Friday, February 03, 2006

The Official 'I'm bored' Blog

Good news people, it's Friday. Bad news people, I'm still stuck in Carbondale. It's been about two or three weeks since I've been back and I'm already back in the rut. This place is pretty fucking boring. Yeah, I know I'm in a crabby mood, but it's not like I didn't see it coming. Let's see it's February and it's kinda cold. Around the corner is Valentine's Day and yes suprisingly it's in my face all over again. We're currently in the transition period between football and baseball season where basketball takes filler time, but I don't get many, if any Bulls games. College basketball is a month away from being the filler between spring training and opening day. And then there's me, miserable in the cold and lonely middle of nowhere. I really should have seen this coming, I sometimes wish I wasn't so ignorant to the fact that NOTHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN, PERIOD! I came into this semester with high hopes to be sociable only to be let down. So what else is new, disappointment is quite common in my life. So here I am alone, pissed, borderline depressed and with nothing to do. I don't even want to drink because A) it costs money B) I'd have to leave my room and C) it does me no good. Remember, alcohol is a depressant and yeah that's not gonna make me feel any better about myself. Right now, on my mind is my roommate and his girl, they got back together, I might have mentioned it in last nights blog. Not to sound like sour grapes, but he got a second the hell does he get a second chance and I don't even get a first chance. It's thoughts like that that baffle my mind sometimes and just get me really aggravated! It doesn't friggin make any friggin sense. All it does is just make me stressed and upset even more. It makes me wonder: what the fuck is going on in my life? Nothing, that's it. That's why I dream that the Cubs win the World Series sometime soon because I won't need anyone to celebrate with, it'll just be me and the Cubs, and that's all I really need ain't it? See it's really easy to write what I want on this blog because I KNOW THAT NO ONE READS THIS! But I don't even care anymore, that just gives me more leeway to drop names and get out my issues with less of a problem. I think I need to start preparing myself for the single life. And another thing...people praise the single life as this great orgy of fun. Well lemme tell you something, sure single life can be good. Can be good, just like Kerry Wood can be good when he's healthy! It can be good because you don't have to answer to no one and you can date/screw/do whatever to whoever you want without cheating. Well that's all fine and dandy but when you need a hug, no one's there. When you need a kiss, who's there? When you need to cuddle, who's there? No one and THAT my friends is what sucks about the single life. Nothing makes me more miserable than being around people in a relationship. Even just while walking around anywhere, when I see a happy couple I just want to GRRRR strangle someone. Yeah, I'm bitter and bitter for good reason too. You know as the years go one, I'll be going to my friends weddings and baby showers and I wonder where the hell will I be in that time? Probably in the same situation I'm in now. And I know I'll catch shit from anyone who reads this and they'll say "Lu all you do is sit at your computer...blah blah blah" shove it bitches! That's my response. You know no one gives other people shit when they fail and stop trying, what makes me different? What because I'm a nice guy that perfect girl is going to come out of the woodwork and make me the happiest person in the world. That's highly unlikely. Look at me, I don't even want to come up with anymore witty lines because I am THAT pissed at everything now. And really, no one understands. They say they understand, but do they really? You could have been in a similar situation, possibly, but do others really know what you're going through or are they saying it just to make you feel better. Better yet, are they saying it to make themselves feel better by putting the thought in their head "wow, i feel bad for him, maybe if i can sympathize/empathize with him..." see I can't finish my own sentences. Basically they want to help others just to make themselves feel important as if they actually did something or cared. I've had it to about up to here *motions to throat* and I really don't know how much more I'll be taking. College has really fucked me up, it has totally thrown my sense of everything through a fucking loop. Potentially, college might be the end of me, currently it has me in a downward spiral. Who would have known the best years of my life would be spent in front of a computer venting my angers to the "world wide web" of people who don't actually read this stuff. But it's better than any journal I've kept in the past, I can't even read my own hand writing sometimes. So I currently sit in my room, unhappy and as of right now I'm unwilling to change anything because anytime I am willing to change anything it goes for the worse. This is what I get for having hope. Ahhh, I'm done for now, I'm sure I'll do some more bitching later!

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