. Also remember that love is blind, and it can take over your mind. Thanks Eve. Theory #3: You have to start at the bottom to get to the top. A theory brought to my attention by my old roommate that I disagree with on some levels. I don't believe that you have to hit rock bottom to get to the top, that is a good theory to work with in sports, not in love because it's harder to rebuild a love life from the bottom rung unlike a sports team where you get an opportunity to stock pile lottery picks full of potential. I disagree with it on the basis that yes everyone has their bad relationships, but no one should have to go through that let alone subject themselves to go through that just so they can get to the top in the end. I'm a believer in a middle ground. Yes we all must start somewhere, but I don't think anyone deserves to start at the absolute bottom.
That's it for tonight. Pretty intriguing thoughts, huh? I love when my mind works!

P.S. There has been an executive decision made by me. For the last three weeks or so I haven't shaved. I've been carrying this beard and after this weekend I've decided to keep the beard. People who know me are used to me going through my winter beard phase and I usually don't do summer beard but this is really working out for me. It's filling in nicely and thickly and looks cool on TV. And it's a cool distinctive feature to have. So as of now I'm keeping the beard!

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