Sunday, September 03, 2006

This Weekend: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

So I went through three seperate phases this weekend. But what else is new, it's Carbondale. I guess we'll start with the good. THE GOOD: The most limited part of my weekend. I got to go out Saturday night and FINALLY see Mike & Joe in the beer garden at Pinch. I loved it, they played that pop/rock kinda stuff that I like and commonly refer to as "whitey music." It was a lot of fun and a great atmosphere. I got to hang out with some friends that I hadn't seen in a long time and that was great. Heck I even met some new people too. I love meeting new people, always an adventure. THE BAD: I started off in the best of moods Friday, I truly did. The internet was working which meant that for the first time in three weeks Lu got to listen to the Drex Morning Show and I was oh so pleased. And then it was all down hill after that. I got into an argument with one of my closest friends which ended with me being basically pantsed while eating breakfast at McDonald's at the student center with people pointing and laughing at me as I left. Talk about being embarassed. The argument lingered into last night, where we got SOME things resolved though I don't feel closure. I have a feeling we won't have complete closure, and that's coming from the tone of our most recent conversations. I'd just hate for a pretty close friendship to diminish because of one of the most stupid arguments I've ever had, and as a Cub fan I've been in some pretty dog gone dumb arguments. THE UGLY: I had a thought last night, and it wasn't a happy thought. As I sat in my room, alone, again on a Saturday night the only thought running through my head was "There's no such thing as a happy ending, not for me at least." As I saw people hook up as I left pinch last night and reflecting on the events of this week, I'm really down about my social life right now. I can't seem to do anything right. For some reason I can't peak a girl's interest enough to where she has an interest in dating me. This goes back to the "Why Not Lu?" thing again. Yeah I get a lot of shit for 'not leaving my room' but really there's no reason to leave sometime. Unless I'm going to a game or going drinking or going to class there's no reason? WHy go out even, just to re enter the vicious cycle of BS that I go through in my personal life. Yay, let's just subject myself to situations that in the end piss me off. I don't know what I have to do to get a girl interested in me. In my eyes I've done everything right. Maybe my trust in those who I beleive are close to me is my weakness. And if all goes through like I think it will, in fact I'm sure it will end up that way, then it would have just gone to show that I should have no trust in anyone because it'd be another one of those once again situations where I take advice that I probably shouldn't have and once again, set up to fail and basically undermined...AGAIN!!! I want to quit because as of right now I am convinced that there isn't a woman out there good enough for me. I've been over looked and walked over for too long now. All I do is treat women good, hear out all their horror stories and I get frienship status and that's it. And there's nothing wrong with that in principal, but it once again proves that my "idiot" friends are right about not being able to be "just friends" with a girl. After this weekend, and heck this last year, I think I have my proof and evidence that there are curses. Because really the more I do right the farter away I get from any girl that I have any feelings for. Maybe I should just start treating girls like shit, or I should run for Pope again. I just wanna scream in agony. I want to curl up in my bed and cry it out. I just want everything that is inside me just to come out in one big moment and then move on with my life. Until something good happens again, I'm royally screwed.

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