Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Meaningless Monday Thoughts

Yay! Monday's over and there's no one happier about it than me. I seriously did NOT want to be in any of my classes today. During my first class, I seriously wanted to walk out of class and go to my next class. My second class wasn't that bad, but it was a Monday and I was feeling more lethargic than usual. Third class, I didn't want to be there at all. I thought about not even not going to class. But once I was there, I just sat and counted down the time until I left. Didn't wanna be there at all! It was really a suckfest kind of a day. Well when I got back, I listened to Boers and Bernsie for two minutes, it's Super Bowl week, so they'll have guests, but it won't be anything special, not til Thursday probably. So back to my day. My roommie and I watched American Pie Band Camp which is the 4th installment of the American Pie series. It's over the top, extreme, really out there, basically it's soft core porn. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Though I have developed a crush on the star of the movie, her name is Arielle Kebbel, you might know her from Mean Girls. But yeah she's gorgeous, I had a crush on her since Mean Girls but yeah, she's OH! so beautiful. To kill the ending, Stiffler's bitch of a little brother gets with her in the end, what a dueschbag. I can't believe she fell for him in the end. It was really predictable, but hey, what else can you ask for. After 'Band Camp' we watched Fever Pitch again. I love that movie, everyone tells me that they see me all over that movie. I think the part that gets me the most is when Drew Berrymore's character is going on about how Jimmy Fallon's character picks going to the Sox/Rangers game when they're 2 1/2 games out of first over going to France and she says "You don't see us tangled up in the sheets with the Eiffel Tower in the background. You see the Rangers are coming in to town and Pedro's pitching Friday." And Fallon's response is "Pedro's pitching Saturday, Schilling's Friday." I chuckled and was like "Yep that's me." I can see it now "Lu, you don't see us getting it on in Hawaii, instead you see the Rockies coming in and Prior's pitching." And my response "No, it's Wood, then Prior, then Zambrano, then depending on how things turn out, we might throw out Maddux or Jerome Williams, who knows, we'll see how the weekend turns out." Yep, that explains A LOT about why I'm single and things of that nature.
I don't know what else to say, except my love life (or lack there of) has taken a turn for strange. I had a good late night conversation with a friend last night and we're both convinced that we should give up on the opposite sex. I've come to the conclusion that it is in fact harder to find a good guy compared to a good girl. The only reason I say that is that with a guy, I'd say 9 out of 10 guys there's a hidden agenda when it comes to girls and that agenda of course is sex. No matter what a guy says, there's always some sort of sexual overtone or undertone, who knows anymore. I'm not saying that girls are getting off completely scot-free here because I know PLENTY of girls that play games and have the same agenda that guys do. But there are a significantly less amount of those girls. So why do we put ourselves (well those of us who are out there searching for someone and those who are struggling in relationships) out there in an uncomfortable situation where we can be easily let down. I dunno, I hear where my friend is coming from, they're the kind of person that wants a serious relationship, but that person and their mate are from two totally different backgrounds and things kinda get lost in translation. Whatever. But they (I think) want two totally different things out of relationships, which could cause for trouble, but things seem to be working out fine for now. I hope they work out well, I hate to see failed relationships......So then we later talked about prospects and how some people are always looking for something better even when they are in relationships. I hate that, and I usually see it in guys, and it PISSES ME OFF!!!! I'm sorry, I gotta play the role of the angry single guy and ask why are you looking for something else when you already got a good thing. Sounds like someone is taking a defeatist attitude to that relationship. I guarantee you one thing, when I get that first girlfriend she'll be the only thing I want, she'll be the focus of my attention, not no one better, just her, and that's the way it should be. Check that, that's the way things were back in the day. I'm convinced, I already know that I have an 'old soul' but I'm convinced that I'm a few generations late for my time. Like, a few generations ago, I would have been the prototype (put all racial things to the side) guy that any girl would have wanted to take home to momma and poppa. Instead, girls are taking 'em straight past momma and poppa and they're taking 'em to their bedroom to get down. I guess that's just how things are today, though I wish it wasn't like that. Well back to prospects because that's one of my main concerns. I see that A) lots of girls don't have interest in me beyond friendship so it just ends there B) I didn't have relationships in high school so it's not like I'm gonna marry a high school sweet heart because I didn't have one C) College hasn't been as successful as advertised D) These days, if it's not a high school sweetheart or a college hook up it's gonna be someone in the work place and that is no guarantee for a journalism/english major. All I know is that if things are the way they seem, I'm screwed. I guess I'll have to try internet dating or something, though I don't believe in it, I'd like to get married before certain people in my life pass away, heck I'd like a girlfriend before that. Here we go, let me issue a challenge to the CHICAGO CUBS! It's a bit of a contest so to say. What will happen first? The Cubs winning the NL Pennant? The Cubs winning the World Series? Me getting a girlfriend? Me getting laid? or Me getting married. Now that's a bet that could totally shake up Vegas. I don't even know who I'd put money on. Between me and the Cubs, there's been more choking than a Rick James party. I just don't know sometimes. I think I should just marry Wrigley Field. Relationships come and go, but the Cubs will always be there.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT ANYMORE...again. I know, people who actually read this are saying "again, what happened now lu?" Well, I was talking with a friend and we were talking about dating and things and we were talking about how now, it's about the chase, the thrills of dating without settling down. Well, I haven't been able to enjoy that because well, shit, if you don't know by now, I don't wanna have to go through everything, but yeah, me + women = 0 meaning SHIT DON'T HAPPEN! Then the marriage word came up and we talked about how that comes later and how when people are looking for a match up now, they're not looking for someone they're gonna marry because I guess girls don't want that until later. Then I took a long look at myself, and decided I can go a few days without shaving. But then I took a deep look inside things and thought about myself. What vibes do I put out there? How do I carry myself? Things of that nature. So I'm thinking that maybe I don't have girlfriends because I'm the kind of guy that girls would marry instead of date and fool around with. As I've said, I am the kind of guy a girl could take back to the parents, so maybe that makes sense. So maybe I should change, maybe I should put myself out there more and maybe change my image. But I really don't want to componsate my morals, my ideals, my beliefs and my personality to fit in. I've never been about that, if I was, I woulda ditched the Cubs and Bears and the Bulls after their championship run was over. So, I look at the girls that I like and have liked. Maybe I'm sub-consciously looking for a marriage partner (note I almost wrote problem, is that sign of things to come?) or am I looking for someone to fool around with. I'll put this out there, I generally don't look for someone to fool around with. In fact, I'm on the record saying that I would love a relationship not based on sex because of my lack of experience. I'd really like a relationship based of intellectual and emotional connections. But maybe that sounds a lot like marriage to some people. To me, I see a girlfriend not as a sex object unlike most guys, instead I see a connection with someone of the opposite sex that could lead into something long term that may lead to sex, but that's down the line. Maybe that's my problem. I don't know, seems like I have issues. But what else is new, right?

Good night from Carbondale folks. I got one class and I'm going to hoop it up at the rec tomorrow. Should be fun!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, I'm amazed. I feel you dude, I'm in the same exact position as you, well close enough. I just read a strangers blog, and I fell over laughing... I feel better now. All girls that I get close too never want more than a friendship. I had no gf in highschool, I also think I'm screwed.