- First of all I feel sooo much better since I spent the last blog venting everything that has been bottled up in me for such a long time. Usually that's where everything starts when it comes to negativity. Whether its me, or anyone. When things are kept inside untouched they build to a boiling point, then comes the explosion. Last blog was the explosion. Since then my mind has cleared up and things have been better in my mind at least. My insecurities and my shortcomings should be the least of my problems but are put to the forefront because of what they mean to society, and not necessarily what they mean to me. Pressure is bullshit. I was just thinking to myself that I've let a lot of opportunities go by in my life and that sucks. Naturally it happens, you take the good with the bad. Recently I let things go without a fight and usually that's not like me. I thought that's what I wanted to be, the passive type. I can't stand myself as the passive type, because those who are passive live with regrets, and there are certain regrets (i.e. the girl of your dreams) that sometimes you can't let go right away. I'm not saying I'm over her yet, but the time will come soon, I'm getting there. And it's not like a workout plan where you set a goal and you'll get there a little bit at a time. This is something that can go away with one big swoop or it will just melt away as time goes on. But as long as it isn't in the forefront, it isn't an issue.
- Speaking of issues, I almost gave up on the Cubs. I read what I wrote, and personally I was really disgusted with myself. I've been through much worse as a Cub fan, and to let this slide be the breaking point its obsurd. What sparked my re-faith? Michael Barrett of course. Barrett's punch not only stood for him, but it stood really for Cubdom, well at least in my opinion. I saw it as "You might be the biggest, you might be the best, but we're not going down without a fight." I haven't seen that type of fire since Dusty verbally assulted LaRussa in 2003. Yeah, speaking of letting go of old crushes, we as Cub fans gotta get over 2003. That's the dream girl that got away for all of us. Actually, in retrospect I jokingly call that year "the ultimate cock tease." I know it's gonna be 100 years very soon, but you know what one day it will happen. Why? Because anything will happen that can! That means anything for anyone or any team. The Bulls will be champs once again. So will the Bears. I will find that girl. You will find that one that's missing in your life. Good things happen to those that wait. I'm not sure if that's true, but I'd like to believe so.
- I went to a Christening today. I saw the good and the bad side of kids. Yeah they're cute and adorable, but when they aren't raised right they're a hassle. And the only reason I say hassle is because it sucks to have kids that don't know how to behave themselves. But going to the church today, I'll be honest, it felt amazing. I thought about that whole "purity" thing and stuff and I felt kinda good about it for once. A friend of mine told me once "Don't worry about that stuff. It will happen. Hey, at least it's one less thing you have to explain to God." I laughed it off, but maybe its true. I'm not gonna go change my stance and bust off with some "I'm waiting til marriage" bullshit. But I will say I won't put myself in anymore bad situations because of what outsiders tell me. I've spent too much of my life letting others dictate things in my life. I heard a funny joke about the "rules of a wedding" on the radio. It was more of a wise crack and it went a little something like this "A new wedding rule should change the color of the bride's dress from white to rouge red especially when the wedding party consists of kids that aren't even your husbands." I started laughing so hard when I heard that come over the airwaves cuz it's soo true. But yeah back to the good side. I had a moment, where I was just sitting in the church and I saw myself out there with my wife and my child and I could see my family sitting out there at my child's Christening. Children are such a special thing in life. It honestly made me want to have a child. How would I support it? I have no clue as of now, but the day dream was worth it! A child's innocence is precious.
- Potentiall and the Future. Two of my favorite words in the world. Time to let go of the past and embrace the future. "The past is for losers and cowards, neither of which I am." Dusty Baker said that in a press conference. It was either his first as a Cub manager or one during the '03 playoffs. Whenever it happened, it still clearly rings in my mind. Potential is a word I've been hearing since Jayson Peterson put on a Cubs jersey. Who's Jayson Peterson? Another Cub bust, of course. This analogy has a point. Potential is untapped until you figure out how to use it. I believe I have potential, I just have to figure out how to put it to use. Something else that I'm gonna have to figure out.
- Softball update: I like my team! Seriously this team is more athletic and more well rounded than last years team. I'd like to get more experience, but that's what practice is for. I could also use a couple of guys coming off the bench. I could definetly use some outfield help, or maybe another stick. Or an ace pitcher. I sound like George Steinbrenner. Too bad I can't pull off some prospect for stud-All-Star trade like he and Brian Cashman do. Infield looks awesome, but you can't look at it like we're the shit yet, cuz that's when someone comes and beats you and reminds you that you suck. Just gotta keep working. I gotta note though, that throughout softball not once did I talk about the issues in my life. It's why I love my favorite past time, baseball. I leave the bullshit outside, as soon as I step on the field it's like that shit doesn't even matter. Sometimes it makes me want to play even better and even longer!!!!
- It feels great that I've found myself again. May the official re-citification of me begin. It was sad the other day when there was country song playing somewhere and I started singing along. Not that it was bad thing, country's like a guilty pleasure of mine. But I was around non-country folks and they were looking at me like something possessed me. Yeah it's called that hot southern twang. Kinda makes me miss Carbondale. But then I just drive on campus at DePaul and then oh yeah, the "Lincoln Park Trixies." Ahhh, it feels great to be home sometimes.
- THE FINAL WORD(S): Read. React. Correct. I analyze things I'm going through (read). My reaction, how I take it, how it affects me (react of course)! Correction is the process I'm going through now. It just feels good to be back on the road to recovery!!!
- OH AND ANOTHER THING. In a revelationary thought (I wonder if that' s a word, because I did have a revelation, so wouldn't it make that a revelationary thought?) Anyways, this is what I was thinking. I was thinking about "the girl of my dreams" and letting her get away. I was thinking about it, just myself and then I started to chuckle. Why? Because I thought the same thing a long time ago and then another one came into my life and it's more like I need to let her go, and then "the one" came and I let her go without a fight. My point here is that you never know when she comes along. I've said it twice already that I wouldn't let this opportunity slip again. Yet I've let it slip twice. Is the third time a charm? Who knows. Here's hoping it happens soon!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
So Much To Blog, So Little Time
Let's Get To It Shall We
Posted by The Ludameister at 9:37 PM